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Fanfiction ► Light and Dark Unite



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Golden_x_Heart

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Somewhere over the r.a.i.n.b.o.w
WHEW!! LOOK AT THAT BHKiller!!!!!!
I FINSIHED TONIGHT!!!
GO MEH!!!
............<.< >.>
yeah, anywho, when i commented forever ago, i meant to subscribe to this thread so i wouldnt forget to check for updates, but i forgot to, so i havent been checking up on it...hehe?
:cough:
ANYWAY, CRITIC TIMEeeee
~~~~~~~
i really liek the overall theme and feeling the whole story gives teh reader (or i do at least :D). you know, that kinda, "dark, ominous, sneaky, somewhat humorus feeling".
~~~~~~~
also, you writing style is different and creative, one you dont see very often. your very good at describing teh situation and keeping us thinking, which is a plus.
~~~~~~~
you are serious about your work, but still manage to keep your story interesting. some stories are too serious, and are really dry, which make them boring.
~~~~~~~
so, there is meh critic review so far, are your rating is -
:insert dramatic drum roll here:
9/10!!!!!
so, definately keep it up! ill be checking in from now on!
<3
 

Anonymous

Little 'Ol Me
Joined
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*does a little dance becasue Golden Heart finished Noezel and gave a good comment*

Yay... wait, are you subscribed now?
 

Anonymous

Little 'Ol Me
Joined
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Chapter 5
Evidence

Mickey waited in the black of night on a small wooden crate. The only thing that illuminated the street was the one streetlight that continuously flickered on and off. He was in his black cloak and was staring at his feet. He heard a noise from the side of the street.
A figure in a long trench jacket appeared in the middle of the illuminated street. It looked around and called out quietly, “Mickey, you there?”
Mickey hopped off his crate and called back, “I’m here Aeris”
Aeris looked at him and sighed, “Sorry, it’s really creepy around here at night”
Mickey only laughed. Aeris walked over and sat down next to Mickey on the crate that was pushed up against his.
Aeris waited for Mickey to say something… for about 5 minutes until she got bored, “So… what are we doing here?”
Mickey still stared at the middle of the street, “We’re just watching”
Aeris was getting impatient, “For what, exactly?”
Mickey looked surprised when he turned towards her, “A heartless, of course!”
Aeris was still confused, “Why?”
Mickey was shocked, “So that we have proof that we’re not making it all up when we tell the people!”
Aeris slapped her head, “Of course! Sorry Mickey!”
He mumbled an acceptance and went back to watching the street intently. Aeris turned towards the street as well.
They sat together like this for hours. Aeris eventually fell asleep, but Mickey didn’t mind. When the first rays of sun breached the horizon, Mickey got off his crate and went to Aeris.
“Wake up, its time to go” Mickey said as he gently shook her.
“Wuh- what’s going on?” She said with her eyes drooping.
“It’s time to go home, come on, get up,” Mickey said shaking her a bit harder.
Aeris got up and looked at the mouse with bags under her eyes, “Alright, I’m up, but what’s going on again?”
Mickey looked wide-awake when he said, “There were no heartless, so we’re going to have to go ba-”
He stopped dead in his tracks and charged forward, sending Aeris flying into the crates.
Aeris pushed a crate off her chest and got up, “Mickey, what was that for…”
She saw Mickey turn a corner and disappear, sprinting hard. She started to chase after him when he heard him grunting and struggling from the other side of the turn. She called out, “Mickey? Are you okay?”
The grunting stopped and Mickey came walking around the corner, struggling to hold a wriggling black creature in his tiny hands. “Can you help me out here Aeris?” Aeris walked forward and grabbed the dark creature and held it firmly. “What is this thing?”
Mickey smiled, “Evidence; it is a heartless, exactly what we need”
The creature stopped struggling, figuring out it was futile. Aeris looked at it, it had yellow glowing eyes and squiggly legs and feet. “This is a heartless? It’s adorable!” She said this while she hugged it.
Mickey eyed her, “Are you insane? That thing is lethal! Don’t hug it!”
Aeris laughed and moved it back down to her side, “I was only kidding! It’s actually a bit disturbing… it makes me feel funny”
Mickey sighed, “Phew… okay, now we have some proof. Lets stay in that alley until the plaza gets crowded”
Mickey started to walk towards an alley nearby the corner he had turned. Aeris followed him, and again, they waited.
__________________________________________________

I'll be posting bits of chapters from now until Sunday, hopefully I can get this over with by then... PLEASE REVIEW!!!!
 

