great chapter fk! im so looking forward to the next chapter ^^
Fanfiction ► Crystal Fate
- Thread starter Ultima Star
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Like some others said, it could be a little longer.
Other than that, it was good.
Other than that, it was good.
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hmmm....hows it goin FK.
so you wrote a fic eh? i gotta say its very interesting. im impressed. just a few gramatical errors i noticed like the tense getting confused. it seems to judder from past tense to present, but im sure you can sort that out. way to go Fk.
so you wrote a fic eh? i gotta say its very interesting. im impressed. just a few gramatical errors i noticed like the tense getting confused. it seems to judder from past tense to present, but im sure you can sort that out. way to go Fk.
Um ok thanks Nelo =D it's my first fic so I don't know what to do really XD
but here's chapter 5 =D
“So you found these two kids…I see” a female voice said “Alright, don’t worry we will take care of them” she added.
“Thanks Ms. Carmen” the woman who found the kids said “Me and John hope that they will be able to find a new home”
Carmen looked at the young couple “Julie…John don’t worry, like I said we will take care of them” she said, and then she took her notebook and wrote “Two new kids, a girl and a boy have arrived the orphanage today, their names are—“ she looked at the young couple “Let’s wait until they awake then I can’t ask their names” she said.
“Ok then, excuse us- we must leave now, we have some things to do; let’s go Julie” John said.
His partner looked at him “But…we’ll come back to see how they doing, right?” Julie asked, she seemed to have become attached to both of the kids.
“We will Julie, but now we have to go” John replied, both of them walked towards the door “Till next Ms. Carmen” he said and with a smile on their faces the young couple left the orphanage.
Carmen watched them go “Now…let’s wait until we find more about these kids” she said to herself, then she stood up and put her hand on her waist “Let’s go and see the little girl” she said and then walked out of her office.
♣-----------------------------------------------------♣-----------------------------------------------------♣
On an empty room our Crytal was lying on a bed, sleeping like the angel she was. Her hair came down to her face, therefore it made her awake.
She sat up and looked around the room “Where…am I?” she asked herself suddenly she had a flashback and got out of the bed “Zafiro!...where are you?” she shouted.
She start to walk around the room in that place she had never seen before, poor girl how confused she was at that moment just then she heard the sounds of steps getting near where she was “Whos’ there?” the nervous girl inquired.
The door opened then a woman she had never seen before in her life entered the room “How you doing sweetie? you’re new around here” the woman said “My name is Carmen and well, I’m the owner of this orphanage” she added.
Crystal looked at the woman, she was surprised to see such elegant clothes and then asked “…where’s Zafiro?”
Carmen smiled “The little boy that was with you? He’s in my office now come with me” she took Crystal’s hand and then asked “And your name is?”
The little girl looked at the kind woman “…is…Crystal..”
The woman touched the little girl’s face and sai “Really nice name…now c’mon let’s go”
♣-----------------------------------------------------♣-----------------------------------------------------♣
When both of them arrive at the office, Crystal finally saw Zafiro and a feeling of happiness took over her “Zafiro!” she yelled then rushed to hug him “You’re here” the girl said.
Zafiro hugged her back “I’m here, we made it…we’re here now…” the boy said.
Carmen sat on the chair behind her desk and started asking questions “So…are you brothers?”
The boy looked at Crystal and took her hand “Actually…no, we’re friends” he replied “Our home was destroyed by a fire and well…our parents..”he just stopped talking then, because he didn’t want Crystal to remember what had happened, but then looked at the woman “you understand,right?” the boy asked.
The woman had a concerned looked on her face”I see…well dears, don’t worry then—this is your new home now” she said trying to smile somehow.
“What’s this place?” Zafiro asked “where are we?” he went on “please tell us”
The woman was a little surprised to see that none of the kids knew where on earth they were and just said “Um well, we’re at Versat, a city in the country of Amarant”
“Versat?..Amarant? what weird names the cities in this world-“ Crystal was saying but Zafiro interrupted her.
“Something is wrong with her, don’t worry she is just feeling confused that’s all Mrs.” Zafiro tried to convince the woman so that she didn’t suspect that they weren’t from that world…that they weren’t ‘humans’ to be precise, even if they said the thruth she wouldn’t believe them anyway, he only knew that.
