- Joined
- Sep 25, 2010
- Messages
- 6,261
- Awards
- 26
- Age
- 32
Under normal circumstances, I wouldn't be writing this unless it was important. I think some of you could probably tell already, but I'm not sticking around for the remainder of the year. I can't do it anymore.
I can't be what everyone wants me to be. Both in real life and online. I haven't been happy these past few months. I almost left back in June when things were at their worst in real life, but stuck around because, I didn't want to quit or be a quitter. Except I'm barely able to recognize myself anymore; where I'm constantly frustrated lately, verbally complaining more often, and this isn't me. This isn't like me at all. I don't know if it's the holidays, the pressure of being a moderator, or something else. But I'm tired of competing against a fantasy version of myself that doesn't even exist. I feel like I'm not good enough any more. I feel like a disappointment to myself and to those around me. And none of this is anyone's fault except for mine, however, I need to step away from the forum for awhile. Maybe clear my head and get my sh*t together. A break might be what I need to bounce back, and to be a better person, a better friend, and a better moderator. Or be like Papyrus, who's all smiles and believes in the good of everyone! Right now, I can't see the good in me. I feel like I hit a new low lately. It's why I quit my social media because, I knew I was close to my breaking point. And I'm tired of trying to do everything, cause I always take on more than I should.
In the meantime, I'm sorry for those of you who are/were counting on me to read everything you post. But I can't keep up with it at this rate. All of you are amazing writers and gifted artists, who deserve all of the praise in the world and then some! You're an amazing community that I'm proud of! I'm also sorry that I won't be co-writing anything in the immediate future right now either. However, I know in my heart you'll do just fine writing on your own. (You know who you are. ) And I'm really sorry I can't be a better friend to all of you. I know I've let you guys down when I don't respond to your messages after awhile. Both on here and outside of the forum. Some of you, who haven't heard from me in over a year. If not months at best. But I really do appreciate all of you. Thank you for being my friend. Including those of you who are new! I hope you guys can forgive me. Right now, I think it's time I take care of myself and put some other things first for my health. It's been another long and hard year, which is funny because, I thought last year was bad.
Personally, this might become a joke later should I find the strength, DETERMINATION, and motivation I use to have to get things done on here. Anyways, I'm sorry for making you guys read all of this. And I'm sorry for myself, for being who I am right now. Someday, future me, you'll get a pep talk. Or I'll lend a hand that pulls you out of the water, so you'll stop drowning.
I'll see you guys in 2018!
I can't be what everyone wants me to be. Both in real life and online. I haven't been happy these past few months. I almost left back in June when things were at their worst in real life, but stuck around because, I didn't want to quit or be a quitter. Except I'm barely able to recognize myself anymore; where I'm constantly frustrated lately, verbally complaining more often, and this isn't me. This isn't like me at all. I don't know if it's the holidays, the pressure of being a moderator, or something else. But I'm tired of competing against a fantasy version of myself that doesn't even exist. I feel like I'm not good enough any more. I feel like a disappointment to myself and to those around me. And none of this is anyone's fault except for mine, however, I need to step away from the forum for awhile. Maybe clear my head and get my sh*t together. A break might be what I need to bounce back, and to be a better person, a better friend, and a better moderator. Or be like Papyrus, who's all smiles and believes in the good of everyone! Right now, I can't see the good in me. I feel like I hit a new low lately. It's why I quit my social media because, I knew I was close to my breaking point. And I'm tired of trying to do everything, cause I always take on more than I should.
In the meantime, I'm sorry for those of you who are/were counting on me to read everything you post. But I can't keep up with it at this rate. All of you are amazing writers and gifted artists, who deserve all of the praise in the world and then some! You're an amazing community that I'm proud of! I'm also sorry that I won't be co-writing anything in the immediate future right now either. However, I know in my heart you'll do just fine writing on your own. (You know who you are. ) And I'm really sorry I can't be a better friend to all of you. I know I've let you guys down when I don't respond to your messages after awhile. Both on here and outside of the forum. Some of you, who haven't heard from me in over a year. If not months at best. But I really do appreciate all of you. Thank you for being my friend. Including those of you who are new! I hope you guys can forgive me. Right now, I think it's time I take care of myself and put some other things first for my health. It's been another long and hard year, which is funny because, I thought last year was bad.
Personally, this might become a joke later should I find the strength, DETERMINATION, and motivation I use to have to get things done on here. Anyways, I'm sorry for making you guys read all of this. And I'm sorry for myself, for being who I am right now. Someday, future me, you'll get a pep talk. Or I'll lend a hand that pulls you out of the water, so you'll stop drowning.
I'll see you guys in 2018!
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