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Fanfiction ► Beginning of Destiny



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blendedhearts

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good, but there's a couple of thing you need to fix.

With his disguise removed, Axel overlooked the town from the overlooking plaza, taking in its majesty, wanting nothing more than to end a hectic day. He leans forward on the railing, and leans his head in rest. Minutes past as he stands deathly still, not even budging an inch. Suddenly the clock chimes out five times, signaling the turn of the fifth hour. Without turning around, Axel speaks to some unseen being, calling them out.
1. as you can see in the first paragraph alone there are sentences where it's not in past-tense. there are other moments across the chapter.

Marluxia drawled, the rose raised back up, rolling the stem of the rose between his thumb and index finger, resting her right hand on the inside of her elbow.
2. Marluxia isn't a girl.

but it's still a very good chapter.
 

Nelo Angelo

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yo. now that was very good. good to see marluxia again.
excellent job matt.
 

Ban Mido

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I know what you guys mean. Mine can barely be defined as "Chicken scratch" :cry:

So, my next update will be for LoL. Chapter 1 FTW
 

Merlin326

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it isnt a question of where, but WHEN
lol, if you want to see "chicken scratch" allstar, you would only need to see a sample of my handwriting. heck even I cant read it from time to time. that's why i love computers so much.

anyway, i eagerly await the update to LoL. until sometime.

with all due respect,
Merlin326
 

Nojerom

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lol, if you want to see "chicken scratch" allstar, you would only need to see a sample of my handwriting. heck even I cant read it from time to time. that's why i love computers so much.

anyway, i eagerly await the update to LoL. until sometime.

with all due respect,
Merlin326

Dude... same here. The good thing about it is that when I write something I don't want people to read, they can't read it. Unless that person is Lash or Josh.

Yeah, me too. The first four chapters of it will be the iintroductions of our heros.


You looked it in your profile picture. cute too.

Oh, boy, I look forward to those updates.

Why thank you, Matt, even if that picture was from the middle of summer. I have short hair now. ^^
 

Ban Mido

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Chapter 22: Side Stepped Side Story #V: The Old Shop keep and the Red Cloak.

Even in Mall Street, the toll of the clock tower can be heard, it sounding out six rings from its bells, sounding the signal for another wave of shops to begin closing. Many shops had closed an hour before, while some will stay open for a few hours more. On one particularly desolate stretch of shops which had already closed for the night, one lone antiques store was still open, its lone proprietor preparing to close up shop himself, going around and gathering his belongings for the lonely walk home.

“Another day, another munny down the crapper.” The old man said with a sigh, as he gathered the last of his things from behind the counter; he came out and slowly trotted toward the door, bringing his cane forward with every step to keep his balance. “I guess people aren’t really interested in antiques anymore.”

As he was about eight feet away from the door, he heard the ring of the entry bells, signaling the arrival of someone. The old man looked over towards the door, and saw a mysterious figure standing in front of the doorway. He looked to be about five feet eight inches tall, and was wearing a thick black sweatshirt and black pants. Over the sweatshirt, he wore a long sleeved red cloak, with the cape going down to just above his ankles. The hood was pulled over his head, preventing his face from being seen. He took a quick look around the store, sizing it up.

“HEY YOU LITTLE SHIT!” the old codger barked angrily at the pointing a crooked finger his direction. “WHAT’S THE BIG IDEA, COMING IN AT CLOSING TIME?!?”

“My apologies for bothering you.” The young intruder said apologetically as he took a few steps in. By the sound of his voice, the old man judged him to be around the same age as the boy that had been snooping around the store earlier that day. The boy opened the right hem of his cloak slightly and reached inside, pulling a thick brown pouch out of his pocket and throwing it down on a nearby table, the string keeping the top closed coming loose, letting the munny inside pour out onto the wooden top. “But I would like to make a purchase.”

The old man stared at the pouch and the treasured little gems pouring out from it with ferocity for a brief moment. Then he looked back and forth between the bag and the young stranger for a couples seconds. Then with speed you wouldn’t expect by looking at him, he approached the red and black clad youth.

“Well, so sorry for that ‘little shit’ comment earlier! Welcome to Collectable Curiosities, where you can’t find anything that can be found everywhere else!” The old man said gleefully with a big grin plastered on his face, bouncing slightly at his knees, his beard keeping up with the rhythm. His personality had done a complete one-eighty, as he was a total contradiction of the surly old man from before. He eyed the stranger with greed in his eyes as he rubbed his hands together while holding his cane under his arm. He motioned towards the red and gold suit of armor. “Now what can I sucker you to buy? How about this suit of armor? A perfect gift for the missus! Or might you be interested in-“

“I already know what I want to buy.” The young man stated plainly, holding out his palm to stop the man. He then pointed to the box, sitting isolated on a table in the corner. “I wish to purchase the contents of that box over in the corner.”

