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awesome!!! XDXD
really excellent job!!!!
really excellent job!!!!
Fanfiction ► KH II: The Forgotten World
- Thread starter Lectori Salutem
- Start date
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At first I thought, "Too little description" but you got better as the chapters progressed. I'm a little impressed at the fact that there was some progress in writing skill from chapter one to your most recent chapter. I'll chack in to your story now so keep writing! *Miaka-Rose petals, GO!!!, rose petals dance around the room*
The last chapter was better, I know....
My little plot twist thingie isn't as exciting as I thought, read it anyway!!!
Chapter 9
‘What, where is she?’ Angeline said. Confusion and fear battled to be showed in her greyish green eyes.
‘I, well, you better come see yourself,’ Rex said. ‘She, she’s at the city gate.’
‘The city what, wait-no!’ the fear had won, but it found a new challenger in despair. It would tear ones heart apart to look straight in her eyes that moment. Rex tried it, but quickly looked away, for he knew what it meant.
‘Come,’ he simply said. He looked past Angeline, at Sora and companions. ‘You know Mel, maybe you should come too.’
Sora nodded and walked outside. Donald and Goofy followed him, ready for whatever was to come. Rex turned around to Angeline.
‘I know it’s hard, but you have to try to smile,’ he said, with the look on his face you could see he really felt for her. ‘You know what will happen else! Same counts for you three by the way.’
Angeline put on the worst fake smile Sora had ever seen, but it was a smile. Everybody else did the same. Rex went in the opposite direction Sora had been before. The rest followed him walking fast, but not too fast. In the black district, not standing out was the key to survival. Especially when a there’s a person from the red district with you, because you’ll get seen anyway.
They turned around the corner and suddenly Sora saw a huge crowd. Angeline ran at the people, desperately trying to get in the centre. She hopelessly tried to keep up a smile. Rex followed a bit shy. He knew the crowd knew he wasn’t supposed to be there. When they were almost in the middle, they could see a little bit what was going on. Rex grabbed Angeline’s arm.
‘No, don’t!’ he said in her ear.
‘Let me go!’ Angeline wanted to shout, but decided just in time that doing that wouldn’t be very smart. ‘You don’t understand!’ she freed herself of his hold.
‘No, I don’t understand,’ Rex’ eyes suddenly looked empty, as if he let something in he had hid a long time.
Angeline was about to answer, when she remembered something. ‘I forgot, I’m sorry…’
Finally Sora, Donald and Goofy made it to where they were standing. They looked at the reason the crowd had formed. It was Mel standing there, surrounded by nobodies. One nobody, of the unknown kind, was opening the city gate. There was a man, yellow clothing, standing in front of them. He was reading something from a paper.
‘Reasons: Not smiling, possible dangerous friends, believed to take place in a conspiracy…’
When he said this they whole crowd started to talk. The last crime he said, wasn’t heard much and with a girl so young? Side effect was nobody could hear his next few words.
‘Silence!’
The crowd was quiet at once, eager to hear the punishment. Though no one doubted what it would be.
‘Punishment: citizen Melody Ardata is expelled from the city.’
The giant gate opened and the dusks surrounding Mel grabbed her and threw her outside. In just seconds the gate was closed again and Mel was gone.
‘Now, you gotta keep your act together,’ Rex said to Angeline, but also a bit to Sora. ‘We’re going back to your house, there we can talk.’
‘No!’ Angeline said. ‘I have to, I must, I, I…’
‘You can’t do anything now, come!’ Rex said.
They walked back, Rex held Angeline’s arm the whole time. If he wouldn’t have, she had probably run away. When they finally were inside, Angeline cried. Rex led her to the kitchen, where she sat and a chair. Sora, Donald and Goofy stayed in the hallway for a little moment.
‘I gotta help her!’ Sora said.
‘What a surprise,’ Donald said. ‘Whatever we’ll say, you’ll do it anyway!’
‘You know, you might be right with that!’
They walked in the kitchen and took a seat.
‘I’ll go help Mel,’ Sora said.
‘But, how?’ Angeline said, sounding sad, but at Sora’s words a spark of hope shot through her eyes.
‘I’ll go outside, find her and get her back inside,’ Sora said. ‘Simple isn’t it?’
‘How’re you gonna get out?’ Rex asked. ‘The gates are locked.’
