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Fanfiction ► KingDumb Hearts



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Every Heart

Here We Go Again
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Ok, here's the chapter that you all have been waiting for, now that my exams are finally over.

Chapter...whatever number we're on right now.

*Goofy and Donald are walking along*
Goofy: Donald look! A star's going out! *points*
Donald: Uhh..Goofy, that's a Goodyear blimp with its lights going off.
Goofy: Oh sorry.
*continues walking. Pluto disappers down an alley*
Goofy: Come back here you damn dog. Ahh Screw it.*walks off*
*Pluto finds Sora in the alley and licks him awake*
Sora: Huh? I must have been drinking again if I'm in an alley. I'll just go back off to sleep....*Pluto shakes him awake*

Sora: Oh God, I am either really drunk, or really high, because theres a dog here. Shoo, go away.
*Pluto runs off*
Sora: *steps out and looks around* Toto, I have a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore.
Every Heart: *off set* Wrong movie dialouge!
Sora:....It's a whole new world!
Every Heart: You ripped that from an Aladdin song title.
Sora: ....A small world after all?
Every Heart: That was also a Disney song.
Sora: Screw it, I'm getting a drink. *goes into accessory shop*
Cid: Damn, that must be the health inspector. He is so going to close down this joint when he finds those ethers full of moogle blood. *Turns around* Oh, it's just some stupid kid. Want some moogle blood? Err, I mean Ethers?
Sora: o_O No...And I'm not a kid, I'm a pimp.
Cid: You wish. I'm more of a pimp than you are.
Sora: Whatever, have you seen my friend Riku?
Cid: Is he "special" to you?
Sora: For God sakes, I'm not gay. I'm also looking for Kairi.
Cid: You could always check the second district. Your friends might be hanging around there smoking weed or something. I'm not too well with keeping up with the times. Back then, we used to smoke blades of grass and have sex with our mothers and sisters and brothers and fathers and cousins and grandparents and....
Sora: That's interesting and all, but I'm gonna leave now. What a creepy old man....
*goes into second district*
Random Screaming Man: I DON'T HAVE THE MONEY! JUST GIVE ME A FEW MORE DAYS!!
Heartless:I'll just take your heart so that you will become one of the Heartless Mafia.
Sora: Heartless Mafia?
Heartless: Heartless Mafia, assemble and off that kid!
Sora: Before you wack me, answer a question. Are you like the Godfather of the Heartless Mafia.
Heartless:.....No....
Other heartless: He's impersanating the Godfather! Wack him!
Heartless: Damnit*runs like hell as other heartless chase him*
Sora: This is one screwed up town. *goes back to the accessory shop*
???: They'll keep coming after you as long as you continue to weild that keyblade.
Sora: Who's there? Is that you Mom? I wanna find out if what Riku said about the two of you together is true!
???: No, I'm a man you dumbarse.
Sora: Are you my Dad? I missed you since you left my mom! Give me a hug and take me to the toy store and a ball game!
Leon: *steps out of the shadows* Do I look like your father you stupid kid. It amazes me the keyblade would choose an idiot kid like you.
Sora: How many times am I going to say this? I'm a PIMP. Not a kid. Do you think a kid would be able to have fangirls wanting to do me?
Leon: I guess not...kid...
Sora: That's it! I am so going to take this keyblade and shove it so far up your ass your sexuality will be peaked.
Leon: That didn't even make since. *takes out Gunblade*
Sora:.....Who are you again? *short term memory coming back*
Every Heart: Riku, go get his meds, he's starting to lose his memory. *offset*
Riku: *offset* Can't, Sora gave them to the cat.
Every Heart: Well, that's just great, now we have to wait till he picks up his perscription and...wait, we have a cat?


Who will win in this battle of the Pimps? Leon or Sora? Tune in to find out.

Kairi: Wait, why didn't I have any lines?

Because

Kairi: Because why?

Because I can bitch, don't make me hit you with a spatula

Kairi: I'll be good...

That's what I thought....

Riku: What about me? I only had one line.

uhhh.....remember, you were trying to read a porn magazine backwards. Like a manga

Riku: Oh yeah. That was fun and enjoying

Which one was it? Playboy?

Riku: Yeah, I'm in the swimsuit issue!

.........Riku, the swimsuit issue is for girls....

Riku:......Aww Muffins....

Pwned
 
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wisdom&valor

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AHAHA THAT IS FUNNY STUFF
Sora: *steps out and looks around* Toto, I have a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore.
Every Heart: *off set* Wrong movie dialouge!
Sora:....It's a whole new world!
Every Heart: You ripped that from an Aladdin song title.
Sora: ....A small world after all?
Every Heart: That was also a Disney song.
 

wisdom&valor

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Kairi: Wait, why didn't I have any lines?

