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Fanfiction ► Kingdom Hearts:Warriors of the city



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Mike

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Ok. This is my first fan-fic. I have had this idea for awhile, and have been thinking of what it would be like for some original characters living in New York city, and then being exposed to the world of Kingdom Hearts. This is my first, so I cant guarentee how bad or good it is, but I will learn on my way through.Please feel free to give me any advice on how to improve or anything.I want to become better.Ok.Here we go:




Prologue:The Beginning



Light was bound through the city, cars honking and the voices of the inhabitants rang through New York City. The wind howled through the night, although it was hard to hear over the commotion. A lone figure stood atop the Empire State Building, doning a black coat, and holding a small, red sword, that looked as if it could be broken as soon as anything touched it. One side of its handle was already broken, and the blade as dull.The figure turned, as a Corridor of Darkness appeared from the building. "Cylox. Have you found him?" said the man, as he turned to see the Corridor close. The other, Cylox, flipped off his hood, and nodded a no.

Cylox had a smooth, yet short, spikey orange hair. His eyes were a bright, bloody, ruby red. In his hand, Cylox held a large, black and yellow, hammer. "No. He isnt in Radient Garden nor Destiny Islands." Cylox exclaimed as he gave an expersion. "So, what are you looking for?You already found the key to this realm, whatever this place is, but what is so special about this place?" Cylox said as he walked alittle closer towards the other man.

"The chosen ones reside in this world. Although they know not of their powers yet, they still must be killed before they prove to be a threat." said the man. "Warriors of Earth, Fire, Wind, Water, Thunder, and Ice. The Judgement day is nearing, as well as the end of not only your lives, but your world." the man laughed. "Syron. Although he gave you the job to seek them out, and to eliminate them, that doesnt give you the right to give me orders!" Cylox growled as he bawled his free hand into a fist.

Syron laughed again. "The time is nearing to put our plan into action." Syron said as he laughed, and then turned to look at Cylox, pushing him aside as Syron walked into the Corridors of Darkness. Cylox gave him a grin, and then followed him into the Corridors.

Syron walked out onto a lower building top. Cylox followed him. Down below, people were unaware they were there. Everything was normal. Behind them, a boy climbed to the top of the building to see Cylox and Syron looking below to the streets. The boy stood 5'5 feet tall, and wore a red jacket that went down to his feet. He looked as though he was somewhere in his 20s. The boy summoned a keyblade in a flash of Light. The blade was a bright Red and Black. The handle wasnt anything special. Its handle was just a dull yellow circle. He rushed as fast as he could across the rooftop over to Cylox and Syron. He leaped into the air, and and was about to come down onto Cylox. Cylox swung himself around and parried the Keyblade with his Hammer, and held the boy suspended in the air. Cylox forced him off with a swing. The boy hit the ground on his feet and slid backwards. Dust flew everywhere from the building as he slid backwards.

Sparks raged down the handle from Cylox's hammer. "Cylox:The Lighting Lieutenant. Been awhile since we last fought, hasnt it?" the boy said, not to loud, as his voice was rough, making it obvious that he was losing his voice.

-----------------------------------------

Meanwhile, safe and sound sleeping in bed, six young people, around 16 years old, were all averge normal kids, not a care in the world. Little did they know, they were the Chosen Ones that would rise with Keyblades in hand, and combat the new evil that is upon the worlds. They all seemed to have one thing in common.They all were having the same dreams, about the same boy, and the same thing, over and over and over.

A young boy, about the age of 15, with spikey brown hair and bright blue sapphire eyes, ran across a beach, jumping into the water.He was followed by a girl with red hair, and a man with Silver hair, who was about a year older then both the girl and the spikey brown haired boy...

"Sora!" Awaken with a jolt, a young boy called out. "Another dream? But, who is Sora?"said the boy, his blond flat hair blowing in the breeze that came from his open window."Whats with the dreams..."

