Help/Support ► Alright ladies the GD needs your girl advice

[Gildragon]

Don't fret over the disappointment that your beloved Gildragon may be taken by another. instead rejoice that withing a matter of days a burden that has plagued him greatly may be lifted.


I Gildragon, am going to make an attempt. at getting a girlfriend (been nearly 6 years). we know who each other are and are in the same show right now. She is 21 and a dancer. (Ballet, etc.) Anywhoo

I'm pretty sure I can break the Ice although suggestions are appreciated. (and this week) I plan on doing a little extra rehearsal with her than engaging in a light chat to kind of suggest some familiarity. GD has a gentlemanly charm when he elects to use it. so it looks like its time to try it out again.

But of course there's always the stuff leading up to a relatoinship becoming "official" and once in the relationship what to watch out for. I'm convinced she is a very polite person. I dont' honestly have any worries about what SHE might do, but rather myself.

NOTE: this is not an issue with a lack of confidence but rather based off of past experience of things I've done and the way I've acted.

I don't expect to do anything rotten. I'm not an asshole. but... at times I can get what some might call clingy or slightly obsessive. Not out of Jealously though. More that I consider myself to be a very generous person when I can be and with a girlfriend. that generosity usually is multiplied by a large factor. MY behaviour (from past experience) is a little bit different when I have a Girlfriend or think that I might be able to get one.

I've made the mistake of using the word "love" to early and too much. so no need for that warning. More looking on tips to still show I'm really interested without smothering her to death. (some people here can attest to me doing that. from talks) and also how to make sure I know I'm not crossing the lines of personal space if/when the relationship happens.

I really want this to work out.


NOTE: This isn't a highschool there's this girl I like,
This is I want a girlfriend for a relationship, she fits what I'm looking for. I've thougth long about this.

Also I'm not looking to get "laid" thats not the kind of person I am. I want to have someone to care about, and someone to care about me.

So my forum ladyfriends:
Comments, Advice, Suggestons?

 

[DestinyForce]

....My brother looked for a girlfriend like that too, he found one but she dumped him. Kinda funny. But, still sad >.> So you mean, you want a girl advice for winning her heart? o_o If she's like a nice type in the outside better check her first in the inside >.> If you really want one so badly, play nice. Don't add jokes cause my bro did that, and that's why the girl dumped her >.>

 

[pokepotterkhkids]

Just be yourself and she'll be charmed :]

Youre a great guy GD :]]]]]]]]]]]]

 

[Lifes.Lover]

Hrm... so you want advice on how to handle going about being in the early stages of the relationship?

Well, you're right. Saying 'I love you' early in the relationship can either be beneficial or disastrous. Either the girl loves it or it makes things extremely awkward.

Since you do want to show your affection without being too clingy, do little things.

I like it when a guy holds my hand lightly as we walk. Not too much more, I'm not a real touchy feely person unless I want to be. If you're sitting next to her in a movie or on a couch, lightly brush your fingers across her shoulder or her arm. Not to tickle or anything like that, but just to show that you acknowledge her presence and that, to some degree, you're thinking of her.

Don't constantly be hugging on her or kissing her, even after you've been together for a while. It's cute in the beginning, but after a while it just gets to be annoying. While part of who you are, too much of a good thing can be bad, after all.

Take things slowly. Don't smother her, and don't initiate kisses all the time or anything like that. Sometimes, girls like to take the initiative. Of course, it's harder to pinpoint how your interest might act since I don't know her at all. Just go with your instincts. If you think something might go wrong if you do it, chances are it's better to either ask her first, or don't do it at all, at least in the beginning, when you're not sure of how she'll react to something.

I hope I covered anything that you might've asked about. I'm afraid that your post was a little confusing.

