I must know!!!
That was hilarious, Malfoy losing in an insult compition from one person.
That was hilarious, Malfoy losing in an insult compition from one person.
Fanfiction ► Harry's Potion (another HP fanfic)
- Thread starter Elphaba_1
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Me: I Knew he was going to get those two girls!!
Gem: Nice update!
Nanala: Ditto!
Thea:... Hermione was too harsh...>.> She acts like he did that on purpose... >.> But good chapter!
Gem: Nice update!
Nanala: Ditto!
Thea:... Hermione was too harsh...>.> She acts like he did that on purpose... >.> But good chapter!
thank u very much, I'll try updating tomorrow, as in.......I'LL TRY!!!
That was 3 days ago.....try harder!!!
lol, schools a drag, and I'm still grounded, heres the story
Chapter 11: Revenge IS sweet!
Lavender and Parvati turned when they heard their names being called out. "Yes, Hermione?" the two girls said in unison.
"I need your help--" Harry repeated. Whatever reaction he expected, it wasn't Lavender and Parvati looking at each other giving alarming excited gleeful looks. He took a step backward just in case.
"Need our help? Like in makeup tips!? Oh...alright! First, you can really use some blush and your--" Parvati ranted on excitedly and sounding creepily like a muggle beautician.
"No, no, no! Not that kind of help!" Harry said, horrified at the very thought of a makeover, especially if it's from these two.
"Then, like, what is it?" Parvati said. Harry grinned inwardly.
"Y'know, I've noticed that Harry is feeling quite...sad lately and I need you to..." He winked. "...cheer him up." He smiled knowingly to Parvati. "I'm giving you permission. Just for today only!"
Parvati squealed along Lavender who started urging her to "go for it, girl!" Parvati rapidly pulled out a tube of lipstick, applied it, smacked her lips, and ran at full speed, knocking a few people off their feet along the way.
"Oh and make sure you do it before dinner," Harry shouted after her. "Or else it'll all come out again," he added the last part under his breath. He turned to Lavender, still grinning evilly. Lavender has then taken the opurtunity now that her best friend is physically absent by eyeing the boys who passed her. To be a little more specific, she was eyeing their, ah, "rear ends" and grabbing it. (a/n: Ok, eewww! Forget that! Obliviate!)
Harry leaned closer to Lavender and whispered in her ear.
"Y'know, Ron isn't too feeling his best right now, so maybe he'll like a litle something to make him a little better..." He left his sentence hanging to give Lavender time to do the similar thing Parvati did. Squeal, lipstick, and sweep off the people who were knocked off earlier by Parvati.
"I think I fancy a rest in the common room!" Harry said cheerily as he watched Lavender disappear from his sight. Knowing those two girls, his plan just can't backfire.
Upon arriving at the common room, Harry threw himself on one of the squishy armchairs facing the portait. He rested his head on one of his armwhile the other he used to observe his watch, muttering a countdown.
"In three...two...one--"
And at that exact moment, Hermione came bursting in to the common room, holding her mouth, looking sickly green and seemed to have red smudges all over her face. Quick as a wink, she ran up the stairs but not before mistaking the girls' dormitory for the boys'. From Harry's view, you can hear a loud "BLECH!" coming from the boys' dorm.
Harry sighed deeply and contentedly, feeling satisfied with Parvati's "work". That was exactly what he wanted to happen. In the next few minutes, Ron came in, casually wiping off lipstick marks. Looks like Lavender found him...
"Hey Harry," Ron said upon spotting his best friend, trying to clear around his "lip area" of red lipstick. "Did I do something good lately? Cause Lavender just came and snogged me in front of the whole school. I wonder why?" Ron's face went from a vague cofused stare to deep wonder. Harry sank on his chair, resisting the urge not to let out all his exaperation on his very clueless-when-it-comes-to-girls red head best friend. Harry was about to open his mouth when the portrait burst open again and in came....Lockhart? *insert horrific screams*
"Problems with girls? Can't decipher their actions?" Lockhart announced in his cheeriest tone, holding up a bright pink book. "Why not read Lockhart's Guide to Girls? Guaranteed to--"
"Hey! You're not in this fic!" The omnipresent author yells, suddenly poking her head in. Insert a sarcastic "woopee" from the characters and enthuiastic "yays" from the readers.
The Dementress picks him up by the neck (a/n: I prefer the hair) and tosses him out of the computer screen. The blonde chick boy git, now shrilling in pain, bounces of the keyboard ,m;lk as The Dementress' sister flicks him away from the computer table and the author's maid sweeps him away. Now she yells while shaking her fist, "What did I tell you about sneaking in to my fic!? I just said that you're in St. Mungo's insanity ward most of the time! And no I won't advertise your stupid books!!!" Ahem, sorry about that! Continue please! *grins widely*
"Uh...anyways, Ron, can't you tell what Lavender thinks of you?" Harry said as though the latter incident never happened.
"Um, I guess she thinks that I'm...a pureblood?"
"NO! Well, yes but--It's just--she thinks--why--AH FORGET IT!" Harry let his head drop on the side but before he did that, he whacked Ron's head for being so stupid.
-----------
"HARRY! RON! HELP ME, DAMN IT!!!" Hermione yelled somewhere in the corridor. It was one of those rare times when Hermione is so desperate for something that she would swear. Harry and Ron sprinted down the hallway and found Hermione being dragged by the feet by Parvati. She was holding the side of the door tightly in order for her to avoid being trapped in an empty classroom with Parvati. And I'm pretty sure you guys would know what would happen if she did.
"Yes, Harry?" he asked sweetly which gave Ron the cue (a/n: One day, Ron is going to have to let out all that air in his stomach, if you know what I mean) to start snickering uncontrollably. "Whatever seems to be the problem?"
"YOU KNOW DAMN RIGHT WHAT'S WRONG! DON'T LET HER DO THIS!!!" Hermione's fingernails were already scratching the wood of the door when Harry stopped Parvati with a snap of his fingers.
"Fine. Parvati, put him down," Harry said. The black haired female stuck out her lower lip and reluctantly dropped Hermione's legs. Harry helped Hermione up and made her face him. "Now, promise you wouldn't ever show my boxers to the whole school again or else!" he especially hissed the word "boxers". As for Hermione, she crossed her arms and cocked an eyebrow.
