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Fanfiction ► KingDumb Hearts



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Every Heart

Here We Go Again
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(This is kinda like Don Patchs fic, except that I'm going straight through the storyline. And its not as random. WARNING: THIS IS A PG13 FANFIC!!!)

Our story begins at the Squaresoft Headquarters.......

Nomura: *sipping a martini* Damn, I need to come up with a new videogame and fast! Also, the O.C. is on tonight, I need to remember to Tivo it.
*Every Heart walks in*
Every Heart: Sir, what if you make a videogame with Final Fantasy and Disney combined?
Nomura: That's a terrible idea. But what if we make a videogame with Disney and Final Fantasy combined? It's perfect! I'm such a genius!
Every Heart:....Isn't that what I just said?
Nomura: Hmm? Sorry, I wasn't listening, I was too busy congradulating myself on such a brilliant idea. Who are you anyway? You just all of a sudden came out of nowhere.
Every Heart: Actually, I was born in Canada, but I used to live in Nowhere, Kansas. Used to be neighbors with some cowardly dog. I'm the one who gets u your alcoholic beverages everyday. And I'm a writer
Nomura: Oh yeah. Well, I'll put you in charge of the auditions for the cast members. Now go get me another martini and an asprin.
Every Heart: Do all the work around here*grumbles as she storms out*

And thus, the Kingdom Hearts Saga was born!
A couple of days later.....

Every Heart: Ok....Nomura went and put me in charge of cast auditions. I can't screw this up, otherwise he will force me to watch the dubbed episodes of Fooley Cooley. *shudders* Anyway, the audition for Sora can now begin!
*Don Patch walks in*
Every Heart: Don Patch? From Khinsider? Aren't you suppossed to be working on that fanfic "Destiny Islands Reality Show"?
Don Patch: Come on, let me be Sora
*Every Heart pushes button to trap door and Don Patch falls through*
Every Heart: By the way, I love your fanfic! Next!
*Niwa walks in. Every Heart automatically pushes the button for the trap door.*
Every Heart: Niwa, love your fanfic "Life on Destiny Islands" too! No Khinsider members for cripes sake!
*Sora walks in*
Every Heart: Hello. According to your resume, your actual name really is Sora. That will come in handy. Also, after illegally accessing your medical records and doing illegal background checks, I noticed that you are sometimes amnesiac and that you sometimes smoke Paupu leaves when you think no ones looking.
Sora: Why am I here again?
Every Heart: Your perfect for the part! Your in!
Sora: In what?
*Every Heart gets him out*
Every Heart: And now the Riku auditions!
*Don Patch walks in again. Every Heart pushes trapdoor button and causes him to fall through*
Every Heart: I need to get those trap doors checked.
*Riku walks in*
Every Heart: I noticed your business card, and it says "Riku the Emo"
Riku: What of it?
Every Heart: Your hired.
Riku: No one understands me!!!*runs out of the room crying*
Every Heart: o_O Ok....Now finally, the Kairi auditions!
*Don Patch walks in dressed like a girl*
Every Heart:......How do you keep escaping my trapdoors?
Don Patch: What are you talking about? What trapdoors?
Every Heart:...You are desperate to get on this game huh?
Don Patch:.......
*Every Heart pushes trapdoor button, but Don Patch isn't on top of the trap door.*
Every Heart: Uhh, mind scooting over?
*Don Patch scoots over and falls in*
Every Heart: *uses intercom button* Clean up on Dungeon 5. Clean up on Dungeon 5. That is all.
*Kairi walks in*
Every Heart: Weird how these people have the same name as the people in the game. Tell me about yourself.
Kairi: l33t lol lol omg wtf
Every Heart:.....what....the...hell....
Kairi: omg ^_^ lol wtf
Every Heart: Great, another fangirl. *pulls out an english to fangirl dictionary*......Hmm...well, this will be confusing to the game unless we take care of this problem. Kairi, I'll pay you 50 dollars and I'll let you be in the game if you knock that off.
Kairi: Ok. *takes 50 dollars* Sucker.....
Every Heart: So many weirdos.....so little paycheck

Next time on Kingdumb Hearts, they will finally begin shooting the first part of the game, and.....
*phone rings*
Hello? I'm being sued? By who? Niwa and Don Patch? For using their names in a fanfic? Damn. Well how much? A million dollars? Fine, but I want a free FMA videogame out of this Nomura. And an FF7 Advent Children T-shirt. *hangs up*
........Anyway, tune in next time!
(Don Patch and Niwa were not harmed physically in the making of this chapter of the fanfic. Mentally maybe, but not physically. Nor will they be receiving a million dollars. Suckers!)
 
