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Fanfiction ► The Human Heartless



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Thelonepickle

I don't like bugs!
Joined
Jun 23, 2005
Messages
3,592
Kaze and Ketso glaring at each other from different sides of the room, mostly. And then a big fight. I mean, um... Uh...

PICKLES! But there will be more Moogle-Topia...
 

Krazy

Jabberwocky
Joined
May 1, 2005
Messages
3,443
Age
32
Location
Wonderland. We're all mad here! :D
me: YAAAAAAAAAY!! SHE'S UPDATING!! ^_^

Kaze & Ketso:*still fighting* >_<

me, Sora, Aozora: *watchs, eats popcorn* o_O

Patch:*comes outta nowhere, steals popcorn* MINE!! *runs off*

me, Sora, Aozora:........hey....we were eating that....T_T
 

Thelonepickle

I don't like bugs!
Joined
Jun 23, 2005
Messages
3,592
Ketso and Kaze are meanies to each other! Playing such awful pranks!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~​
"I call this bed." Kaze said, glaring.
"No, it's mine." Ketso said, finally standing up for himself. "I need the air conditioning more."

"No you don't! You're a mammal. You can maintain this temperature."

"So you're saying you're a cold-blooded snake? I can agree with that," Ketso snapped.

"No, I'm saying that you don't need the air conditioning more. Youu're not a cripple, even though you act like it." Kaze shot back.

"I do not act like it, you-"

"Ooh, someone! Help me, please! I'm wimpy, and I NEED to steal others' girlfriends. I pass out every five seconds, and I-"

"YARGH!" Ketso growled, tackling Kaze. Kaze slammed his fist into Ketso's throat, and Ketso elbowed Kaze in the face. Kaze's nose bled like niagra falls while Ketso's entire neck turned purple.

"What the flip are you doing, Ketso?" Kaze snarled.

"What the flip are YOU doing, Kaze?"

"Oh, nice come-back."

"Yeah, I got it from you."

"What the heck does THAT mean?!"

"I don't know! What the heck do you WANT it to mean?!"

"YER MOTHER!"

"YER GRANDMA!"

"Bishies?" A voice said. Ketso and Kaze turned to the doorway. Myra was standing there, confused.

"Moogle-Topia is coming on. Do you want to watch?" Myra asked, confused.

"Sure!" Kaze said, stepping on Ketso's foot as he walked over to Myra. "I'll sit by you!"

"I'll be there in a minute!" Ketso said, as Myra stared suspiciously at the two. Kaze hugged her, so Myra didn't see him glower at Ketso.

"Bishie hug!" Myra said, happily. She led Kaze out, glomping him and walking with him at the same time.

Ketso closed the door. "Heh heh heh!"

He fumbled around in Kaze's stuff, bringing out his shampoo, conditioner, face moisterizer ("What the flip?!" Ketso laughed), and a plush chocobo.

"Muahahahahahahahahahaha!" Ketso laughed, as he mixed different substances, pulled out a pair of sharp fabric-cutting scissors, and-

"KETSO?! What the heck is going on in there?! Do you have an upset stomach or something?!"

"No, I was laughing mania- I mean... I tripped and fell... and cried." Ketso said, lamely. He heard Myra squeal, "Poor bishie!" And that put an end to Kaze's laughter.

A few minutes later, Ketso sat down on the other side of Myra. Kaze and Ketso both yawned, and went to put their arms around her. Ketso's arm smacked Kaze's hand, and slid over Myra's shoulders. She smiled at him. Kaze had fire in his eyes. He rubbed them.

"Owie!" He said, pathetically. Myra turned to him.

"Bishie?" She asked.

"I, um, hurt my cheek." Kaze said, rubbing it. Myra looked concerned.

"I'll kiss it and make it feel better!" She said. Ketso looked away. After the Moogle-Topia theme came on, Ketso turned to the screen.

("Last time on Moogle-Topia!" The narrator moogle squealed. The soundclips came on.

"I am your father, Eunice!" Eunice said, removing his mask.

"NOOOO!" Terrance said.

"What's happening?! I'm so confused!" Eliza's voice squeaked.

"Now, let's watch as Eliza cries for Terrance!" The narrator bellowed.

"Terrance! I hardly knew you! Well, we almost got married, according to you, but NOW I hardly know you!" Tears streamed down the little moogle's face. One fell onto the pompom of her former hubby-to-be. He was healed enough to speak.

"The only thing that could have saved me was... Your love... Please, please, respect my wishes. With you and that guy over there as my witness, please take care of this my mother's sister's kid."

"Isn't that your cousin?" Eliza asked.

"Shut up! Take the baby!" The person behind Eliza said.

