Why do people date jerks?

[Chrono Mizaki]

Re: Why do chicks date jerks?

Heartless Bitches International - Why "Nice Guys" are often such LOSERS

That isn't a nice guy, that's a doormat.

As for the topic itself: I just honestly don't know, for the life of me. I mean, really, if I was a woman, I would go for a 'nice guy' [or doormat] and make sure that you don't always have to be nice, just be there and let's have fun. But since I'm a guy, I guess I cannot understand.

For me, I'm nice to my woman, yet I intentionally start arguments. In a relationship, we should all find our frictions and just argue for fun. I don't like seeing women who get abused by her partner and yet expect everything to be okay, and I don't like women who is worshipped by her boyfriend because I find it horribly creepy. It's like the woman being their pet or the boyfriend being the woman's pet.

It's literally dominance that turns me off. I personally believe that women don't like to be dominant of someone [hence why they don't like nice guys], yet subconciously, they like to be dominated [hence they like jerks]. It also ties into the factor that the challenge to change them.

 

[Erik Reinhammar]

Re: Why do chicks date jerks?

From what I've heard the thing called 'love' is completely independent from the personality of the person you're in love with, you just love them for no particular reason and there's no changing it ... since I always love people for reasons, like they're nice, beautiful, kind and stuff I apparently haven't felt 'real' love

so I guess the real question is why they fall in love the first time?

 

[tangerine]

Re: Why do chicks date jerks?

For me, I'm nice to my woman, yet I intentionally start arguments. In a relationship, we should all find our frictions and just argue for fun.

That's not very nice. Why don't you just discuss instead?

 

[Chrono Mizaki]

Re: Why do chicks date jerks?

From what I've heard the thing called 'love' is completely independent from the personality of the person you're in love with, you just love them for no particular reason and there's no changing it ... since I always love people for reasons, like they're nice, beautiful, kind and stuff I apparently haven't felt 'real' love

so I guess the real question is why they fall in love the first time?

Deary, from what the first post described, I think it's 'Lust', unless the women in question are sadomasochist, hence it 'love' because they must love their abusive personality.

I conclude all women are into S&M, otherwise they wouldn't date Jerks.

That's not very nice. Why don't you just discuss instead?

We do discuss. But we also argue because we both enjoy it. We don't take it seriously, but it's fun. Like example, me and my girlfriend love Doctor Who, but I like Matt Smith, whilst she hates him and prefers David Tennant.

Therefore every saturday, we argue for the fun of it.

 

[Peeper]

Re: Why do chicks date jerks?

Deary, from what the first post described, I think it's 'Lust', unless the women in question are sadomasochist, hence it 'love' because they must love their abusive personality.

I conclude all women are into S&M, otherwise they wouldn't date Jerks.

I think it's obsession personally. People, and women in this case, get this completely unrealistic view of a mate. When they find someone they project what they want on to who the person actually is, creating an unhealthy and unrealistic expectation and view of their mate.

It's not love, it's that they want it to be love.


I argue with my girlfriend for the fun of it too. There's a line between competitive arguing for fun, and arguing with the intent to do damage though.

 

[_EX]

Re: Why do chicks date jerks?

It is because they are in control of most situations. Power is attractive and if you have emotional, physical and psychological superiority over your rivals or mates, even if it is because you push them down in order to build yourself up, it will come off as attractive.

This is all coming from application of a book I read called 'Magic Bullets' and it had all the main things that girls generally are attracted to, and for good reason (like money- for security and the well being of their family etc).

Women may say they arnt "gold digging" but subconsciously most will be more attracted to those that offer security than those who dont.

In the case of jerk guys:
They are the ones with power and control.
Women may think they they will be protected and helped by them if they stay with them.
The ability to make things happen that others cant is a very attractive trait, which explains why secretaries are attracted to their bosses, even though they know no finacial or official benifit comes from it.

 

[Annoyance]

Re: Why do chicks date jerks?

It's not love, it's that they want it to be love.

I'm guilty of this unfortunately.
A guy before my current boyfriend... I was lonely, desperate. I just wanted to be loved.
The guy was a fool, a total asshole and just... a douchebag. I don't know why I tried so hard. It ended up painful and I have really bad memories of shit he did to me and what I let happen because I so desperately wanted to feel loved.