Because

Kairi: Because why?

Because I can bitch, don't make me hit you with a spatula

Kairi: I'll be good...

That's what I thought....

Riku: What about me? I only had one line.

uhhh.....remember, you were trying to read a porn magazine backwards. Like a manga

Riku: Oh yeah. That was fun and enjoying

Which one was it? Playboy?

Riku: Yeah, I'm in the swimsuit issue!

.........Riku, the swimsuit issue is for girls....

Riku:......Aww Muffins....
LOLZ!!(DUMBA$$ 25 CHARCTER THING * THROWS BATMAN AT 25 CHRCTER LIMT* DONT ASK OR ILL GET ROBIN)
 

Every Heart

Here We Go Again
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Every Heart: Hey guys!
Everyone else:...*sheep sound*
Every Heart: whoops, wrong room, this is where they are keeping the sheep for that Serta Mattress commercial. Wait, why are they keeping sheep for those commercials? Screw it, I'll find out later. *leaves*
Sora: *on the set* What do you think that air freshener tastes like?
Riku: How should I know? It's not like I go around eating Plug Ins.
Sora: Plug it in, plug it in!
Kairi: Why did you just do that?
Sora: Don't know, I feel like saying that every time. Ok, I'll be right back, I gotta go find some air fresheners.
Riku: Whatever.
Every Heart: *runs in* Hey guys!
Riku: What, did you find the cat?
Every Heart: What? No!
Sora: *running in* They taste like chicken!
Riku: Like hell it...really?
Kairi: Probably not.
Every Heart: Anyway, let's just do the next scene. Oh right, I was saying that I found this pot in Kairi's room!
Kairi: What?!?
Sora: I didn't know Kairi was on the pipe
Riku: You mean pot
Sora: Right, what did I say?
Kairi: Moving on, it's not mine! It must be somebody else's!
Every Heart: But who.....
*sheep walk in*
Sheep: Has anyone seen my pot BBBBAAAA?
Everyone: o_O
Sheep: *takes the pot* Hey dudes, I got the pot BBBBAAAAACCCCCCKKKK*leaves*
Every Heart: Ok.....
Riku: That was about as screwed up as that time Sora was on Survivor
Sora: Ok, so I kept all the beer and doritos to myself while being used as a sacrifice to some god that the other cast members made up when they didn't know it was just a reality show. It could of happened to anyone.
Every Heart: With all that out of the way, let's do the next scene!
Sora: *takes keyblade* Your going down Leon!
*the two fight with awesome moves and cunning stunts that cannot be described here because Sora cheated by taking nearby moogles and bashing them into Leon's skull*
Sora: Oh yeah, I am on fire!...OMG I really am on fire!*sees his pants on fire from one of Leon's Gunblade attacks and passes out after putting out the flame*
Yuffie: I think you overdid it Squall
Leon:.....Who let you out of your room?
*meanwhile.....*
Goofy: Sorry Donald, but I just don't see how that's possible.
Donald: No really, I just need a katana.
Goofy: I'm telling you, it doesn't work that way! Besides, where are you going to get a katana?
Donald: Doesn't Walmart sell them?
Goofy: They have everything except Katanas. What a rip off.
Donald: *gets tapped on the shoulder* DRUG ADDICTS ARE AFTER US!!!! *clings to Goofy for support*
Aerith: No no, you were sent by the King, right?
*back to where Sora was*
Sora: *waking up* Huh....Kairi?
Yuffie: Yeah right, I'm the great warrior ninja Yuffie.
Sora: Even better! *sneaky grin*
Yuffie: Sorry, I'm takin.
Leon: Yeah, she's my bisnatch, not yours.
Sora: Damn
*Aerith and Goofy and Donald and Sora and Leon and Yuffie go into the long long long explanation of the keyblade that I am too lazy to put here. If you need me, I'll be getting a Dr. Pepper.*

Next time on KingDumb Hearts, Sora and Goofy and Donald finally meet up! They also take on the Guard Armor and Legions of Hell!

Sora: Wait, WHAT?!!?!
 

Hazen Gregory

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That was great....I think the funniest part was:
*sheep walk in*
Sheep: Has anyone seen my pot BBBBAAAA?
Everyone: o_O
Sheep: *takes the pot* Hey dudes, I got the pot BBBBAAAAACCCCCCKKKK*leaves*
Every Heart: Ok.....
Riku: That was about as screwed up as that time Sora was on Survivor
Sora: Ok, so I kept all the beer and doritos to myself while being used as a sacrifice to some god that the other cast members made up when they didn't know it was just a reality show. It could of happened to anyone.
This is good stuff....sheep O.M.G.^_^
 
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