google it! wait...are you putting him with both? X'D oh my hahahahahahaMegs said:I'm not! I made it ambiguous because I don't know who Cloud's with!
*v* daw its adorable now no need to be sadly over it.Megs said:Sadly, no. ;~;
REGISTER TO REMOVE ADS |
google it! wait...are you putting him with both? X'D oh my hahahahahahaMegs said:I'm not! I made it ambiguous because I don't know who Cloud's with!
*v* daw its adorable now no need to be sadly over it.Megs said:Sadly, no. ;~;
You could look at it that way. Both, neither... I'm leaving that up to interpretation because I'm too lazy to google it. o3ogoogle it! wait...are you putting him with both? X'D oh my hahahahahaha
;v; K~ I still have other characters I can try to give cameos to from RG, anyway.*v* daw its adorable now no need to be sadly over it.
X'D interpretation is the kind of things that lead to yaoi fan art tho.Megs said:You could look at it that way. Both, neither... I'm leaving that up to interpretation because I'm too lazy to google it. o3o
cant wait~Megs said:;v; K~ I still have other characters I can try to give cameos to from RG, anyway.
Spoiler Show
(1) I think this could be rephrased a bit. Maybe have that it's a quiet town in the first sentence like "the quiet town of Radiant Gardens", and "it was still quite early," "early in the morning, and the streets were near empty," something like that.The sun shone brightly down [OMIT] on Radiant Gardens, as [“and”] a gentle breeze blew through the flowers. It wasn't past noon yet, so it was relatively empty. Then again, it was always a quiet town. (1) That's not to say little disturbances didn't happen from time to time, however... (2)
(2) I notice that you really use ellipsis. A lot. Generally speaking, you don't need them as much and you can sometimes substitute them out for semi-colons, dashes, or even commas in some cases. An ellipsis is more meant for trailing off of a sense of silence or pause, usually in dialogue. At least this is as far as I know. I could be wrong, but generally that's how I see it used.
Also why is there a bigger space here?
(1) I'd just take this out. Saying this kind of adds a rush that we generally don't get because, as I reviewed this, yes, while double-spaced, it takes her grandmother 3 pages to actually leave. What is so urgent that she needs to go for? Because later she considers staying all together. More on that later. But I think this sentence could just use a rewording maybe.Kairi hastily straightened out her bed sheets while her grandmother watched over her for a few more minutes. (1) After... neat enough, when (2) she thought her grandmother...
(2) Maybe switch to "and".
I think you could use some arm motions, some emotional facial expressions, here. Like pulling of her gramma's dress, something. Make Kairi become an alive child. Also while I'm talking about it, how old is Kairi supposed to be? This sort of matters, but not really, but also kind of does, because kids act differently as they age. =o= I took a child development class for some reason in high school but in reality it just made me really motherly and scared to have kids. ANYWHO."I just really really wanna show them those because they're my favorite and I want to show them! Please, Grandma?" Kairi begged cutely.
(1) I feel like the style you're aiming for somewhat backfires in instances like this because it messes with the tenses. “were going to arrive soon” I have no idea. Were would probably fix it. Your tenses tend to shift in this due to the style of story telling you're using and it gets a bit confusing as is because it doesn't really say who the main character is. Is it Kairi? Is it Lea and Isa? Definitely not her gramma, she's in here for a page or so.Her grandmother didn't have time to tell her otherwise...[PERIOD OR SEMI-COLON INSTEAD] her [“the”] babysitters would be here any minute now. (1) She just [OMIT] laughed amicably and said, "Well, I can see you're excited, Kairi."
Anyways, just try to be clear as possible. The style is nice for the cute story and what we're presented with, but don't allow it to shift all over the place.
(1) I'm confused on why Kairi's grandma didn't tell her she was getting two boys to babysit her, also why someone like an adult like Aerith, or hell even Yuffie to babysit Kairi. Why didn't her grandmother tell her she was getting babysat by two people? I don't know. I was just a bit confused by this.This was her first time getting (1) a babysitter (2). She smiled (2) as she looked around the house and saw how clean she had made it.
(2) I'd use a different word. Gleamed? Grinned? Somethin' else. Smiled is kind of plain, and she already was doing that when she nodded before this sentence. Using a different word that really shows her pride would definitely help. It's all about word choice and not making it too complex. Finding a balance iii'm talking too much ANYWAYS.