Golden_x_Heart

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UPDATE!
nice chappy! i wasnt sure where you were going with having aeris meet mickey, BUT IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW!!!
<.< >.>
sorry, i can be a little slow....
ill be watching for an update!
oh, and i am subscribed now, so i wont miss any updates!
<3
 

Anonymous

Little 'Ol Me
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Thank you... but why does it make sense? It's not supposed to for a little bit longer... well the ansem part at least
 

Golden_x_Heart

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oh, i just meant i didnt know why mickey wanted aeris to come, but now i know thats it was because he wanted help looking for heartless!
dont worry, it usually takes meh a while to figure out more complicated things, so if u havent revealed it yet, idk what your talking about, lol
<3
 

Anonymous

Little 'Ol Me
Joined
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Messages
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That's not why.. you misinterpruted, he wants her to preach to them! She is well respected, they would believe her!
 

theinversekey

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awesome, i love!!!
sora, riku, and all them are going to come into the story soon right? [please say yes]

anyway, good balance between detail and action [at least for not having any battles in this world]

9 out of .....................................(whats one more than 9? help please!)
 

Anonymous

Little 'Ol Me
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Umm... sora, riku... I'm really iffy.

I hate almost all of the fanfics with sora... and riku is always portrayed badly... but Sora has a better chance than Riku
 

theinversekey

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^^all right, well don't tell me who else is going to be in the story because i want to be surprised.

oh, how do you make a spoiler box. i don't no that many spoilers but some people have already told me things i wish i hadn't known so yah
 

Taokitty

A Chagrined Fool.
Joined
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People's Fragile Dreams, Relinquished from Anixiet
Me: O_O NOOO!!!! I missed... three chapters atleast! T_T FORGIVE ME!!!*bows down repeatedly*
Gem: Her sister need her laptop to finish her essay so Tao kinda went into her hibernation state!
Nanala:.... o_O For a minute.. I thought Aeris thought the heartless was cute! Thank goodness she didn't UNLIKE somebody!*coughGemcough*
Thea:...*reads what Tao, Gem, Nanala said*>.>
 

Anonymous

Little 'Ol Me
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Chapter 6
The Announcement

By midday the town square was bustling with merchants of all kinds. Mickey and Aeris had been sitting in the corner of the alley, posing as bums whenever a person passed by. The heartless they had captured was now hidden inside of a backpack she wore. Now it was time for them to come out and finally announce it.
Mickey got up and helped Aeris stand. She walked forward, out of the alley, with Mickey at her heel, to the center of the square. Everyone around her didn’t even notice an odd figure standing still in the middle of all of the commotion.
When she pulled off her hood that had hidden her face, someone called out, “Look, it’s Aeris!” then everything stopped. The crowd backed away, waiting for her to say something, watching curiously at the backpack wriggling on her back.
Aeris took a deep breath, and then spoke loudly and very seriously, “Citizens of Hollow Bastion, I have just discovered the real truth.” She paused, trying to make this dramatic, “ Everything I have preached to you is false. It is painful for me to say this, but it is true.”
The crowd started to murmur, “What?”, “Has she gone mad?”, and “It can’t be” were a few comments she heard.
She continued on with a small smile on her face, “I have not gone mad; everything I am about to tell you is the truth. Do you remember my little mouse friend Mickey?”
The crowd murmured a yes.
Aeris smiled, “Well here he is”. She pointed towards what everyone had thought was a moogle with a hood on, and were shocked to see a larger than normal mouse staring at them with a happy face.
They all gasped. They had thought she was crazy, but she wasn’t lying!
Mickey spoke up, “Yea, I’m real, and I’ve told Aeris here a lot of things you might wanna know. Aeris?”
Aeris smiled at him, “Yes, I want to tell you of…”
She told them exactly what Mickey had told her (except the instructions), occasionally getting questioned, but otherwise uninterrupted. It took her about one hour to finish the speech, and when she did, there was silence.
After about 30 seconds, someone spoke up, “Humph! This is a load of crap. She’s lost her mind!”
Aeris smirked, “I have proof it’s not”
The same man spoke again, “Show us it then”
Aeris smiled, “Okay!”
She reached behind her back and grabbed the bag. She showed everyone the creature that came from within it.
They all scurried back when they saw it; someone called out, “What the hell is that thing?”
Aeris laughed, “One of the heartless, Mickey and I found it wandering the streets”
The crowd relaxed a tiny bit.
Aeris continued, “Is that enough proof?”
The crowd nodded, a bit petrified.
Aeris smiled, “Now, I have a plan on what we’re going to do, but it is very difficult”
The crowd didn’t move.
Aeris continued, eyeing them carefully, “That substance I mentioned, gummi, is the key to this plan. It has been scattered across the globe. I need you to collect it. It has a special property that allows it to mold together with other blocks of it. Mickey says that in other worlds, people use it to create interstellar ships, I suggest we do the same and flee to a nearby world before the heartless come.”
She waited. She didn’t stand a chance of reading their emotions and thoughts, so she waited for some clue towards them. The crowd started to mutter. It started to shift, and then suddenly, it dissipated.
Aeris watched in horror, and screamed at them, “No! You’ve got to believe me! It’s true!”
They took a second look at her, then moved a way and went back to work. Aeris sat down on the spot, and stared at the floor in disbelief.
“No, no, no, why? How? How could they?” She stuttered.

