The Queen's Fate



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Halcyon

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Hi! I'm not exactly new here but I finally found the time to log in again after 2 years (and now I think I'm flooding the forums). Yikes.
Anyway, I've been reading some of the poems here and I'd like to share my own. This is a poem I wrote for my Cross Literature class. It's about the Queen of Carthage, lover of Aeneas, from the Greek mythology Aeneid. Advance apology cause it's written by an amateur haha.

I only took a part from my original composition though, so here it is:

The firm grip she held around herself fell away
So did everything and everyone that had made sense
Despite her loveliness, she couldn't make him stay
The life she dreamed with the Trojan hero, a mere pretense
The times with his words, his voice, his warmth, all a blur
And it was finally the day when he chose his divine destiny over her

So was the fate of the queen of Carthage
She was the actress who was set up to break
Her life, her hardwork, the gods turned to a stage
For she was made victim of such a love’s sake

If she were a star, she could’ve been burning bright
And he wrapped around her like the vast night
But the night has passed and day shall come
And she becomes a meteor—falling fast, for he is gone
 

Gram

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A belated welcome to you then! Don't worry I this place could use flooding. xD
Oh~ I love mythology. =D

Hmm tbh I don't think it's all that bad. =D Although I think it'd have been better stopping at the first paragraph but that's just a personal opinion.
I barely passed or understood english rules and such in school so my opinions are a bit less than an amateurs. xD
 

Halcyon

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Haha thanks? xD Glad to be back, though not sure how long I'll be able to consistently log in though. How do you guys do it? o_O

Loool, that's what I thought too about the first stanza but our professor required us to tell the story of the character in a poetic manner... so... I did the best that I could xD
 

Gram

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Haha thanks? xD Glad to be back, though not sure how long I'll be able to consistently log in though. How do you guys do it? o_O

Loool, that's what I thought too about the first stanza but our professor required us to tell the story of the character in a poetic manner... so... I did the best that I could xD
Easy, I have no life. x'D

lol I see. Professors always gotta make something unnecessarily long. xD
 

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I'm not very well-read in mythology, but isn't the Aeneid a Latin poem?

Loool, that's what I thought too about the first stanza but our professor required us to tell the story of the character in a poetic manner... so... I did the best that I could xD
What "poetic manner" were you supposed to write in? You obviously have some rhyme scheme (interestingly, you vary it between each stanza--first "ABABCC," then "ABAB," then "AABB"), but I can't follow any definite meter in the poem. Was there a particular style you were emulating (like an English translation of the Aeneid?), or just free-form?
 

Halcyon

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No, Aeneid is a Greek mythology, it's not a poem.... its kind of an "epic" of some sort-- which is why it was hard to re-tell the perspective of one of the characters in a poem cause there's so much to tell. As I said, this was just part of my the original (which I was inspired to share too cause there are some pretty good poets here *_*)

Oh gosh, we weren't really given a specific "poetic manner" to write in. It was just pretty general, a re-telling of one of the character's perspective in a poem haha. Yeah, I tried applying a kind of rhyme scheme ( struggling to remember my previous english class abt poem writing) but I tried making it into a free style-ish cause I didnt want it to be limited or to try to force it into a specific structure. I'm not on that level yet ^^
 

Ordeith

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I hate to be the pedantic know-it-all, but...

The Aeneid was an epic poem commissioned from the Roman poet Vergil by Caesar Augustus. Though Aeneas was present in Greek myth as a minor figure, most of his heroic (or unheroic) feats originate in the purely Roman story on which the Aeneid was based.

All of that said, it's really refreshing to see the Classics in contemporary poetry. Don't limit yourself by saying that you're "not on the level" of rhyme schemes and meter! If you think that a certain style will benefit your piece, use it; no need to "earn" it by working up an imaginary poets' ladder.
 

KingdomKey

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I vaguely remember my mythology. (xD) I enjoyed this poem, because it felt like you described the motions she went through with the Trojan hero. The last paragraph was my favorite piece. Stars can burn so brightly for all to see, but they fade just as quickly until a new one takes its place. I think you described the Queen of Carthage swell.

As many have said before me, don't doubt or limit yourself as a poet! There is no such thing as a scale to measure us all. Write freely, and enjoy what you share. C:
 
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