Help/Support ► I can't take it anymore!

[Hyakkimaru Hiro]

[Well, maybe I can... but it's hard.]

Anyways, hello to all of the Insiders here! I'm here because, well, I need help. I've made a post here some months ago [but I doubt anyone remembers me] about this very same subject: girls. Or, more exactly, a girl.

I'll explain it faster than last time:

I've been extremely shy my whole life and only had four girls as friends, she and my cousin included. I've never dated, kissed or anything like that.

I've met this girl in September 2006, she approached me [diferently from other girls] and started talking with me [and some of my friends], making jokes, etc. We became friends very quickly [for me]. After some weeks I started liking her, a lot. [I think] I'm in love with her since that time.

The problems:
1. she is [since november 2006] the girlfriend of one of my friends;
2. in september 2007 I told her I liked her, and she said she couldn't retribute what I felt... and asked me if I still wanted to be her friend [obviously I said yes];
3. I wrote her some letters saying what my feelings were [and I'm still regretting that], she said I should stop thinking of her that way;
4. I tried to do what she said, but I just can't... I love being with her more than with anyone else I've ever met, and I imagine and dream about she loving me, us being together, even marrying... I can remember most [if not all] of the conversations and nice moments we had;


Now, my good people, this are the questions I have for you:
1. Is there true love? Or someone you would regret all your life for not trying harder/not being able to be with? [this is how I feel about her]
2. Does a chance exist of being able to change the feelings of a person for you? [in this case 'making' her love me?]
3. Do you think she would allow me to be a closer friend of hers, now that she knows how I feel about her?


And that's that. I'll answer other things that you want to ask to better understand the situation [and to better give me your opinions]. Just one thing I want to make clear is that I've never flirted with her or tried to kiss her or something. Also, I don't think it's right to try to do that while she's in a relationship [specially with my friend].
I'm feeling really depressed right now, and that's usually when I use the internet to write it out and see what other people think... Thanks in advance to all who respond.

 

[Axel Fire]

1. i believe in true love, you can regret not trying harder to get that person for the rest of your life.
2.you can't make someone like you, if they don't like you for you then their not worth it.

 

[blendedhearts]

you know what i think? she's not worth it. if she doesn't even give you a chance, she's just not worth trying to get. i know how it can be. having a girl in your thoughts nonstop. but if you like her that much and she still reacts like that, i'd say she's not the girl for you. but hey, if you still feel like chasing her, go ahead.

 

[Eikre]

1. Is there true love? Or someone you would regret all your life for not trying harder/not being able to be with? [this is how I feel about her]

True Love? Only what you make of it. Though there are people I've regretted NOT trying to say such things to. Mostly because teenage relationships are silly.

2. Does a chance exist of being able to change the feelings of a person for you? [in this case 'making' her love me?]

Depends on the situation. There are definitely chances for you two to like each other more, like hanging out, or helping each other with homework, or other group stuffs. Be patient.

3. Do you think she would allow me to be a closer friend of hers, now that she knows how I feel about her?

Perhaps. Refer to question 2.

 

[Nintandy]

This must be a really painful situation, I actually know people going through the same things as you.. So I'll answer with what I feel. But before I do, I agree with you in saying that writing your problems can be a great relief I've found it to help me many a time. Onto my replies:

1. I do believe in true love, it's exceptionally powerful, often all-consuming, and certainly dominating over other emotions.. Definitely something to be wary of. In reality though, you cannot control how you feel about people; you can however control how you act. You're making the right choices so far in not trying to make any moves on her, and I think it should remain that way. Be a true friend to her. This ties into reply 3.

2. As I mentioned above, you cannot control how you feel at times. Do not try and make others think otherwise, you'd be trespassing on somebody else's sentimentalities and personal values. Instead, see the matter for what it is, and find a way to make the most of it, without bringing hurt to anyone, including yourself.

3. I'm not so sure that telling her how you feel will bring you closer, but I do believe that if you do truly love her, you'll respect her needs, and be there for her during her times of need. Love needs a foundation, and for it to collapse and there to be no base [friendship] it is difficult to rebuild. If there ever is the time she loses her boyfriend, do not rush in, just be there. Anything can happen, anything can blossom. But by all means do not let it take control, there are limits, and you have a life to live. Balance things out, and enjoy life.

