Yeah, looks like i'm finally breaking down and looking for help on this forum
normally, I wouldn't take my problems here, because
A) I hate dumping my crap on people
B)I dislike sounding like an emo nutjob.
However, even i can't tolerate my own stupidity at this point, and i'm really, REALLY beginning to loose my mind here.
For years now there is this girl that i cannot even describe the hold she has on me on the inside. I fell for her in the 8th grade, but things never really worked out. by this time my sophmore year, she was a few weeks away from moving to Hawaii, and so i did eventually broke down and tired to tell her how I felt, since i never really ever did. (that whole bit of nonsense is more insane than you can imagine. If people hadn't figured out that i liked her back in the 8th grade, i probably would have never said anything, ever). I thought i tmight help me move on, and i everyone else thought that to, but somehow that soft spot remained.
we still talked even though she was in Hawaii, and then a year later i got to see her again when she moved to Delaware (3 hours from here, but still far). If anything, she seems to be getting closer to me, but i'm pretty much without question sure she means to go in a friendship direction.
However, i still have never gotten over her, and so i had been burying it in the back of my mind and just going through life, but just like tires, these feelings really are coming back in force. I never really stopped caring about her, and deep down i still want to be with her and make her smile and all that good stuff.
The part thats bothering me is that its been over 5 freakin years now. even the three years it took me to get out with it was probably far to long, and yet i'm still stuck on her. I'm not a bad guy, i'm really not, and I push to be the best person i can be, but it sure as hell freaks me out that while just about every normal guy in the world would have moved on, I can't. It doesn't feel right that i still feel this way about her.
And its not like i haven't tried to move on. I've gone around trying to meet new people and all of that good stuff, but no one pops up. I barely even feel a flicker, and nothing has come close to a point where i could even say i've had a tiny crush on anyone else in these past few years.
I don't like this stuff brewing in my mind, my life is already very stressful, and then i have heart attacks thinking about how she is doing, and in the end, it all feels so pointless because i can't realistically see her or hang out with her, and realistically, i don't think her feelings towards me are anything but that of a good friend. I don't want to tell her how I feel now. I don't want to be looked at as one of those freaky guys who can't let go, because really, i'm a good guy, and i don't usually even hint that something still burns in me. I don't want to cause her any grief with stuff she probably feels is long dead, but people keep telling me that I should tell her, that somehow it would help.
Now i know her, and trust me, this isn't my feelings talking, she really is the nicest girl on the face of the planet. At the same time however, I'm not sure she'd take something like this in a positive way, and I really don't want to loose her friendship ( and i know she doesn't want to loose mine either).
Its just all very stressful, because if i don't do anything, i'm liable to just snap and loose it (i'm getting close to that point). It just doesn't feel right that i've been stuck on her this long. If i do tell her how i feel, I risk loosing her close friendship (which is preferable to nothing), and its not very likely that any worth while relationship would come even if she did look at the idea in new light.
I really don't know what to do, so i really need someone's help. It feels as though I have no more options, and i don't want to be miserable like this on the inside anymore. Its not part of my usual personality to be depressed like this. I'm so much fail its not even funny.
thanks for your help
Chris
normally, I wouldn't take my problems here, because
A) I hate dumping my crap on people
B)I dislike sounding like an emo nutjob.
However, even i can't tolerate my own stupidity at this point, and i'm really, REALLY beginning to loose my mind here.
For years now there is this girl that i cannot even describe the hold she has on me on the inside. I fell for her in the 8th grade, but things never really worked out. by this time my sophmore year, she was a few weeks away from moving to Hawaii, and so i did eventually broke down and tired to tell her how I felt, since i never really ever did. (that whole bit of nonsense is more insane than you can imagine. If people hadn't figured out that i liked her back in the 8th grade, i probably would have never said anything, ever). I thought i tmight help me move on, and i everyone else thought that to, but somehow that soft spot remained.
we still talked even though she was in Hawaii, and then a year later i got to see her again when she moved to Delaware (3 hours from here, but still far). If anything, she seems to be getting closer to me, but i'm pretty much without question sure she means to go in a friendship direction.
However, i still have never gotten over her, and so i had been burying it in the back of my mind and just going through life, but just like tires, these feelings really are coming back in force. I never really stopped caring about her, and deep down i still want to be with her and make her smile and all that good stuff.
The part thats bothering me is that its been over 5 freakin years now. even the three years it took me to get out with it was probably far to long, and yet i'm still stuck on her. I'm not a bad guy, i'm really not, and I push to be the best person i can be, but it sure as hell freaks me out that while just about every normal guy in the world would have moved on, I can't. It doesn't feel right that i still feel this way about her.
And its not like i haven't tried to move on. I've gone around trying to meet new people and all of that good stuff, but no one pops up. I barely even feel a flicker, and nothing has come close to a point where i could even say i've had a tiny crush on anyone else in these past few years.
I don't like this stuff brewing in my mind, my life is already very stressful, and then i have heart attacks thinking about how she is doing, and in the end, it all feels so pointless because i can't realistically see her or hang out with her, and realistically, i don't think her feelings towards me are anything but that of a good friend. I don't want to tell her how I feel now. I don't want to be looked at as one of those freaky guys who can't let go, because really, i'm a good guy, and i don't usually even hint that something still burns in me. I don't want to cause her any grief with stuff she probably feels is long dead, but people keep telling me that I should tell her, that somehow it would help.
Now i know her, and trust me, this isn't my feelings talking, she really is the nicest girl on the face of the planet. At the same time however, I'm not sure she'd take something like this in a positive way, and I really don't want to loose her friendship ( and i know she doesn't want to loose mine either).
Its just all very stressful, because if i don't do anything, i'm liable to just snap and loose it (i'm getting close to that point). It just doesn't feel right that i've been stuck on her this long. If i do tell her how i feel, I risk loosing her close friendship (which is preferable to nothing), and its not very likely that any worth while relationship would come even if she did look at the idea in new light.
I really don't know what to do, so i really need someone's help. It feels as though I have no more options, and i don't want to be miserable like this on the inside anymore. Its not part of my usual personality to be depressed like this. I'm so much fail its not even funny.
thanks for your help
Chris