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Every Heart

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I have heard your replies, so heres another chappy!

*all cast members are gathered together with Every Heart*
Every Heart: Well, Nomura decided to make me do the opening stuff. Figures. Sora, Riku, and Kairi, I'll need you to come over to the set so we can do the first part.
Sora: What exactly is "the first part"?
Every Heart: Well, we are going to make a wave hit you and nearly drown you. When you surface, you'll come over to the beach where Kairi will be standing. But then, we are going to drop you out of the sky like a meteor, where you will then crash into the ocean and pretty much drown.
Sora: That sounds painful.
Every Heart: Oh don't worry, I'll be unharmed.
*So then.......*
Sora: *falling out of the sky and crashes into the ocean* Well, that hurt like hell
Every Heart:....Hmm.....I can't let the main cast member get banged up from stunts like this.....
Riku: Wait, I thought I was the main cast member! I hate you!*runs off somewhere*
Every Heart: Why did I ever think the hiring an emo was a good idea? Or a decieving bitch and an amnesiac. Well, at least Sora took some kind of medication before doing this.
Kairi: Uhh Every Heart, Sora is singing Livin La Vida Loca while dancing with a moogle plushie. And hes stripping at the same time.
Every Heart: Well, hes definately on something. Damn it Sora, focus!
Nomura: *peeks his head into the room* Every Heart, you know what will happen if you screw this up. *pulls out dubbed Fooley Cooley episodes on tape*
Every Heart: The horror.....*shudders* How is it that someone can fight using a guitar, it just doesn't make any since at all! Ok...Now about Sora....wait, I have an idea.
*pulls out cell phone*
Every Heart: Hey, it's me, Every Heart. I think I may have a use for you in this game after all. Yeah. Yeah, I also find Colin Mochery very funny, but then again, I'm Canadian or whatever the hell it is I said I was in the first chap. We will be on set 5. And watch out for Dan Rather, he keeps trying to sneak in. Yeah, I hate him too. Bye. *hangs up*
*Don Patch bursts into the room*
Every Heart: Well that was fast. Did you get past Dan Rather?*peeks outside*
Don Patch: Not before he spat on me. The creep.
Every Heart: He creeps me out too. Anyway, I want you to be Soras stunt double in this scene.
Don Patch: Ok, so what exactly do I have to do?
*Later*
Don Patch: *falling out of the sky* Damn you Every Heart!

Every Heart: *laughing* I am such a genius.
Riku: *sitting in the corner and writing emo poems*
Kairi: *counting the cash she got from Every Heart* Hey, you only gave me 49 dollars bitch!
Sora: *still dancing with moogle* Livin La Vida Loca. I am so high now. Livin La Vida Loca
Every Heart: ok.....I need a raise on my salalry. I could have been working with Nintendo, but no...at least the people at the Nintendo corporation arn't weirdos.


Next time on Kingdumb Hearts,m they will be doing the Destiny Islands scene and the Dive to the Heart scene. Stay tune!
 

Every Heart

Here We Go Again
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Another chappy coming right up

