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Fanfiction ► Our Kingdom Hearts fanfic of total randomness!!



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Yaaay I'm finaly caught back up. The storys pretty good so far, but I'm left with so many questions. Like how did sora get the nine tails? Who's Sora's dad? What's the deal with L? And is Sasuke gonna be in this (i'm kind of a naruto fan)?
 

Lanydx reborn

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Yaaay I'm finaly caught back up. The storys pretty good so far, but I'm left with so many questions. Like how did sora get the nine tails? Who's Sora's dad? What's the deal with L? And is Sasuke gonna be in this (i'm kind of a naruto fan)?
To answer, most of your questions:Read the fic to find out and no way in hell is that worthless emo-bitch getting in your work.
 

Lanydx reborn

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Chapter 36: Family forgives.(Part 1.)

Dinner at Sora's place was awkward to say the least. Sora didn't say a word, Lea, and Aqua were in Roxas and Xion's seats. Mrs.Terra was busy eating when Lea caught her eye.

"Where do you think your going Lea?" She asked.

"Um, bathroom." Lea said nervously.

"Really then why are you carrying two Sea-Salt Ice cream bars in your coat pocket?" The Esper Woman asked.

"Dang she's good." Lea thought as he sat back down.

"I know they are your friends Lea, but they are grounded, and right now aren't getting any dinner after what they did." Terra said forcefully.

"Well I'm finished so I'm watching TV." Lea, muttered.

"Sora, could you take care of the dishes please?" Terra asked.

"Sure Mom." Sora said while he grabbed everyone's dishes and went into the kitchen.

Aqua could see the green hair woman break down, her firm composure was breaking down with tears.

"Terra?" Aqua asked.

"I hated yelling at them. You should have seen the looks on their face…..I brought Xion to tears. I'm a monster to my own babies." Terra sobbed staining the table with her tears.

"Terra, please get a hold of yourself." Aqua said trying to snap the green haired woman out of her funk.

"You're their parent, they went out of line, and you have take care of it." Aqua explained.

"I know, and I still hate it." Terra muttered, whiping her face.

" I'd say they are getting off easy. If my Terra, Ven, or myself got out of line….


"HAHAHAHAHA AHAHAHAHA!" Was what the two women heard coming from the TV room. Lea was play Batman the Animated Series, and it was a part with The Joker.

"No Master! I'll study harder! I'll STUDY HARDER!" Aqua screamed in sheer terror while rocking herself back and forth.

"Oh no Aqua! It's okay, your fine! Lea can you turn the TV down, your show is scaring us!" Terra yelled, while trying to get a help Aqua..

"Sorry!" Lea yelled back.

Sora knocked on Xion and Roxas's door.

"Guys, hey it's Sora….I got you some ice-cream!" Sora muttered as he opened the door.

To find that both of them were gone, their was a note on their bed, and that their window was open.

"Oh no…." Sora gasped.


An hour ago.

Xion and Roxas had suffered a lot under the Organization, but getting yelled at by their own mother for what felt like forever topped it all for their young minds. Roxas was kicking, and punching the air while Xion was crying her eyes out.

"This is so lame, she didn't need to ground us for that long!!" Roxas growled.

"We messed up." Xion mumbled.

"Why didn't Sora, or Lea say anything? Some big brother and best friend they are!" Roxas mumbled.

"And this totally ruins my idea of…doing something cool for Namine." The blonde thought to himself.

"Maybe…..they don't want anything to do with us?" Xion asked.

"What! Xion what makes you say that?" Roxas yelled.

"…..Well we haven't exactly done them any favors, in fact all we have done is drive them crazy." Xion muttered.

"Yeah but all that was funny." Roxas protested.

Xion gave him a look.

"They weren't laughing Roxas, In fact all three of them were really mad." Xion paused.

Roxas and Xion thought about what they were going to do.

"…Maybe we should leave, and not get in their hair." Roxas said.

Xion nodded.

"…Not like anyone would miss us." Roxas thought.

So the twins quickly ran from home, leaving their family a note say they wouldn't be bothering them any longer.

Back in the present.

"Oh my goodness. Oh no, oh no, oh no!" Terra yelled gasping, holding on to her chest.

"Ma,am please, calm down." Aqua asked.

"Those two…nimrods!"Lea muttered.

"We got to go after them." Sora shouted.

"Sora we don't know where they are." Aqua said

"I don't care I'll check every world if I have to!" Sora yelled as he ran out the door to find Namine,and Kairi outside.

"Um….Hello Sora, um is Roxas here? Namine asked while her sister gave an approving nod.

"Baby, Namine, I can't talk right now, Roxas and Xion ran away." Sora said.

"What, that's horrible!" Kairi yelled.

"Oh no!" Namine mumbled with some tears in her eyes.

Yeah, Master Aqua, Lea, Mom, and I are gonna go look for them on the other worlds." Sora explained.

"I'll help get a search party here started, and join up with you." Kairi said.

"Thanks Kairi, you're the best." Sora shouted.

"Well we all know how hopeless you are without me or Riku." Kairi snarked.

"Ha ha." Sora muttered rolling his eyes. He quickly gave his girlfriend a kiss on the cheek as he raced outside, but not without Namine grabbing a hold of his arm.

"I want to come look too." Namine stated.

Meanwhile near the Disney Castle.

Roxas and Xion came out of a dark portal.

"Xion, I'm telling you this isn't a good idea." Roxas muttered.

"Oh right, mister I'll fight with a stick. I just want to see how Lucky's doing." Xion protested.

"Yeah but your gonna get all his brothers and sisters here, then Oswald. That won't be good for us." Roxas explained.

"Oh well, what do we do now? Xion asked.

"Hey kids." Said an unknown voice.

They looked around to find a shady, tail, and meaner looking Mickey Mouse, wearing a trench coat, and hat.

"Who, us?" Roxas asked pointing at himself and Xion.

"Yeah, come here." The Mouse or rat person muttered while holding out his index finger so they would come to him.

The twins got closer the rat.

"Name's Mortimer Mouse ha cha cha! I hear you kids want something to do." Mortimer stated.

"Yes sir." Xion admitted.

"Well then, I got something for you and your boyfriend here…a map to Pleasure Island." Mortimer muttered.

"Um, she's my sister and what's Pleasure Island?" Roxas asked.

"Oh, well it's just a place, where you can do whatever you want, eat whatever, break anything, and best of all…No grown ups needed." The sneaky rat explained with a sly grin, seeing them take the bait.

"Really, that sounds fun!" Roxas said smiling.

"How much do we owe you for the map mister?" Xion asked.

"Oh no need baby doll, just go have fun. Oh, and tell the Couchman you're old pal Mortimer Mouse sent you. Ha cha cha!" The rat said while pushing them aside as if their munny was no good to him.

