- Joined
- Mar 19, 2006
- Messages
- 4,728
- Awards
- 1
Oneshot. I’ve needed to post some writing for soooo long…
“Goodnight.”
Her breaths whispered into his ear as they lay there. Gently pressing her lips to his, she smiled softly to him before rolling over, curling up in the sheets.
Eyes wandering the darkened room, a long sigh fell from his chest in a single heave, drowning the ticking of the clock for a brief moment. Seconds, minutes, hours, all passing slowly in time with the constant ticking. He placed one hand upon his stomach, and rested the other behind his head to toy with his thick black locks, as if somehow attempting to release his pent up tension. To put it bluntly, he simply did not know how he would put up with these feelings for any longer.
As if somehow responding to his thoughts, he felt her fingers brush his arm. Her warm touch was cold upon his skin. Just like the cold of the room, and the cold of these familiar - perhaps, over familiar - bed sheets.
His gaze moved to her as she lay there sleeping, swathed in her blazing curls. Her skin was paled by the night, lost of its usual glow. A quiver started within him.
At one time, he could simply lie there and watch her as she slept. He would delight in every soft breath, relish every moment he could look upon her moonlit beauty. Now, looking at her prompted a swirl of emotion within; not the warmth of adoration and joy it once sparked - but a quivering, stuttering pain.
He did not know how it had happened. He wished with all of his heart that his feelings for her were still there - but after weeks, and months of hoping, it seemed that his wishes would go unfulfilled. Another sigh dropped from his still lips as he propped himself up with one elbow, looking at her for a few moments.
They had spent such wonderful times together. Looking upon her seemed to fire up his memory, letting past times long forgotten leak back into his consciousness. Happy times. Times when all that mattered was her. Times when his days and nights were filled with insatiable, irreplaceable love. Times when all was right with the world, and they, truly, were content with all that surrounded them.
But now, apparently for no reason, these feelings had lost him. Or, rather, he had lost these feelings.
A cold sweat laced his body as he dared to reach out to touch her. He forced himself to embrace her, drawing her peaceful, sleeping form closer into his strong arms. He held her closely for a few moments, noticing the somehow knowing smile upon her slumbering face. Perhaps simply holding her this way would rekindle his attraction to her, and the neediness within his soul to be this close to another being.
This feeling wasn’t the one he remembered. She used to be so warm, the touch of her skin so comforting. Yet, now she felt cold, and simply…fleshy. Bony. Simply another body, with no emotional attachment or affection.
What made him feel all the worse was the fact that she continued to feel the warmth of love. She continued to adore him, not noticing the strange, empty way he felt inside. Then again, he had been hiding his feelings for all this time. Being so sensitive, he simply could not bear to see her hurt so badly. He would never have the guts to tell her that it was over.
This thought always started a circular motion of thought in his head.
Surely, if he did not love her, then he would not care if he had hurt her? What would matter most was making himself feel better; by allowing himself to move on. Though, he wondered if this was cowardice on his part.
No, it couldn’t be. He simply couldn’t imagine the thought of living without her by his side. The thought of her being gone did not bear thinking about. It scared him. They had been together for so long that living without her was, well, unthinkable.
Though, that was just it. They had been together so long. Perhaps it was the fear of the unknown that kept him from revealing himself to her. Perhaps he was too scared to be alone that he forced himself to stay with her, simply to avoid having to live a life of solitude.
He hoped not. This was a selfish thought, one he prayed was not true of him. If he loved her, he rationalised, he would let her go. If he truly loved her, he would not have held her down and pretended to love her for his own sense of security. He would have wanted her to be happy at all costs - even if that meant finding another man to settle down with.
Still, if he did love her, he wouldn’t have been thinking this way in the first place. He withheld a exasperated grunt at his own ineptitude at deciphering his emotions.
Many nights were spent this way these days. Lying there in the shafts of moonlight and city glow from the window, thinking of a way to figure out just what his heart was telling him. Though, he doubted his heart could tell him anything anymore. It felt weak, and broken. He carefully released his grip upon her, shifting to the bedside. He sat up, his feet on the cold tile of the floor.
Frustrated, even feeling a single crystal tear slip from his eye, he ran his hands over his face and into his hair. He really couldn’t keep up this charade for much longer. His heart was hanging by mere threads now, barely able to pulse. It was lost of all the love it once swelled with, reduced to a simple, shuddering shell.
