Help/Support ► I'm not good at this, but I'd like to ask for some advice...

[MegaWallflower]

So, I’ve been going to my current school since kindergarten. The schoolwork itself has never been a problem for me; I’ve always been the top of my graduating class.

Over the years, I’ve gained a lot of “acquaintances”, who are just people I’m nice to that are nice back and we don’t really have any problems between but no close bond. I’m a nice girl, but really quiet, so that’s basically the extent of my relations with most of the people in my grade.

Even most of my friends aren’t really close to me, and I’m friends with them because they’re friends with a friend of mine. I have one best friend, because my others have managed to just… fade away.

So, yeah, I’m horrible at making close friends or just social situations in general. And I’m starting a new, harder school this year, a boarding school. So I won’t have my family to fall back on, and the bonds I naturally formed over so many years are suddenly gone.

I’d just like a little advice… how should I cope with the harder work and being away from everyone I grew up with? How should I go about making friends, keeping in mind that most of the others at this school are in the same situation(leaving their school and starting this new boarding school for the more challenging work)? What do I do if I can’t keep up with the lessons for the first time almost ever?

 

[Cosmic+Amarna]

Why are you going to a boarding school? What's up with that? Yeah that does sound kinda like something that will be difficult, but it may not be that bad. As far as the whole friend making social thing, just be yourself and confident with who you are. I'm sure others will be feeling some of the same ways that you are/will.

 

[MegaWallflower]

Why are you going to a boarding school? What's up with that?

Oh, right, I didn't make that clear, did I? Simply because it's more challenging and I have better opportunities there. My math teacher recommended for me after she saw how I was so bored in class because everything she went over I knew, but the rest of the class didn't.

Yeah that does sound kinda like something that will be difficult, but it may not be that bad. As far as the whole friend making social thing, just be yourself and confident with who you are. I'm sure others will be feeling some of the same ways that you are/will.

I've never been self-confident, though. I've been trying to build confidence for years, but I can't seem to manage. I'm just not good at it...

 

[Cosmic+Amarna]

Different people have different ideas of what confident means to them. I'd say confident is being comfortable with yourself, knowing who you are, and having an appreciation for yourself. I'm not saying to develop some hubris but rather having some certainty. You just said you're good at your academics, that's something to give you confidence. We haven't really ever talked but everyone on here seems to like you, that should mean something even if its just the internet.

 

[Mistearea]

The work, I can't really say anything about. I mean, just give it your all. As for the connections thing, this is what I have to say.

You are the complete opposite of your real life self on here, as are many other people. The best advice I can offer is to just be your true self, which I'm willing to bet is the self that we see on here. I did this when I got into college and things have gone really well for me. Now I'm friends with types of people that I've only seen in movies or online.

 

[State]

how should I cope with the harder work

Chill, relax, take a hike and plan things through. Try to point a specific time for when to study. In my case, I arrive home at about 4pm. I enjoyed that hour by snacking, relaxing, getting some air and waited until 5pm to begin studying.

In summation;
Relax, process things and plan. :]

and being away from everyone I grew up with?

I'm experiencing this with my brother (he's actually my best friend but I don't like calling him that, lol seeing as how he's more than that). During these Summer vacations, I realized how distant we became in terms of communications. Starting vacation we texted regularly, daily. Then he got busy and we texted for once a week and later daily. Of course, this is Summer break, but then I thought; What about when we get out of highschool? Simple: I have his number, so I text/call him regularly and go out some time, meet, joke and stuff.

In summation;
Call, text, facebook, chat with them. Even though you'll be distant in terms of communications, try to meet up somewhere, like the park, mall, etc.

How should I go about making friends,

You seem like an introvert person, try being more and more extrovert. Slowly, but surely, not by making radical changes like screaming, lol.

keeping in mind that most of the others at this school are in the same situation

You can all keep in touch and, one day, when you all meet up, bring a new friend and introduce everyone.

(leaving their school and starting this new boarding school for the more challenging work)?

Sometime, you'll have the opportunity to all share time, so cherish it thoroughly; you're becoming an adult, it's an entirely different world than being a teenager. This world is called responsibility. :]

What do I do if I can’t keep up with the lessons for the first time almost ever?

Not keeping up with work during the first semester is perfectly normal, you'll be busy trying to sort things out, through a process of trial and error, establishing a successful method for an efficient study.

In summation;
Organization is your friend. :-]

 

[MegaWallflower]

Different people have different ideas of what confident means to them. I'd say confident is being comfortable with yourself, knowing who you are, and having an appreciation for yourself.