Carmen smiled “You two act like brothers you know, well ok now I’ll lead both of you to your rooms”
♣-----------------------------------------------------♣-----------------------------------------------------♣
The orphanage looked like a big house, like a big school in some way to be precise. It was just so beautiful the kids were absolutely impressed by the magnificent place.
“Ok this is how things are here” Carmen started to explain “We have like what you would call ‘wings’ ok we have two wings in this house, boys sleep in the east wing and girls on the west one, the classrooms are on the north wing and the cafeteria is on the south wing. Classes start at 8.00 am and finish at 2.00 pm, you have two breaks one at 10.00 am and another at 12.30 each one of them lasts 20 minutes and then you must return to your classrooms. After classes end you can go to the south wing and have fun there or you can go to the garden and relax. But at 6.00 in the afternoon I want to see you in your rooms…and what else?..oh yeah! Boys can’t go to the west wing and viceversa after 6.00 pm alright? So..I’m sorry but you have to respect this rules ok kids?” the woman stopped talking, it seemed what she had just told them was way too much for just a boy of 6 and a girl of 5 “…did you get it?” she asked again.
Zafiro smiled “Yeah we understand, right Crystal?” he asked looking at the girl who was more busy looking at her new home. “Crystal?” he asked again.
Crystal looked at the boy “Yeah I got it” she replied.
Carmen laughed “Don’t I say that you act like brothers? Well now I will lead you to your rooms” she said.
First, she took Zafiro to his room, they went passing the big stairs and arrived at the east wing, they continue their way around the hall until they arrived to a room “Ok this is it Zafiro, this one’s going to be your room.”the woman said.
Zafiro looked at his room, it was just so beautiful, a nice bed, his wardrobe something any kid would want “Thanks Mrs. Carmen this is beautiful” the boy said.
“Yeah…I hope you like it here well then..Crystal? let’s go to your room.” The woman said.
“But-“ the girl replied “Can I be here for a while?” she sweetly asked.
The woman crossed her arms “I’m sorry but you can’t, I told you.” she replied.
Zafiro looked at the girl and nodded “It’s ok Crystal, go with her see ya” he said, even though he didn’t mean what he was saying.
The girl nodded and left the room and folowed Carmen to the west wing.
Zafiro sat on his bed and looked at the celing “Well, better get used to this” he said, after some minutes of thiking about how different things were from his old home, he lay on his bed and after a while he fell asleep.
♣-----------------------------------------------------♣-----------------------------------------------------♣
Crystal and Carmen were going to the orphanage, both of them ere silent, perhaps it was because Crystal wasn’t used to that place and being next t o a human was something new for her.
As they were walking down the hall, Carmen took out her keyring and opened a room “Ok this one is yours” she said.
Crystal entered her new oom, it was just like Zafiro’s, there was a bed, a wardrobe though off course it looked like the room of a girl anyway “It’s really beautiful” the little girl said, then walked towards the window “It’s…peaceful here…”
Carmen smiled and put her hand on her waist “Well, then just don’t foget classes start at 8.00 am alright? Even if this is an orphanage kids need to have a good education” she said, then opened the door and exited the room leaving Crystal alone.
The girl didn’t move from where she was for some minutes and only stared at the sky “My…OUR new life”
♣-----------------------------------------------------♣-----------------------------------------------------♣
End of Chapter 5
-------------
Sorry if it takes me a while to upload the next ones alright?
but here's chapter 5 =D
CHAPTER 5
GETTING TO KNOW OUR NEW HOME
GETTING TO KNOW OUR NEW HOME
“So you found these two kids…I see” a female voice said “Alright, don’t worry we will take care of them” she added.
“Thanks Ms. Carmen” the woman who found the kids said “Me and John hope that they will be able to find a new home”
Carmen looked at the young couple “Julie…John don’t worry, like I said we will take care of them” she said, and then she took her notebook and wrote “Two new kids, a girl and a boy have arrived the orphanage today, their names are—“ she looked at the young couple “Let’s wait until they awake then I can’t ask their names” she said.