(1) This is fine. You use ellipsis too much in my opinion, but in this paragraph they're fine.There was something missing, though...(1) Kairi crossed her arms and rested her chin on her hand as she tried to figure it out. (2) ”There was”? Something she needed to add to the living room, so the babysitter would be sure to see it... [NEW PARAGRAPH] "That's it!" Kairi ran back into her room and returned with a clay vase she made herself and a few of her ["the" instead] hand-picked flowers from ["she was given by" instead] Aerith. The vase was misshapen and the flowers were a bit withered by now, but Kairi still loved [“them”] both. She'd put a lot of effort into making the vase as a gift for her grandmother, after all, and the flowers were a gift from Aerith, even though Kairi didn't have any munny to give her at the time. (3)
(2) This pose is very hard to word for myself, honestly. I THINK I know what you're talking about but it's kind of an awkward pose if you read it literally. Try just changing it to like, putting her finger to her lips or some shit, I don't really know hahaha. It's a very hard thing to describe for me hahaha.
(3) I feel like the last couple lines could be reworded and phrased better. I feel like you're dedicating too much time to two things that don't really matter much. "returned with her handmade clay vase and the flowers given to her by Aerith" and mention that it was misshapen and the flowers are withered, yes, but no need to go into the details of things that happened in the past if there's no need to? I dunno. Does that make sense? I just feel like it could be integrated into 1-2 instead of 2-3 and move on. Which I should probably do hahaha.
(1) You can omit this, since we already know it's in the living room. Perhaps say in the middle of the room if you want to still be specific here.She set them on the coffee table in the living room (1) proudly. [SPAAACE]"It's perfect, grandma! Right?" (2)she asked, looking to her grandmother for approval.
(2) “It's perfect! Right, Grandma?”
Her grandmother smiled at the little girl. (1) She was so energetic, [SEMI-COLON INSTEAD?] always happy and bouncing (2) around. And she thought of herself as more mature than she was, at times. (3) She was starting to worry (4) that the babysitter- who was late, she suddenly noticed [TRADE PLACES!]- wouldn't be able to take care of her very easily...
(1) AND DIDN'T ANSWER HER, idk maybe just give her a kind nod of approval.
(2) “happy, bouncing.” Get rid of and.
(3) “Kairi always thought she was so much more mature than she was, at times, too.” or I don't really know, but it's kind of awkward in this state. Maybe “Her granddaughter always thought she was mature for her age, too.” Blaaah.
Anyways, I just wanted to give you the first page worth. I will say now, this is pretty much the most I have to say, I just wanted to get this posted for you. I'll post the rest later.
I was trying to set off a transition, since the scene was changing.Also why is there a bigger space here?
About 5 or 6 in this story.Also while I'm talking about it, how old is Kairi supposed to be?
I actually have a reason in mind, I'm just not sure how to work in into the story.I'm confused on why Kairi's grandma didn't tell her she was getting two boys to babysit her, also why someone like an adult like Aerith, or hell even Yuffie to babysit Kairi. Why didn't her grandmother tell her she was getting babysat by two people? I don't know. I was just a bit confused by this.
I'll try and think of a rewording, since I can't think of one right now, but that was supposed to be my poor way of showing that something would happen to the vase and the flowers later. o3oI feel like you're dedicating too much time to two things that don't really matter much. "returned with her handmade clay vase and the flowers given to her by Aerith" and mention that it was misshapen and the flowers are withered, yes, but no need to go into the details of things that happened in the past if there's no need to? I dunno. Does that make sense? I just feel like it could be integrated into 1-2 instead of 2-3 and move on. Which I should probably do hahaha.
Spoiler Show(1) I feel like this could be rearranged to something like, “The door bell rang, and Kairi happily ran to the door yelling, “I'll get it!” She had to stretch her hand up to reach the door knob.” Or something.The door bell rang and Kairi yelled, "I'll get it!" as Kairi happily ran to the door and stretched to reach the door knob. (1) Her grandmother hadn't even had the chance to reach the door first (2). Kairi smiled as she opened the door and greeted her babysitter... Wait, two? She had two babysitters! She hopped giddily as she introduced herself. (3) "Hi! I'm Kairi!"
(2) This just sounds a bit choppy to me is all. Maybe, “had a chance to get to the door?”
(3) See, I just don't understand why Kairi's gramma didn't tell her that she was getting two, it doesn't seem like a big deal. And it just doesn't work well with me personally, the writing like this. It gets hard to follow when you're following the mindset of 4 people switching around, it's best to just stick with one.
