One Night in the Snow

[Auron0521]

I lie in the Snow,
The Blanket of Time,
My cold Breath is low,
We'll be just fine.

I Know not Where,
Nor Why or How,
I came to be There,
For What Matters is Now.

A Drop of Saline,
Fallen down My Cheek,
On Her Shoulder I Lean,
For I am too Meek.

What We Fear most,
Is not Death or Age,
It is simply the Boast,
The turning of the next Page.

And When I Finally get Free,
I Flee for My Life,
For What once was Two, is now Me,
And I Flee not from a Person, but merely Strife.

 

[KingdomKey]

I think I get what this poem is about. I like it, especially the first verse. Reminds of this story I came across a long time ago. Good job Auron.

 

[Auron0521]

Thanks, KK. What story? Because I actually wrote this based on something I vaguely remembered myself.

 

[KingdomKey]

Your welcome, Auron. I don't remember all the details or what the story was called, just that it had to with time and snow. Was kind of a sad story.. Don't remember how it ended either. Did you write your story here on khi? Maybe I've come across it then, if you have.

 

[Auron0521]

Oh no, I didn't write a story. I was just browsing the poetry section and felt like contributing, so I scratched this up and posted it. It was easy because I consider myself a fair writer (not an ego). The poem itself is the story. What I meant was, it's based on something I read a long time ago, as well.

 

[King Sora X]

Be careful, might be some people that will say your rhyme scheme is lazy. I however, do not think that. Always been a fan of the abab rhyme scheme. You definitely got your message across, and I felt it. Probably a little too long near the end, but nonetheless, great.

 

[Auron0521]

When I began writing it, I meant for the last verse to have longer lines than the others. I don't know why, it just felt right to me. Also, I prefer, when I write poetry, to use abab, hakiu, or completely non-rhyming (I forget the term for it) styles. So it's not so much lazy as a personal preference.

 

[MegaWallflower]

I believe the term you're looking for is free verse?

Anyway, I loved this poem, it seems like it's telling a sad story.

 

[Auron0521]

It's kind of a metaphor for a situation I'm currently in. You see, a friend and I are having a really big fight, and he won't talk to me. He's the closest friend I've had in a while, and with this fight, it feels like I'm dying.

 

[MegaWallflower]

It's kind of a metaphor for a situation I'm currently in. You see, a friend and I are having a really big fight, and he won't talk to me. He's the closest friend I've had in a while, and with this fight, it feels like I'm dying.

Oh, I'm so sorry... I really hope it works out between you two.

 

[scubasteve]

Be careful, might be some people that will say your rhyme scheme is lazy.

oh come on man, someone critiqued your work. grow a freaking backbone.

 

[Auron0521]

Someone critiqued my work. I noted the critique. In case you haven't noticed, I've already posted another poem that follows a different rhyming scheme, in order to experiment. I have a very sturdy backbone, "scubasteve". Thank you for your... input. Also, take note that I mentioned it's merely a personal preference. That means that I like to write in that style. Nobody says I can't write in this style. So no, I won't "grow a freaking backbone", because then I'd receive a spinal injury.

 

[Wehrmacht]

Someone critiqued my work. I noted the critique. In case you haven't noticed, I've already posted another poem that follows a different rhyming scheme, in order to experiment. I have a very sturdy backbone, "scubasteve". Thank you for your... input. Also, take note that I mentioned it's merely a personal preference. That means that I like to write in that style. Nobody says I can't write in this style. So no, I won't "grow a freaking backbone", because then I'd receive a spinal injury.

did you even notice what post scubasteve was replying to

 

[Auron0521]

Yes, I did, and the only person being critiqued on this thread would be the thread starter, would it not? He quoted a line from King Sora X that can be viewed as a critique on me. Coupled with what he said, the only logical conclusion is that he was noting my answer to said critique, but did not quote it. I know EXACTLY what post scubasteve was replying to. Even if he WAS talking to someone else, which is nigh impossible on a thread where a single person posts a single poem, I would not have changed my response except to defend the other person, because I did not like the way he responded.

 

[inasuma]

I actually kinda like this. I not great at poetry but I am pleased. Next please.

 

[Zul]

Yes, I did, and the only person being critiqued on this thread would be the thread starter, would it not?

No, it wouldn't .

 

[Auron0521]

No, it wouldn't .

Well, under normal circumstances, that's what I would assume. I have since been informed differently.