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Help/Support ► I can't believe I'm making this thread..... (CONTENT WARNING)



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Soldier

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Hello,
(Warning: I will be discussing suicide and other depressing topics, if you're sensitive to these kinds of subjects/don't want to read it I understand, This is your LAST warning).

This is a thread I've never thought I'd make, and as a matter of fact I'm dreading doing this as I type it. But it might be cathartic for me to get this out there to a bunch of people who know very little about me aside from small details and my love for Kingdom Hearts. Here goes nothing

A few weeks ago, my sister took her own life. She used to regularly "tempt fate" as I came to call it, always believing that the paramedics would come and resuscitate her. But this time, that didn't happen, and we're dealing with the aftermath. The moment she took her last breath we signed up for the families of suicide member's club, an exclusive club that I wish I could revoke my membership to. For those who don't know, My sister was one of the main reasons I got into Kingdom Hearts and video games in general, and it's likely one of the reasons I came to this very forum. She was mentally ill, and by the time she died she was a shell of her former self. It's hard watching someone you love go through life with a mental illness that slowly eats away at them, especially when that someone was a person you spent a lot of time with. She was someone who excelled at a lot of things, school, video games, karate, you name it, but the mental illness and a few bad apples took advantage of her and she lost most of those things. Watching her struggle playing the games we used to love was one of the hardest things I had to witness in this situation, but I kept doing that out of longing to see that person I looked up to.

So why am I telling you this, stranger on the internet? I'll likely never see you face to face and I am just as much a small microcosm in your life as you are to me. As I mentioned above, catharsis is one of the major reasons I'm doing this. And in keeping with the trend of my life, hearing cautionary tales. During my sister's short time on this planet (I'm in my 20's and she's a few years older than me, you do the math) I learned what not to do by learning from her mistakes. Some were ones I'd already figured out with no prior knowledge, but others were serious situations that definitely helped keep me on the straight and narrow. And I suppose to a degree this is another cautionary tale that I have to live with. Shortly after waiting three hours to see my sister one final time, I grappled with a lot of things that people who go through when they lose someone, notably anger and faith. She was a selfish individual, and her taking her own life was the straw that broke the camel's back after all we did for her. And I'm a catholic (admittedly, not a very GOOD catholic as I don't go to church every week, but a catholic nonetheless), a religion where one of the main teachings is that suicide is a sin, and you're damned to hell if you do it. Does my sister deserve to rot in there for all eternity?

No, she might have been selfish and did stupid things, but she wasn't evil. She was sick and very tired from her illness, and that led her to do some pretty dumb things. Plus I already came to my own conclusions on my faith and at that point had been slowly turning away from it. But I'm going to stop right there before I go off on a rant on it, you make your own decisions in life. When I told my closest friends about my sister's final actions, they asked if there was anything they could do. And I told them what I'm going to tell you now, Cherish Life.

I don't know your situation, and it could be much worse than mine for all I know, but tempting fate is not the answer. Yeah, life sucks and there's a lot wrong with the world, but there are good things in life as well, you just have to find them. This situation taught me to not take life for granted, and live for the sake of living.

Thank you for hearing me out, have a good day.
 

Oracle Spockanort

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God I’m so sorry for your loss. As somebody who lives with a mentally ill relative, it is always heartbreaking to see a person fall apart into something awful. My relative isn’t going to commit suicide, but she’s become something hateful and paranoid, and I use it as an example everyday as for what I need to not become.

I’m so sorry you had to watch your sister change like that, and I’m so sorry that she passed away.

And thank you for sharing with us. It isn’t easy, though I suppose it is easier to be open with strangers…

You are right that we need to cherish life. We only get one chance at it. What is important to remember is that we can’t always be happy, but that there is always happiness to find.”
 

Soldier

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God I’m so sorry for your loss. As somebody who lives with a mentally ill relative, it is always heartbreaking to see a person fall apart into something awful. My relative isn’t going to commit suicide, but she’s become something hateful and paranoid, and I use it as an example everyday as for what I need to not become.

I’m so sorry you had to watch your sister change like that, and I’m so sorry that she passed away.

And thank you for sharing with us. It isn’t easy, though I suppose it is easier to be open with strangers…

You are right that we need to cherish life. We only get one chance at it. What is important to remember is that we can’t always be happy, but that there is always happiness to find.”
Thank you Spockanort, and it's funny that you mention that. Most of my life I've gone out of my way to be the exact opposite of what my sister is (I.E she was selfish, I'm selfless, she would invoke my parent's anger, I kept to the background).