‘They don’t believe me… but I had proof! Why don’t they believe me?’
________________________________-

I think it's a very badly written chapter, but I want to get this over with sooooooo badly, I'm rushing... and I told someone that you should expect a lot of small chapter constantly, not a few long ones over time. (they're so small that I don't even space them)
 

Anonymous

Little 'Ol Me
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Chapter 7: Desperation

Aeris sat at her kitchen table with Mickey across from her with his head in his hands. She had finished crying over an hour ago, but was not quite ready to talk. She couldn’t stop thinking that she had let them down. She hadn’t been able to convince them, and by doing that she had failed them.
Aeris pulled herself together and looked at Mickey sadly, “We- I failed them”
Mickey lifted is head out of his hands and looked at her, “ What?”
Aeris let her head fall to her chest, “I couldn’t convince them, and by doing that I failed them”
Mickey was confused, “That’s what you’re upset about? Yourself?”
Aeris looked up, “Yes, why?”
Mickey almost seemed angry, “Because you’re not going to suffer because of their stupidity, they are! Why are you feeling sorry about yourself? They’re the ones who will lose their hearts!”
Aeris was shocked at his anger, “ We’ll lose our hearts to! I have every right to feel sorry for myself!”
Mickey glared at her, “You forgot about my gummi ship. We can get out of here in an instance, but they’re stuck here! We can only fit about three other people! And yet you’re crying for yourself! That’s sickening!”
Aeris stopped and stared at Mickey. Mickey paused, then his shoulders slumped, “I’m sorry, it’s just-”
Aeris pulled herself together, “No, you’re right. Okay, so our first attempt failed, we can still convince them, or else do something else about it ourselves!”
Mickey’s jaw dropped, “There’s nothing we can do! We would have to collect all the gummi ourselves and build the ships ourselves! And we can’t exactly get rid of Ansem, he’s smarter than letting us waltz right up to his private quarters!”
Aeris’s jaw dropped in turn, “So you’re just going to give up?”
Mickey shifted an affirmative, Aeris’s eyes narrowed, “So you try to save them just to give up on them? Fine, do that! See if I care! I’ll help them myself! You’re just a filthy hypocrite; I don’t need your help! And I don’t need a gummi ship! If they die I die with them!”
Mickey got up and spoke angrily, “You’re a fool; they are doomed! If you want to stay and die for no reason, do that! I’m gonna do the sensible thing and get my hid out of here!”
Mickey stormed out, and Aeris called out, “You pathetic coward! You deserve to die more than all the citizens do put together!”
Mickey didn’t look back. He slammed the door on the way out.
Aeris screamed out of anger. “(Insert whatever curses you want her to yell at Mickey here)”
_________________________________________________________

Itsy bitty teeny weeny chapter... I'm not in the mood to write this, but I have to do it now, otherwise I'll have to wait longer ot get my idea out
 

Anonymous

Little 'Ol Me
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Now that's just a lie!

That chapter was horrible! I myself hated it!
Please be honest :(
 
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