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Fanfiction ► First Fanfic! w00t!



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snowdog

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hey, just so you know, i added you both ^-^
really sorry but the chappy is gonna be a few days, i promise it's written, it's just not typed up yet! (i write out the chappy in a notebook before typing up, so i can make changes and stuff, it's usually about seven or eight chappies ahead of what's already on here!)
i just have a lot of stuff i need to do tonight and the next time i'm online should be a few days. i promise it will be up soon though.

much love for now! <3 <3
 

snowdog

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hey :) glad you like it, L337!
ignore my last post. yesterday i didn't know if i'd be online tonight, or in the next couple of days... but it seems that i am now ^-^ so heres a chappy!


Chapter Eighteen

Sora closed the wooden door shut behind them. He walked over to the bed and sat down on the perfect white sheets. Someone had been in to clean the room, the bed was tidier than it had been left. He lay the keyblade at the foot of the bed, just in case. Kairi felt a shiver running down her spine. Whoever cleaned the room must have left the window open the whole time, the room was freezing cold. She walked over to the gigantic windows, carefully closing them. She didn't want to shatter the glass. She then turned to Sora, who was watching her every move like a hawk. He gently patted the bed next to him, gesturing for her to join him. She sat down at his side.

"What were you doing out of bed anyway?" he asked, curling one arm around her. "You should be resting!"

"I was looking for you," Kairi explained. "You left again, so I tried to find you."

"That was kind of you," he smiled, "but you need all the rest you can get!"

"I know," Kairi sighed, avoiding his gaze. She felt like she'd let him down, despite the fact she knew she'd done nothing wrong. Sora lifted her chin gently, so that she couldn't escape his eyes.

"I know you're tough, Kairi," his tone was serious. Not like Sora at all.

"Uh... thankyou?" she wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing. Sora laughed, reading her puzzled expression like a book.

"It's a good thing," he chuckled. He was almost like a mind reader, knowing exactly what was on her mind. "King Mickey knows you're strong. He asked me to talk to him earlier. About you."

"Me? But... why?" Kairi was confused again. What would he want with her?

"King Mickey believes that your heart is pure and strong," Sora explained. "He discussed it with me earlier, and he thinks you're strong enough to weild a Keyblade." Kairi sat in shock, her eyes wide and her mouth hanging open.

"Me? But..." she was puzzled. "Why would I ever need to?"

"It's for when we reach Square-One," he replied. "The King thinks it's going to be dangerous out there. You'll have to be able to protect yourself.

"But... you'll be there with me, right?" Kairi asked, scared at the prospect of being alone in the strange new world.

"Don't worry," he reassured her, "it's just in case. You know, a safety precaution. I think it's a good idea, King Mickey is right about your heart." She smiled at him weakly. She wasn't convinced. Sora could see it in her eyes. He pulled her closer, kissed the crown of her head.

Outside, the day was nearing an end. The contrast of bright blue and tangy orange filled the vast skies. The clouds had become a distant orangey haze. From the balcony, the view was beautiful. You could see for miles around, over the turrets of Disney Castle, over the royal gardens, across the cliffs, beyond the endless ocean and off into the horizon. The milky full moon lay low, hovering above the waves, waiting to rise once the sun had been swallowed into the sea.

Tired of looking at the view from the window, Kairi stepped out onto the balcony. She'd never really felt like a princess before. To be honest, it had never really sunk in. She just felt like plain old Kairi. But now, admiring the view of the kingdom, she felt... special. Just like a princess surveying her kingdom from afar. She sighed heavily under the burden of being a keyblade weilder, unsure if she was worthy. She didn't know if she could handle it. After all, it was a lot to ask of a little girl.


there you guys go, sorry it took me so long to get around to it ^^; my bad.
i've just re-written the next chappy, which kinda led to this one being shorter. after re-reading it, it didn't make much sense. it should now though, so i'll have that up soon!
by the way, can you mention any weak points or strong points in my writing? i was just wondering... thankyou ^-^
 

dark_dutchman

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great chapter with a suprising twist.

Weak points: It is unoriginal, even with that little twist. In the last chapter, it says
She'd never really felt like a princess before.
. I don't recall reading that someone stated that she was a princess.

Strong points: The whole story is very discriptive, which i find very important.

I think it's unoriginal but that's only because there are so many fics.

