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Fanfiction ► The Fan-Fic Writer's Moving Sidewalk



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SilentTrinity

SilentTrinity

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so i was just wondering, if someone can actually critique my own made story, its in my sig. anything that can help me improve my writing skills is appreciated.
 
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Christian1361

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xiolio_tiessa628 said:
Ragnell37, I'll be sure to look at it. If you can look at my fanfic. Maybe, you can help me with ideas in developing it. Has anyone else have times where they just don't know what to write about, but they begin typing it and the words sort of take on from there? I've had that happen to me many a time.
http://forums.khinsider.com/creative-writing/141799-phantoms-hearts.html
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That's happens to me sometimes......and then when I'm done writing, I read it over and totally don't remember writing what I just wrote. That's part of the reason why I like to write. You write things that come out of your head that you never knew were there and it kind of makes you feel some sort of relief and accomplishment...at least that's what it feels like to me, anyway.
 
Annoyance

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DokemonStudios

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Can this be a Topic where you could also share your own ideas of a fan fic? If that counts I might do it so here's my idea. Critique it if you want.

KH: Second Story (Working title)

Story: One year has passed after the events of KH2, The worlds were re-connected. And everything was In peace, long enough. An old friend of Kairi named Flint X. Fasayan (Anagram for Final Fantasy X) has been summoned by King Mickey to get rid of the new threat known as, the Second Set. He the traveled to different worlds with Fawn Deer and her boyfriend Bonkers, (From Disney's Bonkers) Zinan (Japanese for second son character by a deviant artist) Kitty(The BLAM from the Great Mouse Detective) to find heartless carriers that are held by villains. Little do they know that someone named Daniel Garaman (last name's an anagram for anagram) is following those heroes.
 
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Allister Rose

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my main character is a major mary sue. Intentionally being a nobody with an anagram with the letters of my name and constantly being special.

I have tried making her incredibly weak and a worry wart and having a small obsession over marluxia. but i cant seem to get it right.

can someone help me?
 
Annoyance

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Allister Rose said:
my main character is a major mary sue. Intentionally being a nobody with an anagram with the letters of my name and constantly being special.

I have tried making her incredibly weak and a worry wart and having a small obsession over marluxia. but i cant seem to get it right.

can someone help me?
Click to expand...

The more you try with girl characters the more fake they seem. If it doesn't come off naturally, the character is like wet bread. :c
 
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Allister Rose

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Yeah i know, there was only one chapter.

in my fanfic, she has red eyes, and because of that, she has been targetted by many people with marriage proposals before becoming nobody.

still trying to make some sort of superstition to go along with that.

her full person is much more realistic but her nobody is a complete mary sue....
 
Annoyance

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Allister Rose said:
Yeah i know, there was only one chapter.

in my fanfic, she has red eyes, and because of that, she has been targetted by many people with marriage proposals before becoming nobody.

still trying to make some sort of superstition to go along with that.

her full person is much more realistic but her nobody is a complete mary sue....
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... I don't think it's savable. Just by that description she oozes Mary Sue.
 
madammina

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Allister Rose said:
my main character is a major mary sue. Intentionally being a nobody with an anagram with the letters of my name and constantly being special.

I have tried making her incredibly weak and a worry wart and having a small obsession over marluxia. but i cant seem to get it right.

can someone help me?
Click to expand...

Veronica from Timefixer is a Mary Sue... she is also dead so I worked with her being jealous of those who can die so maybe work with something like that?

She doesn't have to be uber average, but just give her a flaw besides being clumsy and that could really help (see, Jealousy, anger, Gluttony,etc)

Also, tuning down the power just a bit.
 
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Allister Rose

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madammina said:
Veronica from Timefixer is a Mary Sue... she is also dead so I worked with her being jealous of those who can die so maybe work with something like that?

She doesn't have to be uber average, but just give her a flaw besides being clumsy and that could really help (see, Jealousy, anger, Gluttony,etc)

Also, tuning down the power just a bit.
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She is obsessed over getting her memories back through dreams and has a weakness complex. automatically blaming herself whenver her entire team fails, even if it wasnt her ffault. but i guess that's more of a angsty sue.

she tends to go a bit phsyco too.

is this good or does it need more?
 
madammina

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Change the mental breakdown and fainting....

Quaxa may faint, but she relives memories at the same time, and it's triggered whenever she casts a spell.

You're version is a little more marysueish... Change just the fainting bit to maybe something a bit more violent and give it a reason.
 
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Allister Rose

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madammina said:
Change the mental breakdown and fainting....

Quaxa may faint, but she relives memories at the same time, and it's triggered whenever she casts a spell.

You're version is a little more marysueish... Change just the fainting bit to maybe something a bit more violent and give it a reason.
Click to expand...

I did. i just didnt explain it though
 
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Allister Rose

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well if you want a very clear description.

Lestraxil is a nobody who faithfully follows Marluxia. in the very beginning, she has no memories and is completely emotionless. She does as she is told and she recently discovered how to annoy other members.

later emotions start to grow within her and the other members due to her element being darkness and allowing the hearts connect to them.

she is constantly over flowing with emotions and for now is in love with marluxia. she also gains memories by dreams due to meeting someone she once knew as a whole. So she desperately tries to regain her old memories by dream to see who she was back then. As the story progresses she notices she is weaker than the other members and feels dissapointed on herself.

the reason why she get's faints is due to darkness inserted her from someone else. she doesnt exactly relive memories like Quaxa (anagram of aqua? it's bit odd. i recommend you change it. the negative emotions overflow and she has a mental break down.

personality wise, she is kind and friendly, but she also has a much rougher side to her, as she constantly bullies another member.

ok tell me what i should change
 
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