"We will, thanks!" Roxas yelled as they vanished into a dark portal.

The con-man of a rat gave himself a small grin, he stepped back into the shadows to be near a much larger shadow.

"What I tell ya Petey-boy, they'd fall for it! Now, where's the cash see?" Muttered Mortimer.

The fat cat reached into his pockets.


"Here's your money, now ya sure this is gonna work?" Pete asked.

"Oh yeah, you can tell your bosses they gonna have two less Keyblade wielders to deal with." Mortimer stated.


The two were then blasted with a large screech light.

"Oh really now?" Gus Gremlin asked in angry tone.

Meanwhile back with Roxas and Xion.

The two followed the map and the portal opened up was what they could see as an old time caravelle on an Island. It was full of bright lights, music, rides, and the smell of good food. Their eyes wide, the two ran as fast as they could to get in to be met by tons of young boys, and an old Coachman.

"Welcome to Pleasure Island, please enjoy yourself! He said in a kind tone, as he opened the door to the theme park.

The crowd of young kids ran right into the park, ready for fun.

"Oh course, they never come back as…..Boys!" The coachmen thought to himself while giving a very creepy smile.


Roxas and Xion started to eat to their hearts content, when some red headed puck with a cigar in his mouth looked at Xion.

"Hey your a girl!" He stated.

"Yeah so?" Xion asked while Roxas was stuffing his face with cotton candy.

"I didn't think a weak little girl would ever come here. I thought you'd be too busy in the kitchen." The boy rudely said.

Xion's eyes twitted. She summoned her Keyblade with a devilish smirk.

"Roxas be right back." Xion said in a sing song way.

Roxas watched his sister beat the stuffing out the obnoxious little brat for his sexist remark…Little did they know a curse was in effect on them all.

Back with Sora.

"Okay Kairi they aren't in Halloween Town, thanks for the tip." Sora muttered as he was ended the phone call on his cell.

"We have been looking for hours, are we ever going to find them?" Namine asked.

Sora's Keyrider stopped working.

"Ah Namine, no bad thoughts! My Keyrider works like the gummi ship HAPPY THOUGHTS!" Sora yelled panicking.

"Oh sorry!" Namine apologized.

Sora's Keyrider started to fly again. As they flew around the worlds they could see Aqua and his mother, nodding their heads signing their lack of progress. Namine and even Sora started to lose hope, but Sora's cell phone began to ring. He swiftly grabbed it.

"Hello?" Sora asked.

" Garsh Sora, it is you! I've been getting the number wrong." An familiar voice said.

"Goofy, hey what's up?" Sora said grinning.

"Well Sora, Riku came here saying your brother and sister went missing, and we found someone who may have sent the in a bad way. The King wants you to come here right away, ayuk!" Goofy explained.

"I'll be right there!" Sora yelled, seeing Namine have a smile on her face.


He flew to Aqua and his mother.

"Guys to Disney Castle, follow me!" He shouted with joy.



After a half hour of flight, Sora, Master Aqua, Namine and Terra landed in the courtyard. They could see Riku, Kairi, with Donald and Goofy. They rushed to see them.

"Hey guys it's great to see you again." Sora said getting a hug from his two buds.

"Um, I hate to be pushy but you said you had information on my Roxas and Xion?" Terra asked pointing her fingers together.

The dog and duck looked at the green haired woman.

"Don't worry ma'am we will have at, as soon as we get out off Pete." Donald quacked.

"Um, what?" was what everyone asked, not understanding the duck.

"Um, something about Pete, wait PETE?!" Sora guessed.

"I hope you guys have that tub of lard in a jail cell." Kairi muttered.

"Yeah in fact we do, follow us." Goofy said.

As our heroes walked with the court mage and captain of the guard, Lea, came out of a portal of darkness, panting out of breath.

"Hey guys, wait up. Pant! I'm Here! Cough. Ya know what I'll just stay here." Lea muttered holding on to a pole.


In a dimly lit room full of jail cells. Pete and Mortimer were being watched by a few gremlins and The Kings Mickey Mouse, Oswald the Lucky Rabbit and The Queens Minnie Mouse and Ortensia the Cat. Mortimer was giving Minnie a sleazy look which annoyed and angered the rulers.

"Hello Mortimer." Mickey said flatly.

"Heya Mickey, so Minnie you still loving this chump? Want a real man?" The con man asked.

Before Minnie, Oswald, and Ortensia were about to knock the creep's block off, Mickey grabbed her hand.

"Minnie my dear, would you care to press the button?" Mickey asked giving his wife a wink.

"Of course, Mickey." Minnie said chucking.

"Wait what button?" The rat asked.

The two mice pushed a large button that read "In case of Mortimer." In his jail cell a large gloved hand that held a giant wooden hammer appeared out of nowhere and whacked him on the head. A large lump came out of it, and he saw stars.

"Now that's one awesome button." Oswald muttered, while Ortensia chucked.


"Why am I locked up? I have done anything wrong….today." Pete muttered.

" How about locking up my babies for one thing you monster!" Ortensia hissed showing her claws as the Gremlins kept her at bay from killing him.


"Also your working for Xehanort and Maleficent. That's treason, and if it were up to me….you wouldn't have a head." Oswald muttered.

That caused Pete to gulp.

"But because Mickey's a huge wuss, we are giving you one last chance. Talk and maybe well go easy on you." Oswald said.

"I'll never sing ya here me never!" Mortimer protested only to be hit with a giant cream pie form Minnie's button.

Mickey looked at Pete hearing the many footsteps, he could hear his young charges coming down the hall.

"Ah and here's the man, you can tell what we want to know." Mickey said.

Sora grabbed a hold of Pete and fiercely shook the fat cat.


"LISTEN HERE CAPTAN ASS-ZIPPER,IF YOU DON'T TELL ME WHERE MY LITTLE BROTHER AND SISTER ARE, I"LL MAKE YOUR LIFE A NIGHTMARE!" Sora yelled as he shook.

"Sora, stop!" Terra yelled, while letting having Sora letting him go.

"You do it like this." She said in a gentile voice

" Now please listen mister Pete was it? I'm missing my children and it would mean so much to me if you could tell me where you sent them. I'm sure you have a family with a child of your own, so from one parent to another could you please find it in your heart to tell me what I want to know…pretty please!" Terra asked in the cutest way possible.

Everyone had turned to mush. Not even Mickey and Minnie were immune.

"So that's where Xion gets it." Riku whispered.

"That's nothing, Sora does that to me for more making out time." Kairi says.

"You do it too." Sora whispered.

"True." Kairi admitted.


Pete whimpered, but slowly found the words.

