• Hello everybody! We have tons of new awards for the new year that can be requested through our Awards System thanks to Antifa Lockhart! Some are limited-time awards so go claim them before they are gone forever...

    CLICK HERE FOR AWARDS

Like the Tears She Cried (Poem)



REGISTER TO REMOVE ADS
Status
Not open for further replies.

Diastyl

New member
Joined
Feb 25, 2009
Messages
768
Location
Writing....
Like the tears She Cried



The boy was a six year old, young and wild
He was hard to control and possesive
The girl was also six, a sweet and gentle child
She was caring and never aggressive

They met as young children and began a game
Chasing each other, it was the first one
But he was mean, and still stayed the same
He pushed her to the ground, and found it fun

They were eight and she never complained
About his mean actions and words
It didn't mean that she was never pained
That she had never heard

They were ten and he became worse
Everyone hated him, but liked the girl
And those rumors became a curse
He slapped her now, instead of pulling her curls

One day she told him she loved the boy
And he didn't seem to care
She became his little toy
For everyone to share

The teenage years had gone by
With drinking and smoking cigarretes
And cheating on the young brunette
How he loved to make her cry

Finally, she saw him abusing drugs
The girl told him to stop, she was weak
The boy looks at her and shrugs
He threw a bottle at her and it nearly hit her cheek

He spat out ugly words of hate
And her world became comfortless
The boy glared at her, irate
Not caring about the mess

The girl was crazy, she felt so lost
She had no friends, education or family
It was an expensive cost
For following someone hopeless so willingly?

She sank to the ground, withl despair that never ceases
Inside, her heart was bleeding like the tears she cried
It turned into ice and shattered into a million pieces
Never did he say "I love you" or "Goodbye"

--------------------------

Is it okay? I was kinda bored so I did this...
 

Kiwi +

Joined
Aug 30, 2009
Messages
1,341
Awards
6
aww it is sad..once again..your poems are to awesome.. :)
__________________
 

Lonbilly

Captain Marvel is a lesbian send tweet
Joined
Apr 22, 2007
Messages
6,655
Awards
6
Age
29
Ehhh, it seems a little angsty to me. :/
 

Kiwi +

Joined
Aug 30, 2009
Messages
1,341
Awards
6
Are you going to add a continuation to it? or just leave it as it is?
__________________
 

Reverie

Bronze Member
Joined
Sep 10, 2009
Messages
1,547
Awards
4
This poem is beautiful, but heart-breaking.
Keep up the good work, though!
 

King Sora X

Legendary Member
Joined
Mar 31, 2008
Messages
12,520
Awards
6
Age
32
Location
Nowhere in particular.
Well it is a good concept, and i admire the effort you put into it. But the meaning, its not giving the right images. Jsut the wording you chose sounded a bit odd to me, to be honest. I'm not saying its not good, it is good, just the wording could be slightly altered, and maybe some longer stanzas if you choose to go into a revised version. It might sound a lot better. But hey, you get an A for effort :wink:

Keep at it. :)
 

King Sora X

Legendary Member
Joined
Mar 31, 2008
Messages
12,520
Awards
6
Age
32
Location
Nowhere in particular.
Well some parts of it sounded a bit off-theme. By what i understand, the girl got hurt and beaten. and the way you worded the words, i wasnt feeling as much emotion as i should have when i read the poem. I would suggest trying using metaphors, and symbolical imagery.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top