What's the difference between a teacher and a train?
A teacher makes you spit out your gum, but a train tells you to CHOO CHOO CHOO!
A teacher makes you spit out your gum, but a train tells you to CHOO CHOO CHOO!
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- Thread starter Ventus Air-Man
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OK so there's 5 people on a plane about to crash. So there's an asian, white person, black person, a teenager, and a pilot. So there are only 3 parachutes on the plane. So the pilot lets the black guy and the teenager go first. Only 1 parachute left now so he says to the white man "you and the asian go, I'll go down with the plane. Then the asian pushes the down the white man and the pilot and grabs a parachute and as he's jumping out he says "FUCK YOU!!". Then the pilot says "Hmmmm...what an idiot that was the teenager's bookbag" and then he get the last parachute and him and the white man jump out.
that was on iCarly. I know this because I babysit children who vegitate infront of this show while I babysit them. Are you telling us that you watch iCarly? Lol jk man
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I heard that joke years ago. Years and year. I heard it before I was even born.
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How do you get Visual Aids?
From a nasty poke in the eye.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Did you hear about the Spanish fireman who named his sons Hose A and Hose B
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
A little boy and his dad are standing in line at the checkout behind a big fat lady. They little boy says, "Hey dad look how fat that lady is!"
"Shhhhhh, quiet son, she'll hear you."
"But dad, look how big and fat that lady is!"
"Shhhhhh, don't say that son, it's not nice!"
"But dad, look at how big and fat she is!"
"Shhhhhh, son, that's rude and not nice!"
The lady's beeper goes off.
"Look out dad, she's backing up!"
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
A biology class student conducted an experiment on what would happen if to a grasshopper if its legs were taken off.
He pulled off one of its legs and yelled "Hop!" The grasshopper hopped. Then he took off another leg and yelled "Hop!" The grasshopper hopped. He then proceeded to remove the two remaining legs and yelled "Hop!" The insect didn't hop. He yelled again, but it would not hop.
CONCLUSION: When all the legs of a grasshopper are removed, it becomes deaf.
From a nasty poke in the eye.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Did you hear about the Spanish fireman who named his sons Hose A and Hose B
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
A little boy and his dad are standing in line at the checkout behind a big fat lady. They little boy says, "Hey dad look how fat that lady is!"
"Shhhhhh, quiet son, she'll hear you."
"But dad, look how big and fat that lady is!"
"Shhhhhh, don't say that son, it's not nice!"
"But dad, look at how big and fat she is!"
"Shhhhhh, son, that's rude and not nice!"
The lady's beeper goes off.
"Look out dad, she's backing up!"
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
A biology class student conducted an experiment on what would happen if to a grasshopper if its legs were taken off.
He pulled off one of its legs and yelled "Hop!" The grasshopper hopped. Then he took off another leg and yelled "Hop!" The grasshopper hopped. He then proceeded to remove the two remaining legs and yelled "Hop!" The insect didn't hop. He yelled again, but it would not hop.
CONCLUSION: When all the legs of a grasshopper are removed, it becomes deaf.
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how many birds does it take to fill in a fuckin bird
-a fuckin bird
-a fuckin bird
WHAT SOUNDS LIKE A TYPE OF CHICKEN, SMELLS LIKE COOKIES, AND DOESN'T AFRAID OF ANYTHING???
[spoilers][spoilers][spoilers]THYLINGS!!!!!![/spoilers][/spoilers][/spoilers]
[spoilers][spoilers][spoilers]THYLINGS!!!!!![/spoilers][/spoilers][/spoilers]
how many mods does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
6
2 to do it and 4 to say they coulda done it better LOLOL
6
2 to do it and 4 to say they coulda done it better LOLOL
Do you like fish sticks?
do you like putting fish sticks in your mouth?
YOU'RE A GAY FISH
ROFL.
do you like putting fish sticks in your mouth?
YOU'RE A GAY FISH
ROFL.
What do you call a wizard with wings?
a flying sorcerer! :D
a flying sorcerer! :D
Isn't that off of South Park? Either way, it still is funny.
A man walks into a bar. What does he say?
Ow.
Two hunters are going hunting and they are on a large hill. One of the hunters looks into his scope and says, "Hey, I can see your house from here! Oh man, your wife is cheating on you! What do you want me to do?"
"Well, shoot her in the head and shoot him in the crotch."
"I think I can get that in one shot."
Knock knock
Who's there?
Shirley
Shirley who?
Surely you can open the door!
Who's there?
Shirley
Shirley who?
Surely you can open the door!
Where does George Washington keep his armies?
In his sleevies.
In his sleevies.
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OHO, oh man that is AWESOME. I am TOTALLY getting a girl I know on this.
-"I love how the Canadians say 'eh.' I think Americans should say 'B' because all the Mexicans say 'Si.'
-Yesterday, scientists for the FDA suggested that men should take a look at their beer consumption, considering the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. The theory is that drinking beer makes men turn into women.
To test the finding, 100 men were fed 6 pints of beer each. It was then observed that 100% of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn't drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing, and refused to apologize when wrong.
No further testing is planned.
-Yesterday, scientists for the FDA suggested that men should take a look at their beer consumption, considering the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. The theory is that drinking beer makes men turn into women.
To test the finding, 100 men were fed 6 pints of beer each. It was then observed that 100% of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn't drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing, and refused to apologize when wrong.
No further testing is planned.
What has webbed feet, feathers, fangs, and goes quack-quack?
Count Duckula
Count Duckula
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A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he produced and experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms.
"Now class, observe the worms closely," said the professor putting a worm into the water. The worm in water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be.
The second worm, he put into the whiskey. It writhed painfully and quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail.
"Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" the professor asked.
Johnny raised his hand and wisely responded, "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms."
"Now class, observe the worms closely," said the professor putting a worm into the water. The worm in water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be.
The second worm, he put into the whiskey. It writhed painfully and quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail.
"Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" the professor asked.
Johnny raised his hand and wisely responded, "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms."
Not really a joke...
but maybe to some people...
spell out IHOP...
you'll get it... (;
but maybe to some people...
spell out IHOP...
you'll get it... (;
What do you say if you meet an alien?
Go back to mexico! (or any other country of your choice)
Go back to mexico! (or any other country of your choice)
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