Help/Support ► My mother's an alcoholic.

[Archetype00x]

I'm aware this doesn't even come close to some of the things people on here have to face, and I respect that; I'm just looking for some an advice on how to handle the situation.

My mother has been drinking for as long as I can remember; she inherits it from my grandfather, who gave up drinking after he nearly killed my grandmother. It hasn't always been as bad as it is - she just got a little goofy and then my dad would escort her to bed. But then my dad made some really bad decisions, and my mom found out that he was doing things behind her back, and the only way she could handle the situation was by drinking. That was how she got addicted. Even after they divorced, she continued to do it, and last month she got arrested for attacking my dad. She stopped for a while, and then started again. We've tried talking to her about it, but she refuses to take any of it and just walks away. I don't think she even wants to accept it. She only gets drunk at night, but when she gets drunk, she gets really drunk. She gets belligerent, and she antagonizes everyone, taking everything as a reference to my dad's absence in the house. There have been times where I get scared that she'll kill herself. Sometimes she just sits and sobs, and no one can do anything to get her to go to bed or to calm down. It's tearing me apart. If anyone has any suggestions on what course of action I should take, please, share. Thanks.

 

[afrobutt]

Nothing you can do. If your mum wants to stop drinking, then you can help her by supporting her and such.

Otherwise, get over it. I hate to be so blunt, but there isn't a damn thing you can do when you're dealing with a serious alcoholic who doesn't care about anything besides their own problems.

Get used to dealing with it, all I can say helpful-wise.

And don't let anyone here tell you that the AA can help, cuz they can't. Only your mum can help herself.

 

[nelly <3]

My real dad is an alcoholic.
except, unlike you I never cared.
So, I'd just ignore him, and minded my own business.

so, I wouldn't know what to say. probably just, it's her choice if she wants to quit.
Other than that, don't even bother because it's very hard to break an addict's cycle.

 

[violent_anger]

Get her hooked on something like video games. Hands holding a controller can't hold beer too.

 

[big don mega]

Get her hooked on something like video games. Hands holding a controller can't hold beer too.

thats is horrable advise, im proof that that's a lie. i can drink smoke and play video games at the same time, not well but still at the same time.

all that you can do is try to let her know that it's hurting you and be supportive if she comes around to quit. there isn't much that you can do in a situation like this

 

[afrobutt]

Get her hooked on something like video games. Hands holding a controller can't hold beer too.

You underestimate modern society

 

[violent_anger]

Yeah, I was aware of that. But I never got how you kept those from sticking in your nose or something.

 

[Lycanthrope]

I'm going through a similar situation with my dad, who's addicted to crystal meth, cocaine, and speed, among the many of them.

Really, if its bothering you, try talking to your mom. I was bothered with my dad, but I'll be honest and say I refuse to talk to him at this point. Like, he's been addicted since he was a freshman in high school according to my uncle, who I just found out got him hooked. And at this point, he's been on essentially a permanent high. Like, he reeks of meth. He even started to smoke and drink to throw of the essence of the meth, which leaves particles after you take it. I can't even loo khim in the face anymore, especially since it led to an affair.

Really, talking to her might be the best way. I'm not sure how into it your mom exactly is, but it might be the best way. I wish I could take my own advice.

If you wanna talk about it more in depth, just PM me.

 

[ViVi94]

Ningacom, all I can say to that is lol . IDK why, it just made me crack up. Anyway, I think you'd have to do something extream to get her to realize that drinking wont solve anything. As childish as it sounds, tell her you wont talk to her until she's sober, and keep it that way, when she gets drunk, stop talking again. Hey, it might work. *shrugs*

 

[Princess of KH]

I've never been through anything like this, but i knew a girl who went through a similar situation.
First off, just want to say i sympathize. I'd hate going through something like that.
Try talking to your mom about your concerns when she's totally & completely sober. Make sure she knows that your concerned for her, & that you just want to help. Her drinking sounds a lot like it's her escape from all her pain. She could be crying because she feels like no one understands her pain or cares about it. Let her know that you honestly care.
Idk if this will work at all, but i still wanted to say it.
Good luck.

 

[afrobutt]

Ningacom, all I can say to that is lol . IDK why, it just made me crack up. Anyway, I think you'd have to do something extream to get her to realize that drinking wont solve anything. As childish as it sounds, tell her you wont talk to her until she's sober, and keep it that way, when she gets drunk, stop talking again. Hey, it might work. *shrugs*

won't work

I've never been through anything like this, but i knew a girl who went through a similar situation.
First off, just want to say i sympathize. I'd hate going through something like that.
Try talking to your mom about your concerns when she's totally & completely sober. Make sure she knows that your concerned for her, & that you just want to help. Her drinking sounds a lot like it's her escape from all her pain. She could be crying because she feels like no one understands her pain or cares about it. Let her know that you honestly care.
Idk if this will work at all, but i still wanted to say it.
Good luck.

won't work

Get used to dealing with it, all I can say helpful-wise.

