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Fanfiction ► Keyblade Wars: Epilogue



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Blindfolded-Unknown

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((WARNING KINGDOM HEARTS SECRET ENDING SPOILERS))

WARNING THERE WILL BE GRAMMAR ISSUES. (Sorry, my grammar sucks)

Keyblade Wars
Chapter 1: Epilogue

The Leader be approaching soon." said the female knights approaching the Male knight ontop of the Gummi Ship. Her armor being made of pure iron with muscel figure build into it making her look stronger then she appeared her, helmet was also made of pure iron only it had a black visor going welded into it that she could see out of but, nobody could see in.

"How long?" Asked the Male Knight he letting his large keyblade fall from his shoulder to the gummi ships metal surface taking a few steps towards her letting sparks fly behind him. He wore similar armor to her, only it was made for a male and it was bigger. The big diffrence was on his helmet there were two shafts going from his ears to five inches in the air.

"He will be here soon! It doesn't matter how long!" Cried the female knight turning away disgusted as if he had just insulted everything she cared for in life.

The male knight stepped off the gummi ship starting down the path, sorrounded by keyblade. The female turned around and noticed him already walking she shocked for a moment but, began to walk a few feet away from him. The Male Knight's keyblade was trailing behind him in the sand leaving a trail that soon dissapeared from the wind blowing sand over it.

They approached the crossroads three keyblade sticking out in the middle of the feild. The female knight began to walk quicker to get ahead of the male as another knight came into sight. The female nodded toward him and the new male nodded back as they all approached the three keyblades.

"Are we ready?" Asked the new male his armor being the same as the other male's. Only his armor seemed to have been in more battles then the other's it being rusted and the two shafts sticking from his helmet have been cut off most likely in battle.

"With the War, we have little choice." Said the female gripping hold of the keyblade with brown flowers all around it, having color in it prime most likely but now it was rusted and old.

The two males nodded and gripped the other two keyblade. The one that was standing on the Gummi Ship before pulled his keyblade out first letting his large one fall into the sand next to him. The male looked it over, it having a very simple yellow hilt with a metal blade in the form of a key. Two words filled the knights head as he pulled it from the ground. "Kingdom Key"

The other male pulled his keyblade from the ground, it being more intresting. Having a batwing on the end of the black shaft, and since it was black didn't show the rust as must. The hilt was full of spikes pointing out of it. A name also filled his head "Way to the Dawn."

The female took a deep breath and gripped the last keyblade pulling it from the ground, it having flowers at the end for the key. She looked it over it being yellow she could just make it out from the rust and the hilt was filled with brown flowers as she had noticed before. But, when she drew it, the Keyblades name did not fill her head, instead a girl's name. "Kairi."

At the exact same moment they noticed what made these keyblades diffrent from all the other keyblade in the massive feild. These three had chains. "The Kingdom Key" had a silver mouse head dangling off its chain. "The Way to the Dawn" had a black batwing dangling from the chain. And the unamed keyblade had a poupo fruit paper figurine. They all seemed to be untouched by time being in perfect condition.

The knights then all looked up to see a glimpse of someone coming down one of the roads. He had a black cloak on and looked like he had his hood on. The cloak looked as if it was burning through the blowing sand with peices flying off then returning to the cloak. The knights all looked at eachother knowing that this must be the man, that had told them so much but they had never met. "The Leader"

To be Continued...



Alright, everybody. Give me some feedback please.
 
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Kairi&Sora 4ever

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well i mean i know there have been countless "war" fan fics but im just saying i had arranged my title to be original so no one else had it...and plus i have a sequel coming up so yes some people will most likely get confused if they see this and think its the sequel...im not trying to start anything b/c like i said ur fic is pretty good but its still the fact that i had used that title first..and it may not be a big deal to you but it is to me because im really big on originality
 

Blindfolded-Unknown

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I will be posting all the parts here instead... Here's part 2 enjoy :)

Keyblade Wars
Chapter 2: Key

The three knights waited in a circle watching as the Leader approached he was now only a few feet from them they all tensing slightly, before relaxing they all bowing there heads to honor him he glancing to each one of them his face being hidden by a brown hood leaving only his mouth visable.

"The Keyblades... Nioez, Roldul, Alrene" "Leader" said as he took a step toward Nioez the knight that was standing on the gummi ship just minutes before he had shown up and a voice echoed through Nioez's head much like it did when he drew the "Kingdom Key" from the ground. The voice rang out "Sora" Nioez turned his head up to the Leader but, he already had his eyes adverted to the other two.

