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tangerine

tangerine

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Knock knock.
"Who's there?"
"It's the police. We believe there's been a serious accident involving your wife and we need you to identify the body."
 
Lumen et ignem

Lumen et ignem

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Three females find a wishing lamp. The genie appears and says the only trick is that the wishes have to be true, otherwise they dissapear.

The red-hiar one says, " I think I want to travel." Her wish is granted.

The brown-hair one says, "I think I want to go to college" Her wish is granted.

The blonde-hair one says, "I think..." She dissapears.


Heard from someone at school.
 
R

Roa

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One day three people were walking in the forest. And they got captured by a local tribe of midgets. The midgets took the three people to their chief.

The chief ordered the first one to come up. "Death or Unga Bunga?"

The first one, not knowing what Unga Bunga was, said "Unga Bunga?"

So the man got tied to a pole and was beaten for half a day with a stick.

The cheif told the second one to come up. "Death or Unga Bunga?"

The second one also said Unga Bunga. And was also tied to a pole and beaten with a stick for half a day.

Now the third man caught one.

When the chief asked "Death or Unga Bunga?"

He said in a heroic way "I chose DEATH!"

"Death by Unga Bunga"

___
That one sounds better when you hear it out loud.
___
(This one I made up...)

Knock Knock.

Who's there?

Carrot

Carrot who?

Carrot Jewers!
 
Sawah

Sawah

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always borrow money from a pessimist, because they never expect you to pay them back.


why did the dolphin commit suicide? because his life had no porpoise.


did you hear about the paranoid dyslexic? he always thought he was following somebody.
 
E

Eyesore

Guest
How do you help a Jewish person with ADD?

"Send them to a concentration camp."

What's the hardest thing about eating bald pussy?

"Taking off the diaper."
 
R

Roa

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Ventus Air-Man said:
Question: How do you get Lady Gaga's attention?

Answer: Poker Face
Click to expand...
LMAO. hilarious!

*you call somebody*

[FONT=times new roman,helvetica]Hello, we are all currently home, but someone stole our phone... And the recording tape from this answering machine. So you can't reach us until we either find a phone or get a tape. If you had to waste a quarter on this call... Sorry.[/FONT]
 
Fortissimo

Fortissimo

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Music people will get this.

Why couldn't Mozart find his teacher?

Because he was Haydn!


What do you call a fish with no i's?

a fsh.
 
Jolts

Jolts

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Fortissimo said:
What do you call a fish with no i's?

a fsh.
Click to expand...
Good joke, but it only really works in real life :/

Three men wash up on a cannibal island, and they are captured by a tribe there. The chief tells them to go out into the forest and bring back 10 pieces of the same fruit each. The first one comes back with apples, and the chief tells him that he must shove them all up his ass without making a sound. If he succeeds, then he is welcomed into the tribe, but if not then he is killed and eaten. So the man starts, and gets up to 5 before he starts screaming, so he's killed. The second guy comes back with small berries, and makes it up to 9 before he starts laughing, so he's killed as well. The two guys are now in heaven, and the first guy says to the second guy: "hey, why'd you start laughing you were nearly done!" and he responds: "I saw our other friend, he brought pineapples."
 
Pinwheel

Pinwheel

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Jolts said:
Three men wash up on a cannibal island, and they are captured by a tribe there. The chief tells them to go out into the forest and bring back 10 pieces of the same fruit each. The first one comes back with apples, and the chief tells him that he must shove them all up his ass without making a sound. If he succeeds, then he is welcomed into the tribe, but if not then he is killed and eaten. So the man starts, and gets up to 5 before he starts screaming, so he's killed. The second guy comes back with small berries, and makes it up to 9 before he starts laughing, so he's killed as well. The two guys are now in heaven, and the first guy says to the second guy: "hey, why'd you start laughing you were nearly done!" and he responds: "I saw our other friend, he brought pineapples."
Click to expand...
a little late.
READ ALL THE POSTS s1angrypple
 
Jolts

Jolts

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Pinwheel said:
a little late.
READ ALL THE POSTS s1angrypple
Click to expand...
Oh well, it's an awesome joke s1butz

A blonde is trying to solve a puzzle, but just cant. She keeps looking at the tiger on the box but just can't for some reason. Eventually, she decides to call a friend to help her, but she is also blonde. The friend comes over, but they still can't solve the puzzle, no matter how many times they look at that picture of a tiger. Eventually, one of them says: "This is boring, let's do something else." and the other responds "Sure! But first we need to put all the Frosted Flakes back in the box."
 
Shadow_

Shadow_

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there was a cowboy that went to town on friday and stayed for three days and left on friday how did he do it?

answer:

His horse wase named Friday
 
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scubasteve

scubasteve

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your mom so fat she jumped in the sky and got stuck

your mom so stupid she jumped in the sky and got stuck

your mom so dumb she drove to the airport saw a sign that said "airport left" and went home

your mom so fat she plays pool w/ the planets

your mom so fat when god said let there be light he first had to ask your mom to move

your mom so fat when she was going up the rollercoaster she was goin down

your mom so dirty she has dirt in her bathtub i bet she bathe in dirt

your momma's a slut
 
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