Fanfiction ► The Forgotten Warrior

[snowdog]

Reminds me of DMC.

Tis okay, but you need to remember not to rush things!

Keep writing. <3

 

[Lectori Salutem]

It's good, an interesting story.......

 

[Nelo Angelo]

..........................................

 

[DJ GloriX]

The ending of the chapter was chillin and terrifieng! Woah!
You put it very clearly I love it that way it really puts me INTO the story! ^_^ Can't wait what happends next! ^w^

 

[Nelo Angelo]

thanks DJ, i try my best. yeah i wanted to portray how evil bijomarus clan were.
ting fought valiantly but no dice. hehe.

 

[Tyler Durden]

That chapter was much better.


Only criticism was saying Ting three times in eight words. Say something like 'the monk' or 'the brave man' or something to that effect.

But other than that, a 5/5

 

[ansemjafar]

pretty cool chapters. Are these dreams that he keeps having or visions of what is happening around the world.

 

[Suzaku]

Excellent update. Don't you dare stop.

 

[Ultima Star]

WOWhmy: I read it all and it's pretty good^^ I want more! Write as soons as you can ok Nelo?

 

[Nelo Angelo]

thanks you guys.
Kensie-san: yeah you right, i did go overboard on tings didnt i. i'll keep that in mind, thanx.

AJ: they are visions that have occured rather than just random dreams.

FK and Suzaku-san: dont worry, im gonna keep goin. but im afraid next thursday im goin off abroad on holiday for 5 weeks! so i wont be postin the next chapters. i hope you guys dont lose interest. im tryin my best to post at least a chapter within two days. i dont wanna rush it though.

 

[ansemjafar]

Undertstood Nelo. I hope that you enjoy yourself. I shall try and have ch 4 up before you leave. That shouldn't be a problem.

 

[Nelo Angelo]

thanks AJ. cant wait for that.

 

[ansemjafar]

also exactly when did the events happen in the last chapter with the battle compared to the vision that nelo hadd

 

[Nelo Angelo]

at first Nelo had visions of the past chaos bijomaru had caused. now that he's back Nelo's having visions of his recent attack. remember when mitsunare said, he has already killed a soul? that was that soul.

 

[ansemjafar]

oh ok yeah i sorta remember that. ok cool it makes more sense now

 

[Nelo Angelo]

no worries Aj my man. gotta go now, im gna get workin on my next chap.

 

[R4TM]

I like how all the thread names on this forum are really dramatic and intense.

 

[Nelo Angelo]

wt d'ya think of my fic so far R4TM?

 

[Deeman]

Great work, nelo ^_^ You're improving, that's for sure.

Try to use more noun replacers, rather than the same name over and over; it avoids repetition, that way. Also, don't forget to open and close your quotations with quotation marks, to avoid confusion.

I liked the way you wrote how Ting fought; twas good.

Keep it up ^_^

 

[Nelo Angelo]

thanks man D, again thanks for the tips, it'll help me get better.
(alos R4TM, the title wasnt random, it is a little significant)