Kingdom Hearts II Review *no spoilers*

[Cael]

It just really irritates me when a game like this comes out and everyone congratulates everyone else about it. "Congratulations for making this game!" "Congratulations for asking me that!" "Congratulations for selling the game!" "Congratulations for buying it!" "Congratulations for all the stuff you crammed in there! You must really love the fans!"

"Congratulations for liking the game!" When is someone going to congratulate me for not liking the game, huh? Am I out of the club?

I tried to play Kingdom Hearts II, and could only get so far before my handicap (that being the fact that I didn't love the game before I put it in my PlayStation2) got the better of me, and I had to turn it off to play Burnout Revenge some more.


Problems

There are problems with the game. I honestly didn't like it because it was glued together poorly. I'd like to believe that any game, regardless of what kinds of characters it stars, can be a good game as long as it's put together right.

You can be a cube jumping on spheres, and as long as it plays well, it'd still be interesting. What Kingdom Hearts indicates to me is the sacrifice of "design" and "execution" in the name of "business." That, and the consumers seem morbidly all-too-eager to settle. They don't mind that Kingdom Hearts' environments are no more than big boxes with Disney wallpaper, or that the characters' dialogue mostly consists of people introducing themselves, people being dumbstruck that other people say they are who they say they are, and kids moping about how childhood will never last forever.

Do kids, really, worry about such things? Isn't the fact that kids don't worry about losing their youth what makes kids, you know, kids? It would be interesting if the characters were more over-the-top, if the story were more of an absurdist morality play starring infants who whine about their pension plans. It's not, though; it's teenagers with vaguely mid-life angst.

Disney characters are known to whine every now and again -- Ariel, The Little Mermaid, for example, wants to be a human to impress the charming prince -- though I do believe their wishes are granted and/or their lessons are learned in the space of 80-something free-spirited minutes. Kingdom Hearts II stretches on for fifty hours, and the winding-down phase is so full of bizarre turns and depressing crashes and burns that you wonder if these people really know what they're doing. It's not teaching anyone anything; it's not celebrating anything except the raw fact that some people have lots of money, and they can use it to buy a lot more money.

So yes, in conclusion: schlock. (Note that schlock is not to be confused with dreck.)

Score: 2.5/10

I can't believe they would say this.

 

[GrandMaster_Chris]

omg I'm soo mad now, how dare they diss my joint fo sho, I'm gonna bus a cap in someones ass fo sho (jk). Thanks for ruining for me KL, now I don't want it.

 

[Crest]

Wow... that's brutal... but no matter... it isn't going to really affect people who have played the first game...


Edit: Chris-kun... I really hope you were joking... especially with those grammar skills...

 

[Hanatori]

That review is biased and it doesn't even talk about the good points of the game. It doesn't even discuss the main points of the game! Anyway, it's not professional and it just leaves you with an empty feeling. It's very bare. I feel like they're not rating KH2, they're rating corporate businesses...

 

[Crest]

Corporate business?

Is that a food?

But then again... this review IS indeed basing this... garbagy-ish (I made a new word! Yay) review upon mostly business issues... and...

They don't mind that Kingdom Hearts' environments are no more than big boxes with Disney wallpaper

Um... excuse me sir... Have you even looked at it for more than 5 seconds? I've looked like screenshots and it don't look a thng like boxes with Disney Wallpaper... does anyone think that?

 

[Puck]

Gamespot is going destroy this game. You can easily put down a 7.6 from Gamespot. I told it's not going to do good with critics and most gamers in America. KH2 is doomed.

 

[Hanatori]

Of COURSE there aren't any spoilers... they don't even mention Sora at all! They just describe "teenagers with vaguely mid-life angst."

 

[violent_anger]

I tried to play Kingdom Hearts II, and could only get so far before my handicap (that being the fact that I didn't love the game before I put it in my PlayStation2) got the better of me, and I had to turn it off to play Burnout Revenge some more.

clearly that guy didnt play very much of it (cospiracy nut bitch)

 

[Dexter]

SAy wha? The 1up preveiw an IGN preveiw loved kh2 they couldnt stop taliking about how good it is. This person has no idea what he's taliking about? You can clearly see that he is unproffesinal an he hates the first kh.

 

[Puck]

When he said he went to play Burnout Revenge, that was a big clue on what type of gamer he is.

 

[PSPForDummies]

This guy is writing it like the game is targeted only at kids that are 7 years old. This game is targeted at a huge audience, not just the ones who actually watch disney movies

 

[cd1105]

This guy is writing it like the game is targeted only at kids that are 7 years old. This game is targeted at a huge audience, not just the ones who actually watch disney movies

i would like to second that =) when he writes this review iz he presuading ppl not to buy it? LOL i doubt that 1 review thatz from the internet will not stop any1 who has been waiting YEARS! to play. letz wait for the real reviews

 

[Monkey]

I suggest a good flame email for them. ;P

 

[UnknownEnigma]

^^^do it, no matter from that im just waiting for the game then ill agree with them or not....but thats sad ive heard more good then bad but this is sad....stupid guy

 

[Anaru]

That....that......BASTARD!!!!!!!!>_<

 

[_Odin_]

how could someone be that biased? i've seen footage of the game, and it's pretty kick-ass! i mean, how old is this guy/girl? and does he/she even like RPGs? 'cus if this reviewer doesn't like RPGs, why the %#$^ is even reviewing the game?

that's why i hate some game critics.

EDIT: woohoo! 350th post!

 

[Madness]

Basically, it boils down to people who liked the original Kingdom Hearts and people who didn't. The ones who didn't like KH1 are the ones giving it bad reviews. That's all it really is.

 

[velocity2325]

thats really retard. probably he isnt to games like kh. anyways its the japanese verision wait till they see the english verision

 

[letsplaycroquet]

Lol pig.

This guy didnt even talk about gameplay. Just stuff like, "It had a bad story and the backgrounds sucked. It sucked don't play dis play HALO!!!!" (although I admit halo is fun too).

He probaly just read a summary and assumed the game sucked.

 

[Crest]

^ That probably is true... and a flame letter?

Nah... that'll just cause more hatred... feh...

The reviewer is definitely a rpg-hater...