Blue Feelings

[Auron0521]

To wrap My Arms around You,
Would be My greatest Sin,
I know the Pain You hold,
That You'll never let Me in.

So I'll stay by Your Side,
Be there to Comfort You,
You'll come around One Day,
Your Feelings no longer Blue.

Allow Me this One Request,
This One Selfish Favor,
The only One I care for is You,
Our Time all I will Savor.

 

[King Sora X]

Aside from some odd phrasing, I like it. I am actually getting into that capitalization you got going on in your poems. ^^

 

[Auron0521]

Odd Phrasing? How do you mean?

And thanks. I always thought it was kinda cool that I'd hit the shift key and capitalize some words, so I've started doing it more intentionally now.

 

[King Sora X]

The only One I care for is You,
Our Time all I will Savor.

The last two lines is what I meant by "odd phrasing". when you read aloud, I think you'll get what I mean. I think it would be better without the "all". Then again, that's just me.

 

[Auron0521]

Well, the "all" is there because they're not just saying "I'll savor our time", they're saying "ALL I will savor is our time." In other words, their time together is the only thing that means anything to the narrator.

 

[KingdomKey]

This I can really relate to. That it's almost scary, in a good way. I really like this poem, out of all the other ones you have done, Auron. Kind of see, what King Sora means about the phrasing, of that one particular line. But hearing the meaning behind it, makes it all the more sweeter. So I think it's fine, otherwise.

 

[Auron0521]

Well, I've tried thinking of other ways to word it and still keep the rhyme, but it just sounds weirder and weirder each time. It's just a weird line. Maybe it would sound better without the "all", but I'm willing to sacrifice fluidity for meaning.