 

[Ehres]

Be yourself more than anything -- if you don't, you're not gonna be able to keep it up, she'll see through the façade, she'll get pissed, things might not work out, blah blah. Now about yourself. I don't know you, so I can't really give you personal advice, but I will say that while a lot of girls like affection and all the cutesy little comments and lovey-dovey moments, they'll also want space to breathe. Before you make a move, you have to tell yourself and get it into your head that at the end of the day, she'll need her own time. If you tell yourself that you'll eventually get into the habit, and you won't have to keep stopping yourself from "smothering her". She'll wanna go out with her friends, spend time with her family, practise her hobbies, etc. I mean, really? I don't think having a relationship is that life-changing. I mean, you should go about your daily routine as normal, and the only difference will be that now you have a girlfriend. Of course, you should dedicate time to her and being together, but I wouldn't bombard her with text messages or phone calls or feel the need to talk to her every single minute of the day. I mean, she might be the greatest girl on Earth but sometimes you have to not do things for the sake of your relationship. You have to remember that she is also your friend.

 

[Gildragon]

I hope I covered anything that you might've asked about. I'm afraid that your post was a little confusing.

everyone has been pretty close to being spot on

both I'm looking for ways to get it going, keep it going, and not overdo it in the process, which has been a habit.

 

[Bukkake Sensei]

Right out of the gate I can offer you this advice just based on the fact that you're singling her out as your prospective girlfriend despite an apparent lack of any sort of commitment:

She may seem like an ideal woman for you, and maybe she is, but do not become too attached to her until she is your significant other in some capacity or another. It sounds to me like a big part (or maybe the entirety) of your problems in past relationships in this very specific context can be attributed to the desire to commit too quickly, and even if you aren't vocalizing those feelings, it seems like you're already walking down that path emotionally. Pursue her, but absolutely do not oblige yourself to her, and honestly you should keep your options open to basically every girl you meet that isn't a direct blood relative. Nothing I have ever experienced in my life has ever lead me to believe that singling out specific girls you don't know terribly well on the pretense that they are going to be right for you is the way to go. This doesn't mean that it's a bad idea to chase after the ones who catch your eye. The ambiguity of this subject makes it difficult to be explicit about...so, hopefully you get what I'm trying to say. If not you just suck.

The laws of supply and demand apply very nicely to social situations, provided of course that a demand exists in the first place. Obviously you don't want to make yourself scarce before you talk to her as that would get you no where and probably make you look like a sketchy creep, but once you've given her enough of you to want more, back off. If you want her to want you then you just can't give her too much or all at once -- from what you've described this also closely relates to some of your nasty old romantic habits. This is a difficult line to walk until you really learn how to. If you give her too much attention she is going to lose interest in you faster than you can imagine, but on the other hand, if you don't give her enough then she's going to find somebody else who will. It is manipulation, but some level of awareness for this balance is almost always necessary to a successful relationship, at least towards the beginning.

Oh, and by the way...

Right now you need to focus on getting her into a relationship, not worrying about whether or not you're going to fuck up once it's been established. Of course this has nothing to do with any of your questions, but I still think you need to be reminded of it.

Suggestions on how to break the ice? You seem to have this one pretty much covered; just walk up to her and start talking, man. As long as you don't approach her like a weirdo you're going to be fine. First impressions are really not that important; everything you do AFTER establishing a connection with her is going to be a thousand times more important.

I really hope this works out for you. Nothing makes me giggle more than seeing my friends fall in love and into the clutches of some lovely girl who keeps them good and whipped.

 

[Gildragon]

Right out of the gate I can offer you this advice just based on the fact that you're singling her out as your prospective girlfriend despite an apparent lack of any sort of commitment:

She may seem like an ideal woman for you, and maybe she is, but do not become too attached to her until she is your significant other in some capacity or another. It sounds to me like a big part (or maybe the entirety) of your problems in past relationships in this very specific context can be attributed to the desire to commit too quickly, and even if you aren't vocalizing those feelings, it seems like you're already walking down that path emotionally. Pursue her, but absolutely do not oblige yourself to her, and honestly you should keep your options open to basically every girl you meet that isn't a direct blood relative. Nothing I have ever experienced in my life has ever lead me to believe that singling out specific girls you don't know terribly well on the pretense that they are going to be right for you is the way to go. This doesn't mean that it's a bad idea to chase after the ones who catch your eye. The ambiguity of this subject makes it difficult to be explicit about...so, hopefully you get what I'm trying to say. If not you just suck.

no I totally understand you since you seem to understand most of where I'm coming from in the first place.
I can confess I want to get married and it is a major desire of mine. I want to have someone I'm close to as well. and sometimes I feel the longer I wait the less time I have to do it in. so yeah I probably am wanting to commit way ahead of the game.