"Or else what?" she said haughtily. Harry grinned evilly.
"Parvati?" Immediately, she gave Hermione a bone crushing hug and tried to pull her inside the classroom, ready to "torture" Hermione.
"ALRIGHT! ALRIGHT! YOU WIN! NOW LET THIS (Hermione swore so badly that everyone stared at her in disbelief) CREATURE OFF ME!!!" Harry sighed and snapped his fingers again. Like a trained dog, Parvati loosened her grip and pouted again as Hermione skitishly hid behind Harry's back.
"Well, thank you. Now off with you," Harry said, having this feeling like he was an animal trainer. But Parvati didn't just go yet. She had a thoughtful look on her face, wondering aloud.
"But who can I snog then?" said she, tapping her chin. "Hm...how about Malfoy!? He's just at the second floor!" Harry was about to answer when he felt a sharp painful jab on his side.
"He's all yo--OW! I-I mean, he's..." he glanced sideways at Hemione who had her eyes narrowed. "...mine." He shuddered at the very words he said.
"Oh, sorry Hermione!" Parvati cheekily said. "Now who can I...oh I know! Seamus!" She ran down the corridor where the few smart people had the reflexes to move out of her way to avoid being knocked down. Parvati's shrieks were already loud enough to hear without the echoes of the corridor. So what you can hear is, "SEAMUS BABY! GIVE ME SOME SUGAR!!!" and a very ear splitting bloodcurdling scream of terror with matching sounds of someone who is trying to run for his life.
The trio looked quite relieved that Parvati is out of their hairs.
"Glad that's over!" Hermione sighed but not long before they harked another squeal.
"RONNIE!!! WHERE ARE YOU!?!? COME HERE YOU LITTLE HUNK OF A WEASEL!!!"
Harry and Hermione exchanged alarming looks and each grabbed either Ron's arms and ran to the Great Hall before Lavender can even spot them.
"What a day!" Harry exclaimed as he and his two best friends entered the common room. Again, Hermione was recieving strange looks and whispers from her fellow house mates. Harry vaguely felt like wringing Hermione's neck for the boxers thing this morning though another feeling of satisfaction washed over him as he dwelled on his revenge earlier. Each person went to their respective dormitory and slept soundly, but not before Hermione totally "cleansed" her mouth. And when I say cleansed, I mean CLEANSED! Complete with toothpaste, mouthwash, Altoids, and the works.
----------
Harry, Hermione and Ron plopped on the bench for breakfast and pulled the dishes of food towards them. Well, it was Ron who mostly did the pulling. Harry was about to eat when someone covered his eyes and said brightly out loud,
"Guess who?"
Harry groaned inwardly. Does it have to be now?
"Uh, Crabbe? Goyle? The village idiot?"
"No. It's me, Mya!" Draco Malfoy said as he shoved Hermione to make some space for him to sit. Ron choked in his pumpkin juice and Hermione watched with envy and slight indignation as her boyfriend wrapped his arm around Harry's waist. (a/n: Why do I get that feeling that I'm writing a slash fic?)
"Oh Draco! Looks like I was quite close to my last guess!" Harry said, mouth dripping with sarcasm. He tried to control himself not to give a Malfoy a deformed nose so he just settled with imagining it. Draco Malfoy didn't even catch his sarcasm and chuckled at Harry's remark.
So for the rest of the trio's breakfast time, Draco sat with them. He alternatedly ate and talked to Harry while caressing his hand or cheek. As for Harry? well...he was sort of feeling...sick. Ron let out sniggers every two minutes and Hermione ate pleasantly. She secretly called this "date" as her own payback. But as of course, she wished that she was at her own body at the moment.
The bell rang and the trio got up for Transfiguration class. Harry tried to duck away from Draco, who was about to give Harry a kiss, but was unsuccessful. Draco held on to his neck and kissed Harry. As soon Harry and company were outside the classroom, Harry bended over and gagged. Fortunately, Draco made Harry lose his appetite again which means he won't be throwing up during McGonagall's lecture on animal switching spells.
Harry wearily sat down next to Hermione but not before he was knocked off his seat by none other than Parvati.
"Parvati?" he said incredously. But Parvati paid no attention. She stared at Hermione dreamily, twirling a strand of her hair. Harry was not in a good mood at the moment (thanks to Draco) and before Parvati can say something that'll probably make Hermione turn green, he pulled out his wand, pointed it at Parvati, and said clearly,
"Wingardium Leviosa Parvati"
Parvati gasped as she was lifted into the air and landed on her own seat, far away from the trio. As she did, she scowled at Harry and sulked on her own.
"Thank Harry!" said Hermione gratefully. Harry nodded and took his seat. He turned to Ron, sighed exasperatedly, and again pulled out his wand and pointed it.
"Wingardium Leviosa Lavender"
A dreamy looking Lavender was lifted to the air off Ron's lap, who had a very perplexed look plastered on his face, and settled next to Parvati. She had the same expression as her best friend's but was unable to do anything since McGonagall just entered the classroom.
The trio quickly scooted out of the classroom as soon the bell rang, in fear of two certain girls. They sprinted to their next class, History of Magic. As they took their respective seats, Ron dropped his head and began his nap. Harry was about to rest his head on his hand when Hermione produced some parchment and a quill from her bag and shoved it under Harry's nose.
"What?" Harry asked irritably. Hermione just grinned.
"Since you're in my body, you'll have to take down notes. I don't want people to think that I'm getting lazy." She smiled and relaxed her head on the desktop. "I do fancy a break."
"And if I don't copy notes?" Harry said stubbornly. He wasn't ready to copy boring lectures from Binns. And it is such a warm day....
"Then we fail our N.E.W.T.s and I get very angry!"
As Binns droned on about Grindelwald and the Elves' bloody and very vivd war, the class was catching up on their "zzz's", except Harry who was trying so hard not fall asleep and jotting down notes. His eyelids felt heavy and wanted very much to sleep. Hermione and Ron slept peacefuly. Well, though I'm not sure if Ron sleeps peacefuly. And the other two people who were able to stay alive were Lavender and Parvati. Lavender had a magic version of a muggle CD player with it's ear pieces stuck to her ear. She was a humming a catchy tune while Parvati was reading a magazine called "Teen Witch".