"If I talk….they will…" Pete mumbled.

"I won't tell anyone." Terra said sweetly.

"…….Well Oh alright, your twins are at some place called Pleasure Island." Pete muttered.

"Thank you so much. Come on Sora!" Terra said.


"Wait Pleasure Island, hold it you two!" Mickey warned his people.

"What's up Mickey?" Riku asked.

"That place is cursed!" Mickey yelped.

"Cursed? What do you mean Mickey?" Master Aqua asked.


At the Island, floating on the top of the circus tent was Kefka.

"Soon, all these brats will be turned into jackasses HAHAHAHHEHEHEHEH!" He screamed with laughter.

End of chapter.
 

Gram

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awesome chapter! X'D wonder if sora's mom yelled at him as much for never eating his damn dinner~
:[ poor namine.

Oh right, mister I'll fight with a stick
lol'd at this~
 

OathkeeperRoxas XIII

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I'm at Chapter 5, but a little constructive Criticism won't hurt. Now no matter how random the plot is, make sure it flows. Also I stopped some OOC characters (Riku, Kairi, Axel (I think) and Braig and Xehanort to name a few. Also, you should go back and.clean up grammer and Upper case/Lower case mistakes you have.

And what is above me, Capt. Ass Zipper, really?

Hope this story shows more improvment as I read. And sorry for the harashness, my new critic side is growing plus improving my work as well.
 

Lanydx reborn

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Chapter 36.2: Family forgives. (Part 2.)

Roxas and Xion were running around the park to find out what rides to try and things to do.

Roxas looked to find a few kids smoking Cigars. He poked his sister.

"Hey I think I'll try one of those cigar things." Roxas said.

"Really?" They kinda smell bad." Xion said not sure.

"Oh come on, everyone is trying them. what hurt could they do?" Roxas asked.

The blonde Branford grabbed a cigar, lit it, and finally smoked it. Only to cough up a lung with his face turning green, and his lungs gasping for real air.

He quickly threw the cigar away.

"So how was it?" Xion asked with corn dog in her mouth.

"NEVER AGAIN YOU HERE ME!? NEVER AGAIN!" Roxas yelled as he shook his sister.

"Okay, I get it!" Xion nearly screamed.

After a ten minutes Roxas and Xion were busy playing darts when they heard loud noises and smashing. The two looked around to find kids breaking everything in sight and on eat other. Xion wanted to jump in and smash stuff, but Roxas gave her a no go look.

"Let's not do anything that will hurt ourselves okay?" He asked.

She just gave her brother a smile.

"Oh come on Roxas, I'm not going to hurt myself. Just everyone else." Xion said.

"Okay!" Roxas muttered. He watched her run into the fray, but after two minutes he himself ran with her. The two enjoy smashing anything in sight with their keyblades, but when the kids started to smash glass things at them, well…..

"OW, MY HEAD!" Xion screamed/

"HEY, THAT'S GLASS YOU JERK!" Roxas yelled while trying to get the glass of his face while getting a few cuts.

Roxas and Xion weakly casted Areo and blew away all the kids and objects, running away with bleeding injures.

"Ow, Roxas cure us." Xion said.

Roxas was about to shoot cure out of his keyblade, but nothing happened.

"No go, Xion." Roxas muttered while wiping off the blood from his face.

"Any items then?" Xion asked checking her head in case glass shards stuck out.

The boy checked his pockets but couldn't find them, all he found was a few big holes.

"Hey some jerk took all my munny, and my stuff!" Roxas yelled.

"Maybe we should go home." Xion muttered.


"We can't go home, we ran away." Roxas remind her, while covering his wound with his back hand.

"Oh yeah." Xion remembered.

The two could hear that red headed kid with a cigar in his mouth talking with a buddy of his.

"So this big guy and little shrimp with a mushroom cap tell me to leave." The kid shouted.

"Yeah and?" His friend asked.

"I threw my cotton candy right in their faces! I mean this place is great!" The kid boasted while blowing smoke out his mouth.

"Yeah that'll show them!" The other kid yelled.

"I'm guessing Ansem and Molly came here too." Roxas whispered.

"Yeah but why would they tell people to leave?" Xion asked.

The two kept listening in, but were they in for a shock.

"I mean what do they take me for?" He asked while taking another puff of his cigar.

In a flash the boy grew one donkey ear, and then in a another flash grew the other.

Roxas and Xion with their jaws dropped, checked each other's heads for this new head wear.

"Some kind of jackass!?" The kid finally said now with donkey hooves, and a tail.

"AAAHH! I'VE BEEN DOUBLE CROSSED! MAMA MAMA!" The boy yelled as he changed into a full donkey.

His friend ran while transforming into the gruesome fate. The two newly changed mules had vanished into portals of darkness. Roxas and Xion were completely freaked out. Roxas looked at his sister, and found the same ear on her head. He quickly grabbed at it, trying to yank it off.

"Roxas that hurts! Ow…oh no!" Xion yelled while looking at her new ear.

Xion's eyes opened wide as she saw Roxas growing a tail.

"Roxas…." Xion whispered.

"Run!" He yelled.

The two started to run away from the park only to be yanked back by a whip, that around their necks. The two looked back to find Isa with a gold crown on his head, he had a blank look in his eyes.


"No!" Xion yelled in terror, remembering the last time she captured..

"GET BACK!" Yelled a familiar voice.

Two Chakrams lit on fire hit the blue haired man and set him ablaze, and let go of his grip on the two. Roxas and Xion got the whips off their necks to find a best friend.

"LEA!" The two yelled while giving him a hug.

"No time, get out of here now! I'll hold him off!" Lea ordered.

The two nodded and ran. The ran past all the lights and rides. They could see the other kids being transformed into donkeys and vanishing. The two saw the exit, but bumped into someone. It was the coachman from before. He had a wicked, and crazed look in his eyes. He was holding a cage that was labeled salt mines in one hand and a whip in another

"What's the rush the two? Don't like the park, well that's too bad! You brats had your fun, now your gonna work it off!" He yelled while cracking the whip.


Roxas and Xion tired to summon their Keyblades but they started feeling weaker and weaker. The could barely keep their eyes open.

"No." Roxas whispered.

"Please no…" Xion whispered while getting flashbacks of her time with Xemnas.

GET AWAY FROM MY BABIES!" They all heard.

From behind,The Coachman was blasted away with a whirlwind of energy. The two could also see a familiar Keyblade whizz and twirl around smacking him across the face and returning to it's master. Their mother dashed and grabbed a hold of her two run aways and ran out of the park. While Sora, Riku, Kairi, and Aqua tended to the monster.

"You three remember what Mickey said, you can only be here for ten minutes before the curse takes affect." Aqua warned her students.