Really at this point I'm just testing the waters. but as to the point about anyone. I want to be sure about a few things before I even think about investigating the possiblities of a relationship.

If we don't become official I'm not gonna be she's like the only girl for me

The laws of supply and demand apply very nicely to social situations, provided of course that a demand exists in the first place. Obviously you don't want to make yourself scarce before you talk to her as that would get you no where and probably make you look like a sketchy creep, but once you've given her enough of you to want more, back off. If you want her to want you then you just can't give her too much or all at once -- from what you've described this also closely relates to some of your nasty old romantic habits. This is a difficult line to walk until you really learn how to. If you give her too much attention she is going to lose interest in you faster than you can imagine, but on the other hand, if you don't give her enough then she's going to find somebody else who will. It is manipulation, but some level of awareness for this balance is almost always necessary to a successful relationship, at least towards the beginning.

that's the part I'm worried about. you know and I know. I'm a nice guy. especially to people I love and care about. since generally with a girlfriend she's the person I should love the most, or at least with great regard I generally want to shower affection on her. This is usually an act motivated out of happyness.

Right now you need to focus on getting her into a relationship, not worrying about whether or not you're going to fuck up once it's been established. Of course this has nothing to do with any of your questions, but I still think you need to be reminded of it.

well since sometimes I rush in to a relationship to fast. to many potential GF's have been lost cuz I acted like I was ready to propose from them before we even started being close. so you actually made a very important point.

EDIT: wow. I just said RUSH IN. (in a thread regarding love)...*is reminded of his Elvis Song...I can't help falling in love with you*

 

[lukan13]

umm... the only thing i have to contribute is to not call all the time wanting to spend time with her, but dont ignore her for a few days and then call and talk to her, mabey call every other day or something like that.

 

[Danica Syer]

To be honest, I'm glad to hear the good news. I'll try but some people already got to the point especially Lifes.Lover and Bangkok Superpussy. I agree with what they are both saying since they got most of it down already. I'm no good at this kind of thing but if I can say something. I guess I would say that: Keep doing what your doing and going slowly (but not too slowly) and make sure the relationship is a good and if not, a healthy one and that you're the man that whenever as you both have the time, spend as much time as you can with her. Also if you just take the time to to know her, be yourself, and all those things like what other people said. If there are obstacles along the way, don't give up. Keep trying and going along. Also, I have heard this from my parents: When your on date and or want to be in a relationship with somebody, you should make time for them. I know that sounds different from what I just said earlier or whoever said it earlier, but at least it shows her that you are willing enough to be with her. I'm sure girls like that. I mean not all the time but at least most days when you can and or don't have some kind of emergency going on. I think you'll do alright if you take any advice given to you that you know it's best for you. Sorry I'm not really at good at this but I hope that helps. Also remember, if everything doesn't turn out in the end or whatever, I'm sure they'll be plenty of other girls around. Just stick to what you know and or what's best for each other/you. I really don't know what else to say since everybody else beat to it other then the best of luck and God bless you and that whatever happens, happens for a reason!

 

[shrekdog]

rule no.1: do not refer to yourself as 'the GD'


anyway the only advice i could think to offer you is to learn from what you already know. you've already established that you can be clingy and a little bit obsessive, and that's ok; you've acknowledged it. now take that knowledge and apply it to the situation. don't come on strong. if she's a nice girl and not an emotional trainwreck (if she is you shouldn't even be considering her, she obviously isn't ready for a 'relationship') just ask her out plain and simple. see if she wants to go see a movie or go get a drink or something. just keep a casual disposition or whatever. be normal. don't be emotional or overly complimenty or offer to do things for her. just be casual and ask her straight up

it's not a difficult thing if you don't put your heart on the line


also it's pretty early to be thinking about a 'relationship' when you haven't even dated her or anything (unless you have, i don't even know you didn't say)