When Harry finally had enough, he dropped his head on the table, eager for some shut-eye. But the exact moment after he just closed his eyelids, the bell rang. Immediately, the whole class awoke, yawned and stretched, feeling satisfied with their refreshing nap. Groaning loudly and feeling mortally irritated, he slowly gathered his notes which was filled with mostly ink stains and woozy writing.
At the common room around 11:00, the trio were doing their homework. And begging Hermione to copy homeworks wasn't the wisest thing to do at the moment. After all is done, she yawned and suddenly, looked fearful. She jumped up her seat and paced around rapidly and jumping up and down, whining every three seconds.
"Um, Hermione? What in sanity's name are you doing?" Ron said tentatively while Harry watched her act like a three year old.
"I gotta go!" Hermione whined.
"Go where?"
"You know what I mean!"
"Oh!" Ron said and before he can even start, Harry raised his eyebrows, a grin threatening to erupt on his face. "Looks like you're going have to hold 'the part'!" Ron commented.
"What part?" Hermione said quizzicaly.
Harry rolled his eyes. Is she this clueless? "The...guys' part?"
"AAHHH!!! NOT AGAIN! EEWWW!" She shrieked, her pace building slowly to a dangerously fast speed.
"You mean you never held a guy's part?" Harry said mischievously. He was enjoying this form of entertainment, torturing Hermione to go to the loo. Though he added under his breath, "Aside from mine?"
"Well I--HELL NO!" She forgot a moment who else was in the room. Ron was lau--Oh come on! I'm sure you already know his reaction! It's been mentioned so many times in this fic! And the memory of going to the bathroom last Friday was still clear and vivd in her mind.
"So you haven't?" Ron chirped up while gasping for air.
"NO! THAT'S REVOLTING!" Hermione nearly screamed. Ron's mouth twitched violently.
"Not even Malfoy's?"
"Oh that's gonna leave a mark!" Harry said as he eyed Hermione storming up to the boys dormitory. Ron was touching his now swollen, twitchy, black eye gingerly. "You should know better, Ron," Harry casually said, turning to look at his idiot but best mate.
"When she's pissed off, best stay away. Espescially when she has that huge Arithmancy book with her or even worse, when she's PMS'ing. For once, I pitied Malfoy when she caught him copying her Potions essay...She was scarier than Voldemort singing 'Toxic' while--"
"I HEARD THAT!"
~*~*~*~*~
Chapter 11: Revenge IS sweet!
Lavender and Parvati turned when they heard their names being called out. "Yes, Hermione?" the two girls said in unison.
"I need your help--" Harry repeated. Whatever reaction he expected, it wasn't Lavender and Parvati looking at each other giving alarming excited gleeful looks. He took a step backward just in case.
"Need our help? Like in makeup tips!? Oh...alright! First, you can really use some blush and your--" Parvati ranted on excitedly and sounding creepily like a muggle beautician.
"No, no, no! Not that kind of help!" Harry said, horrified at the very thought of a makeover, especially if it's from these two.
"Then, like, what is it?" Parvati said. Harry grinned inwardly.
"Y'know, I've noticed that Harry is feeling quite...sad lately and I need you to..." He winked. "...cheer him up." He smiled knowingly to Parvati. "I'm giving you permission. Just for today only!"
Parvati squealed along Lavender who started urging her to "go for it, girl!" Parvati rapidly pulled out a tube of lipstick, applied it, smacked her lips, and ran at full speed, knocking a few people off their feet along the way.
"Oh and make sure you do it before dinner," Harry shouted after her. "Or else it'll all come out again," he added the last part under his breath. He turned to Lavender, still grinning evilly. Lavender has then taken the opurtunity now that her best friend is physically absent by eyeing the boys who passed her. To be a little more specific, she was eyeing their, ah, "rear ends" and grabbing it. (a/n: Ok, eewww! Forget that! Obliviate!)
Harry leaned closer to Lavender and whispered in her ear.
"Y'know, Ron isn't too feeling his best right now, so maybe he'll like a litle something to make him a little better..." He left his sentence hanging to give Lavender time to do the similar thing Parvati did. Squeal, lipstick, and sweep off the people who were knocked off earlier by Parvati.
"I think I fancy a rest in the common room!" Harry said cheerily as he watched Lavender disappear from his sight. Knowing those two girls, his plan just can't backfire.
Upon arriving at the common room, Harry threw himself on one of the squishy armchairs facing the portait. He rested his head on one of his armwhile the other he used to observe his watch, muttering a countdown.
"In three...two...one--"
And at that exact moment, Hermione came bursting in to the common room, holding her mouth, looking sickly green and seemed to have red smudges all over her face. Quick as a wink, she ran up the stairs but not before mistaking the girls' dormitory for the boys'. From Harry's view, you can hear a loud "BLECH!" coming from the boys' dorm.
Harry sighed deeply and contentedly, feeling satisfied with Parvati's "work". That was exactly what he wanted to happen. In the next few minutes, Ron came in, casually wiping off lipstick marks. Looks like Lavender found him...
"Hey Harry," Ron said upon spotting his best friend, trying to clear around his "lip area" of red lipstick. "Did I do something good lately? Cause Lavender just came and snogged me in front of the whole school. I wonder why?" Ron's face went from a vague cofused stare to deep wonder. Harry sank on his chair, resisting the urge not to let out all his exaperation on his very clueless-when-it-comes-to-girls red head best friend. Harry was about to open his mouth when the portrait burst open again and in came....Lockhart? *insert horrific screams*
"Problems with girls? Can't decipher their actions?" Lockhart announced in his cheeriest tone, holding up a bright pink book. "Why not read Lockhart's Guide to Girls? Guaranteed to--"
"Hey! You're not in this fic!" The omnipresent author yells, suddenly poking her head in. Insert a sarcastic "woopee" from the characters and enthuiastic "yays" from the readers.
The Dementress picks him up by the neck (a/n: I prefer the hair) and tosses him out of the computer screen. The blonde chick boy git, now shrilling in pain, bounces of the keyboard ,m;lk as The Dementress' sister flicks him away from the computer table and the author's maid sweeps him away. Now she yells while shaking her fist, "What did I tell you about sneaking in to my fic!? I just said that you're in St. Mungo's insanity ward most of the time! And no I won't advertise your stupid books!!!" Ahem, sorry about that! Continue please! *grins widely*
"Uh...anyways, Ron, can't you tell what Lavender thinks of you?" Harry said as though the latter incident never happened.
