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Fanfiction ► Between the Rift



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Stavvy

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~Chapter 5: Unanswered Questions ~


“I’m a Cion.” She said as she said as she turned her head up, looking at the ceiling.

The mention of the word seemed to trigger Amelia’s interest, she walked over to the woman and looked down at her. “ . . .You?” She asked, as if she couldn’t think of anything else to say.

The woman just nodded, trying to stay silent.

I looked over to Amelia, and I noticed that, for once, she looked confused.
“So what’s a . . . ‘Cion?’”

Amelia glanced over at me, “You probably shouldn’t know about this, but a Cion is a top-secret government experiment. They would take babies in their infancy and remodel their genes. The effect of this was either a superhuman or something went wrong and it killed or mutated the subject. When Congress found out about this they put a stop to it, it’s said that all of the Cions were dead, but apparently there’s still at least one left.” She explained to me.

“Wait . . . . How do you know all this?” I asked her, she turned away from me, towards the open doorway.

“We’ll talk about that . . .later . . .” She said as she kept looking outside.

The rays from the sun peeked through the windows, a beam of light landed on the face of the woman, she closed her eyes and turned away.

I looked outside and turned back, “How’d they all die?” I asked with curiosity.

Amelia turned towards me and said, “When a person’s cells are interfered with, their life is shortened by an undefined length, so most of them die at an early age.

I looked back at the woman, “So is there anything else that happens with Cions?” I asked to whoever would answer me, the room was oddly quiet and Lex turned to me

“They can stay at an age for an extended amount of time. So they might be around seventy and look seventeen or even seven. In the end, it’s random what they do look like.” He said, answering my question, and adding a little more info.

I watch the woman as the light spread to the rest of the room. She kept facing the opposite direction of the light, away from us.

Amelia kept watching the woman, she turned towards Lex and asked, “What’s her name, and how old is she, not her appearance.

Lex looked back at her, and then me, and said “About. . . fifty.” He said finally.

“Now that you mention it she looks about nineteen.” I said to myself.

Amelia looked like she was about to smack me, so I shut up. She turned back to the woman and sighed, “This might be her. . . it’s a long shot though. . .

“What is? What are you talking about now?” I asked, intently.

“Later.” She said in a cold voice.

“More secrets. . . “ I said to myself.

Lex finally noticed the light was flooding into the room and he walked over to the blinds and closed them. He roamed around the room for a bit and then returned to his seat.

“Is there something wrong with her and the light?” I asked impolitely.

Lex didn’t say anything, “A sore subject.” I thought.

Amelia suddenly got up and walked towards the door,” Stavros.” She said in a private voice.

I walked over to her and she said, “We should go.” She turned out of the house and we walked towards her car.

“Why’d you all of the sudden want to leave?” I asked, imprudently.

“I . . . just had this feeling that something was, or is, going wrong.” She said, answering my question, “For once.” I thought.

We walked to the car and I noticed a silhouette leaning against the car. We quickened our pace and there stood Kalion.

(There ya go, took me a while to think, so bare with me.)
 

Thor.

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The ideas are very nice and the plot is picking up very well. What I think you lack is a light-hearted character, an obnoxius one. Aside form that the characters are very good you still need to work on the characters.

8/10
 

Thor.

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Only that they are very beleivable and that they aren't all cardboard cutouts of a classic hero,hot female sidekick etc.
 

Stavvy

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Well yeah, but you claimed to have said that they still needed work, I know they're not perfect, but what exactly needs work?
 

Thor.

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I don;t know what I meant actually. I think I meant to type you need to work on descriptivity. <--Not a real word. Also MAKE THE FREAKIN' CHAPTERS LONGER!!!
 

Lord_Sora

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First off, Woohoo Bleach!

Ok, Chosen Again, the Archetype name you're looking for is the character who provides comic belief.

And you have some interesting characters, very original. Kudos, and really, the thing that needs to be work is the background history. Although, it seems you already revealed something of Amelia, in that she's possibly a Cion herself, or had a bad ending in a relationship with one. But there's nothing really wrong with your characters, because a real person has flaws, which makes them more human and, for lack of a better word, "acceptable".

Keep it up!
 

Stavvy

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On ep. 38 or Bleach, I highly doubt that I'll have much writting sone untill I finish the rest of the eps. . . Sorry guys. . .
 

Thor.

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I could have said comic releif but I am a very wordy <---- quite possibly also not real.

Yeah he doesn't type too much and is unsatified with his own work.

But really if you are going to write at least make it long enough to be worth checking it out for. Please. I am begging you.
 

Stavvy

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You can watch it at meh party, on ep. 51, skipped 50, it was a crappy filler, and I want my main story. Well, you can see it if you can come. . .
 

Stavvy

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I'm dorry, but teh 0nw493 of Bleach is distracting me, ep. 57 now, damn FFVII distracting me from Bleach and my story. . .
 

Lord_Sora

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0nw493 l33t for ownage? Different...
Where did ur user come from? I thought I saw it somewhere this weekend...

You MUST fight teh l33+ 5p1I<3y sI<1llz of Cloud! Fight it! Leave him for Tifa!(she scares me! WAYYYYYY too strong. H34rtl355 beware of the might of Tifa! Run for your lives, your pitiful, meaningless half-lives!)
 

Stavvy

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I made my usename up a long time ago, I use it for just about everything. . .I recent;y found out that it's actually a greek name. . . but meh, I still like it so I'm fine. . . Where'd you see it?
 
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