i don't think i trust that guy. i want to know it from girls if all that stuff is true. 'cause it's nearly impossible to penetrate the mind of the other gender. know what they want. know what they're looking for in a bf/gf. it's just too hard.
For one thing, you just generalized individual people into a gender. the girl you like is not just a girl. She is an individual with her own needs and things. However, that guy is absolutely correct in that looking desperate and pathetic is not a good thing. So far, he has been right in every situation i can find.
This thread has made my headache 10x worse. Well, not just the thread in particular... some of the replies to me more exact. "There's no such things as love." "Yes there is..." "No theres not" "Yes there is."
Never said love isn't real. Making a distinction out of any particular piece of love is the trouble. There is not such thing as that invincible true love that everyone wants to believe in here. I'mparticaularly angry that you call flaming. once again, i'm just making my case. Flaming would be if i started questioning his intelligence or preference of gender, which i do not. he can obviously hold an intelligent conversation, which is why i continue.
Its impossible to know what a girl wants. Wanna know the biggest secret that women hold? We don't even know what we want.
Thats the thing. You can't go into specifics. You need to carpet bomb the subject. It needs to be understood that you can't win every battle, and so its not like that link was the ultimate guide. However, when you strip down all the entertainment out of it, he makes an excellent point.
You might not know what you want, but i garuntee you don't want some crazy guy who worships your existence, and who has no confidence or is dependant on you and others. You also might not want to go out with the guy that you've been sharing all your secrets with and that you've established as a friend.
those are not attractive traits. what the article suggests is that guys need to also show that they are capable of being fun under their own power, and that they have self esteem and that they are dependable and good people. In other words, girls don't like pathetic guys. You can't use that kind of "give me sypmathy" approach, because it will never win a girls heart.
Like I said, this doesn't garuntee win, because like both you and i have said, girls are their own individuals with their own wants, if they even know what they want at all, and so every case will be different in detail. Its just important to cover the basic stuff.
Nintandy²;2681268 said:
Firstly, everyone, help the guy out. All these posts going back and forth, mesmerized is correct O_O. This thread started out with barely anything, and suddenly it's full of all sorts.
I hate to be pessimistic, but his girl is currently with someone else. In short, there is nothing he can do. Not yet. might as well use this thread for some in depth discussion so that we may all learn things.
Onto topic, wow
Hiro [if you don't mind me calling you that ^^], you really remind me of myself, a
lot. Whilst people debate about true love, I must agree, it's a difficult and spontaneous emotion, and
CAB_IV is quite right in saying that true love can be a delusion at times. But of course, love is real, and I think I really summed up all my points in my last post
. I personally think it's alright to call it true love, after all it's so strong an emotion it's not so easy to sum up in words. False love? I actually think such a thing does exist, with labels being used, in situations such as physical relationships - the partners call it love but really that is in denial of the truth; it is merely for personal gain.
I think that you would sum up that physical attraction as either lust or infatuation, which i suppose could broadly be defined as false love.
I too can be shy, and I've grown to be quite inward, so I know how you can be feeling. You sound like a really friendly guy ^^. I've given you most the advice I can already to be honest. Someone here stated that trying to be a close friend and not a lover could bring harm.. well as you said you already are her best friend. My friend is going through the same as you are, and she has had to find ways to cope with her friend and unrequited love. It is possible, and taking on the ideas of true love not really existing, I think it's alright to assume you can find someone else, with patience, and that you too can find that happy ending. I don't think it's worth destroying the friendship, that would just be a waste, and I've known that to happen with my own friends. It's pointless, and can only bring harm in some cases. She means a lot to you, so be a friend, and push on. You're doing a good job in supporting them, so they must be grateful - already I think you've given them one of the greatest gifts of all.
Take care and good luck with everything.
-- Andy
I totally agree with the above paragraph. THe tough part will be finding someone else. being stuck on someone in the long term will always be a pain to let go in the end, but it can be done.
now, see? the girls them selfs don't even know what they want. but i still want a reply about this from at least two other girls. there are all sorts of them, so some may know if that guy is right. even if it is right, you shouldn't use a cheat-sheet for love. it's just wrong. (yay! a fortune cookie moment of my own!)
You are asking people to know what their heart tells them. thats not applicable here. We are talking about attraction. there needs to be attraction for love to start. You don't just fall for someone without there being something about them that pulls you there. Love doesn't form by itself. it has to develop and grow. part of that development is finding things you like about a person, other wise known as attractive traits. Specific ones might be tough to match with, but that isn't the important part.
The main point of that article was to demonstrate basic behavior that the opposite sex will find attractive. In fact, i could almost refine it down to such basic ideas that its undeniable.
Girls don't like pathetic dependant guys who need that girl just to feel alright. Girls also dislike jerks in the long run. The objective is to find the middle ground. It makes sense.
Once again, You'll probably see it more as you get older.
Well the thing is, you didn't "make" them like you. Their opinion about you changed, and they decided to let it change. The problem with most people is that they prejudge before getting to know people and wa-la, you get your prior situation.
I agree with the above statement.
Spoiler