All of mine are from Red Vs. Blue
Tucker: [Talking about who will go on the 'Quest for the Sword'. Church and Tex admit that they aren't going] What? Then who?
[Looks at Caboose]
Tucker: No ****in' way. I'm not going with him!
Caboose: Oh, oh, oh. I hope we meet a cleric along the way! None of us know how to heal.
Blue Elite: Blaar Honk.
Andy The Bomb: [Translates what Elite says] He says he's a healer.
Caboose: Oh, good!
Andy The Bomb: Heh heh. Not really. They eat their wounded.
[Continues to snigger]
Caboose: Just like chiropracters...
Tucker: This is a JOKE, right? You're sending Caboose? What's wrong with you?
Church: What's wrong with me? I saw a chance to get rid of Caboose and I took it. There's nothing wrong with me!
Caboose: [Completely not paying attention to what the others are saying] Okay, so... um... Tucker's the fighter... ah... Crunchbite is the healer... And I am the powerful, and intelligent, wizard: Morphumax.
Andy The Bomb: What the hell does that make me?
Caboose: You're the good looking and stealthy archer.
Andy The Bomb: A bow and arrow? I don't have any arms, you freakin' moron!
Caboose: That is what makes you so stealthy.
Church: Is this why you guys came home so fast?
Caboose: No, we came home because the alien died, and because the uh, glowing sword turned out to be a, uh glowing key.
Church: Yeah, a glowing key that could still STAB people.
Caboose: Right.
Church: So it is a sword. It just happens to function like a key in very specific situations.
Caboose: Or it's a key all the time, and when you stick it in people, it unlocks their death.
Church: Goddamn, man, I would love to live in your world for about ten minutes.
Caboose: Yeah. I have a really good time!
Church: [laughing] Yeah, it seems like it. You know, I don't think I'd get anything done, but I probably wouldn't care that much.
Church: [after Tucker and Caboose imply that "someone" has put on weight] Are you guys talking about me?
Caboose: We, uh, we didn't want to say anything...
Tucker: Right. That's why we said something.
Tucker: [Beat] Fatty.
Church: Hey, back off, guys. I've been under alot of stress. I've been carrying this whole ****in' team!
Tucker: Where did you carry us, to the buffet?