‘That’s not a big deal,’ Sora said. As he thought of his keyblade, it immediately appeared in his hand.
‘Will that open it?’ Rex asked.
‘Yeah!’
‘You better wait ‘till it’s dark, else they’ll stop you before you get there,’ Rex said. ‘That’s one hour, make sure you’re ready.’
‘Maybe it’s better if I go alone,’ Sora said, turning to Donald and Goofy. ‘You guys have to make sure Angeline will be alright.’
‘But Sora…’ Goofy said.
‘He’s right,’ Rex said. ‘I can’t stay here much longer.’
‘Okay…’ Goofy said and Donald nodded.
The next hour they spend with getting some food, drinks and some potions together. It got dark real fast.
‘I’ll get you to the gates,’ Rex said. ‘You ready?’
‘Yeah, let’s go!’ Sora said, getting a bit nervous.
They walked to the gates as fast as they could. When they were very close, they stopped for a moment.
‘I’ll be going now, you can find it from now,’ Rex said and he turned around. ‘Good luck’ was the last Sora heard.
He walked the last metres alone. When he stood in front of the gate, he summoned the keyblade again. A light emitted from the top. Sora pointed it at the lock and the glow became stronger. Them he heard a soft click. When he pushed the door softly he felt it moving.
‘Here we go!’ he said and he went through. With his keyblade still in his hand, he closed the gate. Then he heard a voice, one he wouldn’t expect outside the city.
‘There you are. I started to wonder what kept you.’
My little plot twist thingie isn't as exciting as I thought, read it anyway!!!
Chapter 9
‘What, where is she?’ Angeline said. Confusion and fear battled to be showed in her greyish green eyes.
‘I, well, you better come see yourself,’ Rex said. ‘She, she’s at the city gate.’
‘The city what, wait-no!’ the fear had won, but it found a new challenger in despair. It would tear ones heart apart to look straight in her eyes that moment. Rex tried it, but quickly looked away, for he knew what it meant.
‘Come,’ he simply said. He looked past Angeline, at Sora and companions. ‘You know Mel, maybe you should come too.’
Sora nodded and walked outside. Donald and Goofy followed him, ready for whatever was to come. Rex turned around to Angeline.
‘I know it’s hard, but you have to try to smile,’ he said, with the look on his face you could see he really felt for her. ‘You know what will happen else! Same counts for you three by the way.’
Angeline put on the worst fake smile Sora had ever seen, but it was a smile. Everybody else did the same. Rex went in the opposite direction Sora had been before. The rest followed him walking fast, but not too fast. In the black district, not standing out was the key to survival. Especially when a there’s a person from the red district with you, because you’ll get seen anyway.
They turned around the corner and suddenly Sora saw a huge crowd. Angeline ran at the people, desperately trying to get in the centre. She hopelessly tried to keep up a smile. Rex followed a bit shy. He knew the crowd knew he wasn’t supposed to be there. When they were almost in the middle, they could see a little bit what was going on. Rex grabbed Angeline’s arm.
‘No, don’t!’ he said in her ear.
‘Let me go!’ Angeline wanted to shout, but decided just in time that doing that wouldn’t be very smart. ‘You don’t understand!’ she freed herself of his hold.
‘No, I don’t understand,’ Rex’ eyes suddenly looked empty, as if he let something in he had hid a long time.
Angeline was about to answer, when she remembered something. ‘I forgot, I’m sorry…’
Finally Sora, Donald and Goofy made it to where they were standing. They looked at the reason the crowd had formed. It was Mel standing there, surrounded by nobodies. One nobody, of the unknown kind, was opening the city gate. There was a man, yellow clothing, standing in front of them. He was reading something from a paper.
‘Reasons: Not smiling, possible dangerous friends, believed to take place in a conspiracy…’
When he said this they whole crowd started to talk. The last crime he said, wasn’t heard much and with a girl so young? Side effect was nobody could hear his next few words.
‘Silence!’
The crowd was quiet at once, eager to hear the punishment. Though no one doubted what it would be.
‘Punishment: citizen Melody Ardata is expelled from the city.’
The giant gate opened and the dusks surrounding Mel grabbed her and threw her outside. In just seconds the gate was closed again and Mel was gone.
‘Now, you gotta keep your act together,’ Rex said to Angeline, but also a bit to Sora. ‘We’re going back to your house, there we can talk.’
