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Reika Noko

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to me it seems you want something to show that she loves you, but then i keep reading and it just seems like its just her appearance that bugged you the most and how that wasnt an effort. can you be more specific on how she doesnt show her affection towards you?


just be yourself and try to influence her to do the same.

All of the following quotes you will have to read, despite being tl;dr, to understand (and add on to your opinion) that she really isn't putting much effort as much as he is to her back (you know, parts where not also does she stop making herself attractive anymore) .

So basically, she just annoys me now. I thought about breaking up with her, but I feel too guilty. I am the first boy she claims to ever have been in love with, and the only guy she has lasted with for over three months, and she just constantly tells me that I'm the most amazing thing that has ever happened to her and she would die without me. Her mom loves me, which makes it even more awkward.

It seems like all of the feelings that I used to have for her are slipping away, because she stops trying to be the person she is, and just waits for me to do things to make her life better. I'm more her slave than I am her boyfriend. So, there are definitely things I love(d) about her, but she just isn't the same person anymore. I don't feel the same spark when I see her, and everything is too perfect and boring.

I had a conversation with her about a month ago where I said I wasn't really happy and everything was too boring, and all she did was start hysterically crying, and I ended up apologizing for things I didn't feel like I should have apologized for, only because I felt bad that I made her cry. She ended up saying "Just try to be happy, okay?" which really ate away at me. I do SO much to make her happy, but she just magically wants me to make myself happy? Eventually we both just dropped it, because I realized I hated seeing her sad when I made her cry. I assumed it was just a phase that would go away, but it hasn't.
These parts of the story make it seem like she's clingy. But seriously, though it may be the case that she loves you to the point of being attached to the relationship, you keep on spoiling her. She's probably thinking, 'He's really great. He won't ever leave me if he treats me so nicely like this, right? Right?' Though that speculation is imo. This is her first relationship like this with a boy, right? So it must be natural to be clingy. And the first ones would seem like a fairytale to someone starting out for the first time, right?

...I do wonder if there will ever be a time where you might have to ask her, "What you do to prove how much you love me?"

Also to add on, just seems like she loves you just for the relationship status. Shit sucks, I've been through the same thing and I could barely tolerate it for a month, somehow I mustered 6. Like Rei said it seems as if this might be her first serious relationship so naturally she's novice at the aspect of a real relationship; basically she's considering this as somewhat of an elementary school type of relationship. If she can't consider your feelings then I'd break up with her, yeah there are things that you love about her, that I can understand but she might not really feel the same way.

Gah I fucking suck at this.

At this point, I feel like I have two options.

1. I become a slight dick to her so that she tries harder to impress me, while at the same time I get a break from being extremely nice. Mean, but it works.

2. I talk it out with her and ignore the tears, which risks making her even more clingy but could also help.

The problem is, the few fights that we have had, she always says like "I'm sorry, I understand now, you need attention too, I need to be less selfish, I get it, I'm really sorry" but she never really does anything to change. She just says that.

Just glossy words, huh?
Option 2 or break up with her.
 

Reneeski

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Stop doing so much to make her happy.
Make her try to support you to make you happy.
This should be an equal relationship.
If she doesn't get the hint, break up with her gently
I've seen girls cry even when they are the dumpers.
 

Faith Crest

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You both need to sit down and talk this through. I don't think breaking up with her would make things any better because you need to voice your concerns and she needs to know them. This way, you won't feel as insecure and it might make you feel so much better getting them out into the open. I'm a girl myself and yes, some of us may cry at these things. She sounds like a sweet girl, but it's best if you tell her the truth - that it's annoying to hear her gratitude all the time. Maybe she should show it in a different way instead of saying it all the time?

Anyway, good luck with the girlfriend. Hope it all goes well.
 

Lifes.Lover

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Okay, I want to know.

What exactly is she not doing that upsets you? Is it just because she's not trying to look pretty anymore? Because, if that's it, then you can go fuck off and she should be the one to dump you. Relationships are not about loving someone for the way they look. It's about loving them for their personality, and the way you make them happy and them you. If the only way she's making you happy is when she tried to look nice all the time, then fuck that and get the hell out of the relationship. That's doing a disservice to both you and her, because she deserves a guy that doesn't care what she looks like 24/7 and you deserve a girl who will always try to impress you, no matter what you feel about her. She shouldn't have to look nice to make you happy.

If there's more, than you need to talk to her about it. Being a dick to her won't do you any good. It'll just make her doubt the relationship, and make her confused. After all, here's her knight in shining armor, who's good to her and treats her well, and damn if this isn't a great relationship, and all of a sudden he's starting to act like a asshole? That doesn't look good in her eyes, it won't have her strive to change, and if it does than it's for the wrong reasons, 'cuz she'll only be doing it to make you be the way you were before, and that kind of change is wrong for the both of you. She should do it because she wants to change, not because she wants to change for you to be the way you were before.
 

Aqua13

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Okay, I want to know.

What exactly is she not doing that upsets you? Is it just because she's not trying to look pretty anymore? Because, if that's it, then you can go fuck off and she should be the one to dump you. Relationships are not about loving someone for the way they look. It's about loving them for their personality, and the way you make them happy and them you. If the only way she's making you happy is when she tried to look nice all the time, then fuck that and get the hell out of the relationship. That's doing a disservice to both you and her, because she deserves a guy that doesn't care what she looks like 24/7 and you deserve a girl who will always try to impress you, no matter what you feel about her. She shouldn't have to look nice to make you happy.

If there's more, than you need to talk to her about it. Being a dick to her won't do you any good. It'll just make her doubt the relationship, and make her confused. After all, here's her knight in shining armor, who's good to her and treats her well, and damn if this isn't a great relationship, and all of a sudden he's starting to act like a asshole? That doesn't look good in her eyes, it won't have her strive to change, and if it does than it's for the wrong reasons, 'cuz she'll only be doing it to make you be the way you were before, and that kind of change is wrong for the both of you. She should do it because she wants to change, not because she wants to change for you to be the way you were before.

I agree, this is what i was trying to get at, but i guess i was being to specific on something else
 

Chris

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What exactly is she not doing that upsets you? Is it just because she's not trying to look pretty anymore? Because, if that's it, then you can go fuck off and she should be the one to dump you. Relationships are not about loving someone for the way they look. It's about loving them for their personality, and the way you make them happy and them you. If the only way she's making you happy is when she tried to look nice all the time, then fuck that and get the hell out of the relationship. That's doing a disservice to both you and her, because she deserves a guy that doesn't care what she looks like 24/7 and you deserve a girl who will always try to impress you, no matter what you feel about her. She shouldn't have to look nice to make you happy.

Did you even read the god damn thread

Topic locked because after the second page the good advice turned into shitty advice because some woman and Shade(numbers here) think I'm shallow.

I'm fucking 15, get over yourselves.

I told her we needed a break, but I probably won't ever be renewing this relationship. Because I just wanted her for her looks and she wouldn't let me whip it out and jam it in.
 
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