The three nodded their heads.

"I just want one good punch!" Sora growled.

"Sora?" Kairi asked seeing he wasn't himself.

" YOU WERE GONNA HURT MY LITTLE BROTHER AND SISTER! I"LL CLOBBER YOUR HEAD AND EAT YOUR BONES!" Sora roared feeling a familiar power take hold of him again.

"Oh no, It's the bathhouse all over again!" Riku said.

"What's wrong Sora?" Aqua asked not liking the reading she was getting from him.

The Boy lunged at the old man with his Keyblade between his teeth. His hands were now claws, he grew ears but fox ears, and gained not one but three tails made of pure red energy!
Sora quickly slashed the old man in two like butter, and sent whatever was left into the sky with blast of chakra from his mouth.


"Sora!" Kairi screamed as she grabbed a hold of her love.

"Sora please stop, this isn't you! Sora come back to us." The princess of heart begged in spite of the pain she was feeling.

The energy had left Sora's body for the time being, he felt weak and dropped to the ground.

"Kairi…..Did I just?" He started to ask.

"Don't worry Sora, we are gonna get you out of here." Kairi whispered.

Riku and Kairi carried their best friend.

"You two go on, I still need to get Mickey and Namine." Aqua ordered.

"Yes Master. " They both said.


(I just hope I can make it in time!)Aqua thought to herself.

Meanwhile.

"Mom, we're sorry." Both Roxas and Xion whispered.

"Why didn't you two run away?" She asked.

"…..We thought you didn't want us anymore." Xion muttered.

The green hair woman gave her son and daughter a hug.


"Don't be silly, I was mad at you two, but that doesn't mean I don't love you both. I have to put you too in line, so you'll know right and wrong, but I am sorry if I was too harsh." Terra stated while giving Roxas and Xion a kiss.

"We love you Mom. We won't run away again," Xion said.

"Promise!" Roxas added.

"I love you guys too.' Terra said while crying.

"Oh God gag me with a spoon!" yelled a voice that only Terra heard in her nightmares.

The three could see the clown of crazy floating the air.

"I figured a fifteen years would have toughed you up but your still the same cream puff. All that power and you're still scared of your own shadow!" Kefka mocked.

"K-Kefka!" Terra screamed in horror.

That's right kiddo! The one and only! HAHAHAH!" The Clown said.

"Who the heck are you?" Roxas yelled.

"Hm, so the little fox boy's baby brother has some fight in him left. I was hoping the curse would have done you two in, but oh well no matter. In case your wondering I'm the guy that blew up your mama's homeward!" Kefka said cheerfully in a creepy tone.

"You did what?" Xion said shocked.

"And that's not all. I even had your momma as my personal blowing up slave! Isn't that right my pet?" The mad mage asked while looping a familiar crown with is fingers, enjoying Terra's fear.

"You killed them all, my friends, my….children, my world!" Terra mumbled in fear.

Roxas and Xion were sickened and enraged at this man, but not really having the power to do anything about it.

"So guess what I'm going to do to your kids?" Kefka asked.

"….No." Terra said.

"Oh yeah baby, blowing up time!" The Mad mage yelled while giggling.

"NO! NO NO NO NO!" Terra screamed as old magic started to come back to her.

"Huh?" The clown said puzzled.

"You took everything from me once, but I won't let that happen again!" The Esper woman yelled standing firmly to her children.

"Oh I'm sooo scared! What are you gonna do, cry me to death? You don't even have a sword!" Kefka sneered.

Just then Leon's Gunblade landed near her feet. The Clown was then blasted by a disk of fire. The three could see Lea with a smirk on his face.

"She does now, go get him!" Lea said.

"Where did you get the sword?" Roxas asked.

Meanwhile in Radient Graden

"WHERE THE HELL'S MY GUNBLADE!" Leon screamed.

"Oh nowhere important." Lea said happy he screwed over Leon and helped at the same time.

Terra grabbed the sword and lunged into beat the living heck out of the clown. She jumped into the air, as her old magic returned to her. She shot out from the tip of her sword a mix of Firega, Blizarga, Thunderga, Flare, and Bio. The Clown dodged the first two spells but was stunned, by the Thunderrga, blinded by the Flare, but vanished away from the bio. The green ball of energy went flying back into the park, blowing something up.

"That's right my pretty, lose control! DESTROY EVERYTHING! HAHAHAA!" The mad mage yelled while landing right next to her.

He snapped his fingers shooting out lighting from above and his target was the people on the ground. This caused her to panic, but she flew downwards and summoned a whirlwind around Roxas Xion, and Lea to shield them. Kefka then shot many small energy bombs in scattered directions. Terra shot out of few Blizzard balls to get rid of most of them. She flew right behind Kefka, and stabbed him in the back with her sword, causing him some shocking pain. He looked to see her skin was turning bright pink.

"You want me to destroy something? Fine, I'll destroy you! THIS IS FOR MY FRIENDS THE RETURNERS, AND MY FIRST FAMILY! DIE YOU MONSTER!" She screamed as she blasted every ounce of magic she had onto Kefka's body.

"You little Esper brat! This isn't over by a long shot! NOT BY A LONG SHOT! HAHAHAHAHHAH!" Kefka screamed while vanishing into thin air.

Terra now having no energy left, she started to fall, Lea thought fast and caught her.

"Roxas, Xion, let's get your brother and go home." Terra wispered while passing out.

"Our mom rocks." Xion said.

"Yep." Roxas muttered.

Meanwhile with Aqua.

Aqua dashed to a large shipping boat on the docks to find Namine and Mickey with many running and screaming children.
Aqua could then see a large ball of green energy hitting the ship, blowing it to bits.

"Thank Kingdom Hearts we got everyone off of that in time, ha ha." Mickey said with relief.

Namine then looked at the now uncured kids.

"Now go home, leave! I'm sure your parents are worried sick about all of you." Namine said sternly.

The kids ran away from the place as fast as she could.

"I'm glad my brush could do that, I didn't think it would work." Namine said.

"I knew Master Yen-Sid made the right choice by letting me give you that brush Namine." Mickey said cheerfully.

"Nice work you two, and Namine it's good to you taking charge for once." Aqua said while patting the blonde girl's head.

"Thank you Aqua, now if I could only say what I wanted to Roxas…I mean, you heard nothing!" Namine said flustering.

"Don't I won't say a word." Aqua assured her.

They could all hear something.

(Master Aqua, you must take Sora to my tower immediately! Ventus's hearts and his pwn heart are in danger of the nine tailed fox!") Master Yen-Sid ordered.


End of chapter.
 

