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Chris

I share this account w/ my mom lmao
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So uh, I usually don't post anything serious in H&S, but I figured I have nothing to lose.

To put it simply, I put an extremely large amount of effort into my relationship with my girlfriend. She says I am the best thing that has ever happened to her. Lately, I haven't really been happy. All the effort I put into making her life happy is only returned to me through verbal gratitude. In other words, instead of going out of her way to make me as happy as I make her, she just tells me how thankful she is that I'm a good boyfriend. It was cute for about a month, now it is just annoying.

She stopped putting effort into looking attractive, because she assumes now that she has a boyfriend I will love her no matter what. Almost every day is no makeup, hair up, sweats, all the stuff guys get sick of.

She doesn't care about horribly embarrassing herself in front of me, because she assumes I will just find it cute.

It isn't very cute.

So basically, she just annoys me now. I thought about breaking up with her, but I feel too guilty. I am the first boy she claims to ever have been in love with, and the only guy she has lasted with for over three months, and she just constantly tells me that I'm the most amazing thing that has ever happened to her and she would die without me. Her mom loves me, which makes it even more awkward.

It seems like all of the feelings that I used to have for her are slipping away, because she stops trying to be the person she is, and just waits for me to do things to make her life better. I'm more her slave than I am her boyfriend. So, there are definitely things I love(d) about her, but she just isn't the same person anymore. I don't feel the same spark when I see her, and everything is too perfect and boring.

I had a conversation with her about a month ago where I said I wasn't really happy and everything was too boring, and all she did was start hysterically crying, and I ended up apologizing for things I didn't feel like I should have apologized for, only because I felt bad that I made her cry. She ended up saying "Just try to be happy, okay?" which really ate away at me. I do SO much to make her happy, but she just magically wants me to make myself happy? Eventually we both just dropped it, because I realized I hated seeing her sad when I made her cry. I assumed it was just a phase that would go away, but it hasn't.

So, my question to KHI is, how can I make her try harder to actually earn my affection, instead of assuming I will keep living to please her? I don't want to just be a dirtbag or a jerk to her, because that isn't the type of person I am. I am a genuinely nice boyfriend, but it seems like it's biting me in the ass because my affection is taken for granted. I just want her to remember that she should be keeping me happy too, and I don't consider that to be a selfish thing to say.

Has anyone encountered a problem like this before? I don't want my niceness to actually be the thing that causes me to stop loving my girlfriend, but it seems like that is the case. I either want to be able to feel secure about breaking up with her (which I doubt will happen because of the guilt) or, preferably, find a way to fix my relationship and reignite my feelings for her. The latter, though, can only be done if I make it clear to her that she isn't keeping me happy and has to continue to put effort into the relationship like I am.

Any input is appreciated.


tl;dr Just read it, please.
 

Reika Noko

Forever lurking
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Pretty much she's taking advantage of you due to you trying so hard to keep her happy. Maybe she misinterpreted that you might have been desperate to keep her as a girlfriend and would try anything just to make you her boy toy. Girls are generally manipulative, especially in a relationship. So they know that whenever they would cry or start hysterically worry about whether or not their relationship would last, the boyfriend would instantly become guilty and stay with her, just as the trap would intend the effect to be. In some cases, they would round up this act together in hopes that the guy will forever be the slave. In other cases, just be done because they take being single too seriously and had started getting clingy.

And so, if the guy doesn't stand up for himself like a real man and actually not care about whatever the girl does, the girl will just end up to be the dominant one until one of the either break up with the other (most likely the girl). Some ways the guy would try and balance this relationship is talking it out, talking it out without caring about her bitching, or dump her before she dumps him after having either a whole speech about what the guy was exactly feeling or saying that she's "bored with you, found someone else more reliable, too pushy, etc., etc."

