> > Irish Prayer"
> >
> > Murphy was staggering home with a pint of booze in his back pocket
> > when he slipped and fell heavily. Struggling to his feet, he felt
> > something wet running down his leg. "Please Lord," he implored, "let
> > it be blood!!"
> >
>>*************************************************
> > "I've Lost Me Luggage"
> >
> > An Irishman arrived at J.F.K. Airport and wandered around the
> > terminal with tears streaming down his cheeks. An airline employee
> > asked him if he was already homesick. "No," replied the Irishman
> > "I've lost all me luggage!"
> >
> > "How'd that happen?"
> >
> > "The cork fell out!" said the Irishman.
> >
> > *****************************************************
> > "Water to Wine"
> >
> > An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for
> > speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the
> > priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of
> > the car. He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?" "Just water," says
> > the priest. The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?" The priest
> > looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"
> >
> > ****************************************************
> > "The Reunion"
> >
> > A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he
> > could buy him a drink. "Why, of course," comes the reply. The first
> > man then asks, "Where are you from?" "I'm from Ireland," replies the second man.
> > The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's
> > have another round to Ireland." "Of course," says the second.
> >
> > Curious, the first asks: "Where in Ireland?" "Dublin," comes the reply.
> > "I can't believe it, Me too! Lets have another round of drinks to
> > Dublin." "Of course"
> >
> > The second man can't help himself so he asks, "What school did you
> > attend?" "Saint Mary's", replies the first man. "I graduated in '62."
> > "This is becoming unbelievable!!!" They say in union.
> >
> > About that time, in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar.
> > "What's up?" he asks the bartender. "Nothing much," replied the
> > bartender. "The O'Malley twins are drunk again!"
> >
> > ************************************************
> > "The Brothel"
> >
> > Two Irishmen were sitting at a pub having beer and watching the
> > brothel across the street.
> > They saw a Baptist minister walk into the brothel, and one of them
> > said, "Aye, 'tis a shame to see a man of the cloth goin' bad."
> >
> > Then they saw a rabbi enter the brothel, and the other Irishman
> > said, "Aye, 'tis a shame to see that the Jews are fallin' victim to
> > temptation as well."
> >
> > Then they see a catholic priest enter the brothel, and one of the
> > Irishmen said, "What a terrible pity...one of the girls must be dying.
> >
> > *************************************
> > An Irish Fight
> >
> > Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been
> > run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his
> > face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp. What happened
> > to you?" asks Sean, the bartender. Jamie O'Conner and me had a
> > fight," says Paddy.
> >
> > That little sod, O'Conner," says Sean, "He couldn't do that to you,
> > he must have had something in his hand." "That he did," says Paddy,
> > "a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it."
> > "Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself. Didn't you
> > have something in your hand?"
> >
> > "That I did," said Paddy. "Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of
> > beauty it was, but useless in a fight."
> >
> > ******************************************************
> > Irish Cemetery
> >
> > Three Irishmen, Paddy, Sean and Seamus, were stumbling home from the
> > pub late one night and found themselves on the road which led past
> > the old graveyard.. "Come have a look over here," says Paddy, "It's
> > Michael O'Grady's grave, God bless his soul. He lived to the ripe
> > old age of 87."
> >
> > "That's nothing," says Sean, "here's one named Patrick O'Tool, it
> > says here that he was 95 when he died."! Just then, Seamus yells
> > out, "Good God, here's a fella that got to be 145!" "What was his
> > name?" asks Paddy.
> >
> > Seamus stumbles around a bit, awkwardly lights a match to see what
> > else is written on the stone marker, and exclaims, "Miles, from Dublin."
> > ***********************************************
> > Irish Miracle
> >
> > An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from
> > the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all
> > over the road. A cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the
> > driver, "where have ya been?" "Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk.
> > "Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink
> > this evening." "I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.
> >
> > "Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms
> > across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out
> > of your car?" "Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute
> > there, I thought I'd gone deaf."
> >
> > *************************************************
> > Irish Accident
> >
> > Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan
> > arrives at her door. "Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've
> > somethin' to tell ya." "Of course you can come in, you're always
> > welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?" "That's what I'm here to be
> > tellin' ya, Brenda. There was an accident down at the Guinness
> > brewery..." "Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me..." "I
> > must, Brenda. Your husband Seamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry."!
> >
> > Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?" "It was
> > terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned."
> > "Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he at least
> > go quickly?"
> >
> > "Well, no Brenda ... no. Fact is, he got out three times to pee."
> >
> >
> > ***************************************************
> > Irish Last Request
> >
> > Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady's after his Sunday morning
> > service, and she's in tears. He says, "So what's bothering you, Mary
> > my dear?" She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband
> > passed away last night." The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's
> > terrible. Tell me, did he have any last requests?" She says, "That he did, Father..."