Eh, If it's any consolation prize apparently this situation will make me a better husband to someone. I'm still not entirely sure HOW that is, but i'll get it eventually.

Opening up about it is one thing, but concealing my identity is another thing. Whenever I post online, I always try to remain anonymous (partly out of my own paranoia, the other half from common sense). As such I try to limit what I say/reference.
 

SweetYetSalty

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I'm very sorry for your loss, Soldier. I lost a family member this year too and it really hit me about life and death.
 

Soldier

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I'm very sorry for your loss, Soldier. I lost a family member this year too and it really hit me about life and death.
That's apparently what always happens to people when they lose someone. It's eye opening and teaches you about your own mortality. Very few things on this planet have the capacity to avoid death/aging, so it's a constant presence in our world.
 

Ernest-Panda

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The idea that people who commit suicide, especially under these circumstances, are automatically doomed to eternal damnation is an absolutely disgusting teaching that you shouldn’t buy into for a second. I don’t know if I believe in God, but the idea that this being who “loves us all” would be so sadistic is something I will never accept.

I hope you and your family will make it through this dark time, and that you never forget the person your sister truly was.
 

Soldier

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The idea that people who commit suicide, especially under these circumstances, are automatically doomed to eternal damnation is an absolutely disgusting teaching that you shouldn’t buy into for a second. I don’t know if I believe in God, but the idea that this being who “loves us all” would be so sadistic is something I will never accept.

I hope you and your family will make it through this dark time, and that you never forget the person your sister truly was.
That's something I've been wrestling with for a while Ernest-Panda (my faith, at least). Before this event happened I was already in the midst of turning my back on it, as I decided to become a general biologist (an enemy of Christianity, or at least those who believe in creationism). One of the things I thought of during my time of grieving was "if there is a god, he's one heck of a sociopath to let things like this happen". I guess to an extent I see why people follow religions (it gives them hope and answers) but after witnessing this and other atrocities my realistic mind can't really accept these things anymore.

(That, and apparently eating shellfish when you're a roman catholic is a sin. So I guess I already sealed my fate when I go (if there is a place). Oh well, I know a lot of people who took advantage of her will likely end up there as well, so it'll be a real free for all in the far off future).

And thank you for your well wishes, I'll remember her for who she was, good and bad.

EDIT: so I've been looking into the whole "Suicide damns you to hell thing" and it turns out that in the 90's the catholic church has more or less softened it's viewpoint on it in lieu of mental illness, and are now more or less supporting the families of those who lost someone to it. Still doesn't excuse the shellfish thing and other scummy practices though.
 
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Elysium

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I don't believe many of the things Catholics believe even though it's a denomination of Christianity. I'll just say that my personal understanding as a Christian is that suicide doesn't automatically equal damnation any more than any other sin does (all sins are equal). Only God knows what was in a person's mind and heart at the time of death, if they were not in their right mind because of alcohol, drugs, dementia, other mental illness, etc. Suicide can be thought of sort of like a crime of passion, especially if you're doing it because you're in extreme pain (physically or mentally), and Idk, I believe God is understanding of those kinds of mistakes. I'll try not to say much else, I am not a teacher on the subject, I just wanted to say that I personally don't believe there is an "unforgivable" sin other than worshiping the Antichrist and that everything else that you ask forgiveness for, you will be forgiven. I can only say that from my own experience with suicidal thoughts (and everyone is different) is that you often feel sorry for feeling those same thoughts while you're having them; and if you're truly sorry for a sin, I believe you're forgiven. I leave God to be the judge on that, because only He knows what a person's final thoughts were and that goes for normal deaths as much as a suicide.
 

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Just saw this thread and I wanted to express my sincere condolences. I hope you'll find the strength to surpass this tragedy as a family.

As for this whole "suicide will go to hell" thing, I never bought it, because the notion of taking your own life is way to vague. If you start judging someone who kills himself with a gun, shouldn't we also judge someone who doesn't exercise, smokes or drinks, drives at excessive speed, all those activities that are know to reduce life expectancy.

The only religion that should matter is: "Live your life not hurting anyone and try to make amend if you do". The rest is just politics or folklore.
 