His crumpled form perched on the bedside like some sort of twisted, corroded gargoyle, he rested his elbows upon his knees.
“What can I do?” his mind asked, his eyes staring blankly to the maze of shining buildings beyond the glass. His microcosm was being shattered. He looked to the world outside for guidance, as if expecting these beacons of light to aid him with his inner struggle. “I can’t bear to leave her, I can’t do it…” He looked over his shoulder, biting his lip. “But I can’t keep going with this. I need to tell her.”
He heard raindrops smattering upon the windowpane. Tears rolled from his eyes.
It wasn’t as though she had done anything to make him feel this way. She was so sweet, kind, and gentle. Her heart was filled with nothing but love. She held no hate for anyone, or anything. If anything, she was a woman to be sought after. She was beautiful inside and out. Any man would die for an opportunity to be with her. He didn’t understand his feelings. The guilt at knowing she had done nothing to remove the love from his heart made him feel even worse. She had no idea how he felt at that moment.
But she had to know.
He made a decision, standing up, and staring out of the window. He reached out blindly, picking up the clothes that had been carelessly draped over the dresser.
Looking at her once more with a lingering gaze, he dressed himself further.
This was it. He didn’t want to hurt her any longer. Nor did he want to hurt himself. He moved around the bed, lifting the sheet so that it covered her warmly. Leaning down for one last time, his fingers tenderly sweeping the curls of red from her beautiful face, his lips met hers in a warm caress. This last kiss would remain with him forever. With this kiss he released her to find love once more. It released him from his hurt, knowing that he would lie to her no longer. He would no longer keep up the charade. He just hoped she would understand him.
Perhaps she would understand him more than he understood himself.
“Goodnight.”
Wrote in one go, in about 20-30 minutes. I didn’t go back and change anything, I just wrote. And now I’m posting. So the lack of editing and clarification probably shows. I’m a bit rusty, as you can probably tell. n_n; I just needed to write something before I stopped writing entirely.
Criticism plz. I was going for emotion; there‘s no real focus on character, per se. I knew the feeling I wanted to express but it was quite difficult to do. I need some practise…
<3
“Goodnight.”
Her breaths whispered into his ear as they lay there. Gently pressing her lips to his, she smiled softly to him before rolling over, curling up in the sheets.
Eyes wandering the darkened room, a long sigh fell from his chest in a single heave, drowning the ticking of the clock for a brief moment. Seconds, minutes, hours, all passing slowly in time with the constant ticking. He placed one hand upon his stomach, and rested the other behind his head to toy with his thick black locks, as if somehow attempting to release his pent up tension. To put it bluntly, he simply did not know how he would put up with these feelings for any longer.
As if somehow responding to his thoughts, he felt her fingers brush his arm. Her warm touch was cold upon his skin. Just like the cold of the room, and the cold of these familiar - perhaps, over familiar - bed sheets.
His gaze moved to her as she lay there sleeping, swathed in her blazing curls. Her skin was paled by the night, lost of its usual glow. A quiver started within him.
At one time, he could simply lie there and watch her as she slept. He would delight in every soft breath, relish every moment he could look upon her moonlit beauty. Now, looking at her prompted a swirl of emotion within; not the warmth of adoration and joy it once sparked - but a quivering, stuttering pain.
He did not know how it had happened. He wished with all of his heart that his feelings for her were still there - but after weeks, and months of hoping, it seemed that his wishes would go unfulfilled. Another sigh dropped from his still lips as he propped himself up with one elbow, looking at her for a few moments.
They had spent such wonderful times together. Looking upon her seemed to fire up his memory, letting past times long forgotten leak back into his consciousness. Happy times. Times when all that mattered was her. Times when his days and nights were filled with insatiable, irreplaceable love. Times when all was right with the world, and they, truly, were content with all that surrounded them.
But now, apparently for no reason, these feelings had lost him. Or, rather, he had lost these feelings.
A cold sweat laced his body as he dared to reach out to touch her. He forced himself to embrace her, drawing her peaceful, sleeping form closer into his strong arms. He held her closely for a few moments, noticing the somehow knowing smile upon her slumbering face. Perhaps simply holding her this way would rekindle his attraction to her, and the neediness within his soul to be this close to another being.