That's how I define it, too, and it's exactly what I've failed to build up...

I'm not saying to develop some hubris but rather having some certainty. You just said you're good at your academics, that's something to give you confidence.We haven't really ever talked but everyone on here seems to like you, that should mean something even if its just the internet.

It doesn't help my social anxiety, though... on here it's much less stressful to talk to people.

And we did so talk. :c You forgot me?

The work, I can't really say anything about. I mean, just give it your all. As for the connections thing, this is what I have to say.

You are the complete opposite of your real life self on here, as are many other people. The best advice I can offer is to just be your true self, which I'm willing to bet is the self that we see on here. I did this when I got into college and things have gone really well for me. Now I'm friends with types of people that I've only seen in movies or online.

On here it's easy, I get really anxious face to face, though...

Chill, relax, take a hike and plan things through. Try to point a specific time for when to study. In my case, I arrive home at about 4pm. I enjoyed that hour by snacking, relaxing, getting some air and waited until 5pm to begin studying.

In summation;
Relax, process things and plan. :]

Studying... hardly ever had to do it before, really, but I'll try and build up good studying skills while I'm here. Thank you for that!

I'm experiencing this with my brother (he's actually my best friend but I don't like calling him that, lol seeing as how he's more than that). During these Summer vacations, I realized how distant we became in terms of communications. Starting vacation we texted regularly, daily. Then he got busy and we texted for once a week and later daily. Of course, this is Summer break, but then I thought; What about when we get out of highschool? Simple: I have his number, so I text/call him regularly and go out some time, meet, joke and stuff.

In summation;
Call, text, facebook, chat with them. Even though you'll be distant in terms of communications, try to meet up somewhere, like the park, mall, etc.

Ah, that is a possibility... I should just make sure I have a way to contact everyone I'll miss while I'm there. Thanks. c:

You seem like an introvert person, try being more and more extrovert. Slowly, but surely, not by making radical changes like screaming, lol.

Easier said than done, unfortunately...

You can all keep in touch and, one day, when you all meet up, bring a new friend and introduce everyone.


Sometime, you'll have the opportunity to all share time, so cherish it thoroughly; you're becoming an adult, it's an entirely different world than being a teenager. This world is called responsibility. :]

It is a big transition...

Not keeping up with work during the first semester is perfectly normal, you'll be busy trying to sort things out, through a process of trial and error, establishing a successful method for an efficient study.

In summation;
Organization is your friend. :-]

'Kay, thank you! I'll try and get accustomed to it as well as I can, and to keep everything organized so I don't get overwhelmed too soon.

 

[Mistearea]

That's how I was back in my regular school days, but then I decided to try something. That something was to act like I do online. It's rewarded me with some fairly interesting friends and stories. They way that I see it is liking real life to this forum. The avatar is the face and the name is hidden unless you pick it up from some place. Try visualizing that if you don't get any better advice on here.

 

[State]

Studying... hardly ever had to do it before, really, but I'll try and build up good studying skills while I'm here. Thank you for that!

LOL I started studying at ninth grade's half of the second semester. After entering highschool, I built a system, abide it and flowed with it. After eleventh came, I got lazy. xD But the important thing here is: build a study regimen and abide by it. :v

Ah, that is a possibility... I should just make sure I have a way to contact everyone I'll miss while I'm there. Thanks. c:

Like I said: text, call, facebook, etc.

Easier said than done, unfortunately...

Slowly, but surely. :>

It is a big transition...

Hope is something strong that maintains you alive, so hope that, one day, you'll all get together, in the meantime, pull the strings on your side to make this possible. :>

'Kay, thank you! I'll try and get accustomed to it as well as I can, and to keep everything organized so I don't get overwhelmed too soon.

I've never experienced the college/university system (will do in a year), but from what I've heard/read, it's liberty to the max. Try to remember that too much of everything can be bad, so maintain a balance between liberties and discipline, studying and partying. :>

 

[Cosmic+Amarna]

Lol I meant we've never talked extensively or been in deep conversation. Is it not ironic too, how we all have good and nice advice for you? Surely this must mean something, be some sort of indicator that you're a cool cat.

Do you have any idea why you get so anxious or socially awkward? I know that some people have no clue as to why but there are some who do. There's nothing wrong with being quiet or collected, but if it becomes reclusive then it is not good. I'm a pretty quiet, shy person myself, but this is only because I usually keep to myself. In high school people would be like 'why don't you talk? And I'd always, like a dick be like its because I have nothing to say to you. Not always but I'd usually not engage unless someone else did. People would realize that I'm not shy or quiet, that I just needed to be engaged. And looking back, my advice would be not to wait until someone engages you, because it may never happen--and who knows? There is a good chance that maybe the only reason why they aren't talking to you is because they were feeling the same way as you!