Gram

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*o* great chapter! lea stealing leons sword was hilarious! and damn she's a badass mom >.<
 
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;w; Ah, the lovely bonds of family. I was happy to see more from Terra here. Poor Xion and Rotas, I know exactly how they feel. But now they know they are always loved, even if they do pranks and such. And I loved Minnie's button and Xion quip about Roxas's stick. XD

Oh, my Namixas senses are tingling~
 

KingdomKey

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Terra was amazing! Showing Kefka who's boss! Go Terra! Oh my, Leon's gunblade was stolen by Lea. That was the most hilarious line ever xD reminds me of all the chaotic fights between Lea and Lightning, causing Leon grief. Wonder what Namine had to say to Roxas, perhaps a confession?

Anyhow, was another great chapter partner. Finally got around to reading it.
 
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Lanydx reborn

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Chapter 37.1: Demons, Angels, and Players.

Master Aqua was in a rush. Her Keyrider was at full speed. Behind her, was her apprentices Riku, Kairi, Roxas, Xion, and her most important one right now, Sora. He was being carried by his best friend Riku who was a little shocked at what was happening to his best friend. He was quickly changing from himself into a look a like of his younger brother/nobody Roxas, but with a piece of armor on his shoulder. In a another flash, he returned to himself, but with a red mist coming out of his body. His face was in pain, his hands were holding on his two hearts, in agony. One his, and the other Master Aqua long lost friend Ven.

"Don't worry Sora, we are almost there!" Riku said to take assure his friend.

Kairi, who had her sister Namine and Sora's, Roxas's, and Xion's Mother Terra Branford were twice if not just as worried.
Their Lea, with Roxas and Xion were traveling by dark portals due to not being ready for KeyRiders yet. Master Aqua gave them all a call.

"I see Master Yen-Sid's tower, get ready to land!" Ordered Aqua.

Everyone understood.

"Sora, Ven, don't worry. I'll save you from this fox thing!" Aqua thought.

They all landed near the Tower. They could see a dark portal open, to find Roxas, Xion and Lea.

"This will be faster, I've got one set up in the old man's room all ready." Lea stated.


Aqua would tell Lea to show some respect to Master Yen-Sid but right now wasn't the time. She let Riku and Terra pass, carrying Sora. Then came Namine and Kairi. Roxas and Xion were next, now she was the only one left. She looked at the portal with a shiver of fear, she had never entered this kind of corridor before, but she had spent ten years in the Realm of Darkness which brought her some less the pleasant memories.

"That doesn't matter. Sora needs me, and Ven needs me too." Aqua thought to herself.

She took a deep breath and ran into the portal, to find everyone, Master Yen-Sid and two people she didn't expect to see.

"Haku, and your that ninja girl Yuffie right? Master Yen-Sid, why are they here?" Aqua asked.

Everyone looked at Yen-Sid as puzzled as she was.

"All in do time everyone, but now we must focus on Sora. Riku, Lea, bring me the boy." He ordered.

Riku and Lea brought the hurting Sora over to The elderly Keyblade master's desk. Terra raised her hand to speak.

"Is there anything I can do?" She asked wanting to help her child.

"Calm yourself Esper chid, you are all needed to save both these boys lives, but you must do as I say to the letter!" The Master stated.

Everyone nodded, seeing Sora gasping in pain.


"Now let us begin. Master Aqua, and Ms. Branford, I'll need you with me. Namine, you must use your brush to restrain him. Lady Yuffie, your scrolls. Lord Haku River, your water spells must be on the scroll. Lea, cast your fire over the scrolls. Roxas, Xion, Riku, Kairi you must thrust your Keyblades into Sora's chest. Now for your part Master Aqua and Ms. Terra. When Sora's chest opens Master Aqua you are to unlock a large cage door, as for you Ms. Terra. When that door opens you are to say this spell. Evil be gone, fox be at sleep." Yen-Sid ordered.


Everyone got to what they needed to do. Yuffie pulled out a large and old scroll, she unreeled and sent it into a circle around Sora. Haku looked at Lea who looked at him back.

"In the name of the water and river, bring me water!" The river spirt commanded.

Suddenly a small ring of water was hovering over the scroll. Lea shot out a burst of flames that did the same. Sora was twitching in pain and starting to move away from Yen-Sid's desk. Namine quickly grabbed her brush and painted some binding on Sora's arms and legs. Now for the harder part. Riku, Kairi, Xion, and Roxas summoned their keyblades, but what they were about to do might kill their best friend, brother, and boyfriend.

"Ladies first." Roxas offered.

Xion was the first to stab Sora, who screaming in pain.

"I'm sorry brother, blame the pointy hatted man!" Xion cried grabbing a hold Riku for comfort.

Roxas took out both his Keyblades, Oathkeeper and Oblivion.

"Sorry Sora!" Roxas said.

"OW!" His older brother yelled.

"I said I was sorry!" Roxas protested.

Xion looked at Riku who was about ready to get ready. Xion then clung to Kairi for support.

Riku put on his old blindfold on, and stabbed his best friend. He didn't see his pain but he could hear it, and remembered when he was a douche.

"I swear, if I see L, I'm sticking those blades down his throat. He whispered.

Yen-Sid then looked at Kairi who looked uneasy. Xion gave her a whimpering look.

"Do not worry Kairi, His pain shall end soon." The Wizard said.

She slowly walked to her hurting lover. She could see the hole his his chest. She remembered the time when her heart was in his body. She was afraid this blow would turn him into a heartless.

She looked at Sora, then at Master Aqua, who was was holding his mother's shacking hand. She could feel this red, pulsing, almost demonic energy, was causing him agony. She gave the last blown hoping this would help him, with tears in her eyes. The elderly Keyblade Master's plan worked. The red energy bursted out of Sora's body, filling the room like a fog. They could see Sora's heart and Ven's slowly arising.

Between them was a large cell door. While everyone gasped at the large door, Aqua looked at Ven's sleeping tender heart with want, and desperation. She needed to find a way to wake her lost friend, but even after the many sleepless nights of looking at old book she had nothing to show for it.

When she was about to reach for Ven's heart, when Master Yen-Sid gave Aqua a look. She then remembered the plan, and summoned her Keyblade. She finally looked at the large, intimidating, rusted, iron jail cell like doors The blue haired master slowly got her Keyblade to shoot out the light that unlocked the door, but no no was ready for what would come out.

The doors were blasted open from a large beast like roar, causing Sora to feel like he was having a heart attack. Haku quickly transformed into his large snake-like dragon form. Two large glowing red eyes, a wolfish face with an orange fur coat, and a devilish grin met them all. Everyone but Yen-Sid and Haku looked terrified.

"Nine Tails!" The Dragon growled.

The Demon Fox looked at them all grinning.

