Fanfiction ► Kingdom Hearts: The Keyblade Diaries

[navyninja87]

Title: Kingdom Hearts: The Keyblade Diaries

Fandom: Kingdom Hearts

Pairings: Sora/Kairi

Disclaimer: Anything related to KH is not mine but is the property of Square Enix/ Disney. Lilliana is mine, tho.

Hi, my name is Lilliana. I'm the daughter of Sora and Kairi Yamada. My father is the wielder of the Keyblade, and my mother is a Princess of Heart, meaning her heart is pure. She's part of a coalition of seven princesses who protect this Kingdom Heart from danger.

My grandpop was from Destiny Islands and my grandmom from Hollow Bastion. My mother is completely superstitious...Father hasn't been able to break her of it. I was born five years and nine months after Father's last keyblading adventure.

Father is somewhat the same. He has this certain ‘twinkle’ in his eyes when he’s planning a surprise. Mother goes completely ballistic when she sees that look. It reminds her of her childhood.

I have a boyfriend, well not in the technical sense, because Dad is so old fashioned. His name is Ashwin. He's so hot! He's on the basketball team.

Since Father's adventures, I have played with a few of his companions' children, including Melody, Princess Ariel's daughter. She makes cow eyes at this merboy everytime she sees him, then denies it when I mention it to her.

Also, I have this special relationship with my father's nobody, Roxas. Although I never get to see Roxas anymore except when father leaves the islands because he and Roxas are able to separate in dire times of need, Roxas always views me as his daughter and sees to my safety. The first time Ashwin asked me out, Roxas was on duty and he freaked Ashwin out. So Father's told me Ashwin is never to come over when Roxas is here.

I suppose I am a Princess of Heart like my mom. Why would Dad guard me so? I also am the next keyblade bearer if my dad became incapacitated...but dad keeps scaring off my boyfriends!

 

[TheLastKnight]

hhhhmmmmm, I'd give it a 6/10...short, and what do these people look like, we never saw Sora's mom...or your boyfriend at that...just think more of what the reader may be thinking...and you will know...

and, where is this going?

I may sound harsh, but you will thank me someday

 

[Reflect5789]

Just when is this happening? (more detail)

 

[navyninja87]

see answers below as I accidentally double posted.

 

[navyninja87]

Shadow knight47: Thanks for the constructive criticism. I was describing Kairi's parents, actually. I was explaining on my theory how Kairi came to Destiny Islands(Yes, I know she was sent there because of the Heartless research and I've included that in my theory.) I theorized that it would be easier if she had an unknown parent in the wings on Destiny Islands. Parents have much more influence than we think. I myself lost my mother's guidance when she passed on six years ago. Fortunately, I gained my aunt's guidance when my mother passed on. As to what Kairi's parents and Ashwin look like, I'll rewrite the prologue to include what they look like...and I'll lengthen it a bit. I wrote this in notepad so it looks like 2 pages. Note: I'm basing Ashwin after a really cute guy I saw at my volunteer work. I dunno his exact height but I'm 5 foot so...he's definitely taller.

Reflect5789: This is a whole different series from Sora's journey. It follows Lilliana's journey as the keyblade bearer, much like the Kingdom Hearts franchise follows Sora's. I use KH as the backstory for Sora and Kairi. This happens 5-7 years after KH2. When KH3 comes out and I play it, I'll change the timeline to include that.

 

[snowdog]

Hmm... It has a good pace to it - kept my interest throughout - but it's not descriptive enough, even for a first-persion narrative.

Keep at it. <3

 

[navyninja87]

Is this better?

Title: Kingdom Hearts: The Keyblade Diaries

Fandom: Kingdom Hearts

Pairings: Sora/Kairi

Disclaimer: Anything related to KH is not mine but is the property of Square Enix/ Disney. Lilliana is mine, tho.


Dear Diary,

My father thought I was keeping things from him so he purchased this journal for me to tell my secrets to. So here I go... My father is the wielder of the Keyblade, and my mother is a Princess of Heart, meaning her heart is pure. She's part of a coalition of seven princesses who protect this Kingdom Heart from danger.

My grandpop was from Destiny Islands and my grandmom from Hollow Bastion. According to Axel, one of the ex members of Organization 13, my mom got her hair color and height from my grandmom and the facial features came from my grandpop.

My mother is completely superstitious...Father hasn't been able to break her of it. I was born five years and nine months after Father's last keyblading adventure.