P.S.: you do know that the keyblade chooses it's own master right?
 

snowdog

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heh, thankyou dd! :) theres a few more twists to come in the next few chapters!
i really don't want to keep you guys waiting too long cause i know what it's like waiting for the next chappy of a fanfic :)
i haven't scribbled down any new chapters for a little while and i'm catching up with myself on here, so i'll have to start writing again.
it isn't moving too slowly, is it? cause this fanfic is gonna be really really really long at this rate! i'll keep writing as long as you keep reading! ^-^

<3 <3

EDIT: thanks dd, i really needed some cc!
yeah, i wrote all that and then remembered about the keyblade... my bad. ^^; kinda sucked lol. and kairi is a princess of heart, i should have mentioned it... dammit ^^;
i know, it's almost impossible to write an original fanfic these days, theres an amazing one somewhere on here, i can't remember its name but i'll post it when i have more time.
thanks though! i really appreciate it! ^-^
 
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Hah. Weak points. What weak points? I really don't see any weak points in this fic. I LOVE it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just wish I could think of another KH poem, I'm having trouble . . .
 

snowdog

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thank you both sooo much for all those great comments, you guys are great! that's so sweet!

oh, and dd, i'm busy figuring a way to change the next few chappies after what you pointed out :) thanks for your comments, i would have completely forgot about that stuff if you hadn't mentioned it! and of course i'll read your fanfic dd, i can't wait to see it ^-^ and no, i haven't really thought of a title yet, i'm gonna think about that overnight, i should think of a couple. if i get a few of them, ill put them up here tomorrow and let you guys decide, cause i'm not so good with titles... o_O i was kinda thinking of just "Square-One" but i'm not so sure...

yeah, like dd said, don't force your poem L337. it's better to wait a little while until you're feeling more creative than to force something not so good. thanks for your great comments though, i appreciate them!^-^


Chapter Nineteen

Sora followed her out. He wrapped his arms around her, also looked out over the breathtaking view.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked quietly, seeing Kairi was lost in thought.

"Square-One," she sighed. The gentle breeze caressed her skin, danced through her hair.

"What about it?" he gently eased her back so that she was leaning against his chest. He kissed her head.

"It's gonna be dangerous," she whispered. "Why else would King Mickey be trying to get me a Keyblade?"

"I see what you mean..." Sora nodded in agreement.

"I'm starting to think..." she hung her head. "We might... not make it back. The edges of the letter were all burnt," she remembered, "so it could be really hot there."

"Kairi," Sora said quietly, "don't think about that."

"I know that," she replied, "but I just think it'll be scary. It's gonna be really hard there, isn't it?"

"Well..." Sora looked over her head, sighed heavily. "It's probably gonna be the hardest thing we'll ever do." Kairi's eyes widened. If even Sora thought it was going to be hard, then it would be terrible for her. She was nowhere near as strong or as brave as the others. True, by then she'd have a Keyblade, but would it be enough? She'd gone into sheer panic facing a heartless before, and if Sora was right, it was only a small one too! She'd never cope with a bigger one, it would send her running away like a coward!

She felt like she'd be a complete burden to everyone. They'd never even find Riku with her around to slow them down. She couldn't stand the thought of Riku's prolonged suffering caused by her hindering the group's progress through Square-One. She just had to do something. She couldn't just let her own poor qualities stop the others from finding Riku in time. She had to stop this happening.

By now, the moon had ascended to a higher point in the twilight sky. The bright, friendly blue sky of the daytime had been covered by the thick, dark blanket of the evening. The first, brightest of all the stars had begun to twinkle, decorating the blanket of the sky with billions of tiny, shimmering diamonds. The friendly moon smiled down upon the castle, watching the precious time slipping by.

Sora took every moment and held it in his heart. He didn't want any time with Kairi to be wasted, didn't want it to be taken for granted. Watching the stars begin to dot the black spaces in the sky, he saw the wisps of the distant worlds swirling billions of miles away, not knowing that someone, somewhere was watching. Perhaps someone else was looking back, on some faraway planet. It made him feel... small. Still, Kairi made him feel bigger. Happy. Like nothing could stop him, nothing could take him away, and nothing could stop him from being with her. He pulled her closer to his chest, feeling her warmth radiating into him. Around her, he felt truly happy. At ease with everything. In a state of bliss. Too bad it wouldn't last a little longer. He felt her shaking a little in his arms. Felt her taking a huge gulp of air.

"I... I don't think I should be coming with you..."


sorry for the shortness, i wanted to end on another cliffhanger, sorry :) the chapters after this one are longer. i promise ^-^
thanks for all the comments, i know i keep saying it but it really does mean a lot to me! i didn't think anyone would even read this ^-^
oh and dd, good job you can keep reading this, cause i'm gonna be writing for a long time at this rate!
let me know what you think!

<3 <3
 

Gamergirl

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Ok i've just spent the last 20 minutes reading this and it seems pretty good, but a lil boring IMO. There's honestly not enough action and chapters really need to be longer. Other than that, u gots another fan!
 
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