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Jokes!!!



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iheartriku

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I wanna know what you guys is the funniest joke ever...in my second period we always have a fight about the best jokes soo...i wanna read some good jokes!!!:D
 
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Riku's Dawn

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Here's one.

Sephiroth:So I will ride the planet just as Mother did long ago.
Cloud:Awwwwwwwwwwwwww,Sephy luvs his mommy!
Sephiroth:Shut up!You're mean!*Crys*
 

iheartriku

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^^^ lol.....
I found this joke:
A man was walking down the street and noticed a sign reading "Hans Schmidt's Chinese Laundry." Being of a curious nature, he entered and was greeted by an obviously Chinese man who introduced himself as Hans Schmidt.

"How come you have a name like that?" inquired the stranger.

The Chinese gentleman explained in very broken English that when he landed in America he was standing in the immigration line behind a German. When asked his name, the German replied, "Hans Schmidt."

When the immigration officer asked the Chinese man his name, he replied, "Sam Ting."

lol...
 

sorachick01

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iheartriku said:
^^^ lol.....
I found this joke:
A man was walking down the street and noticed a sign reading "Hans Schmidt's Chinese Laundry." Being of a curious nature, he entered and was greeted by an obviously Chinese man who introduced himself as Hans Schmidt.

"How come you have a name like that?" inquired the stranger.

The Chinese gentleman explained in very broken English that when he landed in America he was standing in the immigration line behind a German. When asked his name, the German replied, "Hans Schmidt."

When the immigration officer asked the Chinese man his name, he replied, "Sam Ting."

lol...
^^^I've heard that ine before!!! My favorite is:
" Your daddy soo fat that he sat on the rainbow and skittles popped out!"
 

sorachick01

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iheartriku said:
^^^ omgsh! i like that one....im soo telling that one today...you rock thankies!
You're Welcome! Oh yeah, here's more favorites of mine:
**Yo mama so stupid that she puts lipstick on her head just to make-up her mind**
**Yo mama so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes**
**Yo mama so stupid she hears it's chilly outside so she gets a bowl**
 

violent_anger

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Monty Python aside, British scientists have actually found the funniest joke in the world. Seriously. Scientists spent years studying over 40,000 jokes and ranking each of them through careful testing and monitoring of the brain when the test subject read the joke.
Here, now, is the joke. Read at your own risk.

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

So why is that joke the funniest? Scientists said that while other jokes did score higher, this joke was the one that scored well among many people young, old, male, female, and among all races. This joke has universal appeal.
Now, let's get to work on developing it as a weapon.
 

heartofdreams

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err i got one. i'm not where but my friend told me they found it off someones sig thing or other, anyway i didn't come up with it they did.

weatherman: and in the weather today, some miled showers and judging by the angle roxas's hair is pointing strong winds blowing to the west

hee sorry i don't know how it was it was something like that
 

iheartriku

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heartofdreams said:
err i got one. i'm not where but my friend told me they found it off someones sig thing or other, anyway i didn't come up with it they did.

weatherman: and in the weather today, some miled showers and judging by the angle roxas's hair is pointing strong winds blowing to the west

hee sorry i don't know how it was it was something like that
lol... thats cute...:D
 

violent_anger

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2. Speech is your enemy. Never, ever, under any circumstance say a single word while within a bathroom. Not to a friend, not to a lover not to Jesus himself. Not only does this grate against all good things and the way of nature, it ruins the efficiency of the bathroom.

Take this example: Steven walks into the bathroom and unzips himself. While he is relieving himself his best friend Eddy walks in. They strike up a conversation about unix and pretty soon, loose track of time.

So there they are, standing at the urinals, discussing the advantages of open source developement. Well, Sammy walks in and he desperately needs to take a piss. But he can't, the two chatter bugs are there in front of the urinals laughing it up. So, he runs to the only toilet only to discover that someone has missed the toilet with their monster loaf and now he's standing knee deep in butt pudding.

Sammy does the only thing he can do, he pukes all over the place, while at the same time unleashing a torrent of kidney juice in his pants.

Steve and Eddy automaticly turn around to see what all the fuss is about. So far not a problem right? WRONG! It turns out that our old friends have not finished relieving themselves and they spray each other, the floor, and the soap dispenser with filtered mountain dew. Well, they do what comes naturally to any man in this situation and begin to toss cookies.

So there they are, three guys puking, and pissing all over the floor. When they finish they simultaneously make a mad dash for the sink. Well of course only one person can use a sink at a time so it eventually degenerates into a fight. Eddy manages to kill them both and begins to clean himself up.

The security guard hears all the noise and decides to take a look. The poor guy takes just a peek and he knows he's gonna need backup. So to make a long story short the cops are called in and a sniper paints the walls with Eddy's brain.