"I'll cherish... him?" Eliza asked.

"Her."

"I'l cherish her forever!" Eliza cried. The baby moogle hummed in its sleep.)

"Awwwwwwwwww!" Kaze said, trying to get on Myra's good side.

"SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Ketso 'sh'd' annoyingly.

"Don't spit on me!" Kaze said angrily. Myra whipped out two keyblades, One Winged Angel and Diamond dust, and clonked each of them on the head. Then the keyblades disappeared.

("And... Just to make sure you DO take care of her.... Here's a contract! Sign there... Sign there... and... and... Initial there!" Terrance said, softly.)

"Where'd he get the contract-"

"SHHHHHHHH!"

(Eliza signed the papers. And the guy behind her did, too. Doing so, he stepped out of the shadows, revealing himself. He was a green moogle with big eyes, even though you couldn't really tell, because they were always closed.

"My name is Cosmo. I'm in a gang, and if you don't take care of this baby, you'll be in big trouble! I'm also a lawyer/policeman on the side!"

"You can't be a policeman who breaks the law!" Eliza shouted.

"Yes I can! If I get in trouble, I arrest myself, and then I negotiate with the judge until I'm free! I've never lost a case! Though I do have a powerful yearning for doughnuts."

"Well, I'll take care of the kid." Eliza said. She rocked the baby, slowly. It whimpered slightly. Eliza was shocked.

"I CAN'T TAKE THE PRESSURE! YOU HAVE HER!!" Eliza squealed, rushing away. Cosmo stared at the baby.

"Well, you've been in Terrance-who is dead now-'s pocket for a very long time! I should get you checked up on!"

"Commercial break!" Squealed the narator moogle." A commercial with some racist message about chocobos comes on.)

"Wow, what a cliffhanger." Paine said.

"Not really..." Gerard said.

"It's called sarcasm, fool." Paine rolled her eyes.

"Nu-uh! That wasn't sarcasm! You were just stupid! Right, Piku!"

"No. YOU'RE stupid, Gerard." Piku said. She slapped high-five with Paine. Gerard smacked Piku. Piku smacked Gerard. Gerard tackled Piku, and Piku started punching him in the stomach.

"Wow, I didn't know knees bent that way!" Myra squealed.

"I did!" Kaze said happily. Ketso glared at him. Kaze smirked.

"Myra, aren't I your favourite bishie?" Kaze said, proudly.

"No." Myra said. Kaze's eye twitched.

"WHAT?! WHAT THE F-"

"I love you ALL!" Myra said, happily.

"But I'm her favourite!" Kaze muttered.

"SHHHHHHHHH! It's back on!" Ketso laughed.

(At the hospital...

"Your moogle baby is.... Colour blind!" The doctor moogle said, seriously. Cosmo the Green Moogle nearly passed out.

"What?!"

"Yes. I told her to pick out a nice outfit, and she totally picked out red pumps with orange pants and a lime-green top. And then she said that she was picking out a blue outfit!"

"Oh. Is... Is it fatal?!" Cosmo asked, his heart sinking.

"What... The terrible clothing? No, you can just pick outfits out for her-"

"-the disease, Doctor."

"Oh yes, colour-blind...idy is quite fatal. Your baby will have some tough obstacles and terrible therapy to go through. And the medication we give her will make her have bad breath."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Um, I guess I should name you. I name you... Chelsea! Anyway, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CHELSEA!" Cosmo cried.

"We want to keep her overnight, because her colour-blind...itude is collapsing her lungs." The doctor moogle stated. Cosmo nodded. The doctor set Chelsea up in a room for sick people. He let Cosmo in.

"Alright. This is her I.V. It's very important. It's giving her a mixture of pickle-solution with a very lonely cat hair inside. If anyone pulls this plug, the baby will be... UNFASHIONABLE FOR THE REST OF HER LIFE!" The doctor said. "MUAHAHAHAHAH- Er... I voice my most sorrowful concerns.")

"How can being unfashionable collapse her lungs?"

"SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

(Later that night, Cosmo has fallen asleep in his little folding chair outside of Chelsea's room. His rifle slid out of his little moogly-hands. Suddenly, someone sneaks in. It's... THE GRANDMOTHER OF THE BABY! She reaches out and snatches the plug out of the wall. The computer measuring the baby's fashion sense goes haywire. Lights flash, and Grandma jumps out of the one-story window. Cosmo wakes up suddenly, grabbing his rifle and shooting the security camera in Chelsea's room. Accidentally, of course. A new, female doctor rushes in. She holds the baby.