-------------------------------------------

Sorry if it is short. I didnt want to put TOO much into the prologue. I hope you like it.Alot about the Cylox, Syron, and the boy who attacked them will be in upcoming chapters.And plus, in the first chapter, I will reveal the Elemental Warriors and who they are. I really hope you like it.
 

Cicero

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This sounded just like any other KH fanfic, when I first look at it. But off course, this is just the prologue.

As a beta reader I would just want to suggest you should check your post, and re-read it yourself before posting it, because I saw some dull grammar or spelling mistakes which really didn't have to be there.

Furthermore I hope you put in a lot of originality, and don't let it become just another KH fanfic. You're writing style is good and has potential, so keep it up, be creative, and I'm sure this'll turn out good.

I'll be following this. =)
 

Mike

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Chapter 1A: Keyblade?


"Yes, it has been, Zeke." Cylox growled as he ran forward, colliding his hammer with Zeke's Keyblade. "You've learned alot. Im guessing it was you and your leader who opened the portal to this world by finding the Orb of Disney." Zeke laughed. "Yes. It was us. But as you know, we opened the gate for one reason, to rid the worlds of the rest of the Keyblade Wielders." said Syron as he turned around to look at the two.

"You do know, that even if you get rid of these people, there is still a few left in the other dimension. Including..."Zeke was cut of as he shifted his blade to parry another attack from Cylox.

"Enough! That boy is dead. You saw it with your own eyes. The kid was murdered, as well as the other one." yelled Syron. Syron rushed forward at Cylox, shoving him out of the way, and attacking Zeke. Although Syron's attack was also blocked, his blade was shoved into Zeke's shoulder, making him fall in pain.

Syron turned to Cylox, and nodded. Cylox nodded back and vanished into a Corridor of Darkness. "Dont try me,boy. Id kill you now, but there is still usefullness in you. " laughed Syron, vanishing aswell."Damn you!" Zeke yelled out into the night.


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It was early in the morning.Time for school. "Man.School again.I just got used to the weekend!"said a boy, holding a pillow over his face, for blocking the sun. "Damn." said the boy as he threw the pillow across the room, giving up on trying to go back to sleep. The boy sat up, revealing his dirty blonde hair, and his shiny green eyes. His name was Jake.

Jake got up off his bed, and walked down his hallway to the bathroom.He took his clothes off, and shot them into Laundrey Basket like a basketball. Jake stepped into the shower and turned the water on, letting the hot water run down his body, waking him up. After he got out, dried himself with a towel, and got dressed, Jake went downstairs to eat breakfest. His toast was alredy made by his mom, who already left for work.

"Typical mom, making breakfest, and then leaving for work."Jake said as he started to bite down on the toast, while heading out the door.

Elsewhere, others, Jordan, Nick, Krystal, Zack, and Ashley, were also on their way out the door, headed for school. Jake made his way into his High School, and went through a boring day. Nothing exciting happened throught the day. Zack, wearing a black shirt with a red skull on the side, was in a fight with some kid at the end of the day.

Jordan walked past them, and noticed the fight."Wha-" she stopped mid-sentence as she realized who was fighting. Zack, one of her friends, and Liam, the schools 'so-called' bully. Jake just got released from class, and saw the fight. A girl was trying to break them up, so Jake went to help. Zack took a punch to the face, but hit Liam harder. Jake pulled Zack away from the fight with Jordans help. After a few minutes everything calmed down.

Jordan hit Zack up-side the head. "What are you thinking? All you need to do is get in ANOTHER fight.If we hadent gotten you outta there, you would have gotten expelled for sure." Jordan yelled, then looking over at Jake. "Hi. Im Jordan, and this is Zack." she said happily, her beutiful brown hair rocking back and forth. "Jake. Nice to meet you," smiled Jake.

The school bell rang. Time to head home. "Wannna walk home with us?" Jordan just jumped out and said it. They had only just met, but what the heck? Jake liked making new friends. "Uh...sure." Jake said as the three walked out and into the streets.

