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Stars of Destiny(Chapter Seven is up)
- Thread starter Kingdomkeylight
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Re: Stars of Destiny
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Great start to the story ^__^ I can't wait to read more of it ^---^
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Great start to the story ^__^ I can't wait to read more of it ^---^
Re: Stars of Destiny
Deleted for future revamp.
Deleted for future revamp.
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Re: Stars of Destiny
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Nice introduction of Mindy into the story ^--^ Can't wait to read more of the other character.
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Nice introduction of Mindy into the story ^--^ Can't wait to read more of the other character.
Re: Stars of Destiny
Deleted for future revamp.
Deleted for future revamp.
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Re: Stars of Destiny
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Another good chapter ^---^ Really going to be interesting seeing more of Iochu ^_^
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Another good chapter ^---^ Really going to be interesting seeing more of Iochu ^_^
Re: Stars of Destiny
Thanks Seph2. Ya Iochu is a very messed up character. Its a little hard to use him though i myslef though the creator have already had issues on how to go forward with the character that is until a great idea popped into my head.
Thanks Seph2. Ya Iochu is a very messed up character. Its a little hard to use him though i myslef though the creator have already had issues on how to go forward with the character that is until a great idea popped into my head.
Re: Stars of Destiny
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lol oh really cool ^^ I can't wait to see what idea this'll be ^--^
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lol oh really cool ^^ I can't wait to see what idea this'll be ^--^
Re: Stars of Destiny
Ya well you will have to be very patient then it will take a while before it could be used until then the other 7 warlords will be introduced. Time to time Iochu will be in though.
Ya well you will have to be very patient then it will take a while before it could be used until then the other 7 warlords will be introduced. Time to time Iochu will be in though.
A
Audo
Guest
Re: Stars of Destiny
The use of "the" gives the feeling that we should know specifically which root this is that his "best" tripped over. But it wasn't mentioned until now. "An" would be for fitting.
The dialogue should be split into two sentences.
It should be "short red hair". It's awkward otherwise.
The sentence should end at "out of his face".
A new sentence should start at "looking".
", he was filled" should be added to make the sentence complete.
Sentence should end at "accident". Either make the next bit a new sentence, or join it to the previous sentence with a comma and conjunction or a semi-colon.
UGH. I can't edit this anymore. You just have so many grammar and spelling issues it is completely beyond me. Trying to fix this was tiring and exhausting and I've realized that the entire piece continues to make the same mistakes over and over again.
You seriously need to proofread/get someone else to proofread your writing before you post it, because it's pretty much just a clusterfuck of grammar mistakes.
Run-ons, dialogue grammar, complete sentences, etc. Look into them.
You realize this isn't a word, right?
Ugh, bad grammar.
Awkward sounding.
Oh boy.
His best what?
The use of "the" gives the feeling that we should know specifically which root this is that his "best" tripped over. But it wasn't mentioned until now. "An" would be for fitting.
Holy Run-On Batman. Seriously, break these sentences up, they're awkward and forced otherwise.
The dialogue should be split into two sentences.
It should be "short red hair". It's awkward otherwise.
The sentence should end at "out of his face".
A new sentence should start at "looking".
", he was filled" should be added to make the sentence complete.
Sentence should end at "accident". Either make the next bit a new sentence, or join it to the previous sentence with a comma and conjunction or a semi-colon.
Holy fuck son. How can you not see the issues with this sentence? They practically bleed.
Huge Sentence Fragment.
UGH. I can't edit this anymore. You just have so many grammar and spelling issues it is completely beyond me. Trying to fix this was tiring and exhausting and I've realized that the entire piece continues to make the same mistakes over and over again.
You seriously need to proofread/get someone else to proofread your writing before you post it, because it's pretty much just a clusterfuck of grammar mistakes.
Run-ons, dialogue grammar, complete sentences, etc. Look into them.
Re: Stars of Destiny
Alrighty then after careful concideration I have fixed almost every single grammer error.(Well hopefully lol).
Alrighty then after careful concideration I have fixed almost every single grammer error.(Well hopefully lol).
Re: Stars of Destiny
Well, unfortunately, you didn't fix most of your errors. In fact, it doesn't look like you fixed much. So, instead of going through every single error you made (and trust me, that would take a while). I'll have you do some of the work. The upside to this tactic is that if you really want to improve, you'll look this over. Below, is a link to English grammar rules. Please go through them so that you can figure out what not to do. Focus on the "Word and Sentence Level" and "Paragraph Level" sections.
Guide to Grammar and Writing
Well, unfortunately, you didn't fix most of your errors. In fact, it doesn't look like you fixed much. So, instead of going through every single error you made (and trust me, that would take a while). I'll have you do some of the work. The upside to this tactic is that if you really want to improve, you'll look this over. Below, is a link to English grammar rules. Please go through them so that you can figure out what not to do. Focus on the "Word and Sentence Level" and "Paragraph Level" sections.
Guide to Grammar and Writing
Re: Stars of Destiny
You need to do a lot more work if you want to improve.
I couldn't really read this. Everything seems so unorganized and messy.
Here's a fun fact: Ellipsis (...) only has three periods and then you hit space after the last one. Only three. Having ".." and even more than three just makes you look like a dumbass.
You need to do a lot more work if you want to improve.
I couldn't really read this. Everything seems so unorganized and messy.
Here's a fun fact: Ellipsis (...) only has three periods and then you hit space after the last one. Only three. Having ".." and even more than three just makes you look like a dumbass.
Re: Stars of Destiny
Nevermore: Yet again dont have spell check but shall use the link for help.
Annoyance:Like I have said I am not perfect. Will take Ellipsis fact to heart though.
Nevermore: Yet again dont have spell check but shall use the link for help.
Annoyance:Like I have said I am not perfect. Will take Ellipsis fact to heart though.
Re: Stars of Destiny
Become perfection. Don't take the first draft as the final. I've rewritten some of my stuff probably 20 times over, tweaked it, rewrote it again, then tweaked it some more. Some of my stuff I'm still editing occasionally.
Become perfection. Don't take the first draft as the final. I've rewritten some of my stuff probably 20 times over, tweaked it, rewrote it again, then tweaked it some more. Some of my stuff I'm still editing occasionally.
Re: Stars of Destiny
Annoyance: That statement I completely agree with and these have came up with a better way to cut out a lot more of the mistakes.
My technique stop being lazy and just upload spell check. Which I have now used to redo chapters 1 and 2 now on to chapter 3's rewrite.
Annoyance: That statement I completely agree with and these have came up with a better way to cut out a lot more of the mistakes.
My technique stop being lazy and just upload spell check. Which I have now used to redo chapters 1 and 2 now on to chapter 3's rewrite.
A
Audo
Guest
Re: Stars of Destiny
Find and download Open Office.
Find and download Open Office.
Re: Stars of Destiny
Annoyance: Well I have already redone the chapters, I down loaded word and just used it's spell check program so the chapters above should make sense if not tell me and i will just upload a more complex program.
Bitter: Well... same thing I said to her.
Annoyance: Well I have already redone the chapters, I down loaded word and just used it's spell check program so the chapters above should make sense if not tell me and i will just upload a more complex program.
Bitter: Well... same thing I said to her.
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