"Hello to you too, CoHaku River. I see your no longer that witch's whipping boy….you smell of human. Met a nice little girl I see." The Fox muttered. Causing the Dragon to growl again.

He then turned around eyeing everyone else, seeing the fear in their eyes.

"Ah, my host's pack…look at you all. The Burning one, the Alpha-female, I see you eyeing your young one. The Memory kit…I can smell the fear on you., The two naughty kits, your so cute. The Dark one….you remind me my former host's…friend, but you were far better. The Esper mother, you have great power, almost up to my own Now for last, his mate…I love you're hair." The Fox said with a sly smirk.

"Mrs.Branford!" Master Yen-Sid yelled bringing her back.

"Um right….Evil be gone. Fox be at sleep!" Terra said.

The Wizard's hat was glowing bright blue. The magic from it, blasted the tailed beast. His energy faded coming back into the cage doors. The Fox eye's were slowly dropping. He roared and growled with all his might.

"I won't let you any of you use us! YOU HUMANS KILLED HIM TO SAVE YOURSELVES! NOW YOU REPEAT THE CYLCE!? He said before returning to sleep.

Sora, to everyone's panic woke up seeing the Fox coming back into his cage. Everyone quickly locked the door, and the boy watched Ven and his own heart go back into his body. Master Yen-Sid sat down back in his chair, unbinding the confused teenager. Riku and Kairi quickly grabbed a hold of him for support


"What….was….that?" Sora asked a little scared.

Everyone turned to Master Yen-Sid and Haku.

"Yeah what was that? Cause I only heard that thing was only in stories." Yuffie yelled as shocked as everyone else.


The old wizard closed his eyes, with a wave of his hand an old tome came from his bookcase.

The tome turned to a few pages, stopping at a picture of giant nine tailed fox.

"Long ago, in a world that I fear no longer exists, there where villages of ninjas, whom would wage war with one another." Yen-Sid started.

"A village full of Yuffie? AWESOME!" Sora thought.

"A village full of me? AWESOME!" Yuffie thought having her ego grow.

"In those wars, these Shinobi, had people infused with demonic tailed beasts that roamed the land. They were treated as weapons, and feared among their fellow villagers." Yen-Sid continued.

"Why would they do that? That sounds horrible." Kairi asked.

"At the time it was the only way to contain the demons, and sadly Kairi, no offense to you or anyone here but, you humans tend to fear what they do not understand." Haku answered her.

"That Fox thing said something about someone named Naruto, who was that?" Riku asked.

" Oh, oh, oh I know! I know." Yuffie said jumping up and down.

"Yes, Yuffie, would like to share with the rest of the class?"Lea said trying to give a little light humor, much to Yen-Sid's dismay.

"Before the fall, my mom and dad would tell me stories about. A blonde ninja who wore an orange jumpsuit. He used to be a prankster and a failure, but he turned into a real ninja. Making clones, and even could throw a whirlwind from his had. He and his friends ended up saving the world from the Masked man and his plan to put everyone in the world to sleep forever!" Yuffie said happily.


"Ptth! Orange jumpsuit…man that guy must have been retarded." Lea snarked.

"How about a nice glass of STFU Lea!" Yuffie muttered while punching him the ribs.

"Sleep forever…like what's happened to Ven?" Aqua thought.

"Well this Naruto guy sounds pretty cool, but why is his Fox thing inside me." Sora asked.

"That's just it Sora, you, Roxas, and Xion are the last of his line. Naruto is great grandfather." Yen-Sid spoke.

"WHAT?!" Everyone asked.


"Wait so that power Terra has, she's got it in her too?" Lea asked.

" No, my power comes from me being a human/Esper Hybrid. Less power but a bit more stable. Sora's genes are from somewhere else.Terra admitted.

"Wait so Sora's not your birth child?" Aqua asked.

"Oh Yeah, I'm adopted, like Kairi." Sora said.

"You seem awfully calm about that Sora. Most kids would freak out., with that knowledge. " Lea muttered.


"Mom's been taking care of me, so that makes her my mom. Right guys?" Sora reasoned while looking at Roxas and Xion.

"Right." They both said.

So this fox how bad is it?" Master Aqua asked.

"It is power fueled by anger, as Haku, the Phantom Blot, L, and that man Sora killed, felt. Sora, you must be very careful,right now. The seal that binds the Fox to you is weakening. The Keyblade Master warned.

"Isn't that a good thing?" Sora asked.

"No Sora, if it were leave your body you will die! What we did was just putting it to sleep. You are not to fight anyone until we can get this taken care of, if you were to even cast a fire spell, you would bring about your own end!" Master Yen-Sid yelled,

Sora then fainted. Riku and Kairi tired to bring him around.

"Sora! Sora! Speak to me Sora!" Kairi yelled.

"Haku could you please take the them all in the other room?" He asked getting a headache from watching Roxas, Xion and Lea fight Yuffie in the background while while Terra was trying to break them up.

The Dragon Human nodded and took the others into another room. Master Aqua was the last to leave as Yen-Sid shut the door with a wave of his hand.

"I must speak to you alone Master Aqua." He ordered, in the same way her master would say to her.


"Where did you transport Sora Haku?" Kairi asked.

"Now where did those two go?" Namine asked could seeing that Yuffie and Lea were no longer with them.

"Master Yen-Sid must have moved Sora to…where Chirhiro is! Chirhiro I'm coming!" Haku said panicking as he ran upstairs into another room.

Everyone followed him to find a sleeping Chirhiro resting in one bed, and on the other was Sora, Haku checked the young girl's pulse and heart beat. It was normal to his happiness.

"He did it, he saved her like he said he would." Haku said overjoyed.

"Hold it Haku, time out! What the heck is going on and who is that guy?" Roxas asked.

"What happened to poor Chirhiro? Shouldn't she be with her parents?" Kairi asked.

"…..She was with her parents. They had just moved in their new dwelling, when a human of pure evil came in, summoned three chidden of the deadly sins on them. I….didn't make it in time, so if it wasn't for your friend L……she would have shared the same fate as her mother and father." Haku said


No one said a word. Slowly young Chirhiro woke up, sobbing. Terra's motherly feeling got her to comfort the ten year old.

"It's okay sweet heart, your safe. it's all right, no one here's going to hurt you." Terra whispered to her.

Namine, Xion, and Kairi gave the young child a hug.

"Maybe we should give them their space." Riku said.

Roxas nodded. Haku on the other hand was not going anywhere.

They were about to leave, when Roxas found out the door was stuck shut.

"Hey what gives?!" Yelled another voice.

"It's just like the other doors. We can't get in or out." muttered a girl's voice.

"Lea, Yuffie, is that you?" Roxas asked.

"No it's the queen of England…Of Corse it's us Roxas!" Lea spat out with sarcasm.