"Um, I guess she thinks that I'm...a pureblood?"
"NO! Well, yes but--It's just--she thinks--why--AH FORGET IT!" Harry let his head drop on the side but before he did that, he whacked Ron's head for being so stupid.
-----------
"HARRY! RON! HELP ME, DAMN IT!!!" Hermione yelled somewhere in the corridor. It was one of those rare times when Hermione is so desperate for something that she would swear. Harry and Ron sprinted down the hallway and found Hermione being dragged by the feet by Parvati. She was holding the side of the door tightly in order for her to avoid being trapped in an empty classroom with Parvati. And I'm pretty sure you guys would know what would happen if she did.
"Yes, Harry?" he asked sweetly which gave Ron the cue (a/n: One day, Ron is going to have to let out all that air in his stomach, if you know what I mean) to start snickering uncontrollably. "Whatever seems to be the problem?"
"YOU KNOW DAMN RIGHT WHAT'S WRONG! DON'T LET HER DO THIS!!!" Hermione's fingernails were already scratching the wood of the door when Harry stopped Parvati with a snap of his fingers.
"Fine. Parvati, put him down," Harry said. The black haired female stuck out her lower lip and reluctantly dropped Hermione's legs. Harry helped Hermione up and made her face him. "Now, promise you wouldn't ever show my boxers to the whole school again or else!" he especially hissed the word "boxers". As for Hermione, she crossed her arms and cocked an eyebrow.
"Or else what?" she said haughtily. Harry grinned evilly.
"Parvati?" Immediately, she gave Hermione a bone crushing hug and tried to pull her inside the classroom, ready to "torture" Hermione.
"ALRIGHT! ALRIGHT! YOU WIN! NOW LET THIS (Hermione swore so badly that everyone stared at her in disbelief) CREATURE OFF ME!!!" Harry sighed and snapped his fingers again. Like a trained dog, Parvati loosened her grip and pouted again as Hermione skitishly hid behind Harry's back.
"Well, thank you. Now off with you," Harry said, having this feeling like he was an animal trainer. But Parvati didn't just go yet. She had a thoughtful look on her face, wondering aloud.
"But who can I snog then?" said she, tapping her chin. "Hm...how about Malfoy!? He's just at the second floor!" Harry was about to answer when he felt a sharp painful jab on his side.
"He's all yo--OW! I-I mean, he's..." he glanced sideways at Hemione who had her eyes narrowed. "...mine." He shuddered at the very words he said.
"Oh, sorry Hermione!" Parvati cheekily said. "Now who can I...oh I know! Seamus!" She ran down the corridor where the few smart people had the reflexes to move out of her way to avoid being knocked down. Parvati's shrieks were already loud enough to hear without the echoes of the corridor. So what you can hear is, "SEAMUS BABY! GIVE ME SOME SUGAR!!!" and a very ear splitting bloodcurdling scream of terror with matching sounds of someone who is trying to run for his life.
The trio looked quite relieved that Parvati is out of their hairs.
"Glad that's over!" Hermione sighed but not long before they harked another squeal.
"RONNIE!!! WHERE ARE YOU!?!? COME HERE YOU LITTLE HUNK OF A WEASEL!!!"
Harry and Hermione exchanged alarming looks and each grabbed either Ron's arms and ran to the Great Hall before Lavender can even spot them.
"What a day!" Harry exclaimed as he and his two best friends entered the common room. Again, Hermione was recieving strange looks and whispers from her fellow house mates. Harry vaguely felt like wringing Hermione's neck for the boxers thing this morning though another feeling of satisfaction washed over him as he dwelled on his revenge earlier. Each person went to their respective dormitory and slept soundly, but not before Hermione totally "cleansed" her mouth. And when I say cleansed, I mean CLEANSED! Complete with toothpaste, mouthwash, Altoids, and the works.
----------
Harry, Hermione and Ron plopped on the bench for breakfast and pulled the dishes of food towards them. Well, it was Ron who mostly did the pulling. Harry was about to eat when someone covered his eyes and said brightly out loud,
"Guess who?"
Harry groaned inwardly. Does it have to be now?
"Uh, Crabbe? Goyle? The village idiot?"
"No. It's me, Mya!" Draco Malfoy said as he shoved Hermione to make some space for him to sit. Ron choked in his pumpkin juice and Hermione watched with envy and slight indignation as her boyfriend wrapped his arm around Harry's waist. (a/n: Why do I get that feeling that I'm writing a slash fic?)
"Oh Draco! Looks like I was quite close to my last guess!" Harry said, mouth dripping with sarcasm. He tried to control himself not to give a Malfoy a deformed nose so he just settled with imagining it. Draco Malfoy didn't even catch his sarcasm and chuckled at Harry's remark.
So for the rest of the trio's breakfast time, Draco sat with them. He alternatedly ate and talked to Harry while caressing his hand or cheek. As for Harry? well...he was sort of feeling...sick. Ron let out sniggers every two minutes and Hermione ate pleasantly. She secretly called this "date" as her own payback. But as of course, she wished that she was at her own body at the moment.
The bell rang and the trio got up for Transfiguration class. Harry tried to duck away from Draco, who was about to give Harry a kiss, but was unsuccessful. Draco held on to his neck and kissed Harry. As soon Harry and company were outside the classroom, Harry bended over and gagged. Fortunately, Draco made Harry lose his appetite again which means he won't be throwing up during McGonagall's lecture on animal switching spells.
Harry wearily sat down next to Hermione but not before he was knocked off his seat by none other than Parvati.
"Parvati?" he said incredously. But Parvati paid no attention. She stared at Hermione dreamily, twirling a strand of her hair. Harry was not in a good mood at the moment (thanks to Draco) and before Parvati can say something that'll probably make Hermione turn green, he pulled out his wand, pointed it at Parvati, and said clearly,
"Wingardium Leviosa Parvati"
Parvati gasped as she was lifted into the air and landed on her own seat, far away from the trio. As she did, she scowled at Harry and sulked on her own.