---------------------------------------

Zeke stood on a roof top, watching three kids walked below. He reached into his coat pocket, and brung out a cell-phone. "Targets sighted. Should I move in?" spoke Zeke into his phone.On the other end, someone said,"Move in."

Zeke flipped it close, and then put it away, looking below. Just as he was about to jump down and make his move, across the street from the three was an explosion, so he decided to wait.

-------------------------------------------------

As Jake, Jordan, and Zack walked home, out of nowhere, an explosion came from a local food mart. A man walked out from the explosion, perfectly fine. He was wearing a torn Organization Coat. In his hand, he held two Silver and Red revolvers. The man flipped his hood up. His face was bruised. It looked as through he was abused as a child from the way his face looked. His hair was white and laid back.

He walked slowly towards the three. "Keyblade Wielders. Time for you to meet death!" said the man. Jake, Jordan, and Zack were speechless. "What the hell are you talking about?!?" yelled Jake as the man pointed the gun at him.


---------------------------------------------

Hope ya like Chapter 1A.I will have Chapter 1B up as soon as I can.But, I just wanna know how you like it.Enjoy!
 

Ban Mido

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Betar Reader Feedback: Kingdom Hearts:Warriors of the city

I'd usually try to avoid having two different characters speak in the same paragraph. It might just be me, but when ever that happens, I find it dificult to keep track of who is saying what.

And you aren't typing this up in the reply box, are you? typing fics in reply boxes are nothing but trouble. You get to use spell check if you type this in word processor.

Other than that, not too bad. You can stand to improve a little, but nothing that practicing won't fix.
 

Mike

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Yeah.Like I said,this is my first fic.And yeah,I type it in the reply boxes.I dont know where to find a word prosseser of wahtever.I will improve.Im just using this Fan-Fic as a practice section.Just to see how it goes.I will have chapter 1B up soon.
 

Ban Mido

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I use a Microsoft word document. It works pretty well for me. But you should be sure to switch to a word document when you start your main fic, do you can save it.
 

Cicero

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Re: Betar Reader Feedback: Kingdom Hearts:Warriors of the city

I'd usually try to avoid having two different characters speak in the same paragraph. It might just be me, but when ever that happens, I find it dificult to keep track of who is saying what.

And you aren't typing this up in the reply box, are you? typing fics in reply boxes are nothing but trouble. You get to use spell check if you type this in word processor.

Other than that, not too bad. You can stand to improve a little, but nothing that practicing won't fix.


About the speeking of multiple characters: I agree, and I'd would add that it is also better to just use 'blaba' instead of "blabla". With single thingies. That way the overal vieuw is easier for the eyes, and looks more organized.

About typing in reply boxes...I do it too. xD But that is because my Word doesn't do what I want it to do at the moment. It is quite managable in reply boxes, but I recommend you should Go Advanced, and check the previeuw of the post a whole lot of times. And if your not sure about spelling of a word or something, look it up on internet, or ask someone.

I'll read this chapter in a minute, just wanted to say this beforehand.

Edit: Read it, good chapter, gives some more insight in the characters. One thing anoyed me though; keep an eye on your spacing. It is annoying to look at 3 sentences who are linked togheter because you didn't put a space in between. This really is unnecesary. Look out for it! =)

Well, hope I helped! <3
 
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Mike

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Ok.WIll do,well,here is Chapter 1B!


Chapter 1B: Keyblade? Part 2



The man laughed. "Shut up, kid. You may be some of the Chosen Ones of Legend, but I still have orders to kill you, so say your prayers, 'cause you are going down!" said the man as he shot a bullet out of his left revolver, heading straight for Jake.

"Jake! Watch out!" yelled Zack as he dived for Jake,pushing them both to the ground, and the bullet zooming right over their heads, shattering the glass from the building behind them. "What are you thinking?" said Zack as he and Jake got up. Jake didnt answer, he was still to shocked.

Jordan stepped forward, and then stepped back. Glass from the building lay everywhere, crushed from the impact of the bullet.

