This Key

[Auron0521]

This Key I shall give You,
A Key I dare not Employ,
I Hope You will Wield it properly,
In some Wondrous Manner.

It is no Ordinary Key,
For Doors it does Not Release,
No, It Releases the Truth in Others,
To Expose Them for the World to See.

I'll entrust You this Ability,
For while I know Some may Abuse,
You will Command It suitably,
Some Good You may surely Do.

Believing this, I will Watch,
Watch as You Travel forward,
To the Infinite World,
To what Lies Beyond this Horizon.

I observe You take the Key,
To a Single Person,
A Solitary Individual,
Who would never Himself Bare.

And once You have Completed,
You Bury the Key,
Deep Beneath the Earth,
Where None may Stumble.

With the Last of this Power,
I see You Wander,
No longer One, but Two,
Into the Diverse World.

 

[KingdomKey]

Reminds me of Sora, being entrusted with the Keyblade, nicely done Auron.

 

[Auron0521]

It wasn't actually meant to be related to Kingdom Hearts at all, but I guess it could be interpreted that way. Except that this key doesn't unlock doors.

 

[King Sora X]

Lines 2 and 3 in the first stanza sound odd, especially with the use of the word "use". Just sounds funny. I also agree with KK, I do get some feels of KH-related themes. I am going to assume you meant to do it freeverse and not in rhyme, right?

In any case, good job man. :3

 

[Auron0521]

Edited so as not to have the word "use" in those lines. Thank you, thesaurus.com

Anyway, how is it now?

 

[Gram]

i also got that sora vibe on it still good tho :3

 

[KingdomKey]

Anyway, how is it now?

It's better, but still feels a little off, in one paticular line, perhaps? Otherwise, I thought it was good, Auron. So it wasn't intend to be Kingdom hearts related, that's kind of surprising. In a way, it does gives off that kingdom hearts vibe, otherwise, if I look past certain paticular lines, I could almost say that it doesn't.

Glad to see, I'm not the only one, who got that vibe

 

[Nyangoro]

Not really a huge fan to be honest. The scheme is very basic, which honestly wouldn't be as huge a deal if I found the rest of it a bit less boring. This poem seems like a starting point for the concept. I feel like you're just telling us what the idea is but not actually doing anything with it. You're relying too heavily on a very simple representation of the idea you are trying to convey (a key that unlocks someone's true self), and not actually doing anything with it. Were it more original/powerful, you could probably get away with just the description, but this is a time where you have to really show it to us.

The poem's flow is pretty flat, and you should consider putting a little snap into your word usage. Things like a broader vocabulary, slang, wordplay, structure, anything like that would not only help strength the verbiage, but would likely serve to improve the flow as a result.

I do like the general idea of capitalizing words. You should refine that so you can better use it to your advantage.

 

[Auron0521]

I tried doing what you said, Nyangoro, using different words for ones that I used a bit too often, changing around some line structure, and adding more stanzas to complete the story. I'm not sure if it's any better now, so I'd like a new opinion.

 

[Nyangoro]

A marked improvement over the original, if you ask me. I am not personally a fan of the omniscient viewer in this case, but that's just a preference. The wordplay is better; and while the flow may still be a bit dull, it's got a little more life in it than before. The only thing I'd recommend for future pieces is to be careful with wording. There's a fine line between interesting and pretentious writing that you want to watch out for as you write new stuff.

 

[Lanydx reborn]

It sounds like the Keyblade itself rather then just Sora but that's my take on it.

 

[MegaWallflower]

A key to people's heart, open people up and hide the means to lock it again. At least that's what I take from it, I'm weird.

I like this poem. :3