I feel like this is fine, but it could be spiced up a bit. You also didn't mention that Isa was also standing there. Maybe have Isa roll his eyes at Lea's line, describe the other one. Maybe say something about how old they are, like two teens or something... Don't info dump, but a lot can be said here, even have an expression on Lea's face. As far as I'm aware, he's a very animate person, right? Facial expressions are VERY important!A boy with spiky, bright red hair and bright green eyes bent down and ruffled the young girl's hair. "Hey, Kairi. The name's Lea. Got it memorized?" he asked playfully.
Kairi made a pensive expression and chanted, "Lea, Lea, Lea," to make certain she had it memorized, as he had put it.
I feel this is a silly question after she hired them... Maybe note who she's looking at. I'd say Isa since he looks responsible? I don't know."So I can trust you to watch Kairi for the evening?...
Also it makes me wonder why she didn't just hire the responsible looking one [Isa] and have to pay two people to do the same job which is make sure Kairi doesn't do something stupid while at home. I know this sounds mean but I'm just questioning the idea of it. It does make sense that Isa would have to be there, but basically we have Kairi being babysat by Lea being babysat by Isa.
Basically I'm saying if I were Kairi's gramma I'd just hire one of the other kids in town, like Aerith or someone. Anyways, it doesn't matter, grandmas make mistakes. Don't worry about it.
(1) Maybe instead “pushed Lea aside” or something."Because you are one." His blue hair[ED] friend pushed him (1) and added (2), "Don't worry. I'll make sure everything goes smoothly...
(2) Maybe direct that he was then speaking to Kairi's grandmother. I don't know what Isa does when he says at your service, but like, a hand shake, a light bow of the head, something, makes it really come to life.
In the 2nd line, the last line isn't necessary in my opinion. Maybe stopped her chanting to pout, idk, doesn't matter, nitpicking.Lea was about to object to that [OMIT], but Isa elbowed him lightly to keep him quiet.
"She can be a bit of a handful, though..." the grandmother warned. Kairi stopped chanting and pouted at the remark. She was very good, in her opinion.
They needed the money for this...It made her really curious, actually...No need for ellipsis here I think.She really couldn't take Kairi along this time...
She would if she could. Maybe rewrite the line before this one.If she could, she would.
I feel after this line, you could honestly split it into a different chapter, maybe just section. Also no ellipsis."I will, grandma! I promise!" Kairi said, giggling. She'd changed her mind really fast...
I say maybe switch some things out, “walked towards her destination.”Kairi waved as her grandmother walked to wherever she had to go alone so badly. "Bye, Grandma!"
(1) As soon?When (1) she was no longer in sight, Kairi turned and stared at the teenagers curiously as they argued. (2)
(2) turned and curiously stared at the arguing teenagers.
Omit the isa reminding thing because like I said, who's this story about? Focus on one, maybe one in a section, like take turns on who you think it should focus on."The kind that remembers why we need this munny to begin with[COMMA]." Isa shot back, glaring at him.
Lea recoiled and chuckled. Did Isa have to remind him again? [OMIT] "Oh yeah, that! Ehehe..."
Try not to use the same actions over and over. There's a lot of asking goin' on. Also maybe just have her ask “'That?'” I'm not sure."What?" Kairi asked, looking up at the two boys.
There's also a lot of turning to look at things. Try to find other ways to show they're moving where they're looking. Switching gaze, something. Also maybe “looked at her in surprise”?Lea turned to look at her, just remembering she was there...
“...putting the same emphasis on the word they had, hoping it would get her an answer.”"What's*that?" she asked again, putting the same emphasis on it that they had. Maybe that would get her an answer.
Lea pushed Isa['s hand] off of him and smiled down at Kairi.
Kairi sighed, but she [OMIT] decided to let it go, for now at least.
As Kairi held the door closed, though, Isa pushed forward, with far more force than she could muster. "No!" she whined as she was pushed backward. "No Isas allowed!" Kairi pushed forward with all her might, but it only served to slow him down.I feel like Isa's putting way too much effort here. I see him like, trying to open the door after her, realizing it doesn't work, shrug and ignore them then get worried later? I really have no idea, Isa's personality escapes me.
Can be written as “...slowly eased back on the door so Kairi wouldn't hurt herself.” or something along those lines.Isa sighed and slowly backed up, careful not to just stop and let Kairi literally push the door in his face.