“Ok then, excuse us- we must leave now, we have some things to do; let’s go Julie” John said.
His partner looked at him “But…we’ll come back to see how they doing, right?” Julie asked, she seemed to have become attached to both of the kids.
“We will Julie, but now we have to go” John replied, both of them walked towards the door “Till next Ms. Carmen” he said and with a smile on their faces the young couple left the orphanage.
Carmen watched them go “Now…let’s wait until we find more about these kids” she said to herself, then she stood up and put her hand on her waist “Let’s go and see the little girl” she said and then walked out of her office.
♣-----------------------------------------------------♣-----------------------------------------------------♣
On an empty room our Crytal was lying on a bed, sleeping like the angel she was. Her hair came down to her face, therefore it made her awake.
She sat up and looked around the room “Where…am I?” she asked herself suddenly she had a flashback and got out of the bed “Zafiro!...where are you?” she shouted.
She start to walk around the room in that place she had never seen before, poor girl how confused she was at that moment just then she heard the sounds of steps getting near where she was “Whos’ there?” the nervous girl inquired.
The door opened then a woman she had never seen before in her life entered the room “How you doing sweetie? you’re new around here” the woman said “My name is Carmen and well, I’m the owner of this orphanage” she added.
Crystal looked at the woman, she was surprised to see such elegant clothes and then asked “…where’s Zafiro?”
Carmen smiled “The little boy that was with you? He’s in my office now come with me” she took Crystal’s hand and then asked “And your name is?”
The little girl looked at the kind woman “…is…Crystal..”
The woman touched the little girl’s face and sai “Really nice name…now c’mon let’s go”
♣-----------------------------------------------------♣-----------------------------------------------------♣
When both of them arrive at the office, Crystal finally saw Zafiro and a feeling of happiness took over her “Zafiro!” she yelled then rushed to hug him “You’re here” the girl said.
Zafiro hugged her back “I’m here, we made it…we’re here now…” the boy said.
Carmen sat on the chair behind her desk and started asking questions “So…are you brothers?”
The boy looked at Crystal and took her hand “Actually…no, we’re friends” he replied “Our home was destroyed by a fire and well…our parents..”he just stopped talking then, because he didn’t want Crystal to remember what had happened, but then looked at the woman “you understand,right?” the boy asked.
The woman had a concerned looked on her face”I see…well dears, don’t worry then—this is your new home now” she said trying to smile somehow.
“What’s this place?” Zafiro asked “where are we?” he went on “please tell us”
The woman was a little surprised to see that none of the kids knew where on earth they were and just said “Um well, we’re at Versat, a city in the country of Amarant”
“Versat?..Amarant? what weird names the cities in this world-“ Crystal was saying but Zafiro interrupted her.
“Something is wrong with her, don’t worry she is just feeling confused that’s all Mrs.” Zafiro tried to convince the woman so that she didn’t suspect that they weren’t from that world…that they weren’t ‘humans’ to be precise, even if they said the thruth she wouldn’t believe them anyway, he only knew that.
Carmen smiled “You two act like brothers you know, well ok now I’ll lead both of you to your rooms”
♣-----------------------------------------------------♣-----------------------------------------------------♣
The orphanage looked like a big house, like a big school in some way to be precise. It was just so beautiful the kids were absolutely impressed by the magnificent place.
“Ok this is how things are here” Carmen started to explain “We have like what you would call ‘wings’ ok we have two wings in this house, boys sleep in the east wing and girls on the west one, the classrooms are on the north wing and the cafeteria is on the south wing. Classes start at 8.00 am and finish at 2.00 pm, you have two breaks one at 10.00 am and another at 12.30 each one of them lasts 20 minutes and then you must return to your classrooms. After classes end you can go to the south wing and have fun there or you can go to the garden and relax. But at 6.00 in the afternoon I want to see you in your rooms…and what else?..oh yeah! Boys can’t go to the west wing and viceversa after 6.00 pm alright? So..I’m sorry but you have to respect this rules ok kids?” the woman stopped talking, it seemed what she had just told them was way too much for just a boy of 6 and a girl of 5 “…did you get it?” she asked again.