So far, the only advise that will actually help you

 

[LuvKyou]

I've been through this exact same thing...I chose to ignore it and well...Things got worse.
Tell your mum how you feel, like when she's sober. Just calmly sit down and talk to her about how it is affecting you. If that doesn't work, well..There isn't much you can do. She'll have to realize what she's doing is really bad and how it is making you feel as well as the people around you. Just keep an eye on her when she gets into the whole sobbing and suicidal thing... Ignoring the problem will not help. >=| It might lead to even worse things like she would actually attempt suicide. Get her to go see someone. A professional or maybe get a close friend of hers to talk to her or maybe a relative. You should also try talking to someone about this like you could talk to a school counsillor or something. It helps to talk about it. Umm..that's all I can think of right now. PM me if you want my advice or anything. Im always happy to help.

Luv.

 

[Danica Syer]

It's not good to ignore the situation. It won't work and it will NOT help. If you do, it'll make it worse.
Something I learn for sure. Another thing, if you leave her alone, don't do it too much. It'll make the situation worser.
Try talking to her when she's sober and telling her how you feel and etc. I know that can help.
And despite what people said about AAA not helping, I'm just gonna say. At least try that.
Or go to a counseluer and do you have a friend you can talk to about? Or at least have somebody who's gotten help through that stuff?
Also not to mention maybe it's her own decision and yeah, she could try to stop herself.
But one things for certain: An acoholic's addiction is HARD to break. It's like they are going to keep running in a circle and it is hard to break the circle. So it might not be easy but if she keeps trying no matter how much the pain is and all....help her get through it and reassure her you are there.
Sorry if that's not helpful by the way.
GOOD LUCK!

 

[violent_anger]

see if you can find brochures that are really graphic. those ones with pictures of alcoholics sitting in prison and homeless and who got ripped in half by car crashes. leave them around the house and wait for her to pick one up.

or drink a little booze, pretend you're really really drunk, and uh....fall through a window? try to eat a chair? something.

 

[Stavvy]

The way I see it, you have three options. . .

1. Talk to her when she's sober and not hung over. No one wants to be bothered in that sort of state, but I'm sure you knew that.

2. Just ignore her. If she ever asks why you're ignoring her, say something about how you hate that she drinks, or whatever.

3. Become her drinking buddy and pick up a brewski whenever she does. You'll at least get along better. . .

 

[Iwrestledabearonce]

And don't let anyone here tell you that the AA can help, cuz they can't. Only your mum can help herself.

Ah, failed advice. ;] Ever known somebody close to you in AA?

AA helps a shit-ton of people. Really. It does. Such as my mother.

Thing is, your mom has to WANT to quit, before AA helps out. It's not really a "Oh, AA does all the work for me, gee, I can just sit back and fix my life" thing. AA isn't there to sort your life out; it's pretty much a support group for people whom have been able to be sober.

It's just a helping hand.

Anyways, well, my mom realized she had a serious problem, and went to rehab for it. It was her own doing. But she was also a cocaine and sleeping medication addict.

Still, if your mom WANTS to quit, by all means, recommend her to AA.

 

[violent_anger]

Nothing you can do. If your mum wants to stop drinking, then you can help her by supporting her and such.

Otherwise, get over it. I hate to be so blunt, but there isn't a damn thing you can do when you're dealing with a serious alcoholic who doesn't care about anything besides their own problems.

Get used to dealing with it, all I can say helpful-wise.

And don't let anyone here tell you that the AA can help, cuz they can't. Only your mum can help herself.

Huh, just realized how stupid this post was. As IN said, AA is a support group. Here, you say that she can support her mom, and seconds later, you say that AA, a support group, wouldn't do any good, and that only the mom can help herself.

 

[Thor.]

3. Become her drinking buddy and pick up a brewski whenever she does. You'll at least get along better. . .

It probably seems like I'm following you around and disagreeing with you.

But (even assuming it was a joke) this was a stupid thing to say.

Anyway man, be there for her. That's the best thing to do. If you're worried she'll kill herself make yourself a reason not to.

 

[Nutari]

Dude you gata tell somebody and if it gets bad enough call the cops. And if she tries tocommit suicide restrain her and call 911. You other guys arnt taking this seoriously. Its not funny and he can help alright!