New paragraph for Lea and maybe like an agreement like “yeah!” or something."Snacks, snacks!" Kairi cheered. Lea joined in and cheered, "Snacks, snacks," as well, just to further irritate Isa.
bluh bluh ellipsis not needed.Just an afternoon with this brat, and it'd be over...
Overall this was entertaining and very cute, and I am interested in what “that” is referring to, where her grandma needed to go and why it sounded like a suicide mission or something. It's very cute and fun.
Like I've mentioned, I'm not a fan of how it switches to the thoughts of everyone involved, I feel like it can focus on one person a section/chapter depending. Because while it is about everyone, yes, it makes it hard to focus and allows the style to switch around from a 6 year old girl to a grandmother to teenagers, all of which think VERY differently.
You didn't have too many errors, honestly, just minor mistakes here and there. It's a bit awkwardly phrased sometimes and some lines could use rewording. Try to play around with synonyms without getting overly complicated. It's good that you keep things simple, it allows things to be lighthearted for this kind of story as well so good job.
I think you're doing a good job of showing how the characters themselves act and how they interact with each other, but there is room for improvement. Don't let me discourage you AT ALL, you're doing great! Just show more emotion and action in some cases. Lea for example, as far as I'm aware, is a very animate person. Show it! He sure as hell does hahaha.
It's really just a matter of ironing out some kinks that I mentioned. This is a great fanfic and keep writing! If you need help or have any questions, feel free to come to me again. Thanks for the request!
Spoiler ShowThe sun (1)shone brightly on Radiant Gardens, and a gentle breeze (2)blew through the flowers. It was still early, (3)so the town remain as peaceful and quiet as ever. That's not to say little disturbances didn't happen from time to time, however.
Okay, so I see we have a problem with tenses. I bolded all of the tenses you used and you can note the inconsistency once you reach (3). It's a little awkward so I suggest rewriting this phrase. Remember, this is the opening to your entire story and the opening to your "opening statement" so this can always be the hardest part. Suggestion:
"The sun shone bright as a gentle breeze swept across Radiant Gardens. Although it was rather early, the town was the pinnacle of peace and quiet."
I don't know, something along those lines. Feel free to play with it because I know that no two writers are bound to have the same style
(1)Kairi hastily straightened [omit]out[/omit] her bed sheets [replace]as[/replace] she finished cleaning up her room. After she had considered her bed nice and neat enough, (2)and she thought her grandmother wasn't looking, Kairi put [omit]just[/omit] a few toys under her bed.
(1) This phrase/sentence sounds a bit awkward. If you omit "out" then the integrity of the sentence still remains and you rid yourself of extra fluff-words that don't really belong. Also, replace "as" with "once." The former doesn't help with the flow/train of thought provided.
(2) Make this idea (not the fragment) a seperate sentence. It disrupts the whole thing. Instead you could go with: "After...., she glanced around the room to reassure herself that her grandmother wasn't looking. Seeing as her grandmother was nowhere in sight, she decided to put a few toys under her bed."
Again, you don't have to use what I wrote. You're more than welcome to play around with it and make it your own.
There was no time to put them back in the toy box yet, [omit]after all[/omit], and she was going to play with them [omit]too[omit] soon [omit]for that,[/omit] anyway.
...
(1)There was something missing, though[omit]...[/omit] Kairi crossed her arms and tilted her head as she tried to figure it out. Something she needed to add to the living room, so the babysitter would be sure to see it...
Okay I made a few omission edits.
(1) I'm a fiend for elipses... <-- See. When there's two elipses following each other, as seen, it loses its effect and merit. So omit one or omit both because they're kind of unnecessary.
"It's perfect! Right, grandma?" she asked, looking to her grandmother for approval.
Consistency is key. If you're going to capitalize "grandma" (when someone is refering to her as such) then do so throughout the entire piece.
The door bell rang and Kairi yelled, "I'll get it!" as Kairi happily ran to the door and stretched to reach the door knob.
Revise this. You can see the repetition and inconsistencies in the bolded portion. You can fix it like this, for example, "'I'll get it,' Kairi exclaimed at the sound of the doorbell. She then happily ran..." It's not perfect but it rectifies the mistake.
OVERALL:
So far it's pretty cute. The content isn't bad at all, it's just the execution. Through out the piece you struggled with tenses and consistency but it's nothing a little revision can't fix! I see you've written another chapter and I can't wait to read that too Kairi is characterized pretty well for a 5 year old girl (trust me I have a little sister that age) so that's a definite plus. Isa and Lea are done well seeing how this is only the first chapter. Can't wait to see more development.