This feeling wasn’t the one he remembered. She used to be so warm, the touch of her skin so comforting. Yet, now she felt cold, and simply…fleshy. Bony. Simply another body, with no emotional attachment or affection.
What made him feel all the worse was the fact that she continued to feel the warmth of love. She continued to adore him, not noticing the strange, empty way he felt inside. Then again, he had been hiding his feelings for all this time. Being so sensitive, he simply could not bear to see her hurt so badly. He would never have the guts to tell her that it was over.
This thought always started a circular motion of thought in his head.
Surely, if he did not love her, then he would not care if he had hurt her? What would matter most was making himself feel better; by allowing himself to move on. Though, he wondered if this was cowardice on his part.
No, it couldn’t be. He simply couldn’t imagine the thought of living without her by his side. The thought of her being gone did not bear thinking about. It scared him. They had been together for so long that living without her was, well, unthinkable.
Though, that was just it. They had been together so long. Perhaps it was the fear of the unknown that kept him from revealing himself to her. Perhaps he was too scared to be alone that he forced himself to stay with her, simply to avoid having to live a life of solitude.
He hoped not. This was a selfish thought, one he prayed was not true of him. If he loved her, he rationalised, he would let her go. If he truly loved her, he would not have held her down and pretended to love her for his own sense of security. He would have wanted her to be happy at all costs - even if that meant finding another man to settle down with.
Still, if he did love her, he wouldn’t have been thinking this way in the first place. He withheld a exasperated grunt at his own ineptitude at deciphering his emotions.
Many nights were spent this way these days. Lying there in the shafts of moonlight and city glow from the window, thinking of a way to figure out just what his heart was telling him. Though, he doubted his heart could tell him anything anymore. It felt weak, and broken. He carefully released his grip upon her, shifting to the bedside. He sat up, his feet on the cold tile of the floor.
Frustrated, even feeling a single crystal tear slip from his eye, he ran his hands over his face and into his hair. He really couldn’t keep up this charade for much longer. His heart was hanging by mere threads now, barely able to pulse. It was lost of all the love it once swelled with, reduced to a simple, shuddering shell.
His crumpled form perched on the bedside like some sort of twisted, corroded gargoyle, he rested his elbows upon his knees.
“What can I do?” his mind asked, his eyes staring blankly to the maze of shining buildings beyond the glass. His microcosm was being shattered. He looked to the world outside for guidance, as if expecting these beacons of light to aid him with his inner struggle. “I can’t bear to leave her, I can’t do it…” He looked over his shoulder, biting his lip. “But I can’t keep going with this. I need to tell her.”
He heard raindrops smattering upon the windowpane. Tears rolled from his eyes.
It wasn’t as though she had done anything to make him feel this way. She was so sweet, kind, and gentle. Her heart was filled with nothing but love. She held no hate for anyone, or anything. If anything, she was a woman to be sought after. She was beautiful inside and out. Any man would die for an opportunity to be with her. He didn’t understand his feelings. The guilt at knowing she had done nothing to remove the love from his heart made him feel even worse. She had no idea how he felt at that moment.
But she had to know.
He made a decision, standing up, and staring out of the window. He reached out blindly, picking up the clothes that had been carelessly draped over the dresser.
Looking at her once more with a lingering gaze, he dressed himself further.
This was it. He didn’t want to hurt her any longer. Nor did he want to hurt himself. He moved around the bed, lifting the sheet so that it covered her warmly. Leaning down for one last time, his fingers tenderly sweeping the curls of red from her beautiful face, his lips met hers in a warm caress. This last kiss would remain with him forever. With this kiss he released her to find love once more. It released him from his hurt, knowing that he would lie to her no longer. He would no longer keep up the charade. He just hoped she would understand him.
Perhaps she would understand him more than he understood himself.
“Goodnight.”
Wrote in one go, in about 20-30 minutes. I didn’t go back and change anything, I just wrote. And now I’m posting. So the lack of editing and clarification probably shows. I’m a bit rusty, as you can probably tell. n_n; I just needed to write something before I stopped writing entirely.
Criticism plz. I was going for emotion; there‘s no real focus on character, per se. I knew the feeling I wanted to express but it was quite difficult to do. I need some practise…
<3
