Help/Support ► Please help and support me

[Gildragon]

I want to know how this "beautiful day" went.

One of my closest friends is acting inappropriately towards me, and I feel uncomfortable about it.

We know what the answer to your problem should be just by this. you obviously are good friends with him or you wouldn't let him even get close do bein innapproprate.

Recently, it has gotten quite bad, because he will rarely have a conversation with me that doesn’t involve him slipping in that he thinks I’m hot etc.

Well in your case we know he kinda wants to get in your pants. but I dont think its terrible to include in conversation that someone is hot. at least anyway "slip" it in (innuendo) but if it was a major conversation piece about the hottness of you then I feel you SHOULD be smart enough to defuse the situation

He often tries to manipulate things, we were playing a game, and he said for each time that I answered a question wrongly, I had to give him a hug, and he’ll ask questions like “Sooooo, who do I think has the best body I know?!” Then when I try and evade the issue, he will be like “YOU”, expecting me to somehow comment on it (?) I never bring up such topics with him, but he usually does.

Ok this is were we know its obsession. There is somethng wrong with what he wants and what you will allow. You HAVE to address this issue. It's inevitable that a major objection will come up and the more you let him flirt, spoon, mention sex, etc etc etc with you the uglier the outcome will be.

When I was at his house the other week, he insisted that we ‘chilled on his bed’, and then he turned this into hugging/spooning, and worst of all, he kept making me lie on top of him. I was obviously uncomfortable, and kept trying to move away from him, change the subject, or making excuses. Also, he had a hard on after this, making everything even more uncomfortable, as I had to pretend I didn’t notice.

But how can I refuse a HUG from a FRIEND? What he’s suggesting could be viewed as innocent affection.

Hug=/=Spooning. sure what he's doign COULD BE viewed as innocent affection. But seriously do youhnestly believe his intentions towards you are innocent?

I am increasingly thinking that he wants to **** me.

innocent affection huh?

I am 95% sure that he doesn’t have a crush on me, I think it’s all just sexual, so I don’t have too much sympathy for him.
I am fairly easy-going in these situations, and I am relaxed about sex related matters, but I almost feel violated.

if its all sexual and you feel violated , then you need to do one of two things

1. Stop being freinds. (this sounds like its not what you want)
2. Sit down and discuss this with him like in a serious convo mentioning that you don't want him to be as...forward (god I hate that word...but nvm) This will produce either a more relaxed feeling or make him feel less comfortable around you. which may of course may not make you good friends but really. think about it:

Which would you rather have. a soft discussion, or a huge explosion when you came down to it

Ok, so here’s the pressing issue. Once we saw this photo of us together on a night out, and we were like “omg, we look WELL hot”, which led to this bizarre in-joke that we were beautiful. Because we haven’t spent a lot of time together this academic year, he made me agree to a ‘beautiful day’, and he’s taking it extremely seriously. I actually made a soundtrack for this day…yeah quite sad. This would consist of us spending time together during the day (not sure what we’d do yet), and then clubbing in the evening, and then me staying the night at his. A few problems: he’s tried it on when we’ve been out before i.e touching me, getting excessively close, and I just don’t want to sleep at his….he will insist I sleep in his bed and wear his clothes for pyjamas. Wouldn’t be surprised if he got in with me.
But he also said that I had to wear something “sexy” in the day, and I tried to be like, “no, I can’t because of the weather”, but that’s a crap excuse considering it’s extremely warm, it’s sort of necessary to wear little.

I kind of want to be like “BACK THE FUCK OFF”, but I definitely do not want to destroy our friendship. He is one of the best friends I’ve ever had, and I’d almost rather put up with this than loose him. Also, I have lost at least 3 other male friends because of similar issues, so collapsing the friendship is an absolute last resort. So, what would be the best way of dealing with it, in a more delicate manner? I don’t want to offend or embarrass him!
How should I negotiate seeing him next?
[/QUOTE]

While I DONT think you have to say BACK THE FUCK OFF. you can get the same result of him backign off by bringign it up in conversation. Eventually if he proceeds and advances more there will be 1 of 2 possible outcomes. You will either. give in and have sex with him or

have a major explosion because you can't take it anymore. thereby also losing the friendship...

Or he's just a thick-headed dumbshit.

This is sounding like the case

 

[Enchanted Rose]

Actually, I got it wrong.

Last night he confessed to me that he was in love with me, and had been for a considerable amount of time. He was like "I'd take a bullet for you", "I'd give up anything for you", "I think about you day and night" etc.
I guess I just thought that he was a really thoughtful and considerate friend, when actually he was probably being so nice because he had extra feelings.