Alright I'm back. I'm sorry it took me so long to get to the 2nd half of my critique, but let's do this. Hopefully I'll get this all done. The first post was really the MOST of it, and you got most of what I had to say. Giving the overall at the end.
Spoiler Show
(1) I feel like this could be rearranged to something like, “The door bell rang, and Kairi happily ran to the door yelling, “I'll get it!” She had to stretch her hand up to reach the door knob.” Or something.
(2) This just sounds a bit choppy to me is all. Maybe, “had a chance to get to the door?”
(3) See, I just don't understand why Kairi's gramma didn't tell her that she was getting two, it doesn't seem like a big deal. And it just doesn't work well with me personally, the writing like this. It gets hard to follow when you're following the mindset of 4 people switching around, it's best to just stick with one.
I feel like this is fine, but it could be spiced up a bit. You also didn't mention that Isa was also standing there. Maybe have Isa roll his eyes at Lea's line, describe the other one. Maybe say something about how old they are, like two teens or something... Don't info dump, but a lot can be said here, even have an expression on Lea's face. As far as I'm aware, he's a very animate person, right? Facial expressions are VERY important!
Kairi made a pensive expression and chanted, "Lea, Lea, Lea," to make certain she had it memorized, as he had put it.
I feel this is a silly question after she hired them... Maybe note who she's looking at. I'd say Isa since he looks responsible? I don't know.
Also it makes me wonder why she didn't just hire the responsible looking one [Isa] and have to pay two people to do the same job which is make sure Kairi doesn't do something stupid while at home. I know this sounds mean but I'm just questioning the idea of it. It does make sense that Isa would have to be there, but basically we have Kairi being babysat by Lea being babysat by Isa.
Basically I'm saying if I were Kairi's gramma I'd just hire one of the other kids in town, like Aerith or someone. Anyways, it doesn't matter, grandmas make mistakes. Don't worry about it.
(1) Maybe instead “pushed Lea aside” or something.
(2) Maybe direct that he was then speaking to Kairi's grandmother. I don't know what Isa does when he says at your service, but like, a hand shake, a light bow of the head, something, makes it really come to life.
In the 2nd line, the last line isn't necessary in my opinion. Maybe stopped her chanting to pout, idk, doesn't matter, nitpicking.
No need for ellipsis here I think.
She would if she could. Maybe rewrite the line before this one.
I feel after this line, you could honestly split it into a different chapter, maybe just section. Also no ellipsis.
I say maybe switch some things out, “walked towards her destination.”
(1) As soon?
(2) turned and curiously stared at the arguing teenagers.
Omit the isa reminding thing because like I said, who's this story about? Focus on one, maybe one in a section, like take turns on who you think it should focus on.
Try not to use the same actions over and over. There's a lot of asking goin' on. Also maybe just have her ask “'That?'” I'm not sure.
There's also a lot of turning to look at things. Try to find other ways to show they're moving where they're looking. Switching gaze, something. Also maybe “looked at her in surprise”?
“...putting the same emphasis on the word they had, hoping it would get her an answer.”
As Kairi held the door closed, though, Isa pushed forward, with far more force than she could muster. "No!" she whined as she was pushed backward. "No Isas allowed!" Kairi pushed forward with all her might, but it only served to slow him down.I feel like Isa's putting way too much effort here. I see him like, trying to open the door after her, realizing it doesn't work, shrug and ignore them then get worried later? I really have no idea, Isa's personality escapes me.
Can be written as “...slowly eased back on the door so Kairi wouldn't hurt herself.” or something along those lines.
New paragraph for Lea and maybe like an agreement like “yeah!” or something.
bluh bluh ellipsis not needed.Overall this was entertaining and very cute, and I am interested in what “that” is referring to, where her grandma needed to go and why it sounded like a suicide mission or something. It's very cute and fun.
Like I've mentioned, I'm not a fan of how it switches to the thoughts of everyone involved, I feel like it can focus on one person a section/chapter depending. Because while it is about everyone, yes, it makes it hard to focus and allows the style to switch around from a 6 year old girl to a grandmother to teenagers, all of which think VERY differently.
You didn't have too many errors, honestly, just minor mistakes here and there. It's a bit awkwardly phrased sometimes and some lines could use rewording. Try to play around with synonyms without getting overly complicated. It's good that you keep things simple, it allows things to be lighthearted for this kind of story as well so good job.