 

[Annoyance]

Boarding schools usually give you a roommate right? I think that might help you socialize with one person, too, just try to talk to them and stuff when you can?

I've never really been in a boarding school but I know what it's like to be the new kid and it's hard, but you get past it I think once you start finding people who are just as weird as you are haha. Just be yourself and don't worry too hard if you don't have a bajillion buddies in the first month.

 

[MegaWallflower]

That's how I was back in my regular school days, but then I decided to try something. That something was to act like I do online. It's rewarded me with some fairly interesting friends and stories. They way that I see it is liking real life to this forum. The avatar is the face and the name is hidden unless you pick it up from some place. Try visualizing that if you don't get any better advice on here.

I'll try that, then. I can act this way with people like my sister, so maybe I can with others, too.

LOL I started studying at ninth grade's half of the second semester. After entering highschool, I built a system, abide it and flowed with it. After eleventh came, I got lazy. xD But the important thing here is: build a study regimen and abide by it. :v

Build a study system, got it.

Like I said: text, call, facebook, etc.

:d Maybe I should get a facebook, then.

Slowly, but surely. :>

Gotcha. :3

Hope is something strong that maintains you alive, so hope that, one day, you'll all get together, in the meantime, pull the strings on your side to make this possible. :>

'Kay, will do! Thank you, Seraph!

I've never experienced the college/university system (will do in a year), but from what I've heard/read, it's liberty to the max. Try to remember that too much of everything can be bad, so maintain a balance between liberties and discipline, studying and partying. :>

This isn't quite like that, I don't think I have the liberty of a college student yet.

Lol I meant we've never talked extensively or been in deep conversation.

;3; Pokemon is deep.

Is it not ironic too, how we all have good and nice advice for you? Surely this must mean something, be some sort of indicator that you're a cool cat.

Or that you guys are awesome and nice.

Do you have any idea why you get so anxious or socially awkward? I know that some people have no clue as to why but there are some who do. There's nothing wrong with being quiet or collected, but if it becomes reclusive then it is not good. I'm a pretty quiet, shy person myself, but this is only because I usually keep to myself. In high school people would be like 'why don't you talk? And I'd always, like a dick be like its because I have nothing to say to you. Not always but I'd usually not engage unless someone else did. People would realize that I'm not shy or quiet, that I just needed to be engaged. And looking back, my advice would be not to wait until someone engages you, because it may never happen--and who knows? There is a good chance that maybe the only reason why they aren't talking to you is because they were feeling the same way as you!

I don't know, it's just the way I am. I have literally been this way since infancy. I get asked that a lot, too, and I never have an answer... I just get really self-conscious because I don't think that anything I have to say is any good. I'll try and be the first to start a conversation for once, though, maybe something great will come of it. C:

Boarding schools usually give you a roommate right? I think that might help you socialize with one person, too, just try to talk to them and stuff when you can?

Yes, I just got my information on my assigned roommate, I'll contact her when I can. Hopefully we get along well. :3

I've never really been in a boarding school but I know what it's like to be the new kid and it's hard, but you get past it I think once you start finding people who are just as weird as you are haha. Just be yourself and don't worry too hard if you don't have a bajillion buddies in the first month.

My first time being the new kid, so I'll take your word for it. Thank you for your advice. :3

 

[State]

Build a study system, got it.

And abide by it. :v

:d Maybe I should get a facebook, then.

Just don't put too much of your personal info; just your name last name, a profile picture (which can be anything), and there ya have it! :]

 

[Nutari]

Well as far as the academics we are in the same boat. I am not in the top of my class, but I could be, I slack a little x)

Also, I have the same issues as you as far as friends. Everybody likes me and they really have no reason to dislike me. I get teased sometimes but that's besides the point. I suggest taking advantage of starting over. Here nobody knows anybody, and you don't have to worry about preconceived ideas. You are mega nice, with a brimming personality, and you seem very smart. Just roll with it, everything will be alright!

 

[theirlosthearts]

I just get really self-conscious because I don't think that anything I have to say is any good.

This seems to be you're main problem. Though my opinion of "I don't think that anything I have to say is any good" involves a lot of words I won't use. But back on the main point. Don't worry about whether or not other people will like what you say (which seems to be the reason for your shyness). If they don't like you enough to be friends with you, they don't deserve to be your friend for not seeing how awesome you are. Just try to relax and not worry about what others think. Really, people can be quite fickle, so it's best not to care that much about their opinions until you know that you really care about them.