"I will love you, no matter how unfashionable you are!" The doctor says. Just then, Cosmo rushes in. He and the doctor lock eyes, and fall in love, right there. The doctor pulls of five or so caps and you see that it is.... TERRANCE'S MOTHER!

"My name is Doctor Laura, and I love you!"

"I'm Cosmo P. Moogle, and I love you, too! Let's get married!" Cosmo yells. The two walk off. But, Cosmo is hit by a poisonous dart on the way. He collapses on the floor. Doctor Laura grabs his limp body. He'll be alright, but now he has lost the use of his legs! So he'll become pitied by everyone and turn evil!

"Next episode!" The narrator squeals. A flash of white. The baby is crying, Cosmo is in a wheel chair, and Doctor Laura is picking out fashionable items. The next flash of white. Cosmo is throwing champagne at guests at a party. And the baby is wearing a black belt with brown shoes!)

"Good night!" Everyone says to everyone. Kaze hugs Myra obnoxiously and walks into the bathroom. He takes a shower and shampoos and condition's his hair. He then gets out. Wearing a soaking wet jogging suit. He walks out, seeing the other kids before they head to bed.

"Kaze, why'd you take a shower in a jogging suit?!" Aozora asked.

"I was working out in the hot water. I was feeling the burn, and I didn't want to get sweat on my back."

"You were in the shower! It would've come right out!" Sora laughed. "Wait, Kaze..."

Kaze stepped out of the shadows.

"YOUR HAIR IS GREEN!" Sora laughed.

"AND YOUR FACE IS BLUE!" Aozora laughed.

"AND YOU TUCKED YOUR SHIRT INTO YOUR UNDERPANTS!" Sora laughed again.

"WHAT?!" Kaze bellowed. He stared into a mirror. "GAH! KETSO IS GONNA PAY!" Kaze said, running into the bedroom. He sees that his Chocobo plush toy has a leg instead of a wing, and vis-versa!

"YOU'VE GONE TOO FAR!" Kaze bellowed, pounding on the bathroom door.

"What did you do to my body wash?!" Ketso yelled through the door. He came out wearing his pajamas and an astronaut's helmet. His skin was completely high-lighter pink.

"Why did you take a shower with your helmet on?!" Kaze asked.

"Because I already washed my hair today!" Ketso said. He tried to take off the helmet. It wouldn't budge. Kaze laughed.

"You didn't!" Ketso said.

"I DID!" Kaze said. He laughed. Then he realized that his shirt was still stuck inside his underpants. He tried to pull it out. It didn't budge.

"YOU DIDN'T!" Kaze said.

"I DID!" Ketso said. Sora and Aozora rushed in.

"Ketso, your skin is bright pink, man!" Aozora laughed.

"And that helmet is glued to your head!" Sora laughed.

"And look at your moogle plush-toy!" Aozora laughed.

Ketso looked. Its ears were torn off, it now had a mustache, and it had no feet. Ketso lept at Kaze, going into a fist fight so bloody, I cannot even type it.


Ketso scowled. It was not easy to sleep in a helmet. Kaze must've done it when Ketso had been running around screaming, "I'm an astronaut!"

Kaze scowled. That girl-stealer had glued his shirt inside his underpants. He must've done it when Kaze had left his clothes on the bed. How did he know Kaze loved hang his clothes in mid air, and then jump into them, so that his head magically crammed itself into the neck hole, and Kaze never had to unbutton or unzip or unsnap anything?

They were shaken awake fifteen minutes later by Myra. She laughed at Ketso's pink skin and helmet, and at Kaze's blue face and green hair. And undies showing.

Ketso sighed. Kaze's glue lasted for two days! That helmet was going to trash his beautiful hair.

Kaze sighed. His glue lasted for two days! His boxers showing for that long would make him the laughing stock of the universe! A three day trip with that idiot was going to be tough.
 

Krazy

Jabberwocky
Joined
May 1, 2005
Messages
3,443
Age
32
Location
Wonderland. We're all mad here! :D
me: OMG!! I LAUGHED SO FREAKING HARD!! XDDDDDD

Sora & Aozora:*rotflolmao* XPPPPPPPP

Kaze & Ketso:*kicking the crap outta eachother* >_<

me: SOOOOOOOOOO FUNNY, TLP!! AWESOMNESS!! ^_^
 
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Thelonepickle

I don't like bugs!
Joined
Jun 23, 2005
Messages
3,592
New fanfic of his. I posted on it first. BEAT THAT! ~.~ Ooh, I rule!

Ahem... Anyway, yeah. Maybe I should make a whole seperate fic for Moogle-Topia. Then would you guys be happy?! Lol, J/k, so don't even ask right now! MAYBE SOMEDAY!

Anyway...
 
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