Roldul kneeled on the ground at "Leaders" feet as if to say "Im not worthy" and layed his hands on the sand keeping his eyes narrowed at the ground, he was glad that "Leader" could not s ee his face through the helmet or else he would see his scared expression. Roldul looked up at "Leader" to see a purple glowing eye staring at him from the darkness in the hood as a voice similar to the one Nioez had just heard rang out in his head. "Riku" The voice said and Roldul felt his knees weaken at the cold voice of "Leader" in his head.

Alrene took a step back from "Leader" noticing the expressions on Nioez's and Roldul's face when he looked at them and she turned her back quickly looking to the ground hoping that he would not turn her back around. After a few moments of dead silence Alrene worked up the courage to turn around to see if he was still there. She turned her head just enough over her shoulder to see behind her and spotted the purple glowing eye and a peircing sharp scream went through her head forcing her to her knees her helmet felt as if it was vibrating. This voice was not like Nioez's and Roldul's it was a scream... no... a moan. Someone moaning out the name "Kairi" the same name she had heard when she drew the new keyblade from the ground.

Alrene opened her eyes after the moan stopped and was greeted by a dark shadow casting over the feild. She quickly scrambled to her feet and looked up at the yellow sky looking around for the sun to see where it was blocked out and spotted something very strange. In the sky replacing the sun was a red heart glowing brightly casting a red tint over the entire valley. She must have not noticed from the black tint in her visor on her helmet. Shocked she quickly ran over to Nioez and Roldul before, noticing. "Leader" was gone! Dissapeared without a trace! But, there was no time to worry at this point in time.

Alrene shook Nioez and Roldul they squinting there eyes open before noticing the shadow on the ground around them and they all looked at the sky. Alrene had her eyes locked on the red heart shaped sun but, Nioez and Roldul had there eyes adverted at something else. Alrene turned her head and almost fell back onto the ground noticing a giant white cross in the sky it halfway across the heart shaped sun.

"What is that!" Roldul yelled breaking the dreaded silence, not even the wind was around them, no sand blowing over there suits of armor just silence. They all backed up slightly slightly the cross almost fully over the sun and Nioez fell to his knees he hitting his knee of something hard it making a loud clang and metal smashing together.

Nioez forced himself away from the cross and leaned very close to the sand so, he could see what was there over his black tint and the almost completely dark valley. He first noticed two bare footprints in the sand. They must have been "Leaders" all of them were wearing there armor with Iron boots.

Nioez felt the darkness come over them only a sliver of red light left in the entire valley. Nioez looked around quickly near the footprints then spotted something, it was a keyblade like the ones placed in the ground with a chain. It looked so much like the "Kingdom Key" only it had a golden blade in perfect condition instead of a rusted old silver one. Nioez reached for it before hearing a scream echo throughout the valley quickly looking up but, saw nothing but darkness.

Nioez backed up trying to yell out Roldul's and Alrene's name but, his voice was silenced along with the whole valley. Nioez fell onto his hand and knees looking to the ground shaking slightly, the sand that usually felt soft and warm felt like cold iron and peircing glass shards. Nioez looked up to the sky, when a familiar voice echoed through his head. "Don't be afriad... Guide the key"

To be continued...
 
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Okay, you said you need feedback soo im going to give it. Even though i just joined KHI i've been a guest on here for years and over that time i've read a lot of fan fics and this one just isnt one of the greater fics out there. First of all your entire plot, writing style, and even title are all extremely stale. It seems like I have read this exact same plot a million times and its just become so bland and uninteresting. Some of those that I read were atleast written well but yours just has no follow up, your descriptions aren't fluent and dont paint any picture for the reader, and your overuse of the same words becomes really aggravating, along with your very choppy sentences. It's somewhat literate but you have countless run-ons and mispellings which is usually ignorable but since you dont have a good enough plot to make up for it just adds to the list of flaws. Though many fan fics start out bad but become really great in the long run, I just don't see that happening for this particular fan fic. My suggestion would be to just stop writing this all together because there doesn't seem to be any hope of this plot becoming decent, I think you should take some time and maybe write some short stories in a notebook or something, and learn how to better construct sentences and plots as well then come back and try this again. I don't mean to be harsh but when people write fan fics I believe they should expect some criticism on their writing, because not everyone out there is meant to be a writer and you may not agree with some of the things I stated but i have been a long time editor of my school's newspaper and I have had a lot of experience in critquing writing so trust me when I say this fan fiction just needs to be stopped.
 
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