Zeke, who still was looking from above, glared at the man. He had know him. "Rayxn: The Flare Shooter." Zeke said as he summonded his Keyblade, the Broken Light. "Alright, mission....BEGIN!" he said as he pushed his body over the edge, and began flipping down to the ground. Zeke landed infront of Jake, Jordan, and Zack and blocked another bullet that Rayxn fired.

Jordan jumped in shock as Zeke came down from out of nowhere, same as Zack and Jake. Rayxn glared. "I guess I really will have a great day. I get to eliminate the Keyblade Wielders, and destroy an old friend, eh, Zeke? "said Rayxn as a blade grew from both of his guns, forming a GunBlade in eachhand. Rayxn and Zeke ran forward at the same time, and clashed. Rayxn had Zeke's Keyblade forced upon the ground with one GunBlade. "See you in Hell!" Rayxn yelled as he swung his other Gunblade, cutting into Zeke's already wounded shoulder, nearly ripping it off. Rayxn kicked Zeke with his foot, and Zeke flew into the wall behind the kids, crushing more glass.

Zeke rose in pain, clutching his shoulder, blood running down his coat and arm. Zeke looked up at the three kids. " Warriors of Earth, Water, and Thunder. I give to thy, the power to fight," said Zeke as he removed three Keychains from his coat, and handed them to the three kids. "Take them, and crush your enemys. These are the Elemental Keyblades, take them, and....," said Zeke as he disappeared in a flash, without finishing his sentence.

The Keychains each had its own symbol for the chain. For Ice, its was an ice shard. For Water, a rain droplet. And for Earth, it was a small gem shaped rock. Warrior of Ice, Jordan; Warrior of Earth, Zack; Warrior of Water, Jake. The Keychains rose into the air, and magicly appeared again as a giant Key.

"A...Keyblade?" Jake said, his first time speaking since the bullet was fired. Jake suddenly felt power within him, like he was ready to fight, so he took action. Jake focased on the swishing of the nearby water from Central Park, where they were at. The water from the lakes rose, and rushed over to where they were at in a tunnel form. Jake swung his Keyblade, and the water struck Rayxn from behind, flinging him forward toward the group. Jake swung again, and hit Rayxn into the air. "Oh..yeah!"

Jordan was confused. But after seeing what Jake did, she felt inspired to join in to. Rayxn was still flipping in the air, until he caught his balence and fired a bullet at Jake. He was completly wide-open, and Jakes water couldent stop the attack, so Jordan pointed her Keyblade at the incoming bullet and froze it in mid air, causing it to fall to the ground and shatter. Part of Rayxn's gun was also froze from the air shooting behind the bullet, leading into the gun.

Rayxn touched the ground. He was half way finished. "No. Not yet. Ill kill you if I have to kill myself!" he yelled as his gunblades completly caught on fire. "HellFire!" he called as he and his blades completly caught on fire. Rayxn ran forward and used his energy to attack them.

Zack, who was still confused, made use of his Element, and created an Earth Wall from the ground to block the bullet,making the bullet impact hard, but not break the wall. From the attack, Rayxn began to fade from panting. "No...NO! It wont end like this not yet," he called as he shot out one last bullet, but from dropping the gun just as he shot it, the bullet fire downward, hitting the cracked road, and bouncing back up to strike Rayxn in the torso, killing him.

"We...we won!" said Jake as he was nearly out of energy. First Jake fell over, and then Zack and Jordan. They would be out for awhile.

-------------------------------

After the police arrived on the scene to see a dead body in the middle of the road, and three kids on the other side. FBI arrived on the scene not to long after, and took both of the bodys. "Who are these people? No ordinary person could have done this much damage." said a voice. "Maybe Aliens? Or monsters?" said another. "Couldent be aliens? They ARE human. But, they must have somekind of Supernatural powers..." said the first voice. "We will question them and do more tests once they awaken." he said again.

Soon, Jordan woke up. "Wha-Where am I?" she said, realizing she was strapped into a chair. A man looked at her from another room, which was cut off by glass. She looked around, and Zack and Jake were next to her. "Where am I!?!" she called again.