Father is somewhat the same. He has this certain ‘twinkle’ in his eyes when he’s planning a surprise. Mother goes completely ballistic when she sees that look. It reminds her of her childhood.

I have a boyfriend, well not in the technical sense, because Dad is so old fashioned. His name is Ashwin. He's so hot! He's on the basketball team. Ashwin's 6'2 and has blond hair that tends to conceal his gorgeous blue eyes.

Since Father's adventures, I have played with a few of his companions' children, including Melody, Princess Ariel's daughter. She makes cow eyes at this merboy everytime she sees him, then denies it when I mention it to her.

Also, I have this special relationship with my father's nobody, Roxas. Although I never get to see Roxas anymore except when father leaves the islands because he and Roxas are able to separate in dire times of need, Roxas always views me as his daughter and sees to my safety. The first time Ashwin asked me out, Roxas was on duty and he freaked Ashwin out. So Father's told me Ashwin is never to come over when Roxas is here.

I suppose I am a Princess of Heart like my mom. Why would Dad guard me so? I also am the next keyblade bearer if my dad became incapacitated...but dad keeps scaring off my boyfriends!

I have a feeling all that's going to change, and I hate changes. Roxas says that's life and there's no way in hell I or anybody can change it.(Much to the chagrin of Mom and Naminé...they think Roxas should have his mouth washed out with soap)

I look up from what I have written in my diary at Roxas, my father's nobody. He is calmly whittling at a stick. It's turning out to be Donald in a funny pose, which is why Donald's looking offended to the left of me. To the right of where I'm sitting, Goofy and Riku are trying to keep from laughing at Roxas's creation.

I roll my eyes at Roxas. "Can't you contain your humor so it doesn't offend people?" Roxas says nothing but continues to whittle while Donald is having an anxiety attack. I sigh while slamming shut my journal. "I'm heading to bed while you juveniles calm down. Night!" I race up the stairs so none of them follow.

As soon as I sit on the bed, I continue writing.

So now I'm stuck in my bedroom because Roxas can't stop teasing Donald. When is Father coming home? I'm getting awfully tired of Roxas baiting Donald because he can't keep his opinions to himself! Although thinking about Ashwin is nicer than getting angry at Roxas.... What in the world is that noise?

I hear a slight thump on my window. I open it to find Ashwin throwing pebbles at my window.

"Rapunzel, Rapunzel,
With hair so fine,
climb down the ladder
and be mine."

"You are so cheesy, Ash." I say with a laugh. "Can't you go to the front door and act like a civilized man? You're not Tarzan."

"Me Tarzan, You Jane. Get the hell down here!" This made both of us laugh so hard, I fell over and knocked my boyfriend down onto the lawn. We both laugh some more before stealing into the night.

 

[Reflect5789]

Are you going to add a new chapter?
It's been like 2 months.

 

[navyninja87]

Sorry, I've been busy. I had forgotten about this fic and just remembered I posted it here. Unfortunately I had to wipe my hard drive and lost all my notes for chapter 2.

 

[Ban Mido]

Beta Reader Feedback: Kingdom Hearts: The Keyblade Diaries

This is pretty good. You're a very good writer. But you should work on adding more detail to the non diary format. I'll keep an eye on this for a while and see if I can spot more things that need developing for you.

 

[navyninja87]

Thanks... I'll have to print it out and retype it at home because my flashdrive broke. I have gotten better since I have last written it, actually

 

[-Arcana-X-]

Beta Reader Feedback: Kingdom Hearts: The Keyblade Diaries

It's actually a pretty good story! I love how you're taking Liliana's point of view in her diary. I usually see usual stories of Sora's daughter or son.

Good job on giving inferences a.k.a. letting us know that Roxas is there. Th reader can relete more to the story that way. It transitions the story much better from KH2 to this one.

I see the improvement in your second version. I hope to see more on your next chapter.

Good job!:thumbsup:

 

[navyninja87]

Thank you. I am beginning to regather my notes that I had for this story and I should have the second chapter typed up soon.

 

[navyninja87]

I cannot believe that it has been three years since I've tried to update this fic at all. Sometimes it looks like I never wrote it. I will beef up the first chappy and write some more. Any worlds you guys would like me to use in this fic?

 

[khfreak17]

wow. this is really good. u shud write more.

 

[navyninja87]

Have you read The Royal Keyblader? that is this fic revamped.

 

[The Dream]

I like it.
So this is why it sounded so same heh.

 

[navyninja87]

lol...yeah still working on the second chappy