Soldier

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Just saw this thread and I wanted to express my sincere condolences. I hope you'll find the strength to surpass this tragedy as a family.

As for this whole "suicide will go to hell" thing, I never bought it, because the notion of taking your own life is way to vague. If you start judging someone who kills himself with a gun, shouldn't we also judge someone who doesn't exercise, smokes or drinks, drives at excessive speed, all those activities that are know to reduce life expectancy.

The only religion that should matter is: "Live your life not hurting anyone and try to make amend if you do". The rest is just politics or folklore.
Thank you Aegis, the emotional pain's still there, raw as ever but its gradually gotten easier to take.

Yeah, I'm basically at the point of my life where I'm more adamantly questioning my faith. As stated above, I've more or less turned my back on it when I chose general biology as my major. You do make a valid point though, why not condemn them for that if those actions also cut lives short.

Words to live by, I already live by a similar code anyways.
 
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I’m so sorry for your loss. I struggle with mental illness myself, so I too struggle with deep depression, as well as anxiety and other things. I respect your religious beliefs too. My own religious beliefs are different regarding the topic. I don’t know if saying this is of any comfort, but I don’t believe your sister will be punished to that degree. I personally believe in a God who doesn’t divide everyone into just right and wrong, as I also believe that life itself is more complex than just right and wrong. I don’t know if that’s of any comfort or not, but I do respect your own religious beliefs. I guess I really just want to say that you’re not alone, as sensitive topics like this are quite a widespread thing in this world (even though they’re very hard to talk about). I think you’re very brave for sharing this with us, even though we only can know or see each other by a username. I appreciate your honesty too, and I think that’s also very brave of you. I’m so sorry for what happened, and I wish I could say the perfect thing to make everything better. Unfortunately, I don’t think I can, but I can offer my empathy and whatever comfort I can give.
 

Soldier

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I’m so sorry for your loss. I struggle with mental illness myself, so I too struggle with deep depression, as well as anxiety and other things. I respect your religious beliefs too. My own religious beliefs are different regarding the topic. I don’t know if saying this is of any comfort, but I don’t believe your sister will be punished to that degree. I personally believe in a God who doesn’t divide everyone into just right and wrong, as I also believe that life itself is more complex than just right and wrong. I don’t know if that’s of any comfort or not, but I do respect your own religious beliefs. I guess I really just want to say that you’re not alone, as sensitive topics like this are quite a widespread thing in this world (even though they’re very hard to talk about). I think you’re very brave for sharing this with us, even though we only can know or see each other by a username. I appreciate your honesty too, and I think that’s also very brave of you. I’m so sorry for what happened, and I wish I could say the perfect thing to make everything better. Unfortunately, I don’t think I can, but I can offer my empathy and whatever comfort I can give.
Thank you Light, It's always good to hear other's perspective on taboo subjects like mental illness. For as progressive as these past few years have been, there's still a surprising amount of stigma towards it. I can't say I'll ever understand my sister's thought process/ what exactly happened, but I'll try to at least. And it is comforting hearing a different opinion on the matter that doesn't outright dispute it. In a way, your belief is similar to my desire for her lack of punishment (well, at least in terms of the afterlife at least, she'll get an earful when I go in the far off future), just from a different perspective. You're right, no one can say the perfect thing to make this situation better, but saying something is better than nothing. And that's comfort enough.
 

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I have written and rewritten too many drafts in response to this, and I can't eloquently say how I feel without it looking odd or uncouth on paper. But as someone who both struggles with and has family members who struggle with mental health, I just want you to know I think it was gracious of you to share. Thank you for that. And I hope you feel uplifted by us even marginally. My heart goes out to you, your sister and your family.
 

Soldier

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I have written and rewritten too many drafts in response to this, and I can't eloquently say how I feel without it looking odd or uncouth on paper. But as someone who both struggles with and has family members who struggle with mental health, I just want you to know I think it was gracious of you to share. Thank you for that. And I hope you feel uplifted by us even marginally. My heart goes out to you, your sister and your family.
And here I thought I was the only person who uses "uncouth" in common speech, good to know others do as well. Thank you Rydgea, I am feeling uplifted by all the support from here. It's amazing how far a few words of wisdom can go.
 

AdrianXXII

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I'm sorry to hear about your lose. I can't even imagine how painful losing your older sister could be. I hope you have a good support system and people that can help you through this difficult time.
 
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