"We can't get in." Yuffie said.

Riku summoned his Keyblade, and tried unlocking the door, however the shot backfired. Causing the sliver haired boy to fly in the wall. Everyone looked at Riku.

"Riku what's up?" Xion asked while pulling Riku out of the wall.

"Someone's us locked in, Riku's Keyblade can't open the door." Roxas stated.

"What? The Keyblade can open anything!" Kairi protested.

"Tell that do the door that sent me to the wall. Master Yen-Sid must have looked us in." Riku muttered.

"Why would he do that?" Namine asked.

"Because someone very powerful came here!" Haku growled feeling a dark force.

"It's that bad man! The one with the yellow eyes! He's going to kill us just like my…my mom and dad." Chirhiro cried.

"Wait..you don't mean?" Riku asked.

"Xemnas?" Xion said while grabbing a hold of Roxas.

"Worse!" Namine said.

"Master Xehanort!" Sora said wide and and awake panicing.

"Well F&%$!" Lea yelled behind the door.


"Lea language!" Terra said while covering Chirhiro, Roxas, and Xion's ears.


Yuffie having no idea what was going on, could tell this was bad if everyone was this freaked out.

In the main room.


Aqua was really tense. She was shacking with worry. She didn't want to look in him, the eye but had no choice. The elderly Wizard could see her pain. He waved his hand and a chair appeared. She slowly sat down. Yen-Sid also made a cup of tea for her our of thin air. He gave her a smile, and she slowly drink the tea. It was Jade Tea, her favorite tea.

"Aqua, how are you feeling?" He asked softly,

"What? I don't understand Master Yen-Sid." Aqua said.

"How are you feeling? This is the first time I've truly seen you without a crisis coming in ten years. Erauqs would never forgive me if his daughter was in need and I did nothing. So tell me young master, how are you?" Yen-Sid asked.


The blue haired woman sat long and hard. She slowly spoke.

"You mean like how I still have night terrors from fighting day and night in the Realm of Darkness? That I almost lost two of my students, and another is a ticking time bomb, and I don't know how to help him? That I feel a horrible guilt by causing Xehanort to wreak havoc on the lives of my two other students and the worlds. Oh and that's not even the worst part! I'm read tones, until my eyes went blind and Snow had to drag me to bed for the past two months and I still don't know how to get Ven out of Sora, or save Terra! I feel like a failure as a Keyblade Master and I feel if Ven and Terra were here they would hate my guts!" Aqua ranted.

"Oh I can't speak for young Ven, but I know I hate your guts Aqua. Muttered a calm, charming, chilling, and demonic voice.

Aqua turned around to her horror looking face to face with her best friend Terra, only with sliver hair, and yellow demonic eyes. She was about to summon her Keyblade, when in a stroke of Deja-vu her neck was grabbed tightly, and she was lifted up in the air. Yen-Sid was about to caste a spell, when Xehanort's Keyblade was pointed right at Aqua.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you old man, if you care about this young lady. It would be such a waste of a face as pretty as this one." The Master of Darkness coyly said.

The Wizard put his hands down.

"That's much better." He stated.

Xehanort then looked at a gasping and struggling Aqua.

"Now tell me my dear, where is Sora?" He asked, tightening his grip.


Aqua summoned her Keyblade and slashed it at his arm, with the last of her breath. He roared in pain. She then kicked her possessed friend across the room. She held on to her neck coughing. Master Yen-Sid set the tower on lock down, and Aqua was suddenly healed.

"Who healed me?" Aqua asked out loud.


"Sorry to keep you waiting Master Aqua, your back-up is here." Said a familiar voice.


Xehanort was caught off guard, a burst of music played out of nowhere, but the wave from it shot him down the stair case, a portal opened. Aqua gave a confused looked at the person stepping out the vortex, while Master Yen-Sid gave an approving nod.

"Who are you?" Aqua asked not recognizing the man standing in front of her.

The man in question had brown wavy hair, with slight bits of gray due to stress. He had one brown eye showing and the other eye was a bright light. His face was tan in spite of being covered for so long. The man's neck was cover with a cross made out of crystal. He wore an orange and black old style ninja robe. Almost like a Keyblade Master's robe, but with four different symbols, on it. One arm was normal with a wrist band on it, while another was a rusted auto-mail.

"It's me L, I just lost my old coat." He said with a grin.

"What?" Aqua asked.

Xehanort reappeared right in front of them all, with an energy ball of pure darkness, ready to fire at them.

Aqua shot out a deadly bubble attack, which sent him into a wall.

"See you got beaten by a better Keyblade Master again,Master Douche bag!" The Time Traveler said.

Soon the room was covered in shadow.

Who are you to dare insult me you worthless nobody!" Xehanort roared as he fired the blast

L gave the fallen Keyblade master a grin. He opened his mouth and shot out a screech that pushed the man away while causing the dark lord some pain.

"I told you. I'm The Boss, and you better run." L stated. He snapped his fingers shooting out a beam of light from his other eye, causing the Keyblade Master some agnoy. Master Yen-Sid shot out a blast of fireworks. The dark master was sent flying up and down the wall.

Aqua could swear she saw Terra's eye color return to normal.

"Terra!" She screamed pulling out her hand for him.


Xehanort quickly gained control again, he was about to stab Aqua, but he missed and stabbed L in an closing wound. The time traveler fell to the ground. Using Aqua's distress as a distraction, the body stealer made a portal of darkness and ran to the Underworld.

"No!" Aqua yelled about to go after him.

She left something grab at her leg.

"No Aqua, you can't go where he's going!" L said.

"I have to save him! I'm overdue ten years!" Aqua shouted.

"I know how you feel, but you can't go. I went down there, and that thing he has…will…rip you…apart. Sora needs you more then ever,,,,,and Ven….needs…his big sister…." L muttered before he past out on the floor bleeding.

Aqua…just stood there. Feeling beaten.


Master Yen-Sid sent them all home in a flash.

Three hours later, everyone was in bed, everyone but Aqua, who was looking at Mrs. Terra Sora, Roxas, Chirhiro and Xion sleeping.

"Sora, don't worry. This Nine Tailed Fox won't hurt you…I won't let it….and Ven, please give me some more time." She whispered to herself.

She walked out of their room. Kairi, and Namine were home asleep, as for Riku. Lea, and Haku were standing guard at the front door. She could see L.

"Aqua don't think yourself a failure alright. You'll get them back. I know it." L said trying to cheer her up.

She gave him a small smile.

"See, now we all had a long night, you guys had to save Roxas and Xion, find out Sora's got a genetic demon in him, and fight the Master of evil. While I got my personality back by electric shock, fought a losing fight with some demons with red crystals in their bodies, and got to save a little girl, but lost her parents……." L said a little depressed.

