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Why do people date jerks?



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Peeper

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Exactly what the title says.

Why do women date men who treat them like garbage? Smart, funny, pretty women of all things.

How can a person have so little self respect that they do themselves such a disservice by being with someone who itemizes and belittles them?

I just had to drag a friend in from a bar for the third time this week because her boyfriend told her she looked like a slut, and she was sitting here crying about how much she loved him until she threw up and passed out. Now I've got puke and possibly urine on my couch.

This happens all of the time, and she never has anything positive to talk about when it comes to him unless it's one of her delusional "He's just having a hard time now, he'll change" moments.

Peep- No Mary, he's not going to fucking change. You've been dating for 3 years and he's been the same nasty ungreatful bastard since day one. You pay his bills, you take his crap, you're the only one with a job, you cook for him, wait hand and foot- then you come bitch to me- WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!?

It's not even that she's the only friend that does this. All of my female friends, sans one, has a boyfriend like this. I realize that some of them have children, but staying with a man who is abusive isn't helping your child. That behavior is teaching your child that acting like that is okay. You want their father to be a part of their life, that's fine. He can see them every weekend and on holidays, hell do joint custody if it bugs you that much, but staying with the man who called you a whore when you were in labor, and busted your face wide open when you were pregnant and your one year old was right in front of you, is not helping your child, and it's not helping you.

You don't need him. In fact staying with him is just making things harder. Because not only are you dealing with your life, but you've forced yourself in to a position that causes you constant stress and discomfort.

WHY THE HELL DO WOMEN DATE DOUCHEBAGS!? Why do women STAY with them? Make excuses for them!? LIE for them? Lie to THEMSELVES for them? Abandon their CHILDREN for them?

Why? When the guy you're with has absolutely no positive qualities.

How can a person want so badly to be unhappy, or want so desperately not be alone that they settle for this?

It makes absolutely no sense.

DISCUSS
 
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Nyangoro

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Re: Why do chicks date jerks?

1) They think he might change.
2) They "don't know better" (stems from their relationship with their father and their father's relationship with their mother).
3) Self-esteem issues (can tie in with number 2).
4) They still love him (strange as it may seem, this is a possibility).
5) They have children (it doesn't have to make sense, it's just another reason).
 

Annoyance

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Re: Why do chicks date jerks?

I haven't really dated many guys.

HAR HAR YEAH I KNOW.

But I see it a lot. The nice funny smart guys just get friend zoned while the douchebag shouting on the table about fuckin' all the pussy gets the sweet pretty girl with good personality among her huge tits.

My theory is this:
They don't feel like they can leave a relationship and hide it from their friends because they don't want them to worry. A lot of girls are really weird about this. I'm guilty of this too. I don't like people worrying about my relationship with my boyfriend right now and I find myself defending him if I ever do bring him up.
Of course it's never anything serious. It's usually just me being paranoid.

If a guy is that much of a jerk they may just be afraid of various things. Violence, verbal abuse, no one else loving them after they break up.

Also sometimes girls take the bossy types as someone who can help them stay focused. I'm dating someone who's kind of bossy but not enough to throw shit about it or call me names. He wants what's best for me and I think he handles it fine.

However, I see guys who go batshit crazy if their girlfriend trips wrong. It's nuts.

I don't really get it, either.

Also, it could just be a thing where it was "he offered and I think too little of myself to think I deserve someone better." kind of thing which is bullshit~.

But yeah.
I don't really think this helped.
 

Peeper

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Re: Why do chicks date jerks?

But I see it a lot. The nice funny smart guys just get friend zoned while the douchebag shouting on the table about fuckin' all the pussy gets the sweet pretty girl with good personality among her huge tits.

I hate that crap. The friend card is possibly the biggest line of bull a girl can hand a guy. More people should date their friends, at least then you know that they care about you and understand you.

Also, it could just be a thing where it was "he offered and I think too little of myself to think I deserve someone better." kind of thing which is bullshit~.

But yeah.
I don't really think this helped.

See, and I understand that, but there should be a point at which they learn to cut their losses. Somestimes it's better to be alone.

Don't worry, I don't think anything ever will, I was just curious what people thought. Which is why this isn't in the help section.

Most of the women who do this are perfectly aware of their situation and even in non violent situations they wont remove themselves.

Another of my friends know that I know just about everything that happens without her having to really say anything, and her boyfriend has gotten my foot up his ass more than once for doing things to her. There's really no fear to be had considering that if he tried anything, I'd kill him. B|

So for women like that, who don't have any reason to be afraid, and are even aware of their situation, it's...it's very brain hurty. Like a prescription for aneurysms even.

EDIT: Sorry Stooge, I happen to have seen some of their dicks. There's really nothing there. You'd get more volume if you were digging a vagina instead.
 