The old man’s soft face and big smile had disappeared as quickly as it had came, the harsh eyes and scowl returning to the front. He looked the youth over, eyeing him with new found suspicion.

“That thing? It’s not for sale.” He said in a huff, turning his head slightly. “You can buy everything else in the store, but I’m afraid that the box is off limits.”

“I don’t think you understand.” The cloaked figure replied calmly, pulling two more munny pouches and throwing them onto the table next to the other. “Munny isn’t an issue for me.”

You are the one who doesn’t understand.” The old man growled, cocking his eye fiercely at the youth. “So let me lay down the facts, Jack: You can have all the munny in the universe, and you’d still be one munny short to buy what’s in that box. Ya dig?

The mysterious youth fell silent for a moment, staring deep into the old man’s eyes. He sighed, and spoke with a note of regret in his voice:

“So, you know the truth about that Keyblade. How unfortunate. I had hoped to avoid killing you.”

The old man instantly grabbed his can and held it midway between the hand and the foot as he started chanting an unknown, ancient dialogue as fast as he could. The handle began to glow a mysterious light, as it pulsated with a magical aura.

“TO SLOW OLD MAGE!” the red cloaked youth barked as he thrust his hand out towards the old wizard, a mass of black energy shooting out from his palm, striking the old man with incredible force, shattering his cane and sending him flying through four shelves, shattering old ceramic figures and pots, over the counter, and slamming into the back wall of the store, coughing up a spray of blood on impact. He slid down and crumpled onto the floor, sitting against the wall as limp as a rag doll, blood flowing from his mouth. He struggled to lift his head up so he could see the individual once more.

“I see… so you…you are from…the darkness.” The old wizard croaked, desperately trying to speak.

“In a manner of speaking.” Replied the hooded individual as he approached the counter top, having replaced the munny pouches into his inside pocket. He then gave a slight bow. “I am neither here in the light, nor there in the darkness. I am of the Disciples of Twilight, those who are trapped in the void between these two worlds.”

“It doesn’t matter where—“ The old man stuttered, but then he hacked up a spray of blood, coughing violently. Once he was done coughing, he made another attempt to speak. “Doesn’t matter where you are from. The Keyblade… it will only listen… only listen to… those precious few… with the right heart…”

“The right heart?” The cloaked figure repeated. He stuck out his left hand towards the wooden box, palm open. A moment later, outside the view of the old mage, the wooden container exploded in a burst of dark energy, sending splinters and shards of glass all over the store. In another flash of darkness, a Keyblade handle with a broken keychain and blade reappeared in the cloaked individual’s hand. Dark energy emerged from the shattered tip, replacing the lost blade with one of dark energy. “Well, what do you know, It looks like I qualify!”

“But… how…” The old mage demanded in a panicked tone, eyes wide out of horror. The youth came around the corner with the blade and passed the old man by, entering the back room.

I thought I felt something. So this is where the first one was.” The youth said, as he looked into the room. Inside on the wall opposite from the door, was a mural inscribed with ancient texts and symbols, all coming together and wrapping around a painting of wind. He brought his Keyblade up, and slashed apart the mural, it instantly disintegrating, fading away into nothingness. “The first seal, the seal of the wind, is undone. Only four more, and the heart of this world will be revealed”

He returned to the front and stood before the man, looking down at him. Once again he raised up the Keyblade, preparing for the killing strike.

“I’m afraid I can’t let you live. It would only mean trouble for me and mine later on.” He stated coldly, no hint of emotion in his voice. “But please take solace in the fact that you had a long life.”

With these final words, he slashed the old man across the chest, blood spraying from his wound. The old mage’s neck went limp, along with what little control he had in his body. As his life faded from him, he saw clearly the back of his killer as walked away into the twilight: his cloak had an emblem of a heart inside a star.

Chapter 22: Side Stepped Side Story #V: The Old Shop keep and the Red Cloak: End.
--------
So I lied about the old man not showing up again. But he had one more part to play before retiring. This chapter is a window into BoD's true Story.

Next time, we'll be seeing some more familiar faces. see you guys later.
 
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Nelo Angelo

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matt. you are brilliant man, that chapter was bloody awesome. i loved it.
so he can weild a keyblade too. daaamn, i cant wait to see the next chap.
good job man. :thumbup:
(oh i was thinkin, shouldnt it say 'in a manner of speaking' rather than 'in a matter of speaking?'. cant be a hundred percent sure)
 
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