I hope that helped, and good luck.

-- Andy

 

[Leonard]

1. Okay, I won't even try answering this question, as I have absolutely no idea. If there is True Love or not, the answer is clear to me, yes (why would there be so many old married couples out there?). However you've got to find out if it is True Love for you or not (I think that was the question) yourself.

2. You can't change anyone's view of you, only they can IMO. You should rather change yourself and try once more.

3. Well she asked you if you still want to be friends and you both do, right. I don't think she has anything against you then.

Look, IMO, if you really love her, you would want the best for her. And if she doesn't feel the way you do, then you have to accept and respect that. It is no use to always try to be her boyfriend if she doesn't want it. You could of course try to change and then again try to talk to her. But you should also try to think about what she wants. (If she is happy then you should be happy for her, too, right?)

I'm not saying that you are unimportant here, but you should think first of all, if you really love her and if you would never ever leave her (maybe for another girl), and second, think of her feelings.

Hope this helps ^^ (and btw, never give up you'll find your way [FORTUNE COOKIE MOMENT] ^_^)

 

[mesmerized]

Now, my good people, this are the questions I have for you:
1. Is there true love? Or someone you would regret all your life for not trying harder/not being able to be with? [this is how I feel about her]

IMO, there is true love. You sound like you really love this girl, and its true. I mean, of course she doesn't want to be romantically tied to you, but that doesn't change that you have feeling for her. Theres no rules in the book that says that love can't be one sided, but it sure sucks.

2. Does a chance exist of being able to change the feelings of a person for you? [in this case 'making' her love me?]

....[awkward silence] Don't even try to accomplish that. You can't force love on anyone. I know that more then anyone. I've said it over a thousand times on here why, so I'm not going to bore you with it. Love cannot be pushed on anyone.

3. Do you think she would allow me to be a closer friend of hers, now that she knows how I feel about her?

I don't see why not. Just don't act weird around her or make her feel uncomfortable.

Hope I helped <33

 

[CAB_IV]

Now, my good people, this are the questions I have for you:
1. Is there true love? Or someone you would regret all your life for not trying harder/not being able to be with? [this is how I feel about her]

No, it really is a fairy tale. Love has no ryhme or reason, and there is no truth in any of it. You are about as quickly to change directions on that sort of thing as the wind. However, if you get stuck like me, Shoot yourself.

2. Does a chance exist of being able to change the feelings of a person for you? [in this case 'making' her love me?]

No not really. You can't control anything on her end. It is up to her to make the final decsions. All you can do is be the best person you can be, and improove yourself. basically, don't make an idiot/asshole out of yourself trying to win her over, because it will never happen that way.

3. Do you think she would allow me to be a closer friend of hers, now that she knows how I feel about her?

Yes. Thats how it happened with me. Unfortuneately, this is a slippery slope of death. There is something called the Freind zone. If she lumps you in there, never expect to ever go out with her, ever. Because at that point she see you as a close friend, but not a relationship option. If you try to ask her out, you'll either A) get the "just friends" speech or B) give you the glare of death because she thought you were her friend, and that really you had never given up and held on to your feelings like some sort of crazy person.

I'm feeling really depressed right now, and that's usually when I use the internet to write it out and see what other people think... Thanks in advance to all who respond.

Yay desperation! don't worry, you aren't alone. I would guess that half the threads here are exactly the same as yours.

 

[Axel Fire]

^_^ nicely said the friend Zone is a bad place to be if your trying to be more than a friend

 

[blendedhearts]

No, it really is a fairy tale. Love has no ryhme or reason, and there is no truth in any of it.

oh you liar. if you don't think love is real, you've got serious issues with your head.

 

[CAB_IV]

oh you liar. if you don't think love is real, you've got serious issues with your head.

I'm no liar. You are a fool to believe in the concept of "true love". Love is love. thats it. If its not love, its lust, or stupidity, or mental problems. You can't have false love.