‘No!’ Angeline said. ‘I have to, I must, I, I…’
‘You can’t do anything now, come!’ Rex said.
They walked back, Rex held Angeline’s arm the whole time. If he wouldn’t have, she had probably run away. When they finally were inside, Angeline cried. Rex led her to the kitchen, where she sat and a chair. Sora, Donald and Goofy stayed in the hallway for a little moment.
‘I gotta help her!’ Sora said.
‘What a surprise,’ Donald said. ‘Whatever we’ll say, you’ll do it anyway!’
‘You know, you might be right with that!’
They walked in the kitchen and took a seat.
‘I’ll go help Mel,’ Sora said.
‘But, how?’ Angeline said, sounding sad, but at Sora’s words a spark of hope shot through her eyes.
‘I’ll go outside, find her and get her back inside,’ Sora said. ‘Simple isn’t it?’
‘How’re you gonna get out?’ Rex asked. ‘The gates are locked.’
‘That’s not a big deal,’ Sora said. As he thought of his keyblade, it immediately appeared in his hand.
‘Will that open it?’ Rex asked.
‘Yeah!’
‘You better wait ‘till it’s dark, else they’ll stop you before you get there,’ Rex said. ‘That’s one hour, make sure you’re ready.’
‘Maybe it’s better if I go alone,’ Sora said, turning to Donald and Goofy. ‘You guys have to make sure Angeline will be alright.’
‘But Sora…’ Goofy said.
‘He’s right,’ Rex said. ‘I can’t stay here much longer.’
‘Okay…’ Goofy said and Donald nodded.
The next hour they spend with getting some food, drinks and some potions together. It got dark real fast.
‘I’ll get you to the gates,’ Rex said. ‘You ready?’
‘Yeah, let’s go!’ Sora said, getting a bit nervous.
They walked to the gates as fast as they could. When they were very close, they stopped for a moment.
‘I’ll be going now, you can find it from now,’ Rex said and he turned around. ‘Good luck’ was the last Sora heard.
He walked the last metres alone. When he stood in front of the gate, he summoned the keyblade again. A light emitted from the top. Sora pointed it at the lock and the glow became stronger. Them he heard a soft click. When he pushed the door softly he felt it moving.
‘Here we go!’ he said and he went through. With his keyblade still in his hand, he closed the gate. Then he heard a voice, one he wouldn’t expect outside the city.
‘There you are. I started to wonder what kept you.’
- Joined
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- Age
- 31
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- Where angels lose their way
- Website
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great chapter!!! XDXD its really great =3
but man im in trouble... X<
hope to read more soon btw XD
but man im in trouble... X<
hope to read more soon btw XD
Absoloutely wonderful! I am really starting too enjoy your chapters a lot. You've gotten better at adding description, which, of course, is a very good thing. :thumbsup:
thanks!
Glad you like it!
Glad you like it!
o_0 Oh no! I hope Sora will be able to help her...
Another great addition Lectori ^-^ When I'm not studying, I'll be sure to check in like normal ^-^
Another great addition Lectori ^-^ When I'm not studying, I'll be sure to check in like normal ^-^
nice story, Lectori! very original.. ;D
:O They kicked Mel out!
Poor Mel...
Anyway, nice chapter! Hope Sora can help Mel! xD
Poor Mel...
Anyway, nice chapter! Hope Sora can help Mel! xD
Awesome description! your story is getting really good and if you don't post the next chapter in five minutes i'm gonna cry i hope thats okay with you.......
Sorry, no chapter today....
Don't feel like writing.....
Don't feel like writing.....
Awesome ff! I love it! Keep it up!
^ Yeah Take your time Lectori ^-^
When the story comes the story comes ^-^
When the story comes the story comes ^-^
I got the next chapter! It's not as long as the last few ones.....
Reaction command=chain circle
Well, here it comes....
Chapter 10
Sora quickly turned around. All he saw were trees, giant trees, and at the other side the city wall. Between those two was a little piece where there was nothing. It was amazing to see what was higher, the wall or the trees. The trees were gigantic, like they had been there for decades. But the wall was even higher. It was so immense; the wind couldn’t blow one leave over it.
‘Show yourself!’ Sora shouted, recognizing the voice. ‘Or are you running away again?’