This somehow made it easier to reject his advances. I told him that I felt it was the wrong time for me to even try and date him, and would be too incestuous to consider a relationship, considering how close we are, and that I simply wanted to be friends.

He said "you're breaking my heart", which I felt extremely guilty for, but THEN this morning he phoned up and apologized not for his feelings, but for his overly aggressive/pushy conduct around me. So I'm guessing he'll appreciate boundaries more so now.

But yeah, I think our friendship may survive, I'm not sure how comfortable I will be around him. But now I have a legitimate excuse to refuse his company.

 

[Lifes.Lover]

Oh, I'm so sorry, both for you and for him. But, hopefully he'll stop now.

While he was being too pushy, being in love can hurt.

Yeah, it'll strain your relationship, but if it's as close as you say it is, then you'll still be good friends.

 

[Crossroads]

Actually, I got it wrong.

Last night he confessed to me that he was in love with me, and had been for a considerable amount of time. He was like "I'd take a bullet for you", "I'd give up anything for you", "I think about you day and night" etc.
I guess I just thought that he was a really thoughtful and considerate friend, when actually he was probably being so nice because he had extra feelings.

This somehow made it easier to reject his advances. I told him that I felt it was the wrong time for me to even try and date him, and would be too incestuous to consider a relationship, considering how close we are, and that I simply wanted to be friends.

He said "you're breaking my heart", which I felt extremely guilty for, but THEN this morning he phoned up and apologized not for his feelings, but for his overly aggressive/pushy conduct around me. So I'm guessing he'll appreciate boundaries more so now.

But yeah, I think our friendship may survive, I'm not sure how comfortable I will be around him. But now I have a legitimate excuse to refuse his company.

See this is how a woman thinks. Fucked up.

Guy: I love you.
Girl: (Oh great I feel so much better about this now.) Sorry, but I just don't like you like that.
Guy: You're breaking my heart.
Girl: Yeah...we're still friends right?
Guy: (I'm going to kill myself) Sure...

 

[Enchanted Rose]

^....Sorry that came out really harsh, but that's not what I mean.

If someone is your friend, you can hardly tell them you don't find them sexually attractive. You don't want to damage their esteem. Whereas it's kind of understood that people don't necessarily harbour romantic feelings towards each other, and surely it's not that unusual that I wouldn't like him back, in that way.

Plus, it was his want to remain friends. I'm not trying to force friendship upon him.

Oh, I'm so sorry, both for you and for him. But, hopefully he'll stop now.

While he was being too pushy, being in love can hurt.

Yeah, it'll strain your relationship, but if it's as close as you say it is, then you'll still be good friends.

Hmm yeah, I'm hoping that now he knows I don't feel the same way, his feelings will dissolve, though I'm not 100% that will happen.
I don't really want to encourage him, but don't want to make him feel bad either.
From his over-enthused tirades, he's actually idealized me terrifically; it didn't sound like just a crush. But then again, I did think he was sexually focused...so I'm sure that was the initial trigger anyway, hopefully it won't be too hard for him to get over it.

 

[Lifes.Lover]

Eh, if he really does love you, it won't happen. At least, not for a long time. But, hopefully it'll die down eventually.

 

[Zero Sora]

So I'm going to go ahead and say that the fact that you promised to give him a lapdance is what made him think you return his feelings of attraction. It seems like this was the trigger for the whole thing. But still, he may just think he is in love with you, when really he just wants to get into your pants.

 

[coolfresh1224]

he probably loves you but is kinda a jackass at times kinda like me ( to clarify i mean i'm a jackass not i love you.i dont know you.)

 

[Crossroads]

So I'm going to go ahead and say that the fact that you promised to give him a lapdance is what made him think you return his feelings of attraction. It seems like this was the trigger for the whole thing. But still, he may just think he is in love with you, when really he just wants to get into your pants.

They're not the same thing? lol

Yeah I agree with you in all seriousness.

 

[Skye]

I dont know what to really say...im mature but still a minor....
Have you ever thought to be in a group more than just 2 people?

 

[Zero Sora]

Where the hell did that come from? You talking about group sex? Or are you telling Naomi to stick to groups and not be alone with him?

 

[Alaude Drenxta]

Give him a handy so long as he promises to back off.

But seriously, he sounds kind of like a desperate loser who wants you a lot more than you want him. The only way it will end is if you get serious with him.