 

[The Conquerer]

Re: Why do chicks date jerks?

Women tend to go for the bad boy, because they are "wild and daring." I guess they figure nice guys don't take up the initiative in a lot of matters (so many missed opportunities). Also, they don't find someone who can be bent to their will as attractive, because then, women believe they can get away with anything, so they feel as though their men has no spine. Someone who's spineless can't offer a "sense" of security (she goes to meat jerkweed).

However, as they start to realize that they want to leave (after being bruised and swollen), the man demoralizes her, and makes her feel like Sh!t so that her self-esteem is so low that she doesn't believe she can find anyone who can love her, so she settles for the jerk, who probably is thinking this "aw, like strings on a puppet."

Jerks prey on women with low self-esteem because they know damn well a good one won't tolerate it... Fear of being alone, the guy makes it so that she doesn't leave him, by making her feel worse than he does as a person.

It's a cycle that keeps repeating.

 

[Ehres]

Re: Why do chicks date jerks?

Jerks are usually attractive.

I mean, do you really see unattractive jerks gettin all the poon?

 

[Leonard]

Re: Why do chicks date jerks?

Simple, they're not afraid of talking to girls.

They usually act more "normal" around girls, since they lack the problem with shyness that many other guys have and have more confidence. I mean, obviously any girl would get along better with someone whom she can talk normal with, instead of some stuttering overly polite kid that tries too hard.

Same probably goes for boys and shy girls vice-versa. It's just the way it is. :l

 

[matrix8140]

Re: Why do chicks date jerks?

Well I don't know about "women" but a lot of teenage girls usually do it because they seem cool or because he acts like he is the ish. Then they date him, and a series of events happen that break her heart or cripple it. They can come out of the relationship differently, but what I've seen recently is them becoming bisexual, or just not liking boys at all. Confused because now they think all boys do that. Thats supported by the "all men are dogs" theory. Which becomes a cycle right there. >.> That right there makes me dislike jerks who play with girls hearts.

A lot of young men don't know how to heal a heart so many girl stays the way they are >_<. If they did some of the teenage girls/young women who came out of the closet probably would change their mind. Don't get me wrong, girls can truthfully like girls even if they stop liking dudes because of that one guy.

 

[krexia]

Re: Why do chicks date jerks?

Which both amount to the exact same thing.

No, they don't. One is stupid (because friendship doesn't prevent attraction), and one is fact (we're not necessarily attracted to our friends).

That isn't a nice guy, that's a doormat.

Hence "Nice Guys" in quotation marks, since the men who self-label as "nice" are a very special breed. I mean seriously, who defines themself primarily as "nice"? Who, when asked to describe themself, says, "Well, I'm nice!" Someone without a personality, that's who.

If you want a serious answer to why people don't get out of shitty relationships though, Google "cycle of abuse". Or hell, read anything at all about abusive relationships.

 

[Ophan]

Re: Why do chicks date jerks?

if i'm not a jerk...what do i label myself as? hmmm..... More often than not, i'm told that i'm a nice guy so usually i label myself as such. I suppose it's a better description than being laid back or nonchalant, which i usually am, plus the fact that i don't get mad or angry easily other than on the forums. I guess i would say i'm a nice and pretty chill guy in reality :/

I never have any real qualms with anyone. As far as treating my girlfriend, we're pretty much equals. At first i kinda went overboard with her when we first met, but with every minute i learned to be a little more level headed. I guess what counts is that we're equal minded :/

 

[Chrono Mizaki]

Re: Why do chicks date jerks?

I think it's obsession personally. People, and women in this case, get this completely unrealistic view of a mate. When they find someone they project what they want on to who the person actually is, creating an unhealthy and unrealistic expectation and view of their mate.

It's not love, it's that they want it to be love.
.

Correct. For a relationship to successfully end, either one of the party needs to stand up and say "I'm better than this".

Hence "Nice Guys" in quotation marks, since the men who self-label as "nice" are a very special breed. I mean seriously, who defines themself primarily as "nice"? Who, when asked to describe themself, says, "Well, I'm nice!" Someone without a personality, that's who.

Yup. That reminds me.