"Thank Harry!" said Hermione gratefully. Harry nodded and took his seat. He turned to Ron, sighed exasperatedly, and again pulled out his wand and pointed it.
"Wingardium Leviosa Lavender"
A dreamy looking Lavender was lifted to the air off Ron's lap, who had a very perplexed look plastered on his face, and settled next to Parvati. She had the same expression as her best friend's but was unable to do anything since McGonagall just entered the classroom.
The trio quickly scooted out of the classroom as soon the bell rang, in fear of two certain girls. They sprinted to their next class, History of Magic. As they took their respective seats, Ron dropped his head and began his nap. Harry was about to rest his head on his hand when Hermione produced some parchment and a quill from her bag and shoved it under Harry's nose.
"What?" Harry asked irritably. Hermione just grinned.
"Since you're in my body, you'll have to take down notes. I don't want people to think that I'm getting lazy." She smiled and relaxed her head on the desktop. "I do fancy a break."
"And if I don't copy notes?" Harry said stubbornly. He wasn't ready to copy boring lectures from Binns. And it is such a warm day....
"Then we fail our N.E.W.T.s and I get very angry!"
As Binns droned on about Grindelwald and the Elves' bloody and very vivd war, the class was catching up on their "zzz's", except Harry who was trying so hard not fall asleep and jotting down notes. His eyelids felt heavy and wanted very much to sleep. Hermione and Ron slept peacefuly. Well, though I'm not sure if Ron sleeps peacefuly. And the other two people who were able to stay alive were Lavender and Parvati. Lavender had a magic version of a muggle CD player with it's ear pieces stuck to her ear. She was a humming a catchy tune while Parvati was reading a magazine called "Teen Witch".
When Harry finally had enough, he dropped his head on the table, eager for some shut-eye. But the exact moment after he just closed his eyelids, the bell rang. Immediately, the whole class awoke, yawned and stretched, feeling satisfied with their refreshing nap. Groaning loudly and feeling mortally irritated, he slowly gathered his notes which was filled with mostly ink stains and woozy writing.
At the common room around 11:00, the trio were doing their homework. And begging Hermione to copy homeworks wasn't the wisest thing to do at the moment. After all is done, she yawned and suddenly, looked fearful. She jumped up her seat and paced around rapidly and jumping up and down, whining every three seconds.
"Um, Hermione? What in sanity's name are you doing?" Ron said tentatively while Harry watched her act like a three year old.
"I gotta go!" Hermione whined.
"Go where?"
"You know what I mean!"
"Oh!" Ron said and before he can even start, Harry raised his eyebrows, a grin threatening to erupt on his face. "Looks like you're going have to hold 'the part'!" Ron commented.
"What part?" Hermione said quizzicaly.
Harry rolled his eyes. Is she this clueless? "The...guys' part?"
"AAHHH!!! NOT AGAIN! EEWWW!" She shrieked, her pace building slowly to a dangerously fast speed.
"You mean you never held a guy's part?" Harry said mischievously. He was enjoying this form of entertainment, torturing Hermione to go to the loo. Though he added under his breath, "Aside from mine?"
"Well I--HELL NO!" She forgot a moment who else was in the room. Ron was lau--Oh come on! I'm sure you already know his reaction! It's been mentioned so many times in this fic! And the memory of going to the bathroom last Friday was still clear and vivd in her mind.
"So you haven't?" Ron chirped up while gasping for air.
"NO! THAT'S REVOLTING!" Hermione nearly screamed. Ron's mouth twitched violently.
"Not even Malfoy's?"
"Oh that's gonna leave a mark!" Harry said as he eyed Hermione storming up to the boys dormitory. Ron was touching his now swollen, twitchy, black eye gingerly. "You should know better, Ron," Harry casually said, turning to look at his idiot but best mate.
"When she's pissed off, best stay away. Espescially when she has that huge Arithmancy book with her or even worse, when she's PMS'ing. For once, I pitied Malfoy when she caught him copying her Potions essay...She was scarier than Voldemort singing 'Toxic' while--"
"I HEARD THAT!"
~*~*~*~*~
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Lol, awsome update!
- Joined
- Jan 6, 2006
- Messages
- 425
that was funny!
That was a good chapter and was less traumatizing. YAY!
The last time she went to the bathroom was on a Friday?
God, who holds it in that long?
Lockheart barging into the fic*shuts him up in the insanity ward* This explains why hes in there int the first place.
God, who holds it in that long?
Lockheart barging into the fic*shuts him up in the insanity ward* This explains why hes in there int the first place.
Chapter 12: Diets and Homework Dates
Next morning before breakfast, Harry escorted Ron to the Hospital Wing, much to the exasperated groans from Madame Pomfrey. She slapped a piece of meat over Ron's black eye and then searched for a potion to reduce the swelling. The nurse left the two after giving Ron a nasty smelling dung like potion, muttering to herself, "...first enchanted chess set, then a broken leg, and then an attack in the Department of Mysteries! What's the worst that can happen!?"
"Girls?" Ron muttered as he sighed satisfyingly.
"What class do we have this morning?" Harry said, hoping to get Ron off the subject about crazy girls who had problems going to the loo.
"Herbology and Advanced DADA." Ron cheered up as he said the latter subject. Advanced DADA was the trio's favorite class. But his grin turned to a heavy look of disgust as he eyed the potion he was about to take. "You're serious?" he asked Madame Pomfrey with his eyebrows raised. The school nurse nodded firmly and retreated to her office. Pinching his nose, Ron gulped it down and made quite a face that can scare small children and people with weak hearts.
"I told you shoudn't have done that!" Harry said in annoying singsong voice, just to irk Ron. Grabbing his best friend's arm, he said, "C'mon, let's look for 'mione and get some breakfast," causing Ron to groan loudly. His idea of a peaceful breakfast usually doesn't involve a freshly pissed off Hermione and a slightly healed right eye.
They found her eating already at the Great Hall. She was talking nervously to Parvati (Lavender's still looking for a certain red headed boy) who had that dreamy look again. But as she spotted the real Harry, she pouted and moved away from Hermione.
"Mornin' 'Harry'!" Harry greeted cheerfully. He and Ron, who by the way sat at least two feet away from Hermione, began pulling all the plates of food towards them and stuffed their faces, much to the disgust of Hermione.