Since she noticed that you've been trying to make her happy, you've actually been spoiling her. And with guilt overriding you, you have either the options above or not be such a pushover with keeping the relationship and drop some hints. If she doesn't change and the relationship doesn't really progress, going nowhere to no end, then the only choice is to dump her.
 

nelly <3

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dump her and don't feel bad about it.

its her fault.

i mean, if she really means that you were the best thing. she would have maintained herself well for you nearly everyday.

:[

<- from a girls point of view.
 

Chris

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See, the problem is, I may have made it seem like she was a bitch, but she isn't. She is actually really sweet, but she is just taking me for granted. I'd hate to believe she was just using me and manipulating me, and I have no idea how I could differentiate her just being attached to me and her taking advantage of me.
 

nelly <3

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i think she just wants you to feel pitty for her cuz she's never had anyone "good in her life."

i have nothing against her. its just the way i think.

BTW, your 15. You have a long life ahead of you.
Don't get yourself stuck with one girlfriend your starting not to life for a long time.
 

Zen

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Get a sex change but still dig women.
 

Thor.

Do Our Best
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So uh, I usually don't post anything serious in H&S, but I figured I have nothing to lose.

To put it simply, I put an extremely large amount of effort into my relationship with my girlfriend. She says I am the best thing that has ever happened to her. Lately, I haven't really been happy. All the effort I put into making her life happy is only returned to me through verbal gratitude. In other words, instead of going out of her way to make me as happy as I make her, she just tells me how thankful she is that I'm a good boyfriend. It was cute for about a month, now it is just annoying.

She stopped putting effort into looking attractive, because she assumes now that she has a boyfriend I will love her no matter what. Almost every day is no makeup, hair up, sweats, all the stuff guys get sick of.

She doesn't care about horribly embarrassing herself in front of me, because she assumes I will just find it cute.

It isn't very cute.

So basically, she just annoys me now. I thought about breaking up with her, but I feel too guilty. I am the first boy she claims to ever have been in love with, and the only guy she has lasted with for over three months, and she just constantly tells me that I'm the most amazing thing that has ever happened to her and she would die without me. Her mom loves me, which makes it even more awkward.

It seems like all of the feelings that I used to have for her are slipping away, because she stops trying to be the person she is, and just waits for me to do things to make her life better. I'm more her slave than I am her boyfriend. So, there are definitely things I love(d) about her, but she just isn't the same person anymore. I don't feel the same spark when I see her, and everything is too perfect and boring.

I had a conversation with her about a month ago where I said I wasn't really happy and everything was too boring, and all she did was start hysterically crying, and I ended up apologizing for things I didn't feel like I should have apologized for, only because I felt bad that I made her cry. She ended up saying "Just try to be happy, okay?" which really ate away at me. I do SO much to make her happy, but she just magically wants me to make myself happy? Eventually we both just dropped it, because I realized I hated seeing her sad when I made her cry. I assumed it was just a phase that would go away, but it hasn't.

So, my question to KHI is, how can I make her try harder to actually earn my affection, instead of assuming I will keep living to please her? I don't want to just be a dirtbag or a jerk to her, because that isn't the type of person I am. I am a genuinely nice boyfriend, but it seems like it's biting me in the ass because my affection is taken for granted. I just want her to remember that she should be keeping me happy too, and I don't consider that to be a selfish thing to say.

Has anyone encountered a problem like this before? I don't want my niceness to actually be the thing that causes me to stop loving my girlfriend, but it seems like that is the case. I either want to be able to feel secure about breaking up with her (which I doubt will happen because of the guilt) or, preferably, find a way to fix my relationship and reignite my feelings for her. The latter, though, can only be done if I make it clear to her that she isn't keeping me happy and has to continue to put effort into the relationship like I am.

Any input is appreciated.


tl;dr Just read it, please.

Welcome to dating.
 
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I agree. You shouldn't get stuck on one relationship.

The same thing basically happened to me. I was dating this girl and all of a sudden the things that I had found attractive just weren't anymore. She told me she loved me and stuff, and I, like the idiot I am, told her I loved her too.