I think you're doing a good job of showing how the characters themselves act and how they interact with each other, but there is room for improvement. Don't let me discourage you AT ALL, you're doing great! Just show more emotion and action in some cases. Lea for example, as far as I'm aware, is a very animate person. Show it! He sure as hell does hahaha.
It's really just a matter of ironing out some kinks that I mentioned. This is a great fanfic and keep writing! If you need help or have any questions, feel free to come to me again. Thanks for the request!
Duly noted, thank you so much for looking over this! uvu
I was trying to do third person omniscient, actually, but I guess I'm not very good at it.
In regards to Kairi not know she had two, I tried to imply that Kairi's grandmother had been left with these two(who were a package deal, apparently) and Kairi was too excited to ask about details. I edited it so I made that a little more clear.
Alright, so let me just preface by saying that I'm only reviewing the first chapter for now. It's always nice to see where a fic will go based on the first chapter; it's almost like a foundation or even a strong opening statement that will determine whether or not your readers will say "yay" or "nay." With that being said, I'm glad you're trying a multichaptered fic! These are always the hardest not because of the content but moreso updating, motivation, remembering where the plot is meant to go, etc. So congrats on taking your first step with this commitment.
Now onto the review, shall we?
Spoiler Show
Okay, so I see we have a problem with tenses. I bolded all of the tenses you used and you can note the inconsistency once you reach (3). It's a little awkward so I suggest rewriting this phrase. Remember, this is the opening to your entire story and the opening to your "opening statement" so this can always be the hardest part. Suggestion:
"The sun shone bright as a gentle breeze swept across Radiant Gardens. Although it was rather early, the town was the pinnacle of peace and quiet."
I don't know, something along those lines. Feel free to play with it because I know that no two writers are bound to have the same style
(1) This phrase/sentence sounds a bit awkward. If you omit "out" then the integrity of the sentence still remains and you rid yourself of extra fluff-words that don't really belong. Also, replace "as" with "once." The former doesn't help with the flow/train of thought provided.
(2) Make this idea (not the fragment) a seperate sentence. It disrupts the whole thing. Instead you could go with: "After...., she glanced around the room to reassure herself that her grandmother wasn't looking. Seeing as her grandmother was nowhere in sight, she decided to put a few toys under her bed."
Again, you don't have to use what I wrote. You're more than welcome to play around with it and make it your own.
Okay I made a few omission edits.
(1) I'm a fiend for elipses... <-- See. When there's two elipses following each other, as seen, it loses its effect and merit. So omit one or omit both because they're kind of unnecessary.
Consistency is key. If you're going to capitalize "grandma" (when someone is refering to her as such) then do so throughout the entire piece.
Revise this. You can see the repetition and inconsistencies in the bolded portion. You can fix it like this, for example, "'I'll get it,' Kairi exclaimed at the sound of the doorbell. She then happily ran..." It's not perfect but it rectifies the mistake.
OVERALL:
So far it's pretty cute. The content isn't bad at all, it's just the execution. Through out the piece you struggled with tenses and consistency but it's nothing a little revision can't fix! I see you've written another chapter and I can't wait to read that too Kairi is characterized pretty well for a 5 year old girl (trust me I have a little sister that age) so that's a definite plus. Isa and Lea are done well seeing how this is only the first chapter. Can't wait to see more development.
Thank you so much, I went through and changed the suggestions you made as well. I really appreciate that you were willing to look through this and critique it for me!
Better suited, perhaps(Tifa would probably make most sense) but for comedic purposes, these two are perfect~ Better than Yuffie at least, could you imagine! :3 Thank you so so so much for reading, the next chapter will be up very shortly.I love this story so much You did a great job including all of those characters, especially Cloud, Tifa, and Aerith; and I can't think of any characters from Radient Garden that would be better suited for the role of babysitters than Isa and Lea, haha, it's so much fun to read. Also, the way you included Namine's doll as "Nana" in the beginning was incredibly clever. You're truly gifted, and I'm excited to see more
I enjoy little Kairi and Ienzo meetings, they are so fun to write~Oh man this is pretty good. Kairi meeting Inzeo was interesting.
Hehe, him? Whomever do you mean? c:I do hope Lea and Isa can get to her......oh God what his she meets him!
I think it went well, usually my tales of the two have completely one-sided conversations. Not sure if this is the preferable alternative, though~ ;Phaha was good seeing kairi try and get to know ienzo was great xD