> >
> > The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary?" She says, "He said,
> > 'Please Mary, put down that damn gun!'
dozens.... whatever, some aren't that funny
> >
> > Murphy was staggering home with a pint of booze in his back pocket
> > when he slipped and fell heavily. Struggling to his feet, he felt
> > something wet running down his leg. "Please Lord," he implored, "let
> > it be blood!!"
> >
>>*************************************************
> > "I've Lost Me Luggage"
> >
> > An Irishman arrived at J.F.K. Airport and wandered around the
> > terminal with tears streaming down his cheeks. An airline employee
> > asked him if he was already homesick. "No," replied the Irishman
> > "I've lost all me luggage!"
> >
> > "How'd that happen?"
> >
> > "The cork fell out!" said the Irishman.
> >
> > *****************************************************
> > "Water to Wine"
> >
> > An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for
> > speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the
> > priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of
> > the car. He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?" "Just water," says
> > the priest. The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?" The priest
> > looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"
> >
> > ****************************************************
> > "The Reunion"
> >
> > A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he
> > could buy him a drink. "Why, of course," comes the reply. The first
> > man then asks, "Where are you from?" "I'm from Ireland," replies the second man.
> > The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's
> > have another round to Ireland." "Of course," says the second.
> >
> > Curious, the first asks: "Where in Ireland?" "Dublin," comes the reply.
> > "I can't believe it, Me too! Lets have another round of drinks to
> > Dublin." "Of course"
> >
> > The second man can't help himself so he asks, "What school did you
> > attend?" "Saint Mary's", replies the first man. "I graduated in '62."
> > "This is becoming unbelievable!!!" They say in union.
> >
> > About that time, in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar.
> > "What's up?" he asks the bartender. "Nothing much," replied the
> > bartender. "The O'Malley twins are drunk again!"
> >
> > ************************************************
> > "The Brothel"
> >
> > Two Irishmen were sitting at a pub having beer and watching the
> > brothel across the street.
> > They saw a Baptist minister walk into the brothel, and one of them
> > said, "Aye, 'tis a shame to see a man of the cloth goin' bad."
> >
> > Then they saw a rabbi enter the brothel, and the other Irishman
> > said, "Aye, 'tis a shame to see that the Jews are fallin' victim to
> > temptation as well."
> >
> > Then they see a catholic priest enter the brothel, and one of the
> > Irishmen said, "What a terrible pity...one of the girls must be dying.
> >
> > *************************************
> > An Irish Fight
> >
> > Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been
> > run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his
> > face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp. What happened
> > to you?" asks Sean, the bartender. Jamie O'Conner and me had a
> > fight," says Paddy.
> >
> > That little sod, O'Conner," says Sean, "He couldn't do that to you,
> > he must have had something in his hand." "That he did," says Paddy,
> > "a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it."
> > "Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself. Didn't you
> > have something in your hand?"
> >
> > "That I did," said Paddy. "Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of
> > beauty it was, but useless in a fight."
> >
> > ******************************************************
> > Irish Cemetery
> >
> > Three Irishmen, Paddy, Sean and Seamus, were stumbling home from the
> > pub late one night and found themselves on the road which led past
> > the old graveyard.. "Come have a look over here," says Paddy, "It's
> > Michael O'Grady's grave, God bless his soul. He lived to the ripe
> > old age of 87."
> >
> > "That's nothing," says Sean, "here's one named Patrick O'Tool, it
> > says here that he was 95 when he died."! Just then, Seamus yells
> > out, "Good God, here's a fella that got to be 145!" "What was his
> > name?" asks Paddy.
> >
> > Seamus stumbles around a bit, awkwardly lights a match to see what
> > else is written on the stone marker, and exclaims, "Miles, from Dublin."
> > ***********************************************
> > Irish Miracle
> >
> > An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from
> > the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all
> > over the road. A cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the
> > driver, "where have ya been?" "Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk.
> > "Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink
> > this evening." "I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.
> >
> > "Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms
> > across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out
> > of your car?" "Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute
> > there, I thought I'd gone deaf."
> >
> > *************************************************
> > Irish Accident
> >
> > Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan
> > arrives at her door. "Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've
> > somethin' to tell ya." "Of course you can come in, you're always
> > welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?" "That's what I'm here to be
> > tellin' ya, Brenda. There was an accident down at the Guinness
> > brewery..." "Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me..." "I
> > must, Brenda. Your husband Seamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry."!
> >
> > Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?" "It was
> > terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned."
> > "Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he at least
> > go quickly?"
> >
> > "Well, no Brenda ... no. Fact is, he got out three times to pee."
> >
> >
> > ***************************************************
> > Irish Last Request
> >
> > Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady's after his Sunday morning
> > service, and she's in tears. He says, "So what's bothering you, Mary
> > my dear?" She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband
> > passed away last night." The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's
> > terrible. Tell me, did he have any last requests?" She says, "That he did, Father..."
> >
> > The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary?" She says, "He said,
> > 'Please Mary, put down that damn gun!'
dozens.... whatever, some aren't that funny