"Honestly guys! Pigs can eat cleaner than you!" Hermione snapped irritably. She pulled out her schedule diary from her bag and reviewed it as she mumbled out incoherent time tables. "Let's see...9:00, Arithmancy...I'll kill Harry if he fails another test..." she continued mumbling. "12 to 12:30, meeting with prefects...note to self, wring Ron's neck if he doesn't show up again...3:30, study session with--OH NO!" Harry and Ron looked up from their plates and faced her quizzically.
"What is it?" Harry asked.
"I have a-a...study session on Transfiguration with Draco at 3:30! Hope you're good at Human Tranfiguration, Harry because you're going to need it, or else!" Hermione stated as a matter of factly. Harry spat out the eggs he just inserted in his mouth and looked at her angrily.
"ANOTHER--DATE--WITH--MALFOY!?!?" he screeched. He was about to round up on Hermione when a familiar cool voice touched their ears.
"Did someone mention me?" Draco Malfoy swaggered up to their table and smirked at Harry who now instinctively paled at the very note. "Why Mya! Honey bear! Good morning to you too!" Draco said uncharacteristically cheerful. He kissed Harry at the cheek and sat down next to him. The Gryffindors chose to ignore his presence ever since he and Hermione paired up shortly after September. Draco still has the marks when the whole house heard about their unlikely relationship.
"I hope you're doing well, Mya. Everything ok? No one disgracing you with his or her presence?" Draco said snootily as he bit on to a piece of toast he got from Harry's plate.
"You are," Harry muttered irritably, but it seems Draco did not hear. Then, just for kicks, Harry put on a very sarcastic sweet voice and batted his eyelashes. "I mean, who could be more...handsome than you?" Next to Harry, Ron drank, wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and answered Harry's question in a carrying tone.
"Snape?"
With that, he recieved a whack on the head from a sensitive-at-the-moment Hermione.
"OW! What was that for?" He asked indignantly.
"For being an idiot!" Hermione snapped.
"Ok!" (A/N: Amanda show anyone?;p)
Luckily for Harry, Draco had to go back to his table saying something aout unfinished homework. Draco leaned sideways, telling Harry that he wants a kissy from his girlfriend (A/N: I think I'm gonna hurl. I just ate a doughnut!). Harry hesitated but sensing the knowing glare from Hermione, he reluctantly made to give a very short peck and be done with it. Being the suave git he is, Draco turned his head at the last second and instead of the cheek, Harry aimed at the lips.
"See you at 3:30!" Draco smoothly said. He winked rouguishly and sauntered back to the Slytherin table, leaving Harry to puke silently.
"That went well," Hermione said, watching Draco's back. "It could've been worst."
"Yeah," Ron said vaguely. Pulling out a a large paper bag from inside his robes and holding it up, he announced sunnily, "Hey, who wants a frog?"
The bag Ron dropped on to the table was filled with nothing but chocolate frogs. Ron grabbed a pack and began to stuff it in his mouth. Harry reached over for one and was about to eat it when Hermione snatched it away from him.
"Hey Hermione! I was going to eat that!" Harry indignantly said. Hermione just waved the frog on front of his nose.
"You can't eat this!" she said snappishly. Harry raised his eyebrows.
"And why not, may I ask?"
"Because it is sweet and has many calories!" Hermione said in her know-it-all voice. "I am acustomed to eat sweets twice a week!"
"And why is that?" Harry asked, making futile attempts to get back the chocolate frog. Hermione drew herself up.
"Firstly, I want to stay healthy and fit. Second, you do know that my parents are denstists and they say that it is better if I lessen on the sweets if I don't want any cavities without disrupting the rules on the food pyramid..." She went on babbling about healthy eating habits and the causes of too much sweets while Harry banged his head on the table for making her rant endlessly again. Somebody has been reading muggle health books lately...
"In a much simpler sentence than that," Ron cutted in. "She doesn't want to become fat or else Malfoy," he said the name as though it murdered his sense of taste. "Will not like her!" Upon hearing that statement, Hermione stopped talking and stared at Ron incredulously.
"Excuse me?" she huffed angrily. "You think that Malfoy likes me just because I'm not fat!?" How much more of an idiot he can become?
Outside the Great Hall, Hannah Abbot was talking to Draco Malfoy.
"How come you don't like me?" Hannah whined.
"Well," Draco scorned. "It's because one, I already have a girlfriend and two, it's because you're fat!"
Ron shrugged. "Well, I'm just trying to see it from his point of view." Hermione's eyes flashed fire.
"Well, you are so wrong Ron! Draco likes me for what I really am! Whether I am a mug--Harry!" Her tone became a warning to Harry who had tried to sneak away from the heated discussion. She held out her hand and said knowingly, "Cough it up."
Sighing defeatingly, Harry dropped his hand into his pocket and what came out with it was a handful of chocolate frogs. Apparently he tried to sneak some into his pocket. He was about to continue leaving when Hermione "ahemed" loudly. Knowing it was no use pretending any longer he got the other handful of frogs from his other pockets, inside his robes and even his socks and hopefully got away with the others.
"Harry!" Hermione said warningly, already holding up her wand. "I can 'accio' them out for you if you like!" Sitting back down on the bench frustratedly, Harry reached inside his shirt and extracted out a few packs of the familiar chocolate (a/n: use your imaginations whether it was from the top or bottom of the shirt! ;p). He decided not to face her though not before looking at her and her twitching eye. She was about to say something but Harry was spared from answering when the distant bell tolled the signal of classes. Feeling a bit red in the face, he quickly gathered Hermione's heavy bag and made his way out of the hall. With Ron grinning mischievously, the red head said loud enough for only Harry and Hermione to hear him,
"Hey Harry! Got a bit more in there?"
Hermione had enough. Just as Ron was ahead, she aimed her wand and muttered a well said spell. Now thanks to her, Ron's butt grew and swelled thrice its size. The moment it stopped "growing", the students behind them stopped and became dead silent. Using this silence to her advantage, Hermione shook her head and said loudly and clearly for everyone to hear, "Oh Ron, you were always a fat ass!"
