Random Poetry

[Miss Murder]

On the latest:

First one should rhyme more, have a better rhythm and such.

Second one ... how should I phrase this? Keep the sequences of lines in each sequence equal in length and flow. I'll probably have to elaborate on that ... but oh well.

On the third ... you're raping the same words for a while there. When using poetry, you shouldn't use the same words to rhyme with each other. It throws off most of the poem and everything.

But the emotions expressed in your writing are exquisite.

Some good advice I have for you:

Don't spit out poetry like Brittany Spear's babies. =/
Quality over quanity, love, quality over quanity.

What I'm saying is that it's better to have one awesome poem a month than to have six that need more improving on a week. That was an exaggeration, but you get my point.

<3
I luv joo!!

Keep it up.
You'll be an amazing writer in no time, though you're quite a good one as it is.

 

[axel_lover16]

heres a poem us guys will like

here by my side its heaven

here by my side an angel
here by my side the devil
here by my side the faith
here by my side its heaven

here by my side your kindness
here by my side your danger
here by my side the heart within
here by my side its heaven

here by my side my destiny
here by my side my fantasy
here by my side were family
here by my side its heaven

all of this is within me
all of this is within you
you cant see it but you can feel it
here by my side its heaven

 

[Darkness Princess]

*blinks*
Ummm thanks for the poem axel_lover16?

Lycy, I get what you mean over the quality over quantity but the thing with me is I tend to write when stuff happen... This has been quite the eventful week... I'll try to limit my overuse of some words for rhyme as you so very kindly pointed out. The flow in some on my poems aren't as natural and I think I get what also, when it doesn't flow the way I expect it to, the sentences turn out weird and stuff. Oh and I did understand most if not all of what you said.

Thank you Lycy for your critique. *huggles*

 

[Darkness Princess]

Well, its been a while since I posted here, over a month actually...
Anyways, I started writing again but my writing skills are kinda rusty so please forgive the not-niceness of it all. XD

First one is based on a description of someone my friend gave me and the second is in reply to a poem my beloved wrote.


This is who you are.
Twisted, yet thoughtful.
A freak, yet beautiful.
You...
You're a mystery sometimes...
But that's what makes you,
The best companion.

You're violent,
Yet tranquil deep down.
You're pure,
Yet claim to be tainted.
You're unafraid,
In love and in hate.
This is who you are.

--------------

You are Sara.
Forever a dreamer living in her world.
Eternally the optimist deep down,
Always striving forward,
Determined to hold your own ground.
Constantly wanting to be alive,
Never-endingly wishing to be free.
Afraid to love, yet not afraid to love me

 

[Blue]

Great poems DP,I was already wondering when you'll be posting your next poem ;D

 

[Darkness Princess]

My friend is adorable and she asked me to write a poem for her... I wrote this. =3

Unicorn.

Crystal clear, ice blue eyes.
Purity, that contains no lies.
Pure white mane,
Wild, free, forever untamed.

Diamond hard horn,
Rainbows of lore.
I am the creature of the unknown,
I am, a unicorn...

Flashes of white,
I run through these forests at night,
I will protect you as long as you believe.
I do exist, just watch for me.

I am a creature of lore,
At least, to those who cannot see.
But to, who watches and dreams,
I am the unicorn and I am real.

Battles of darkness,
I'll fight against the hornless ones...
I'll destroy those who have lost their faith.
Those who no longer live beneath the sun.

I am untamed,
I bow down to no one.
But for you,
I may make a momentary change.

Sharp horns of diamond,
Crystal blue eyes,
I am the unicorn,
A creature of moonlight

 

[Thor.]

Sorry I haven't hung out here more but. . . I'm not actually much for reading poems. . .but I felt I owed you an appearence. . . they're pretty good stuff Deep.

 

[Darkness Princess]

Heh, ^_^
You don't owe me an appearance, love.
I read your poems because I enjoy them. <3

 

[Thor.]

Oh. . . .well Baloon Animals Can't Bite.. . . . . . . . ..

 

[Darkness Princess]

Hmmm...
I know I should get the meaning-ness of that but I'm dumb... Explain please?

 

[Thor.]

You mean the pome ?

 

[Darkness Princess]

Yesh, the poem you wrote.

 

[Blue]

My friend is adorable and she asked me to write a poem for her... I wrote this. =3

Unicorn.

Crystal clear, ice blue eyes.
Purity, that contains no lies.
Pure white mane,
Wild, free, forever untamed.

Diamond hard horn,
Rainbows of lore.
I am the creature of the unknown,
I am, a unicorn...

Flashes of white,
I run through these forests at night,
I will protect you as long as you believe.
I do exist, just watch for me.

I am a creature of lore,
At least, to those who cannot see.
But to, who watches and dreams,
I am the unicorn and I am real.

Battles of darkness,
I'll fight against the hornless ones...
I'll destroy those who have lost their faith.
Those who no longer live beneath the sun.

I am untamed,
I bow down to no one.
But for you,
I may make a momentary change.

Sharp horns of diamond,
Crystal blue eyes,
I am the unicorn,
A creature of moonlight

Great poem DP.
I always enjoy reading good poems. :3

 

[Darkness Princess]

Thanks, love.

 

[Cicero]

I normally just write up a single line and the rest just seems to flow, I guess.

Same here, I always start with just a line or word which intrigues me, or just pops into my mind, and just...let it flow like you said. Perfect description. And great poems. ^^

Haven't read all of them, just a few, but I will be sure to. Keep it up! =)

 

[Darkness Princess]

Eh... Old poem I wrote, my friend gave me a description of his ideal female and I just stole a couple of his ideas and turned them into this poem. =3

Emerald green eyes stare at me.
Framed by thick black eyelashes.
Pale white skin, illuminated by inner light.
Sweet smile of roses.

Raven haired.
My goddess of beauty.
Smile for me.
Catch my breath in your hands.

Dance with me.
My goddess of serenity.
Hold onto my heart.
Let us dance.

Graceful you are.
My goddess of Dreams.
Enchanting me with your every step.
My every moment captivated by you.

 

[Thor.]

OOOOOHHoooh. . ... . I know a girl like that.

 

[Darkness Princess]

...Right...
I want an introduction, a phone number, a picture and an address, please.

 

[Darkness Princess]

Eh... New poem... My friend is going through some stuff at the moment, wrote a poem based on it...
The original idea was from someone else but I managed to finish it cos of this friend. <3

Stab it.

I dont want to be harsh
You know I hate it
But you know I'm right.
You know she's not worth it.

She doesn't deserve the choice.
Its not hers to make.
To be his or yours.
She shouldn't have it

Always changing,
Unable to make her mind.
Do you think she's worth this?
A person who so easilly lies?

You give her the chance.
To own up on her own.
You wait,
Do you think she'll do it?

You give her the choice.
To pick you one last time.
To pick him, Say goodbye forever.
He or you?

I'd hate to be mean.
You know its not me.
I've never been wrong before.
Trust me, she's not worth it.

 

[Candy Man]

Awesome. I like the perspective of it.