"We will give you answers, if you give us answers." said a man in a white coat, possibly a scientist. The man grinned, and then let the straps that kept her in the chair off, so she could stand up. "FBI, miss. Now, who and what are you?" the scientist said.

------------------------------------

Okay.Like you said, I put spaces between my characters talking. Hope thats right! And I will try and find a word processor later. Hope you like it!
 

Mike

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Sorry for double posting, but I want to get the second chapter in.


Chapter 2A: Arrival of the Fourth Warrior


Meanwhile, another girl walked arcoss the road where the incedent happened. There was still people and police gathered around, but she looked from the sidelines. "Them...some of them were here" said the girl, who had dirty blonde hair, just like Jordans, but alittle longer. "I have to find them before they reveal there Keyblades to the people who captured them." she said. The girls name was Krystal, Wielder of the Keyblade of Fire. " I better call Nick and Ashley to let them know." Krystal said as she pulled out a cellphone, and walked down an alley.

Ring....ring...ring

"Hello?" said someone on the other line.
"Nick. Meet me in Central Park. I may have found something" Krystal said.


Krystal hung up, and then saw a black car drive away, with men in suits within it. "Damn." she said as she ran after the car, and grabbed onto the back of it as it rounded a corner. She climbed underneath, and rode. She'd have to forget Nick and Ashley for now, as she might had found a way to find the other three Warriors.

----------------------------

Back with Jordan, she stood in the room. She couldent see the other side threw the window. "Ill ask again, who are you?" said a man on the other side. She hesitated. With a jolt in doing so, she spun around, cut the harness that kept Zack down, and shook him. "Wake up," she yelled, but it didnt help. She then took her hand and slapped him once clean across the face, waking him up.

"What the hell?" he said as he jumped. "Where am I? Wheres the city? I want answers!" he yelled he he swung his hand, summoning his Keyblade in a flash. "Woah! Alright then, bring it!" he screamed as he swung at the glass, shattering it, and blasting someone into a wall on the other side.

Jordan looked horrified as she watch Zack. Zack turned around, his black hair swinging as he went. "Come on. Lets grab Jake and get outta here!" he said, as he picked Jake up, and swung him over his shoulder. "Jordan. Lets move!" said Zack, a siren going off at that same second. They ran out into the hall, and at the same time men in black suits ran from another hall way, holding small guns in their hands.

Zack tried to use his Power over Earth to make a wall, but the place they were in was covered in steel and metal. Jordan, however, used her power to freeze the soldiers in their tracks. "Zack, come on. This way!" Jordan yelled, grabbing Zack's hand, pulling him down a hallway. Jordan then lead them to an innersection, and then took them down a hallway that lead them into a big chamber. There was boats and helicopters. It looked like a military site.

In a corner of the area, a car drove in from what seemed to be a ramp. The car was going about 70 MPH toward them, but then stopped and skidded as the men in the car jumped out to attack them. "We have you know. Put your hands where we can see them, and drop your weopans." yelled a man. Just as the kids were about to give up, the car behind the group of agents exploded in a fury of flames, and a girl walked out from the car.

"Hey boys, wanna play?"
 
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Xuan

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Chapter 2 is a bit confusing. But otherwise, it's a very good story. Oh yeah, Remember to make your title nice and not capitaless cause I tend to jumped right past those stories who can't even have a decent title.
 

Mike

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Chapter 2B: Arrival of the Fourth Warrior


The flames raged on, as Krystal quickly took down the people from the car easily. With the flames still burning from the car, she used the fire as a weopan against the men. "Oh yeah." she said. Krystal wore a red revealing shirt, that most 17 year old girls would where to look attractive, and just a simple pair of levi jeans. Hanging from her shoulder, a red fabric filled with glitter was tied onto her shoulder, and ran down to her pants, and were tied onto that.

Jake grunted as he moved a bit, waking up laying on the ground. He looked up, and check his surroundings. He saw Military Planes, Fighter Jets, Automobiles, you name it. He also saw Zack and Jordan infront of him, and an attractive girl infront of them.