*At the Dive to the Heart part*
Every Heart: I can't believe we actually got this far. Especially after someone had switched the "Simple and Clean" song for the beginning with Nomuras copy of "My Humps"....Now lets get started. Sora, go through the script as normal.
Sora: Whatever. *walks forward*
Every Heart: Ok...now cue Omnipotent voice.
Sora: Omnipotent voice?
Omnipotent voice: Don't be shy, now step forward.
Sora: What the hell?
Every Heart: Yeah, thats the omnipotent voice. Just do what he tells you.
Omnipotent voice: Choose a weapon
Sora: *chooses the sheild*
Omnipotent voice: Pssh, only a bisnatch would pick a weapon like that, its barely a weapon to kill someone with at all.
Every Heart: Gods damnit, stict to the script Voice!
Omnipotent Voice: .....I mean....Used to defend yourself and your friends.
Sora: I want a weapon that kicks ass.
Omnipotent Voice: Thats exactly what I thought to. Pick the sword.
Sora: Now thats what I'm talking about, you're actually a lot more smarter than Every Heart, wanna get a pizza afterward?
Omnipotent Voice: Sorry, my shift doesn't end until 5. I have to do a voice special for that Token character in Lord of the Rings or whatever the hell that movies called.
Every Heart: *Note to self: must get a new omnipotent voice* Anyway, lets skip to the part with your friends on the island.
Selphie: What's the most important thing to you?
Sora:.....Hmm....that would have to be bitches and cars.
Every Heart: Sora!
Sora: Sorry, but that really is what is most important to me. Arn't you suppossed to be honest?
Riku: Tell that to your mom.
Sora: Excuse me?
Riku: Your mom wasn't complaining last night about the sex. Surprised she didn't tell you about it.
Sora: Why you little bastard! *runs off set at Riku*
Every Heart: Guys, stick to the script! *think of the ratings Every Heart, think of the ratings*
Sora: Fine. I'll control myself as much as possible.
Riku: Too bad your mom couldn't control herself.
Sora: God damnit Riku, shuit the hell up!
Every Heart: Enough!!! Gods....
Wakka: What do you want outta life?
Sora: To kick Rikus ass.
Every Heart: *smacks herself in the face*
Tidus: What are you most afraid of?
Sora: ......The idea that Riku might be telling the truth.
Every Heart: Ok, lets just move on to the boss.
*Darkside comes out of the ground*
Sora: Holy shit
Every Heart: Don't worry about it, its just a special effect. *laughs to herself* Just fight him.
*Sora starts fighting Darkside and is getting his ass kicked*
Sora: The pain, the pain! This must be like what Regis Philman felt when he found out that Kelly wasn't interested in him!

*Eventually beats Darkside*
Sora: Take that bitch!
*Darkside sucks him into the ground*
Every Heart:.....Who wants coffee?
Kairi: Me
Riku: Me
Darkside: Do you have Nescafe style coffee? Or black coffee?
Every Heart: I got both.
Sora: What about me? I'm still in the ground!
Every Heart: Don't worry, the ground isn't damaged. We will get you out right after drinking coffee and eating donuts. Then maybe seeing that new Davinci Code movie.
Riku: Love that movie, lets go now.
*everyone leaves with their coffee, except Sora, whos still stuck in the ground*

Next time on KingDumb Hearts, The first part of Destiny Islands! I was gonna place it here, but then I had watsed too much time trying to get the moogle plushie from Sora earlier. And Riku got his ass kicked by some heartless for saying he was more emo than them. And Kairi was being a whore as usual. I hate my job.
 
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wisdom&valor

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Riku: Your mom wasn't complaining last night about the sex. Surprised she didn't tell you about it.
Sora: Why you little bastard! *runs off set at Riku*
Every Heart: Guys, stick to the script! *think of the ratings Every Heart, think of the ratings*
Sora: Fine. I'll control myself as much as possible.
Riku: Too bad your mom couldn't control herself.
Sora: God damnit Riku, shuit the hell up!
Every Heart: Enough!!! Gods....
Wakka: What do you want outta life?
Sora: To kick Rikus ass.
Every Heart: *smacks herself in the face*
Tidus: What are you most afraid of?
Sora: ......The idea that Riku might be telling the truth.


LOLLOLOLOLOL THAT WAS SOOOOO FUNNY I FELL OUT OF MY CHAIR
 

Shinoku

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I damn well love this.
My favorite!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Riku: Tell that to your mom.
Sora: Excuse me?
Riku: Your mom wasn't complaining last night about the sex. Surprised she didn't tell you about it.
Sora: Why you little bastard! *runs off set at Riku*
Every Heart: Guys, stick to the script! *think of the ratings Every Heart, think of the ratings*
Sora: Fine. I'll control myself as much as possible.
Riku: Too bad your mom couldn't control herself.
Sora: God damnit Riku, shuit the hell up!
Every Heart: Enough!!! Gods....
Wakka: What do you want outta life?
Sora: To kick Rikus ass.
Every Heart: *smacks herself in the face*
Tidus: What are you most afraid of?
Sora: ......The idea that Riku might be telling the truth
 
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