Sora: Riku gave me some pills. (shows them to Kairi)
Kairi: …Give me those! (hides them “somewhere” under her dress)
When most everyone has finished eating, Sora’s dad sets up a plastic microphone for anybody to say something.
Selphie: hits Tidus) Wake up!
Tidus: Damn it, woman! I’m up!
Selphie: Go up there!
Tidus: For what?!
Selphie: To say something! You’ve been sleeping the whole time. It’s the least you can do!
Tidus: Fine, whatever. (stands up and stretches). (yawns)
Selphie: Go! (pushes him)
Tidus: Hold on! (goes to the mice)
Selphie: Don’t embarrass anyone!
Tidus: …
T-mom: Say something, boy!
Tidus: First, I would like to apologize to Sora and Kairi for sleeping through your wedding. Selphie made me come up here, I was in the middle of…a good dream. I was up all night, waiting for Selphie to finish giving me a manicure.
Everyone turns and looks at Selphie.
Selphie: What?
Tidus: I want to congratulate Sora for being the perfect man for Kairi. Trust me, women are extremely hard to handle.
Riku: AMEN!
Sandy: Riku!
Tidus: I wake up every morning, comb my hair, just to have Selphie totally change the style. I go downstairs, my mom gives me a fresh baked cookie, and then I go outside. I spy on Selphie through her window and eventually toss a rock at it, we kiss, and then we go to the deck and just talk. When it gets dark, we go to her place, eat, go to her bedroom and she gives me make overs like I’m a Barbie doll or something. She sprays me with perfume, she puts beauty cream on my face, she polishes my nails, we kiss again and I go home. It seems terribly boring, but I like every minute of it because I get to spend it with her.
Selphie: tries not to cry)
Everybody goes “Aw” and Tidus sits back down and yawns.
Tidus: lays head on Selphie’s lap and goes to sleep)
Sandy: …This isn’t even about him and Selphie…
Riku: Shhh! (goes to mice) I’m only going to say a few words because I feel very stupid talking through a toy microphone. I’m really happy for Sora and Kairi because they are the first of the young couples to get married.
K-mom: He just called us old.
Riku: And if I know Sora, I know that he and Kairi will be very busy tonight. I wish you two a good night and I request that everyone leave them be. (winks at Sora)
Sora: Hehehehe!
Kairi’s mom runs up to the mice.
K-mom: It all happened so fast!
Kairi: Oh shit.
K-mom: I mean, she was a little baby in my arms! Then she was a toddler, running around the house butt naked!
Kairi: blushes)
K-mom: Then she was seven, and she was always doing stupid dangerous things, then she became a preteen and started getting flirty with the boys, and then she started becoming a woman-
Kairi: MOM!
K-mom: Then she was fourteen, and socking her dad out, then fifteen with a tongue ring, a tattoo and weird colors in her hair! And by the time she turned eighteen, I couldn’t go up to their bedroom without seeing a porno!
Kairi: Um.
K-mom: And now she’s married! Sora, you stole my little girl from me! (cries) Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
Sora’s dad goes up to the mice and drags her back to her seat.
Kairi: Oh Geeze.
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOL!....erm