There is no all powerfull all conquering love. it doesn't exist. Love is something in your head and heart, but its never a definite. You can't have one true love. Suppose the person you have feelings for dies tommorow (god forbid of course). Are you going to tell me that you won't ever find someone else? Or are you going to tell me that the person who died wasn't my true love? its a fairy tale, end of story.

 

[blendedhearts]

fine, believe what you wan't to. i still know there is such a thing as true love. no matter what you say.

 

[CAB_IV]

fine, believe what you wan't to. i still know there is such a thing as true love. no matter what you say.

lol, you are new to the game. I would have said the same thing at your age. perhaps our definitions are different. You should reply to my edited post above.

 

[Zen]

Illusions, my friend. Vagaries of perception. The temporary constructs of a feeble human intellect trying desperately to justify an existence that is without meaning or purpose. And all of them as artificial as the video games itself, although only a human mind could invent something as insipid as love.

Technically, that is the quote of Agent Smith and that is what I think about love.

Getting on the real matter, I believe that true does not exist anymore. True love has disappeard, people now get a divorce everywhere seperating the child from one parent. That which can cause damage to the child. Before people would stay always till death do them apart. Now people just get married at a young age and get divorced before even half a decade passes. Besides, teenage love is a lot more of an illusion than the adult relationship. So I would say to wait for someone else to pass by and to try and stop think about her. I would suggest to meet new people, or wait till college and get a fresh new start where most people won't know you and far away from the girl you think you care about now.

 

[Raiton Kensei]

True love DOES exist. You just have to look for it.

You cant MAKE someone fall in love with you.

I think you should just be her friend and not try to be nothing more. Being a close friend of hers would probablly be a good idea. You might seem like she's The One now but I bet the girl you lookin for is still out there.

 

[CAB_IV]

Illusions, my friend. Vagaries of perception. The temporary constructs of a feeble human intellect trying desperately to justify an existence that is without meaning or purpose. And all of them as artificial as the video games itself, although only a human mind could invent something as insipid as love.

Technically, that is the quote of Agent Smith and that is what I think about love.

You know? i felt this coming the second I read "neo has replied to this topic" in my email. good choice of words and things.

True love DOES exist. You just have to look for it.

You cant MAKE someone fall in love with you.

I think you should just be her friend and not try to be nothing more. Being a close friend of hers would probablly be a good idea. You might seem like she's The One now but I bet the girl you lookin for is still out there.

I don't believe in "true love". to me, its a truism. anyone you aresuccessful with for more than a year you could say is your true love, but you don't know that. In the end, you are going to keep moving that designation around until you find that last person. its ridiculous, and holds no water with me.

your second statment is also a DUH statement.

Your last statement Is HORRIFYING. Have you seen my thread? DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT WILL DO TO YOU? I wouldn't even think of being her freind until i think all desire for her is buried. otherwise, it will just resurface like an old tire buried in the mud, and it will make him so absolutely miserable that he'd turn into a sad sack like me who questions the existence of true love.

maybe those are mean words, but seriously, its a bad idea.

 

[blendedhearts]

lol, you are new to the game. I would have said the same thing at your age. perhaps our definitions are different. You should reply to my edited post above.

do you know why i said that? i've gone through true love. and if i haven't, i don't even know why i should even try to do anything anymore. maybe over time, because she was gone almost like a dream, i became too attached. but i digress. i still know that even if i haven't gone through it yet, there is such a thing as true love.

 

[CAB_IV]

do you know why i said that? i've gone through true love. and if i haven't, i don't even know why i should even try to do anything anymore. maybe over time, because she was gone almost like a dream, i became too attached. but i digress. i still know that even if i haven't gone through it yet, there is such a thing as true love.