‘So you remember me?’ the voice said, ‘As a reward, I’ll do as you say.’ From the shades the trees made, a man appeared. He was still wearing his white coat with the coloured lines, but this time he had his hood on. He reminded Sora of something, or someone. ‘Happy now?’
‘What do you want this time?’
‘Have a little interview…’
‘What the…’ Sora’s face told more than he could have ever said with words. It showed confusion, it showed anger and surprisingly, it showed a bit curiosity. He wanted to know what this man knew.
‘First question, why are you still here?’ the man asked.
‘Well, the gummiship probably fell apart when we-wait, why should you care?’ Sora said.
‘That is a problem I didn’t foresee…’
‘Answer my question!’ Sora shouted. ‘You’re really getting my nerves!’
‘My reasons are not for you to know,’ the man said. ‘I see you are heading deep in the forest.’
‘So what!’ he was getting so angry he accidentally summoned his keyblade.
The man looked at the keyblade before he started talking again. ‘Very well, young master of the keyblade. Within this forest, many dangers are waiting. Let us see if you are ready for them. Let us see if you are really the chosen one, the one that can use the keyblade to its full potential. A test of your strength, there may be a reward at the end.’ With these words three nobodies appeared. The man walked back into the shadows. When Sora tried to follow, the unknown nobodies blocked his path.
‘Have fun with my servants...’ That was the last Sora heard, before he was gone.
And with that sign the fight began. Just like the last time, the nobodies used one end of their chain to attack and one end to defend. Not that they needed to defend that much, Sora was too busy with blocking to attack. The chains kept swinging at him. Then one of the chains wrapped around the keyblade, it got stuck. Sora almost panicked and he tried to get is off. He turned around and the nobody made a circle around him. Sora was surprised and kept turning. The nobody made a wide circle and hit the other two. Sora kept turning until the chain loosened. It the nobody flew away with pretty much force until it was stopped by a tree.
Now that Sora had found a way to fight with these unknown nobodies, the rest of the fight was a lot easier. The nobody he had swung at a tree was still there and couldn’t defend itself for a few seconds. Sora slashed it two times, used a thunder spell and finished the combo with his most powerful move. After that much damage the nobody just vanished like they all did when defeated with the keyblade.
The other two started to attack Sora once again. This time he caught the first swung with his keyblade and he flipped the chain a few time around the end. Because of the key shape it had, the chain didn’t slip of that easy. Sora started turning again, trying to hit one nobody with the other. It worked, and when they flew away, Sora ran after them. He finished the fight with two perfectly aimed blizzard spells.
The nobodies vanished into thin air, but one of them left something behind. It were three gummiblocks. Two of them were blue, one was red. Sora picked them up and looked at them.
‘That’s strange,’ he said to himself, ‘These gummiblocks didn’t come from our ship. They’re different, I’m sure of it!’ But he did them in his pocket anyway. ‘Now, were did Mel go?’
Sora looked around, but he didn’t know what he was hoping to find. Behind him a white moon appeared from behind the clouds. He could see a bit more now. He tried to see Mel, or maybe something she had left behind. He did a few steps inside the forest. He was careful not to trip, but the moon lit his path well. The shadows on the other hand played tricks with his mind. They made his see movements and made him believe there were people walking just in front of him. Every time he walked a bit further under the trees, until he could barely see the city wall. He was about to turn back and walk around the city wall first, when he saw something that had to be real.
There a ribbon was tied to a tree. The wind tried its best to blow it away, but the owner of the ribbon had known what she did. The wind couldn’t do a thing. Sora grabbed the ribbon and untied it. It was cornflower blue.
´Don’t worry Mel, I’m coming!’ Sora said as he walked deeper in the forest.
Reaction command=chain circle
Well, here it comes....
Chapter 10
Sora quickly turned around. All he saw were trees, giant trees, and at the other side the city wall. Between those two was a little piece where there was nothing. It was amazing to see what was higher, the wall or the trees. The trees were gigantic, like they had been there for decades. But the wall was even higher. It was so immense; the wind couldn’t blow one leave over it.
‘Show yourself!’ Sora shouted, recognizing the voice. ‘Or are you running away again?’
‘So you remember me?’ the voice said, ‘As a reward, I’ll do as you say.’ From the shades the trees made, a man appeared. He was still wearing his white coat with the coloured lines, but this time he had his hood on. He reminded Sora of something, or someone. ‘Happy now?’
‘What do you want this time?’