We broke up, and it was bad. She was crying like crazy for the next 2 or 3 days.
 

nelly <3

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I agree. You shouldn't get stuck on one relationship.

The same thing basically happened to me. I was dating this girl and all of a sudden the things that I had found attractive just weren't anymore. She told me she loved me and stuff, and I, like the idiot I am, told her I loved her too.

We broke up, and it was bad. She was crying like crazy for the next 2 or 3 days.

hahaha @ her.

my whole life i've never been able to hold a relationship for more than 2 months.
i just find it too much to be dealing with other people.

so yup. welcome to dating.

i hate it too.
 

Chris

I share this account w/ my mom lmao
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I understand that most of you have input on why I should break up with her(which is something that has already been considered and suggested), but do any of you have any ideas on how I can try to regain her affection, or get her to try to impress me again? Because, even if I do decide to end it, I am going to give this a try first, so I'd like to know what the hell I'm doing.
 

Mastermind

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You already know the answer to your question. You need to talk it out and NOT start to baby her when she hears the truth. Yes, crying can be tough to endure, but you've got to be persistent if you're serious about this relationship working out.
 

Zen

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Start spending less time with her. Avoid her for a while, you know what they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder.


But I still lean more toward the sex change. I bet you would make a great lesbian.
 

Reika Noko

Forever lurking
Joined
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Messages
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So basically, she just annoys me now. I thought about breaking up with her, but I feel too guilty. I am the first boy she claims to ever have been in love with, and the only guy she has lasted with for over three months, and she just constantly tells me that I'm the most amazing thing that has ever happened to her and she would die without me. Her mom loves me, which makes it even more awkward.

It seems like all of the feelings that I used to have for her are slipping away, because she stops trying to be the person she is, and just waits for me to do things to make her life better. I'm more her slave than I am her boyfriend. So, there are definitely things I love(d) about her, but she just isn't the same person anymore. I don't feel the same spark when I see her, and everything is too perfect and boring.

I had a conversation with her about a month ago where I said I wasn't really happy and everything was too boring, and all she did was start hysterically crying, and I ended up apologizing for things I didn't feel like I should have apologized for, only because I felt bad that I made her cry. She ended up saying "Just try to be happy, okay?" which really ate away at me. I do SO much to make her happy, but she just magically wants me to make myself happy? Eventually we both just dropped it, because I realized I hated seeing her sad when I made her cry. I assumed it was just a phase that would go away, but it hasn't.
These parts of the story make it seem like she's clingy. But seriously, though it may be the case that she loves you to the point of being attached to the relationship, you keep on spoiling her. She's probably thinking, 'He's really great. He won't ever leave me if he treats me so nicely like this, right? Right?' Though that speculation is imo. This is her first relationship like this with a boy, right? So it must be natural to be clingy. And the first ones would seem like a fairytale to someone starting out for the first time, right?

...I do wonder if there will ever be a time where you might have to ask her, "What you do to prove how much you love me?"
 

Iridium

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Also to add on, just seems like she loves you just for the relationship status. Shit sucks, I've been through the same thing and I could barely tolerate it for a month, somehow I mustered 6. Like Rei said it seems as if this might be her first serious relationship so naturally she's novice at the aspect of a real relationship; basically she's considering this as somewhat of an elementary school type of relationship. If she can't consider your feelings then I'd break up with her, yeah there are things that you love about her, that I can understand but she might not really feel the same way.

Gah I fucking suck at this.
 

Chris

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At this point, I feel like I have two options.

1. I become a slight dick to her so that she tries harder to impress me, while at the same time I get a break from being extremely nice. Mean, but it works.

2. I talk it out with her and ignore the tears, which risks making her even more clingy but could also help.

The problem is, the few fights that we have had, she always says like "I'm sorry, I understand now, you need attention too, I need to be less selfish, I get it, I'm really sorry" but she never really does anything to change. She just says that.
 
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