KHI Critique Center 2.0

[Cassette-Disk]

^The best way forward is without fear. Make a new thread and showcase what you have proudly. From there we can go over it and you'll not only be able to get the proper critique, but also see how much you've improved.

However, if you'd rather post it here I don't think that would be a problem, but I'm not sure. I would just suggest making a new thread for everyone to see.

 

[KingdomKey]

Hello everyone! I'm new to this site but definitely not to this awesome franchise. I recently had some brainstorms for a new OC and wanted to know if it was okay to post some questions here first. I have all the basics for her back story down but my concern is I want to make sure she doesn't come off as a Mary-Sue. So before I begin posting her shortened origin story will it be alright if I post here for other people's opinions?

Welcome to the forum, Morgana! Glad to have you with us! If you have any other questions feel free to PM or VM me.

I believe CD-Mann has already advised making a new thread to go over your OC's backstory. BUT yes, you are allowed to post it here if, it makes you feel more comfortable. However, I'd like to mention that I can't promise you everybody in the writing community will see her origin back story because, most members usually check the threads before looking in the Critique Center. :3

 

[Morgana]

Thanks so much for the replies and warm welcome! I'll go ahead and make a new thread then ^_^.

 

[KingdomKey]

Thanks so much for the replies and warm welcome! I'll go ahead and make a new thread then ^_^.

You're welcome! I look forward to reading your OC's origins and any stories you happen to write in the near future.

 

[Sora341]

What do you guys think about my vision of Sora and Kairi? Sugar Lips

​

already saw this though. I'd appreciate it guys!

http://forums.khinsider.com/creative-writing/198738-princess-sea.html

 

[Annoyance]

So I lost my job last January.

:v So I have a lot of free time on my hands again. It's possible I could help out with this full force again since I've been missing it so goddamn much. I MISS YOU WRITING PEOPLE.

 

[Noel]

For one, I'm bummed that you lost your job. /:

Secondly, Im not aware uve' what story's you have read, but there are plenty uve' new fanfics, and original stories. Some posted more than most, so there's not going to be a shortage. :3 I would love to have you take a look at my We Were Loyal story. I've only posted two parts, so I'm not wanting a full critique, but it's my take on actual in depth, and soon to be semi-convuluted plot. Yes, I want it to be like that, but more to likes uve' the movie Now You See Me if that make sense.

 

[Annoyance]

For one, I'm bummed that you lost your job. /:

Secondly, Im not aware uve' what story's you have read, but there are plenty uve' new fanfics, and original stories. Some posted more than most, so there's not going to be a shortage. :3 I would love to have you take a look at my We Were Loyal story. I've only posted two parts, so I'm not wanting a full critique, but it's my take on actual in depth, and soon to be semi-convuluted plot. Yes, I want it to be like that, but more to likes uve' the movie Now You See Me if that make sense.

I took a look at the first chapter you have posted. I'm mainly commenting on formatting, grammar, all that jazz so not so much the story yet unless it just contradicts itself within that chapter. But yeah, I'll get working on some sort of general post for all the errors I spotted. I made a general post containing most of my other comments within the chapter in the thread, too. I'll go into detail on some of them when I make the bigger post.

 

[Cassette-Disk]

So I'm not sure how many people care, or how many actually enjoyed my critique and editing, but I wanna get back into it again. I want to be as serious as possible and I wanna work with writers again. If any of you want me to read your work and slam down with honest feelings while pointing out all the errors I can, I will. I have no obligations of work anymore.

Though, right now I'm trying to raise my laptop from the dead so for now I'll be doing it on physical paper, give am overall run down of my feelings and opinions, and if you want it, a full thing pointing out errors later. Right now I'm stuck with reading off my phone or tablet I'm borrowing. Typing long-winded responses is difficult at the moment but I'm working on it.

People seem to think I'm a good writer which is silly. I'd like you to prove them wrong. Though I should note everything I post on this site is a draft, which is probably a bad decision on my part since I'm sure there's plenty of spelling and grammar errors, just...do what you do.

Depending on how long of a subject you'd like to work with, I can direct you to this longer ongoing story, or this shorter ongoing story. I'll admit I'm a bit nervous since I know my work probably looks like crap early on (I cringe when I reread some of my stuff), but I'll probably never get better if I don't get my stuff thrown back at me sometimes.