Now a biohazard team is called in to clean things up. They obviously need to close down the bathroom so all the men are forced to either soil themselves or go to another building. Two guys meet and they start a conversation. Repeat. This eventually leads to the destruction of organized society as we know it. Don't end the world.
 

iheartriku

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violent_anger said:
2. Speech is your enemy. Never, ever, under any circumstance say a single word while within a bathroom. Not to a friend, not to a lover not to Jesus himself. Not only does this grate against all good things and the way of nature, it ruins the efficiency of the bathroom.

Take this example: Steven walks into the bathroom and unzips himself. While he is relieving himself his best friend Eddy walks in. They strike up a conversation about unix and pretty soon, loose track of time.

So there they are, standing at the urinals, discussing the advantages of open source developement. Well, Sammy walks in and he desperately needs to take a piss. But he can't, the two chatter bugs are there in front of the urinals laughing it up. So, he runs to the only toilet only to discover that someone has missed the toilet with their monster loaf and now he's standing knee deep in butt pudding.

Sammy does the only thing he can do, he pukes all over the place, while at the same time unleashing a torrent of kidney juice in his pants.

Steve and Eddy automaticly turn around to see what all the fuss is about. So far not a problem right? WRONG! It turns out that our old friends have not finished relieving themselves and they spray each other, the floor, and the soap dispenser with filtered mountain dew. Well, they do what comes naturally to any man in this situation and begin to toss cookies.

So there they are, three guys puking, and pissing all over the floor. When they finish they simultaneously make a mad dash for the sink. Well of course only one person can use a sink at a time so it eventually degenerates into a fight. Eddy manages to kill them both and begins to clean himself up.

The security guard hears all the noise and decides to take a look. The poor guy takes just a peek and he knows he's gonna need backup. So to make a long story short the cops are called in and a sniper paints the walls with Eddy's brain.

Now a biohazard team is called in to clean things up. They obviously need to close down the bathroom so all the men are forced to either soil themselves or go to another building. Two guys meet and they start a conversation. Repeat. This eventually leads to the destruction of organized society as we know it. Don't end the world.
funny but distrubing....(in my head: **its a guy thing**)
 

cloudyfantasy

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heartofdreams said:
err i got one. i'm not where but my friend told me they found it off someones sig thing or other, anyway i didn't come up with it they did.

weatherman: and in the weather today, some miled showers and judging by the angle roxas's hair is pointing strong winds blowing to the west

hee sorry i don't know how it was it was something like that

that sounds like whats in my sig....:)
 

FlyingTomato1

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Not really a jk but a funny comment so listen up >.>
(at school)
*Kyle sits on hands,
uses hand sanitizer
sits on hands,
gets more sanitizer*
(Life science teacher Mrs.Waters, who is awesome);Kyle!
Kyle;I'm just sanitizing my hands
Mrs.Waters;they were sanitized before they went under you ass.*rolls eyes*
*Laugh*
Then mrs.waters as a punishment makes him sit on his hands for 15 minutes*
...................
you all must laugh now =D
<.<--yeesh my teacher says bad words!Shes the koolest!
 

Vayne Mechanics

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  • East Meets West
  • In the Grid
  • Retired Staff
What's the common thing between a whore and bungee jumping?

If the rubber breaks you're screwed.
 

Thelonepickle

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My aunt sent me this one. :3 If it's old, die. >_>

A blonde walks in to find her boyfriend with another chick, having dinner at a fancy restaurant. She pulls a gun out of her purse and points it at her head. The guy says, "Honey, don't do this!"

The blonde pushes the gun into the side of her head and says, "SHUT UP! YOU'RE NEXT!"
 
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Riku's Dawn

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Thelonepickle is a loner.*Puts Thelonepickle in a pickle jar*You not alone now!
 

Thelonepickle

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...Let's dwell on your stupidity for a moment, Riku's Dawn, shall we?

I think we shall do it in an explanation of how I pwn j00 with my horrific skills of possibly-spelling-horrific-right.

>_>

First of all, young idiot, you didn't specify on whether or not the pickle jar was EMPTY. This means that I could very well be a loner in an empty jar.

Next, die.

Thirdly, there is no way I would allow you to "put" me anywhere, you sad, sad excuse for a sentient being. If you did manage to get me into a pickle jar somehow, I would:

A. Destroy you with Super Pickle Kung-Fu.
B. Burst out of the glass by going into some kind of over-used, anime-like transformation, and the pieces would fly into your eyeballs.
C. I would just pull out an AK47 and blow your flam brains out.

If that was supposed to be a joke, it was not in the least bit funny, it had no point, it made fun of me (which was a very, very bad choice), and it was illiterate.

I DON'T CARE WHAT THE HECK YOU'RE TYPING! IF YOU END A SENTENCE, YOU HAVE TO PRESS THE LONG, PRETTY SPACEBAR DOWN TWO TIMES! CAN YOU PUSH THE SPACE BAR DOWN TWO TIMES?! TRY IT! One. Two. One-two! DO YOU UNDERSTAND, OR DO I HAVE TO DRAW A FLIPPING PICTURE?!

>_>

So, anyway, here's the joke. In fact, this joke has a name.

Riku's Dawn.

Have I made my point?

>_>
 
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