My current girlfriend is under that situation, as there's one guy who been stalking her and trying to be 'nice'. I never met the guy myself, but he seem to tick every box of these 'so-called nice guys'. He rather outdone himself when he tried to touch her breast, however.

Also, I'll share this image:

 

[Peeper]

Re: Why do chicks date jerks?

No, they don't. One is stupid (because friendship doesn't prevent attraction), and one is fact (we're not necessarily attracted to our friends)..

Yeah, so they both amount to the same thing. Either way some poor bastard is getting shafted for some -douche. Knowing why doesn't change that.

Both are stupid, but for different reasons.

Jerks are usually attractive.

I mean, do you really see unattractive jerks gettin all the poon?

I already said this to Stooge, but the guys my friends are with, alot of them have like no penis at all. It's like this pathetic little nub of insecurity that they think will suddenly grow larger if they smack around a woman a few times. As far as their faces, they've got nothing that someone else hasn't. They're maybe average at best.

I think that it may be the opposite of this in the case for some guys. They feel insecure about their size and their appearance, but since they have to live up to some bull idea of masculinity, (and we all know that having feelings is for chicks) they compensate with control and anger.

 

[Wehrmacht]

Re: Why do chicks date jerks?

I think the answer to this one is fairly simple and self-evident if you take the time to actually look around and notice who can get women and who can't.

It's not really about being a jerk so much as it is being confident and charismatic. If you have those traits and are even remotely alright-looking, you can get laid. Generally speaking, "jerks" possess most of these traits; they just happen to also be douches.

As krexia's implied, if the first thing that comes to mind when describing you is "nice", you're probably kinda boring; basically if you want to go out with someone at all, you have to get them interested, not try to befriend them. Contrary to what romantic comedies may tell you, dating between friends usually doesn't happen or doesn't go too well.

That's pretty much why women get with dicks. As for why they stay with them...well yeah, cycle of abuse.

 

[Deleted member 71005]

Re: Why do chicks date jerks?

They're insecure, and women tend to mistake jerks for for guys that are independent and strong. In reality the reason that most guys behave like jerks is because of the very opposite. So really the girl or woman or whoever is just fooling themselves. This type of "Bad Boy" isn't really even a bad boy, they're more along the lines of a scared "Little Boy”. This is why women think that they can change them and defend their unacceptable actions. After all if the woman were dealing with a "Man" then she wouldn't be scared to defend herself or speak up. Because a "Man" would be able to take the criticism and use it to improve the relationship. Seems I didn't really answer the question, I guess I don't really know why women date jerks

 

[AxelYoYo]

Re: Why do chicks date jerks?

Chicks date jerks because they are desperate. They need a guy and they don't care about whether or not they're good or not.

 

[The Conquerer]

Re: Why do chicks date jerks?

Chicks date jerks because they are desperate. They need a guy and they don't care about whether or not they're good or not.

If that was the case, they'd most likely settle for nice guys, which isn't the case. "Nice guys" are typically the desperate ones... Also, when women have been with jerkweeds for so long, it is generally difficult for them to move up and date a reasonable kinda guy (I don't think a guy who knows his wits about him would date a girl with low-self esteem, a real guy wouldn't see that as attractive; if a girl does not have a high-esteem of her self). It's a sad cycle, but I guess nice guys just have to man-up more so they can steal away these women before the jerks get a hold of them...

 

[krexia]

Re: Why do chicks date jerks?

Yeah, so they both amount to the same thing. Either way some poor bastard is getting shafted for some -douche. Knowing why doesn't change that.

So your point is that it sucks for guys when a woman doesn't want them? Protip: no-one finds every person they know sexually attractive. Everyone has friends of the opposite sex that they aren't interested in romantically. Bitching about it is kind of pathetic. Just being a good friend doesn't automatically entitle you to a woman's interest, or make her a heartless bitch if she doesn't happen to requite your love.

...basically if you want to go out with someone at all, you have to get them interested, not try to befriend them. Contrary to what romantic comedies may tell you, dating between friends usually doesn't happen or doesn't go too well.

This, I actually disagree with categorically. All my serious relationships have grown out of friendships, and I would never consider getting seriously involved with someone that I didn't respect and trust as a friend first.