You see? this is what i'm talking about. You could only have felt this recently. you're only 14. 13, maybe 12 at the earliest, is the point where your brain might even be developed enough to feel these intense feelings. You've expierienced this and it is nothing like what you have felt before, so like many you instantly attribute this to true love, or something amazing.

i'm sorry to say that it isn't. That dreamy feeling is almost a definite sign of infatuation. I know because i've been there myself. (you act as though i've never expierenced the same things you have. I beg to differ!) there were days where i felt super light as a feather and could some times fall over. Thats not true love. You don't feel like that when you really love someone.

its a different feeling. You'll learn it as time goes by. Love doesn't belong to any one entity either, and thats why there is no such thing is true love. You never know which way fate will go, and your love can change ownership at the blink of an eye, as can the owner of your love changer hers.

Basically, special feelings for others change. There is no destined true love to be had. there is only what love you pull from this world. the future is fluid.

Besides, Love is still love no matter how you look at it, no matter wether its for a sibling, or for your girlfriend. in a sense, any love is true love, because it its not truely love then its not love at all.

believing that you have true love for someone, especially in the thread author's case, Is dangerous. It can out him down a path of misery like mine, where that so called "true love" never becomes successful, and nothing good comes from it. And you can't go back and say "well thats not true love" because that means that any such feelings are equally flawed. why would feelings like that which go to others be any more legitimate?

 

[Hyakkimaru Hiro]

Thanks for all the replies! ^^
You all helped, believe it. [still, that doesn't mean I don't want more replies =p]

[...] I agree with you in saying that writing your problems can be a great relief I've found it to help me many a time.

Well, usually I would tell these things to my best friend... thing is, she is my best friend [although I don't think I'm her best friend _ _"]

You're making the right choices so far in not trying to make any moves on her, and I think it should remain that way.

That would actually be because I'm shy. I don't know what I'd do if I wasn't.
And that's one of the reasons I like being shy... sometimes.

[...] and be there for her during her times of need.

They actually broke up in september, and I talked to him and her so that they would be back again [well, not just me]. I regret that it was during this time that I let her know about how I felt/feel.

You should rather change yourself and try once more.

I'm onto that, trying to be less shy this year... And taking more care of my appearance. [I'm not what anyone would call handsome .-.]

If she is happy then you should be happy for her, too, right?

I try. But usually it's more like "if she is sad, then I'm sad".
BTW, Fortune Cookie Moment made me lol.

You sound like you really love this girl, and its true. [...] Theres no rules in the book that says that love can't be one sided, but it sure sucks.

Sometimes I think I'm fooling myself by trying to think I love her... Maybe it's just me trying to run away from the situation.
And, yeah, I agree it sucks.

Love cannot be pushed on anyone.

You mean playing fair, right? [not that I'll try and play unfairly]
Well, anyways, that question was a little stupid and not well formuled. My bad. _ _"

[...] and that really you had never given up and held on to your feelings like some sort of crazy person.

I don't know how long I can keep feeling this for her, but as long as I am, I will never really give up. Yesh, I'm some sort of crazy person. =O

[...] get a fresh new start where most people won't know you and far away from the girl you think you care about now.

I'm terrible at meeting new people. It took me 1-2 years to make real friends last time I moved to another city.
Also, I already thought about staying away from her, and decided it was not good... It would only make me regret more things. [well, from what I know about myself, anyway... o_o]



And there's the things I wanted to answer/make clear, keep up the good replies, people! Thanks! ^^


edit:

believing that you have true love for someone, especially in the thread author's case, Is dangerous. It can out him down a path of misery like mine, where that so called "true love" never becomes successful, and nothing good comes from it. And you can't go back and say "well thats not true love" because that means that any such feelings are equally flawed. why would feelings like that which go to others be any more legitimate?

That's why I think we should get free coins to test life before really attempting it.
May I ask what do you think makes a 'true' love? Feelings? Actions? Thoughts? Being altruist?

 

[CAB_IV]

well see now, you're in trouble. You can't be a crazy person. You'll never win, and you'll just be depressed and unhappy with yourself, and by the time you want change or to be with some one else, you'll already look like such a sad sack that they won't want you anyway. You've got to draw a line an just break away. I don't want to see anymore nonsense worse than myself. I am the one who serves as a cautionary tale for the rest of you. DO NOT GET STUCK ON A GIRL WITH NO REALISTIC HOPE OF SUCCESS. You will be miserable, and thats that.