I'll try and be the first to start a conversation for once, though, maybe something great will come of it. C:

This is a great idea! When I started doing this, the number of good friends I have increased greatly. In fact, I wouldn't even know several of my best friends if I hadn't gone up to them and started a conversation. One tip, most people like it when you show interest in their lives, so asking questions and just listening can be great for conversations. And since you'll be new, you can ask others about the school, giving you an easy conversation starter ^_^

Schoolwork wise, you'll have to start fully and completely applying yourself (I know how you are ;D), and you'll need to adjust to any fundamental differences from your old school. As has been stated, making a system will be a huge help adjusting to the increased difficulty. It won't be easy, but you can do it. And hey, since the boarding school is for smarter people, you shouldn't have any problems with team projects any more ;D

Overall, try to relax socially while fully exerting yourself academically. It will be hard at first, but if you stick it out, you'll get through the initial difficulties and it will become a lot easier. You can do it Cheiranthus!! ;3

 

[DerringerZONE!]

I know where you're coming from. Over the years I've had tons of friends, we call ourselves "close friends" but in my mind, I don't really feel any connection whatsoever. It wasn't until I started going out of my shell that I've found people I can relate too. Usually in school we have friends 'coz we don't have much of a choice, if you click with someone, that's it (pretty much). But you shouldn't fret over this. The more you worry, the more conscious you're gonna be about your new situation and it might get in the way of you making friends - real friends. Just chillax and take everything in stride. Since this is going to be a new start for you, everything won't be perfect, there'd still be people who won't be to your liking, but you'll find people who'll be there for you when you need it.

And I also think this will be a good opportunity for you. So keep a positive outlook!

 

[Reflection]

mega-chan there's a very simple answer to shyness; speak your mind. honestly people are much more relatable and friendly than you think, and soon enough you will have tons of connections. i promise. it happened to me when i left my school i attended since kindergarten where i wasn't really "real friends" with anybody and went to the high school i graduated from. just be brave. <3

 

[Nayru's Love]

I’d just like a little advice… how should I cope with the harder work and being away from everyone I grew up with?

Harder work is a matter of focus. Know when to study and why you're studying. As for being away from family, try to keep in touch at least once or twice a week. It can be hard managing two different lives at once, your life at home and your life where you'll be. Either way, it's best not to forget your roots, I'm sure you'll agree.

How should I go about making friends, keeping in mind that most of the others at this school are in the same situation(leaving their school and starting this new boarding school for the more challenging work)?

The most worthwhile friends are gained by just being yourself. Granted, you still have to put some effort into it if you want closer friends. As in, make an effort to know and spend time with others. Get some lunch, go shopping, explore the town, etc.

Extra-curricular activities such as sports and clubs are great ways of social networking. It's essentially finding people with similar interests.

What do I do if I can’t keep up with the lessons for the first time almost ever?

Don't feel bad if you don't get it the first time; no one's perfect like that. It's a matter of getting back up each time and trying harder.

Overall, all you need is a boost of confidence. Believe in yourself, and everything else will come naturally. If you want to change your life the way I think you want to, don't hold back from that leap of faith.

 

[MegaWallflower]

Well as far as the academics we are in the same boat. I am not in the top of my class, but I could be, I slack a little x)

Also, I have the same issues as you as far as friends. Everybody likes me and they really have no reason to dislike me. I get teased sometimes but that's besides the point. I suggest taking advantage of starting over. Here nobody knows anybody, and you don't have to worry about preconceived ideas. You are mega nice, with a brimming personality, and you seem very smart. Just roll with it, everything will be alright!

Thank you, I'll be sure to try and roll with it, then!

This seems to be you're main problem. Though my opinion of "I don't think that anything I have to say is any good" involves a lot of words I won't use. But back on the main point. Don't worry about whether or not other people will like what you say (which seems to be the reason for your shyness).

Now that you mention it, that probably is the whole reason behind it.. or at the very least it play a large part in it.

If they don't like you enough to be friends with you, they don't deserve to be your friend for not seeing how awesome you are. Just try to relax and not worry about what others think. Really, people can be quite fickle, so it's best not to care that much about their opinions until you know that you really care about them.

Sometimes it feels like I shouldn't be picky, though... although that may be a problem in itself. I'll take your advice here, not everyone would be a good match for me.