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Eyesore

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Re: Why do chicks date jerks?

I will never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever forgive teenage girls for this.
(Ofc, you can always turn around ask why guys like the bossy girls instead of the kind nerdy one, but that's not the topic on display).
As for a theory, I have none.
 

Peeper

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Re: Why do chicks date jerks?

I will never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever forgive teenage girls for this.

It's not limited to teenage girls. I'm 20, but most of my friends are 5-25 years older than me. My mother is even guilty of doing this. So age isn't a limiter on this situation.
 
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Eyesore

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Re: Why do chicks date jerks?

^I said teenage girls because I hate when teenage girls do it, specifically.
Reason being, I am a teenager.
I'll broaden the disdain once I get older.
Don't you worry.
 
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Eyesore

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Re: Why do chicks date jerks?

Honestly I think it's a chemical hormone psych type thing.
Seriously.

Word, and me typing this is a language literary type of thing.
TELL US MORE.
stroking.jpg
 

Johnny Stooge

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Re: Why do chicks date jerks?

EDIT: Sorry Stooge, I happen to have seen some of their dicks. There's really nothing there. You'd get more volume if you were digging a vagina instead.
Well Jesus, then they really do have no legit reason to stick around.

(Ofc, you can always turn around ask why guys like the bossy girls instead of the kind nerdy one, but that's not the topic on display).
People are generally attracted to extroverts, not introverts.
 

tangerine

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Re: Why do chicks date jerks?

A woman is attracted to a "bad boy" for one of two reasons...

1. Bad Boys give off the air of independence and strength. They don't answer to anyone, they're "strong", they're what a lot of women think men are supposed to be: "manly". The image of what is "manly" obviously has its roots in childhood and is seen through the child's father figures, but the explanation is lengthy so I'll just leave it at that.

2. Some women love the bad boy challenge. This is usually on a subconscious level. They want to date the strong bad boy and change him into the nice guy that every woman "wants". The first problem with this is that women who successfully change the bad boy into a nice guy end up dumping him because he's changed and is no longer the guy they fell in love with, then they find a new guy and the challenge starts all over again. The second problem is that the challenge sometimes backfires and some women end up hurt themselves.
 

krexia

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Re: Why do chicks date jerks?

Obviously all women are stupid whores. (Or at least, all the ones you know are.)
I hate that crap. The friend card is possibly the biggest line of bull a girl can hand a guy. More people should date their friends, at least then you know that they care about you and understand you.
For the record, the "friend card" doesn't actually mean, "I don't want to fuck you because I like you." It just means, "I like you but I don't want to fuck you."
 

Peeper

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Re: Why do chicks date jerks?

A woman is attracted to a "bad boy" for one of two reasons...

1. Bad Boys give off the air of independence and strength. They don't answer to anyone, they're "strong", they're what a lot of women think men are supposed to be: "manly". The image of what is "manly" obviously has its roots in childhood and is seen through the child's father figures, but the explanation is lengthy so I'll just leave it at that.

2. Some women love the bad boy challenge. This is usually on a subconscious level. They want to date the strong bad boy and change him into the nice guy that every woman "wants". The first problem with this is that women who successfully change the bad boy into a nice guy end up dumping him because he's changed and is no longer the guy they fell in love with, then they find a new guy and the challenge starts all over again. The second problem is that the challenge sometimes backfires and some women end up hurt themselves.

Satan help me and my retarded gender in events where this proves true.

Obviously all women are stupid whores. (Or at least, all the ones you know are.)

For the record, the "friend card" doesn't actually mean, "I don't want to fuck you because I like you." It just means, "I like you but I don't want to fuck you."

Yes, it's true. They are. 8|

Which both amount to the exact same thing.
 
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Zulkir

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Re: Why do chicks date jerks?

Women are generally attracted to confident, secure, "Alpha" men. They find insecure, shy, clingy men annoying.


Often "niceness" is mistaken for insecurity and being an ass is mistaken for confidence and security, while the "abusive" man(or woman) actually is quite insecure from constantly needing to keep his/her woman/man under control with abuse.



Heartless Bitches International - Why "Nice Guys" are often such LOSERS

I don't agree with a lot of the mentality on that site(looks like women who have been too long deceived by white knights and beta douchebags) but that article can show some perspective on things.



Now most of that had to do with just "nice guy vs general asshole" but when it comes to actual psychological+physical abuse, both male and female tend to get "trapped" in those relationships for reasons I don't really know. I think it's because they see all the faults in the relationship as their own and don't think that anyone will ever love them as much as their abusive partner.
 

State

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Re: Why do chicks date jerks?

Why do chicks date jerks?
They're physically attractive and/or are the superior of the relationship.
 
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