Face camouflaging with his hair, Ron did the counter spell for the Engorgio charm and for once, shutted up while the rest of the school laughed and sniggered behind him. He too recieved a nice whack on the head from Harry. The trio fell in line for their History of Magic class and waited to enter. When they did, Hermione slipped her hand inside her robes and produced a chocolate frog as they took their usual seats at the back.
"Hermione, what are you doing?" Harry asked suspiciously as she began to unwrap it.
"Well, it has been a long time since I haven't had one of these," she said, smiling fondly at the piece of confectionery before her. She tauntingly took a bite and closed her eyes, savoring the taste.
"Hey! No fair! I want--no, need one!" Harry said angrily and reached out his hand to grabbed it but to be swatted away.
"I can't have my body to become unfit! But in your body...I can eat anything I want! Then again, chocolate craving does come with mens..." She looked thoughtful for a second then took another bite, teasing poor Harry who couldn't help but become miffed at the actions. He made a quick grab but came to the ground along with Hermione who still clutched the piece of chocolate in the midst of Professor Binns' lecture.
"Is everything alright back there?" Binns' asked wheezily. The whole class turned to the back the moment Harry and Hermione's head popped up from behind the table with nothing-is-wrong-and-we-weren't-fighting-over-a-stupid-chocolate grins and said in unison,
"Yes! Nothing is wrong, professor!"
Then without another word, Binns' raised his notes and droned on, leaving Hermione and Harry to glare at each other.
-----------
3:30 came like a blur, too fast to notice. Harry tried to make all sort of excuses such as "why can't he learn that by himself? Or is it because he can't read?" but to earn more glares from Hermione. In truth, Harry knew quite an amount about Human Tranfsfiguration having to learn them if he ever wanted to become an auror. He subconciously planned that he just teach Malfoy the spell five feet away from him and be done with it. And if he's lucky, Malfoy just might turn into a ferret again if he tries to get any closer.
Harry came back to the common room around eight o' clock, not taking notice of Ron and Hermione who were nestled on the scarlet couches against the fire. He took fast strides to the dorms with his jaws locked tightly. The moment he reached the dorm's bathroom, he brushed his teeth hard, gurgled mouthwash, flossed and spat on the lavatory. Only Hermione can assume what happened.
"Stubborn pig, isn't he?" she said, raising an eyebrow. Harry nodded, trying to force out the flashbacks he was having. Unfortunately for Harry, The Dementress will take you to a flashback!
***FLASHBACK*** (A/N: Yay! First time to do this!)
"Mya!" Draco called out on the school grounds. He was sitting with his head resting on his arms under an oak tree. That was the exact spot where Harry had spotted the unusual couple, um, "dating" without his knowledge and went on a rampage. He hesitantly sat on a spot of grass around five feet away from the blonde boy. But that action only made Malfoy inch closer to Harry who had no choice but to comply.
"Ok, Draco," Harry said hurriedly, hoping to finish in time and get over with it. He was starting to get nervous "Eh...um, Human Transfiguration...yeah...uh, Oh God..." Malfoy sneakily snaked his arm around his rival's waist and made attempts to kiss him.
"Draco, do you mind!?" Harry sounded exasperatingly, slamming his palm on the pages of the textbook. Malfoy is now trying to kiss him on the neck, which only made Harry grind his teeth harder.
"Hm? You do that, I'm busy," Malfoy muttered, still playing with the idea of giving who he thought was his girlfriend a hickey. Harry used up all of his strength and patience in trying to control his temper but too late it finally reached to the surface of his skin. He slammed the textbook on Malfoy's puckers with crosses on his head.
"Listen Draco, we are here to study! And if you try anything else, I might as well give you a demonstration on Human Transfiguration!" Harry tried to say as calmly as possible but his voice kept on rising up whether he liked it or not. This only made Malfoy chuckle lightly.
"Ok, ok! Ever the so serious when it comes to studying Mya!" Malfoy said fondly, trying to give one last kiss but found his nose being poked at with a wand.
"I mean it," Harry couldn't help but growl. Malfoy finally gave up and learned everything Harry had taught him but of course not as detailed like Hermione's usual lectures. Dusk came and Harry slipped the textbook back in his bag, stretching his body as far as possible. But as soon he stood up, he came face to face with Malfoy who wasted no time to kiss his boo (a/n: erm, I-I meant girlfriend!) "see you soon" which only lasted three seconds because Harry slowly pulled out his wand, pointed it at the back of Malfoy's platinum head and when he pushed away, Harry clearly said a spell that no one witnessed.
***END FLASHBACK***(a/n: Yay!)
Harry groaned, not only did he groan beause The Dementress just gave a flashback but because of the lasting image in his head of that "study session". Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, he followed Hermione back to the common room. Sighing deeply on front of the fire, he closed his eyes in satisfaction. Until out of nowhere, Hermione spoke up.
"Where's Draco?"
Harry's eyes opened as he struggled for an answer to explain what he had done to him. He landed on the gray area with "um"s and "er"s. Hermione immediately became suspicious and glared deathly at Harry. "What did you do?" she hissed. Harry shifted his eyes gultily which Hermione caught.
"Where is Draco?" Hermione said a bit more steadily. Harry gulped, admitting that he can't hide his crime from Hermione, especially when it's her boyfriend that's involved. Sighing, Harry got up and motioned for Hermione to follow him. She did and Ron dropped his quill and too followed out of curiousity. They were lead to the breezy grounds of the school. Hermione's anger somewhat faded as she treaded behind Harry's heels. Stopping under a tree, Harry pointed dully to a huge lump of earth next to the tree. Hermione couldn't make out the shape until Ron shouted, "Hey! A moose!"
~*~*~*~*~
A/N: IT IZ DOOOOONNEE!!!!!!! So first in all, a advanced very Merry Christmas to you all if I can't make my next chapter before Christmas! God help me that I'll get throught the next one!
*giggle*, a moose is another inside joke between me and my sister! I think I'll make a fic about it one day!
Review! I'll be awaiting them!
small update: D'oh! I forgot to change 'Enchantresses' to Dementress again! Silly me...
another "small" update: Fine, here's my "moose" story!
