Your computer might be possessed by DEMONS!

[Gankz]

Weekly World News ONLINE

I lol'd....alot

Discuss

 

[Ip Man]

So can i get rid of these demons using Norton Antivirus, or do i have to call an exorsist?

"THE POWER OF THE CPU COMPELS YOU!!"

 

[risingfalls]

So now the Bible is my ultimate source of anti-virus software?


Actually, this would explain why my computer doesn't have enough space on it anymore. It's being taken up by miscellaneous demons. Crap.

 

[Dawning Twilight]

Weekly World News ONLINE

I lol'd....alot

Discuss

Demons in my computer eh? Wow that does explain a lot. So then are there aliens in my microwave? Does Sasquatch live inside my radio? This is all MUST HAVE information!

So now the Bible is my ultimate source of anti-virus software?

*smacks computer repatedly with bible*

 

[Wehrmacht]

Oh wow. So now in addition to viruses/spyware/adware/miscellaneous problems, I have to worry about Satan causing havoc in it too? Lulz. Though that would explain why iTunes is being horrendously slow and uncooperative...

Demons in my computer eh? Wow that does explain a lot. So then are there aliens in my microwave? Does Sasquatch live inside my radio? This is all must have information!

I lol'd.

 

[Genocide]

Well when I first joined KHI, the site was moving at ungodly slow speeds. Random windows appeared and stopped me from typing. It was a nightmare [bawlols] ZOMG, it was horrible. The pain inside hurts. Knowing that as a christian, I can't touch these machinas of horrendous evil.

I had to favorite the article. It was just too rich.

 

[Dogenzaka]

The human race is declining...

 

[Genocide]

The human race is declining...

we still had altitude? huh, go figure.

 

[Gankz]

heh, the last paragraph cracks me up

 

[CtR]

For some reason I have a feeling this is all a piss take

So can i get rid of these demons using Norton Antivirus, or do i have to call an exorsist?

"THE POWER OF THE CPU COMPELS YOU!!"

xD I laughed.


Seriously though, I find this to be more sad than anything else, how long before we have to clean our appliances in holy water and bless our watches before we use them?

The minister said he probed one such case, actually logging onto the parishioner's computer himself. To his surprise, an artificial-intelligence program fired up -- without him clicking it on. "The program began talking directly to me, openly mocked me," he recalls. "It typed out, 'Preacher, you are a weakling and your God is a damn liar.' "

Then the device went haywire and started printing out what looked like gobbledygook.

"I later had an expert in dead languages examine the text," the minister said. "It turned out to be a stream of obscenities written in a 2,800-year-old Mesopotamian dialect!"

Bullshit, I'm sorry, but I seriously do not believe that at all.

Decent, happily married family men were drawn irresistibly to pornographic websites and forced to witness unspeakable abominations.

What a perfect excuse to give the wife, "I couldn't help it love, the devil made me look at porn"

Housewives who had never expressed an impure thought were entering Internet chat rooms and found themselves spewing foul, debasing language they would never use normally

*sighs* like hell they have never expressed an impure thought, they are still human.


Internet gives people freedom, it allows them to open up more to what they really are without the constraints of real life. That is all, it isn't little tiny demons getting into everyone's hardrives :/

>.> Ok so this post is a little rawr but it just bugged me, no offense meant to anyone, but seriously WTF.

 

[Ultima Legion]

What a perfect excuse to give the wife, "I couldn't help it love, the devil made me look at porn"

LOL

But this is a load of crock. While demons and other spirits CAN posess inanimate objects they prefer actual bodies.
Also hard drive space being taken up by demons? Utter bullshit. Probably some hidden files on it. Demons don't have physical existance. Even when summoning one you either have to have :
1) A Dark Mirror
2)A Crystal Ball
3) Or unique astral and demonic plane viewing abilties ( which one in 10,000 have)

 

[Trag]

I'll wait till my monitor spins around, and starts spewing out static.

 

[Xidon]

I splashed some holy water on my PC today and it started shining and shooting lightning. It is the Devils work I tell you!

 

[Dogenzaka]

Bullshit, I'm sorry, but I seriously do not believe that at all.

It's very very doubtful, but there's also the chance it's true xD I personally hope it's true because that's a hilarious story to tell your kids. Hahaha.

 

[Phoenix]

Rev. Peasboro advises that if you suspect your computer is possessed, you consult a clergyman or, if the computer is still under warranty, take it in for servicing. He says, "Technicians can replace the hard drive and reinstall the software, getting rid of the wicked spirit permanently."

50 bucks to anyone who goes to a technician and tells him to replace their hard drive because "there's an evil spirit in it".

 

[risingfalls]

50 bucks to anyone who goes to a technician and tells him to replace their hard drive because "there's an evil spirit in it".

Geek Squad is gonna get a random call tonight.

It's very very doubtful, but there's also the chance it's true xD I personally hope it's true because that's a hilarious story to tell your kids. Hahaha.

Like, nothing's funnier than scaring your children away from the internet. Cheaper than any of those internet blocks.
"Don't go on youtube, or else Legion will overtake you!"

 

[Wehrmacht]

Like, nothing's funnier than scaring your children away from the internet. Cheaper than any of those internet blocks.
"Don't go on youtube, or else Legion will overtake you!"

And the sad thing is, this will be taken seriously by some and children will suffer.

"OH NOEZ!!!! OH EM GEE JIMMY, I JUST READ DEES ARTIKUL ON DA INTERWEBZ!!!! UR COMPYUTUR IS FILLED WITH DEEMONZ AND WOLVERINEZ AND 4CHANZ AND POKEMANZ!!! GET THAT THING OUT OF THE HOUSE!!!1 CALL A TECHNO-EXORCIST!!!!oneone111".

 

[Vandread]

Oh my f*cking God, this is too rich. I'd love to meet someone who actually believes this so I can have a hearty laugh at their expense.

Also, I love this part especially:

Rev. Peasboro advises that if you suspect your computer is possessed, you consult a clergyman or, if the computer is still under warranty, take it in for servicing. He says, "Technicians can replace the hard drive and reinstall the software, getting rid of the wicked spirit permanently."

Right...because Satan can only posses one hard drive per computer?

Oh how religion makes me chuckle...

 

[afrobutt]

so lemme get this straight, the devil can possess any kind of tech? Well that explains why my friend's PS3 blew up..... *sprinkles holy water on his Wii*

 

[9890]

*sprinkles holy water on his Wii*

Make sure you put some holy water on the electrical circuitry and you'll definitely see the light. XD