 

[Annoyance]

To update: I HAVE MY LAPTOP BACK *confetti, fireworks, noise makers*

I just can't really unplug it but better than nothing and I don't really move anyway. Joke's on you battery.

But this means I am now able to do my [notorious?] long winded posts quoting your every mistake and pointing them out to you.

edit: currently working on putting up the comments and writing for CD-Mann's first chapter.
Hopefully I can make trips to the library more and print out more to work on.

I'll hopefully get my hands on a working printer of my own [my old one is only printing blanks] because it's .10 cents a page and I actually forgot to double space CD-Mann's chapter.

 

[Hidden]

So I lost my job last January.

:v So I have a lot of free time on my hands again. It's possible I could help out with this full force again since I've been missing it so goddamn much. I MISS YOU WRITING PEOPLE.

Sorry about your job, wonderful to have you back. Some day I will decide to be a decent human being again and start reading/writing/critiquing fiction, but in the meantime I look forward to reading your contributions.

 

[Annoyance]

Sorry about your job, wonderful to have you back. Some day I will decide to be a decent human being again and start reading/writing/critiquing fiction, but in the meantime I look forward to reading your contributions.

I'm blushing. But thanks man, means a lot. I'm hoping to improve and get better at this now that I'm in the swing of things again.

If you wanna see my latest full review and edit,
http://forums.khinsider.com/creative-writing/192587-classic-24-remembrance-2.html#post6257459

 

[itwasmybedtime]

erm, hi! I was looking for some reviewing on the fanfictiom I just started. It only has the prologue for now http://forums.khinsider.com/fanfiction/204428-until-we-go-down-aqua-x-vanitas.html ��

 

[Hidden]

I'm blushing. But thanks man, means a lot. I'm hoping to improve and get better at this now that I'm in the swing of things again.

If you wanna see my latest full review and edit,
http://forums.khinsider.com/creative-writing/192587-classic-24-remembrance-2.html#post6257459

I did read that. It encourages me to get back into critiquing, but goodness is it time-consuming.

If you are interested and able, I'd still be glad for critique on my only extant piece of fanfiction on this site: Namine. Fair warning, it's about 4,000 words long, but that's the entirety of it--no continuing chapters, no sequels, nothing. It's also coming up on two years old, which is about the shelf-life for my writing pieces. However, being a year and a half removed from the project and more aware of its faults, I'll probably be more open to criticism as well.

 

[Annoyance]

I did read that. It encourages me to get back into critiquing, but goodness is it time-consuming.

If you are interested and able, I'd still be glad for critique on my only extant piece of fanfiction on this site: Namine. Fair warning, it's about 4,000 words long, but that's the entirety of it--no continuing chapters, no sequels, nothing. It's also coming up on two years old, which is about the shelf-life for my writing pieces. However, being a year and a half removed from the project and more aware of its faults, I'll probably be more open to criticism as well.

Augh I'm out of state right now so I can't print it but I'll make a reminder for when I get back Monday. I'll totally look at it after I'm done posting on CD-Manns other work.

 

[King Sora X]

I don't know if anyone is still here around doing full reviews, but I'm working on a story in which this will either be the basis for it or actually in it as one of the last scenes of it, so a review would be greatly appreciated.

~King Sora X.

 

[Hoid]

I made a thread for my work The Osterix Chronicles, and I'm curious to see what you all think. It isn't very good, and the dialogue seems a bit choppy, but I'd still appreciate a bit more in-depth feedback and advice. I did make a thread for it, but I'd be happy to post a link here for it if that would help. Thanks!

 

[KingdomKey]

I made a thread for my work The Osterix Chronicles, and I'm curious to see what you all think. It isn't very good, and the dialogue seems a bit choppy, but I'd still appreciate a bit more in-depth feedback and advice. I did make a thread for it, but I'd be happy to post a link here for it if that would help. Thanks!

I beg to differ on it being good! Anyways, I'll try to critique it soon. ;3 Unless anyone beats me to it.

 

[Muke]

So, I started my work. The first Chapter is sort of like a Prologue, but meh.
And no, guys, this is not your typical love-story. It's just in the beginning, so that I can do some character development and stuff. :3

Yeah, umm, this is it.
I know, I should wait some days, but this is my very first work that I am doing in English (besides of stuff in school, obviously.)
So, it'd be very cool if someone could review it.

Thanks! (This is it, btw)