‘Have a little interview…’
‘What the…’ Sora’s face told more than he could have ever said with words. It showed confusion, it showed anger and surprisingly, it showed a bit curiosity. He wanted to know what this man knew.
‘First question, why are you still here?’ the man asked.
‘Well, the gummiship probably fell apart when we-wait, why should you care?’ Sora said.
‘That is a problem I didn’t foresee…’
‘Answer my question!’ Sora shouted. ‘You’re really getting my nerves!’
‘My reasons are not for you to know,’ the man said. ‘I see you are heading deep in the forest.’
‘So what!’ he was getting so angry he accidentally summoned his keyblade.
The man looked at the keyblade before he started talking again. ‘Very well, young master of the keyblade. Within this forest, many dangers are waiting. Let us see if you are ready for them. Let us see if you are really the chosen one, the one that can use the keyblade to its full potential. A test of your strength, there may be a reward at the end.’ With these words three nobodies appeared. The man walked back into the shadows. When Sora tried to follow, the unknown nobodies blocked his path.
‘Have fun with my servants...’ That was the last Sora heard, before he was gone.
And with that sign the fight began. Just like the last time, the nobodies used one end of their chain to attack and one end to defend. Not that they needed to defend that much, Sora was too busy with blocking to attack. The chains kept swinging at him. Then one of the chains wrapped around the keyblade, it got stuck. Sora almost panicked and he tried to get is off. He turned around and the nobody made a circle around him. Sora was surprised and kept turning. The nobody made a wide circle and hit the other two. Sora kept turning until the chain loosened. It the nobody flew away with pretty much force until it was stopped by a tree.
Now that Sora had found a way to fight with these unknown nobodies, the rest of the fight was a lot easier. The nobody he had swung at a tree was still there and couldn’t defend itself for a few seconds. Sora slashed it two times, used a thunder spell and finished the combo with his most powerful move. After that much damage the nobody just vanished like they all did when defeated with the keyblade.
The other two started to attack Sora once again. This time he caught the first swung with his keyblade and he flipped the chain a few time around the end. Because of the key shape it had, the chain didn’t slip of that easy. Sora started turning again, trying to hit one nobody with the other. It worked, and when they flew away, Sora ran after them. He finished the fight with two perfectly aimed blizzard spells.
The nobodies vanished into thin air, but one of them left something behind. It were three gummiblocks. Two of them were blue, one was red. Sora picked them up and looked at them.
‘That’s strange,’ he said to himself, ‘These gummiblocks didn’t come from our ship. They’re different, I’m sure of it!’ But he did them in his pocket anyway. ‘Now, were did Mel go?’
Sora looked around, but he didn’t know what he was hoping to find. Behind him a white moon appeared from behind the clouds. He could see a bit more now. He tried to see Mel, or maybe something she had left behind. He did a few steps inside the forest. He was careful not to trip, but the moon lit his path well. The shadows on the other hand played tricks with his mind. They made his see movements and made him believe there were people walking just in front of him. Every time he walked a bit further under the trees, until he could barely see the city wall. He was about to turn back and walk around the city wall first, when he saw something that had to be real.
There a ribbon was tied to a tree. The wind tried its best to blow it away, but the owner of the ribbon had known what she did. The wind couldn’t do a thing. Sora grabbed the ribbon and untied it. It was cornflower blue.
´Don’t worry Mel, I’m coming!’ Sora said as he walked deeper in the forest.
Oooooh, nice chapter!
A little short, yes, but you made up for it with some nice descriptions and the ending. The ending was good. =D
A little short, yes, but you made up for it with some nice descriptions and the ending. The ending was good. =D
Thanks!
I know, stupid shortness!!!
I found a nice picture on wikipedia of the cornflower, this is the colour I mean:
Cornflower
I know, stupid shortness!!!
I found a nice picture on wikipedia of the cornflower, this is the colour I mean:
Cornflower
- Joined
- Feb 3, 2007
- Messages
- 1,529
- Age
- 31
- Location
- Where angels lose their way
- Website
- alichinorinoa.deviantart.com
nice an update!!!
great job on this one XDXD
great job on this one XDXD
Go Sora! Go! ^0^ That new reaction command in pretty cool too ^-^ *Sigh* I wish I could do something like that when I have my hair in braids - it's pretty long, it goes down to my waist 0_o - Hya! Flaming hair of fury! XD
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