Zafiro smiled “Yeah we understand, right Crystal?” he asked looking at the girl who was more busy looking at her new home. “Crystal?” he asked again.
Crystal looked at the boy “Yeah I got it” she replied.
Carmen laughed “Don’t I say that you act like brothers? Well now I will lead you to your rooms” she said.
First, she took Zafiro to his room, they went passing the big stairs and arrived at the east wing, they continue their way around the hall until they arrived to a room “Ok this is it Zafiro, this one’s going to be your room.”the woman said.
Zafiro looked at his room, it was just so beautiful, a nice bed, his wardrobe something any kid would want “Thanks Mrs. Carmen this is beautiful” the boy said.
“Yeah…I hope you like it here well then..Crystal? let’s go to your room.” The woman said.
“But-“ the girl replied “Can I be here for a while?” she sweetly asked.
The woman crossed her arms “I’m sorry but you can’t, I told you.” she replied.
Zafiro looked at the girl and nodded “It’s ok Crystal, go with her see ya” he said, even though he didn’t mean what he was saying.
The girl nodded and left the room and folowed Carmen to the west wing.
Zafiro sat on his bed and looked at the celing “Well, better get used to this” he said, after some minutes of thiking about how different things were from his old home, he lay on his bed and after a while he fell asleep.
♣-----------------------------------------------------♣-----------------------------------------------------♣
Crystal and Carmen were going to the orphanage, both of them ere silent, perhaps it was because Crystal wasn’t used to that place and being next t o a human was something new for her.
As they were walking down the hall, Carmen took out her keyring and opened a room “Ok this one is yours” she said.
Crystal entered her new oom, it was just like Zafiro’s, there was a bed, a wardrobe though off course it looked like the room of a girl anyway “It’s really beautiful” the little girl said, then walked towards the window “It’s…peaceful here…”
Carmen smiled and put her hand on her waist “Well, then just don’t foget classes start at 8.00 am alright? Even if this is an orphanage kids need to have a good education” she said, then opened the door and exited the room leaving Crystal alone.
The girl didn’t move from where she was for some minutes and only stared at the sky “My…OUR new life”
♣-----------------------------------------------------♣-----------------------------------------------------♣
End of Chapter 5
-------------
Sorry if it takes me a while to upload the next ones alright?
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hmm...nice one FK. their schools a bit like balamb garden is it.
ggod chap but again there are some errors. snow was tellin me off for stuff like that on my fic. correct em and it'll be fine. im interested to know more on this fic.
ggod chap but again there are some errors. snow was tellin me off for stuff like that on my fic. correct em and it'll be fine. im interested to know more on this fic.
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Nice chapter! Really nice. New home. Well I'll be waiting bud!
A bit like Balamb Garden yeah =D
Ok what errors..tell me please nelo tell me!
=D glad you like it Sora =D
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nothin too big Fk, if you read through it you'll notice some words have missin letters and the tenses still get a bit confused. keep the stroyy in the past tense, its better that way. but dont worry your gonna get better at noticin em and correctin em. i used to make the same mistakes but snow pointed em out and now its fine, i think.
Um alright I see..perhaps it happens when you write too fast >< um ok get it..I'm goonna try to fin 'em and correct 'em =D thanks Nelo
Nice.......let's seee hw this turns out or if it is as good as it seems so far
=D yeah right now there's nothing much to add..just some years at the orphanage and then ....you'll see
aww that was a cute chapter fk!
Hey, good chapter....but it should say "brother and sister" instead of "brothers".
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yeah that sounded a bit weird. i forgot to mention that.
i don;t notice mistakes so i don;t really care but still take thier advice
Oh ok...I will try to edit it ><
Thanks for reading though =D
Thanks for reading though =D
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OMG!!! Your fan-fic is so well made and cool^^
I want more^^Please continue it soon^^
I want more^^Please continue it soon^^
Thanks =D don't worry Chapter 6 will be today or tomorrow ^^
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YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*doing happy dance* XD
I am gonna finish my fan-fic 4th chap too,i haven't write for long time >.<
I am gonna finish my fan-fic 4th chap too,i haven't write for long time >.<
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