"Soo . . . . you people are the Elemental Keyblade Wielders too? Finally. I finally found you guys!" she said, smiling and pulling out her phone. She started typing numbers on her phone, as if she was texting. It made a small noise, and then she put the phone back in her pocket. "Well, dont just stand there. Lets go before more guards find us." she said, turning around and walking towards a moterbike. She hopped on it, put on a helmet, and waited for the others.

Jake was confused, but he stood up, and went over to a bike and put on a helmet, aswell as Zack and Jordan, Jordan hopped on with Zack though. They zoomed out toward the open gateway left open by the other guards. Krystal hit a jump as she zoomed off the ramp, and landed the jump perfectly, speeding away into a nearby brige leading back into the city, as they were a bit outside the city, and actually on a beach. Zack and Jake went slowly up the ramp, and as soon as they got up, they sped after Krystal. They sped onto an open road, which apparently was an abandoned section of the city. They thought it was abandoned, until . . . a car, a white car with a flashing red, blue and white siren started chasing them. The cops. And they wernt ordianry cops, they were some of the agents back where they just left. They had much faster cars, and chased the four around the blocks.

Krystal yelled back to them," Come on! Follow me!" she yelled as she pulled out of her pocket, a small red marble. It had a small emblem on it, sort of a wierd 'D' shape. Krystal pointed it infront of her, and a blue portal was formed. She raced into it, and Zack, Jake, and Jordan followed. Krystal and the others appeared on the other side, and she automaticly closed it before the FBI could follow them.

Zack looked around as he shut his bike down. "Uh...im guessing we arnt in New York City anymore." he said, looking a bit scared. "Uh, where are we at?" Zack asked.

Krystal turned to look at Zack. "Your right. It aint the NYC anymore. Welcome to Radient Garden." she said. The group looked to be in the Bailey. "By the way, I forgot to introduce myself. Im Krystal." she said. Jake smiled. He thought she was hot. And not just because of her element being Fire.

"Name's Zack. Thats Jordan, and Jake." he said. "So....Radient Garden, huh?" he asked. "Never heard of it. Im guessing that little marble is like a teleporter, right?" he asked.

"Close. It is a teleporter, but it aint anywhere on Earth. We are in another Dimension. The Disney Dimension." she said. "Now. Im pretty sure you all have gotten used to your Keyblades, that little Key thing, from the past 24 hours." she said. They nodded. "Ok. Well follow me. We'll go talk to Leon and the others, now." she said as she rode off, and the others following right behind.

--------------------------------------------

NO! HOW COULD SOME PUNKS BEAT RAYXN!" a voice screamed.

"Im am sorry, my lord, but Rayxn was only a pawn in our, I mean your plan, right?" said a young man, who was maybe around his 30s.

The voice calmed down. "Yes. But if we are going to find that boy and use him to do our dirty work, they must be wiped out."

"Surely one of our more stronger members could take them down." the second man said again.

"Yes. Perhaps you are right, Dxion. I shall give you the chance to prove your loyalty to me. I have recieved word that they have been spotted in Radient Garden. Strike when they are vulnerable." said the man.

Dxion nodded. "Yes, my lord. I shall do my best," and with that, he was gone.

-----------------------------------------------

Back in Radient Garden, Krystal explained about the Disney Device. They soon arrived at Merlin's house, where Lion was at. Once they arrived, they were greeted with hellos and everyone was introduced.

"Krystal. The Heartless and the Nobodys have been acting up again." said Leon, with his usual tone.

"Really? I wouldent be surprised with Heartless, but Nobodys, I thought they were extint since Sora wiped Organization 13 out." Krystal said.

Jordan, Zack, and Jake looked blank. "Who's Sora?" Jordan asked, wanting to know more about this 'Sora', the Keyblade, and what the hell was going on.

---------------------------------------------------------

Hope ya like it. Next is Chapter 3: Prophecy of Legend!



"
 
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