"I think we both had a long night." Aqua said laughing a bit.

" Then lets get some sleep Master Aqua, ma'am." L said.

"You too, The Boss! That sounds so lame! hah!" Aqua giggled.

"Hey don't knock the Title! That's the most-Oh no!" L muttered.

"L are you okay?" Aqua asked seeing him in pain.

" LUCY, LAN! IBLIUS YOU BASTARD PUT HIM DOWN! DON'T YOU DARE! STOP IT! STOP IT HE'S LOSING TOO MUCH BLOOD! STOP PLEASE! STOP! STOP! HE'S GONNA DIE! NO! LAN!" He yelled.

Aqua tried to grab a hold of him, when he went out cold out, she could see some blood come out of his body. The man vanished from her.

"What?" Aqua asked not sure what was going on.

End of part 1.
 

Gram

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*o* oh oh oh such a long chapter!!! and a good one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! haha Lea~ L is boss tho liked his old outfit more :rolleyes:
ah man did chiriro's parents have to get axed :'[
the Fox made me lol....dont know why
Yen Sid is boss nuff said

Riku put on his old blindfold on, and stabbed his best friend. He didn't see his pain but he could hear it, and remembered when he was a douche.
just had to get in a riku shot didnt you >XD

Aqua shot out a deadly bubble attack, which sent him into a wall.
...the contradictory nature of that line...lol~

"A village full of Yuffie? AWESOME!" Sora thought.

"A village full of me? AWESOME!" Yuffie thought having her ego grow.
fav lol moment X'D
 

KingdomKey

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"Oh I can't speak for young Ven, but I know I hate your guts Aqua. Muttered a calm, charming, chilling, and demonic voice.

Aqua turned around to her horror looking face to face with her best friend Terra, only with sliver hair, and yellow demonic eyes. She was about to summon her Keyblade, when in a stroke of Deja-vu her neck was grabbed tightly, and she was lifted up in the air. Yen-Sid was about to caste a spell, when Xehanort's Keyblade was pointed right at Aqua.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you old man, if you care about this young lady. It would be such a waste of a face as pretty as this one." The Master of Darkness coyly said.

The Wizard put his hands down.

"That's much better." He stated.

Xehanort then looked at a gasping and struggling Aqua.

"Now tell me my dear, where is Sora?" He asked, tightening his grip.

You've done a beautiful job putting this into the chapter, partner! Favoritest scene within this chapter! Could practically feel the power Xehanort had, having the upper hand over both Aqua and Yen-Sid himself! So amazing and evil >:'] then L just showing up to save the day was surprising to see. That move of his was totally awesome!

" LUCY, LAN! IBLIUS YOU BASTARD PUT HIM DOWN! DON'T YOU DARE! STOP IT! STOP IT HE'S LOSING TOO MUCH BLOOD! STOP PLEASE! STOP! STOP! HE'S GONNA DIE! NO! LAN!" He yelled.

Aqua tried to grab a hold of him, when he went out cold out, she could see some blood come out of his body. The man vanished from her.

Really want to know where L went just now DX can feel the pain L is suffering having to witness such a scene. Also, him stopping Aqua made a great impact in the story that I can't wait to see what happens next in part 2.
 
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Awesome chapter! I loved how you wrote everyone's reactions as they had to stab Sora; I think you caught their emotions and reluctance well in that scene. And Aqua's confrontation with Xehanort was good, too! L was interesting as well, but poor Chihiro...
 

Lanydx reborn

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I'm glad you all liked it and for people worried about Chirhiro......I'm mean, not cruel. Also Gram, those were my fave funny bit too.
 

OathkeeperRoxas XIII

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Okat there's my full thoughts on this story.

For starters, the plot, if it exists: For a story that said to have to have a plot, it's really all over the place. The cameos begin to overshadow the main characters, it's not fair game.

Characterization: Many if almost all the characters are OOC, includihng Kairi, Axel, the villains, and Sora and Riku too. It also seems there is bashing on Riiku, Joshua, and Vanitas.

Final Thoughts. This story is not good. Sorry but as a Fanfic Critic, I have to be fair to everyone, not just my friends. I hope you understand and take it into consideration. So please rewrite this story and have the characters in character and developed. And cut back on all the cameos.

That is all
 

Lanydx reborn

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Okat there's my full thoughts on this story.

For starters, the plot, if it exists: For a story that said to have to have a plot, it's really all over the place. The cameos begin to overshadow the main characters, it's not fair game.

Characterization: Many if almost all the characters are OOC, includihng Kairi, Axel, the villains, and Sora and Riku too. It also seems there is bashing on Riiku, Joshua, and Vanitas.

Final Thoughts. This story is not good. Sorry but as a Fanfic Critic, I have to be fair to everyone, not just my friends. I hope you understand and take it into consideration. So please rewrite this story and have the characters in character and developed. And cut back on all the cameos.

That is all
Alright let me put some things for you.

1: This fic does have a plot, and it's just as all over the place as any other KH game. They go to worlds, fight bad dude, find out more of said plot.

2: I like to think that we did a damn good job keeping characters in character and gave new life to some that had none. Every writer takes a spin on the characters, and the cameos are important. It's called foreshadowing. Yes I bash on Riku, Van, and don't even get me started on Josh, but what fanfic doesn't have their bias?

3: You didn't really tell me on how to improve other then say start over, which is not happening. I respect your review but word it out better next time. Thank you.
 

Annoyance

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I'll probably be working on a full critique for the first chapter soon. Keep an eye out for it. I'll probably have it posted in a couple days, depending on how hard work hits me.
 

Passion

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Alright let me put some things for you.

1: This fic does have a plot, and it's just as all over the place as any other KH game. They go to worlds, fight bad dude, find out more of said plot.

2: I like to think that we did a damn good job keeping characters in character and gave new life to some that had none. Every writer takes a spin on the characters, and the cameos are important. It's called foreshadowing. Yes I bash on Riku, Van, and don't even get me started on Josh, but what fanfic doesn't have their bias?

3: You didn't really tell me on how to improve other then say start over, which is not happening. I respect your review but word it out better next time. Thank you.

There's no need to get so acidic over a review. This is a friend that is genuinely trying to help you out and sees some blatant errors. I haven't read this fiction yet (seeing how you asked me to critique it), but if this is the response I'm going to get for trying to help you then I don't really see the point :/

Even the best writers get awful critiques. I'm sure JK Rowling didn't have a huge number of fans when she first started out. You have to build your foundation from the bricks thrown at you. It's the only way to become successful overall, whether it be for a comedic fanfiction or a serious one.

Expect the review you requested soon, though. For this and Renegades of Funk.

/$0.02
 
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