 

[Gildragon]

also it's pretty early to be thinking about a 'relationship' when you haven't even dated her or anything (unless you have, i don't even know you didn't say)

yeah I'm relatively unpracticed in the dating area unless I'm actually BF/GF with someone

 

[shrekdog]

well that's probably your problem then

you should jump into a relationship with someone straight away, that's just silly

you said yourself this isn't a high school thing. getting into a relationship with someone just because you have a crush on each other is just juvenile and immature. be an adult, talk to the person, get to know them first, then worry about having a 'relationship' when the time is right. it's not a trivial thing. dating is.

 

[Bukkake Sensei]

That is something else I was going to mention: Do not expect to get this perfect, or even close to perfect. Managing relationships is a learned art, and no amount of charm will save you from making the mistakes that all of us have to make to assure that we never make them again.

But honestly, if you want to get a girl to like you, I think just about the most effective thing you can do is be me. ;D

 

[Gildragon]

That is something else I was going to mention: Do not expect to get this perfect, or even close to perfect. Managing relationships is a learned art, and no amount of charm will save you from making the mistakes that all of us have to make to assure that we never make them again.

Oh of course I'm using charm to generate interest. I don't consider it the glue that holds a relationship together.

But honestly, if you want to get a girl to like you, I think just about the most effective thing you can do is be me. ;D

aw shit I'm not Mexican all hope is lost

 

[PrimeTime]

just tell her how you feel about her .... trust... just be you 2 so you can be alone and tell her "look i need to tell you something" and spill lol

 

[Amalthea]

I'm not really sure what to tell you, love. I've never been that good at giving advice when it comes to relationships. I tend to have problems with my own.

I do know that you are a great guy, Gil, and if she can't see that, then she's a dummy. (no offense, sorry). But just be yourself and don't seem too needy...

Good luck! ♥♥♥

 

[Zipporahss]

Well, I'm not a good person to ask for relationships because I've only dated once, and that earlier this year, it was a month after my 17th birthday but I know how you could possibly win her over.

Being that you're Christian you should obviously use what you've learned from the Bible. Be loving, joy, peaceful, patient, kind, good, faithful, gentle, and self controlled. Other than that be honest, and if you want to show her that you really like her (and this is a scary thing) as her in front of her friends, and try to get on her friends' good side. Usually a girl is happier with her uh... date if he is not hated by her friends and family, not that she'll dump you if you're not on good terms with them but it makes it easier.

Uh... also I don't know too much about this girl but if she's like any of my friends or me, it's best you let her in, let her know your life, like... how can I explain this....? Well, if she wants to make you happy while you're upset, for example, let her try, let her try to cheer you up. If she wants to know why you're upset let her know with a full and honest heart.

Well, uh, that's the best I can do for you, I am only going based of my own relationship and the ones my friends had and some of what my parents helped me out with. So uh, yeah, I hope you win her over dude ^^

 

[Aqua.]

you might want to tell her what she's gonna get if you two happen to get together. and just like, idk, tell her what you told us. then ask her if she wants that or no, and fix it straight off the bat. idk.

but if you have to think "hm i wonder if this will be too much, " or something of the like, don't do it. simpler that way.

 

[KaiSparda1018]

I've never had a boyfriend at all, so I don't know if I am the best person to go to for advice, but I'll offer some anyways. The most important rule is to be your awesome self. Also, girls like to be shown attention. But not too much to the point that you are smothering them. But I think before the relationship goes too far, you should both know each other's intentions. Like, you mentioned that you want to get married, so you should make that clear to her. Not right off the bat, but probably after a month of dating. And it's my opinion that if you think too hard about it or change too much you either shouldn't be with that person or you just love them that much. And about the whole "saying I love you too early" thing, I find the idea of love at first sight to be very romantic, and I wouldn't get creeped out if a guy told me that he loved me when he didn't know me that well.