This is a great idea! When I started doing this, the number of good friends I have increased greatly. In fact, I wouldn't even know several of my best friends if I hadn't gone up to them and started a conversation. One tip, most people like it when you show interest in their lives, so asking questions and just listening can be great for conversations. And since you'll be new, you can ask others about the school, giving you an easy conversation starter ^_^

Listening, I can do. :3

Schoolwork wise, you'll have to start fully and completely applying yourself (I know how you are ;D), and you'll need to adjust to any fundamental differences from your old school. As has been stated, making a system will be a huge help adjusting to the increased difficulty. It won't be easy, but you can do it. And hey, since the boarding school is for smarter people, you shouldn't have any problems with team projects any more ;D

Hehe, gotcha, no more slacking for me. Hey, I hadn't thought of that. Group work seems doable now.

Overall, try to relax socially while fully exerting yourself academically. It will be hard at first, but if you stick it out, you'll get through the initial difficulties and it will become a lot easier. You can do it Cheiranthus!! ;3

Thank you so much, Lost! <3

I know where you're coming from. Over the years I've had tons of friends, we call ourselves "close friends" but in my mind, I don't really feel any connection whatsoever. It wasn't until I started going out of my shell that I've found people I can relate too. Usually in school we have friends 'coz we don't have much of a choice, if you click with someone, that's it (pretty much). But you shouldn't fret over this. The more you worry, the more conscious you're gonna be about your new situation and it might get in the way of you making friends - real friends. Just chillax and take everything in stride. Since this is going to be a new start for you, everything won't be perfect, there'd still be people who won't be to your liking, but you'll find people who'll be there for you when you need it.

And I also think this will be a good opportunity for you. So keep a positive outlook!

Thank you, I'll be sure to try not to be too self-conscious so I can meet new people well, then. :3

mega-chan there's a very simple answer to shyness; speak your mind. honestly people are much more relatable and friendly than you think, and soon enough you will have tons of connections. i promise. it happened to me when i left my school i attended since kindergarten where i wasn't really "real friends" with anybody and went to the high school i graduated from. just be brave. <3

Be brave, got it. I'll try. Thank you, Elle-sama!

Harder work is a matter of focus. Know when to study and why you're studying. As for being away from family, try to keep in touch at least once or twice a week. It can be hard managing two different lives at once, your life at home and your life where you'll be. Either way, it's best not to forget your roots, I'm sure you'll agree.

Ah, my focus can be iffy sometimes, I'll have to work on that. I'll try my best to keep in touch, hopefully I won't forget where I came from, so to speak.

The most worthwhile friends are gained by just being yourself. Granted, you still have to put some effort into it if you want closer friends. As in, make an effort to know and spend time with others. Get some lunch, go shopping, explore the town, etc.

The town the school is in has a lot more to do that my current town, so it shouldn't be hard finding activity to bond over. :3

Extra-curricular activities such as sports and clubs are great ways of social networking. It's essentially finding people with similar interests.

I stink at sports, and there were no clarinets left in the band, but hopefully there are other clubs I can look into.

Don't feel bad if you don't get it the first time; no one's perfect like that. It's a matter of getting back up each time and trying harder.

Overall, all you need is a boost of confidence. Believe in yourself, and everything else will come naturally. If you want to change your life the way I think you want to, don't hold back from that leap of faith.

Thank you for you advice, it was really helpful!

 

[kh2kingman94]

I'm posting without reading any of the other comments, but here i go. When entering a new school, it' best to just look for people that remind you of yourself. Look for people that dress like you do, act like you do, or participate in things you like. Introduce yourself to them and they'll usually be good people. I'm pulling this out of 2 experiences. Once from when I came to a new school in 3rd grade, and another time when we had to do a social experiment in College orientation. We had to find someone in the room with a certain characteristic. me, being socially awkward as I am, chose to only talk to people i thought were like me. And guess what? I made friends!

If the above doesn't work, look for friendly people in general. Might not make the best friends, but they'll keep you from being lonely.

As for workload, you just have to hype yourself up. Telling yourself, "It's going to be easier than I expected!" Will help out a lot. Just try not to worry about it. It's one thing if you are mentally deficient, which I'm 99.9% sure you aren't, but if you have done B's and c's in your old school, you should be fine anywhere in the world as long as you can make yourself feel smart. Just keep telling yourself it will be easy. That doesn't mean slack off though, it just means believe it will be easy.

Anyway, still pulling half of this out of my bum and writing on experiences I had in High School, so don't lean on just my advice, though i doubt you will. I hope you have fun and meet good people at your new school.