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Paradox: Episode S



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Shasta

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Seeing as I have an art thread: Shasta's Paradox Lounge, I wanted to post some of the story I present in my art in written form here. This isn't the story, or even the beginning of the story, Paradox. This will be a set of episodes leading up to the beginning of Paradox. I haven't finished writing the first Paradox, so hopefully this could help me polish up the actual story before I plan on putting anything out there. I hope you enjoy, I'll update this periodically when I add more to it. Please enjoy, I plan on having a different set of chapters for each episode. This is Paradox: Episode S, please enjoy, and please don't hesitate to critique.

Paradox: Episode S "Shasta, Sora, Jesse; I'm sending you three out to investigate the commotion going on in the town of Prieau. Use excessive force if you need to, and do this in an orderly manner. Dismissed.". "Please tell me this won't be as boring as the last mission, ugh it was terrible, we didn't even get to kill anything!", Jesse said as Shasta intervened "You just love to shoot things down don't you?", Jesse quickly responded by asking Shasta the reason the three of them became Soldiers in the first place. Shasta was about to answer the question but before he could even open his mouth Sora said "We became Soldiers to protect people who need us.", giving off a radiant smile, when Shasta added: "We also joined to protect you of all people, you are the reincarnation of the Goddess, remember?" In all the excitement of being a Soldier, Sora had put aside the fact that she was a reincarnation of the Goddess, Nova. "Sometimes I wish men could inherit the will of the Goddess". Jesse and Shasta both looked at each other as they imagined a male version of Sora and began to laugh. Sora turned red from the embarrassment and shrugged it off as they continued to make their way to Prieau.

Descendants of the Goddess Nova are born female, no one exactly knows why, not even scholars who study and write the lore of the Goddess. It is believed that before Nova's life force faded she put her will into someone who resembled her, others believe that she took on a human form and gave birth to a special set of females who only give birth to females. Some just don't believe that Nova existed and blame the birth of girls who fit those criteria are just weirdos who happen to be around once the other dies.

Arriving in Prieau, the three split up and begin to question the citizens about what they knew surrounding the commotion going on there. "Can you tell me what it looks like?" Shasta questioned a boy who looked no older than 13, the boy told him it was like something out of fairy tales. Puzzled by what the boy meant, he asked him for his name, wrote it down and thanked him for his cooperation. Shasta remembered that Prieau was known for its unworldly phenomenon, but never experienced it firsthand, being as this was his first time visiting the town. Suddenly, the ground began to quake and a hole seemed to appear, causing the coast and the land to seperate. All of a sudden he felt his weight shift and he became heavy as lead, unable to move he looked around and saw that all of the civilians were pinned down as well, along with Jesse, but for some reason Sora seemed to be fine. All of a sudden he saw her being lifted up by some strange force, he immediately shouted her name out over and over until he realized that she was unconscious, with all of his strength he tried to lift himself up but failed, he looked up and saw Sora falling, trying again to get up and save her he fell unconscious.

When he came to, everything seemed normal, as if nothing ever happened. He noticed that Sora was in his arms, questioning if he saved her from the fall, he began to hear another voice that sounded a lot like him asking where he was and how did he get here, suddenly in his confusion, his head began throb immensely as if something had set a bomb and it detonated in his head, he fell unconscious again and began spiraling into darkness.
 

KingdomKey

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My only critique on this would be to separate who is doing the talking. Instead of it bundle up together in a paragraph.

The story itself was good and dying to know more. I'm gonna assume Shasta connected to someone on the Astral Plane? I'm curious why Sora was able to stand and what this strange force was that lifted her into the air? I'm also curious who gave them the orders to investigate Prieau. It was a fun read and definitely had in its grip.

I look forward to more that you end up revealing, Shasta.
 

Passion

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I'm always a sucker for detail, so I'd like to see more of that as this progresses. I know a lot of CW, especially chapter pieces, require several rewrites due to plot points, grammar, or other things. Don't ever feel obligated to post your first draft because you feel the need to get another chapter up quick.

With that being said, I would fix your format in terms of paragraphs. Whenever a new person is speaking or a new thought is expressed, you begin a new paragraph.

Happy writing!
 

Shasta

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My only critique on this would be to separate who is doing the talking. Instead of it bundle up together in a paragraph.

The story itself was good and dying to know more. I'm gonna assume Shasta connected to someone on the Astral Plane? I'm curious why Sora was able to stand and what this strange force was that lifted her into the air? I'm also curious who gave them the orders to investigate Prieau. It was a fun read and definitely had in its grip.

I look forward to more that you end up revealing, Shasta.
Thank you! I was going to edit it soon enough, I certainly don't want to present myself as a bad writer. Maybe you could hold on to some of your assumptions and see if you are correct about things later down the line, I certainly won't leave anything out intentionally :3



I'm always a sucker for detail, so I'd like to see more of that as this progresses. I know a lot of CW, especially chapter pieces, require several rewrites due to plot points, grammar, or other things. Don't ever feel obligated to post your first draft because you feel the need to get another chapter up quick.

With that being said, I would fix your format in terms of paragraphs. Whenever a new person is speaking or a new thought is expressed, you begin a new paragraph.

Happy writing!
Thank you! I don't want to present myself as a bad writer, after all, time spent working on something is a lot better than something rushed. I will take the time to proofread everything before I post from this point on.
 
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