My sister and I were talking about a fanfic I was planning. It is in the Marauders time and then Lily goes out to the Hogwarts grounds at night and then meets James...in his stag form. So she pets it and notices that the stag is really friendly! Y'know, he nuzzles into her neck, licks her...and then Sirius comes in to the scene. So he rolls his eyes at how "friendly" the stag is. Then (here's the part we laughed!) he says,
"Nice moose you've got there!"
"It's a stag, Sirius. A very friendly moo--stag! Oh great, now you got me doing it!"
The whole story was that he purposely mistakens a stag for a moose and Lily automatically corrects him.
And then we insert that James go "hoooonk!" Well, think Princess Diaries 2 when the hairdresser guy goes, "but a very cute moose! Makes all the boy moose go 'hooonk'!" (I love that movie! ROFLMAO!)
So then when Lily is about to go back inside the castle (James whines) and then Sirius pats the stag on the rear end on what he thinks was comforting.
"Don't worry Evans! I'll take care of your moose here!"
"A stag, Sirius! A stag!"
I guess that's it. Our sense of humor can get very weird sometimes! Watch out for that future fic! I got the plans in my head! This was just a teaser.
Fine! It'll take some time till I update! I'm sorta banned from using my computer (it's really late at night that I'm typing this) because of some...things. I'm so sorry! But good thing I know how to talk my way out of things. I'll find a way! Don't worry!
Next morning before breakfast, Harry escorted Ron to the Hospital Wing, much to the exasperated groans from Madame Pomfrey. She slapped a piece of meat over Ron's black eye and then searched for a potion to reduce the swelling. The nurse left the two after giving Ron a nasty smelling dung like potion, muttering to herself, "...first enchanted chess set, then a broken leg, and then an attack in the Department of Mysteries! What's the worst that can happen!?"
"Girls?" Ron muttered as he sighed satisfyingly.
"What class do we have this morning?" Harry said, hoping to get Ron off the subject about crazy girls who had problems going to the loo.
"Herbology and Advanced DADA." Ron cheered up as he said the latter subject. Advanced DADA was the trio's favorite class. But his grin turned to a heavy look of disgust as he eyed the potion he was about to take. "You're serious?" he asked Madame Pomfrey with his eyebrows raised. The school nurse nodded firmly and retreated to her office. Pinching his nose, Ron gulped it down and made quite a face that can scare small children and people with weak hearts.
"I told you shoudn't have done that!" Harry said in annoying singsong voice, just to irk Ron. Grabbing his best friend's arm, he said, "C'mon, let's look for 'mione and get some breakfast," causing Ron to groan loudly. His idea of a peaceful breakfast usually doesn't involve a freshly pissed off Hermione and a slightly healed right eye.
They found her eating already at the Great Hall. She was talking nervously to Parvati (Lavender's still looking for a certain red headed boy) who had that dreamy look again. But as she spotted the real Harry, she pouted and moved away from Hermione.
"Mornin' 'Harry'!" Harry greeted cheerfully. He and Ron, who by the way sat at least two feet away from Hermione, began pulling all the plates of food towards them and stuffed their faces, much to the disgust of Hermione.
"Honestly guys! Pigs can eat cleaner than you!" Hermione snapped irritably. She pulled out her schedule diary from her bag and reviewed it as she mumbled out incoherent time tables. "Let's see...9:00, Arithmancy...I'll kill Harry if he fails another test..." she continued mumbling. "12 to 12:30, meeting with prefects...note to self, wring Ron's neck if he doesn't show up again...3:30, study session with--OH NO!" Harry and Ron looked up from their plates and faced her quizzically.
"What is it?" Harry asked.
"I have a-a...study session on Transfiguration with Draco at 3:30! Hope you're good at Human Tranfiguration, Harry because you're going to need it, or else!" Hermione stated as a matter of factly. Harry spat out the eggs he just inserted in his mouth and looked at her angrily.
"ANOTHER--DATE--WITH--MALFOY!?!?" he screeched. He was about to round up on Hermione when a familiar cool voice touched their ears.
"Did someone mention me?" Draco Malfoy swaggered up to their table and smirked at Harry who now instinctively paled at the very note. "Why Mya! Honey bear! Good morning to you too!" Draco said uncharacteristically cheerful. He kissed Harry at the cheek and sat down next to him. The Gryffindors chose to ignore his presence ever since he and Hermione paired up shortly after September. Draco still has the marks when the whole house heard about their unlikely relationship.
"I hope you're doing well, Mya. Everything ok? No one disgracing you with his or her presence?" Draco said snootily as he bit on to a piece of toast he got from Harry's plate.
"You are," Harry muttered irritably, but it seems Draco did not hear. Then, just for kicks, Harry put on a very sarcastic sweet voice and batted his eyelashes. "I mean, who could be more...handsome than you?" Next to Harry, Ron drank, wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and answered Harry's question in a carrying tone.
"Snape?"
With that, he recieved a whack on the head from a sensitive-at-the-moment Hermione.
"OW! What was that for?" He asked indignantly.
"For being an idiot!" Hermione snapped.
"Ok!" (A/N: Amanda show anyone?;p)
Luckily for Harry, Draco had to go back to his table saying something aout unfinished homework. Draco leaned sideways, telling Harry that he wants a kissy from his girlfriend (A/N: I think I'm gonna hurl. I just ate a doughnut!). Harry hesitated but sensing the knowing glare from Hermione, he reluctantly made to give a very short peck and be done with it. Being the suave git he is, Draco turned his head at the last second and instead of the cheek, Harry aimed at the lips.
"See you at 3:30!" Draco smoothly said. He winked rouguishly and sauntered back to the Slytherin table, leaving Harry to puke silently.
"That went well," Hermione said, watching Draco's back. "It could've been worst."
"Yeah," Ron said vaguely. Pulling out a a large paper bag from inside his robes and holding it up, he announced sunnily, "Hey, who wants a frog?"
The bag Ron dropped on to the table was filled with nothing but chocolate frogs. Ron grabbed a pack and began to stuff it in his mouth. Harry reached over for one and was about to eat it when Hermione snatched it away from him.
"Hey Hermione! I was going to eat that!" Harry indignantly said. Hermione just waved the frog on front of his nose.
"You can't eat this!" she said snappishly. Harry raised his eyebrows.
"And why not, may I ask?"
"Because it is sweet and has many calories!" Hermione said in her know-it-all voice. "I am acustomed to eat sweets twice a week!"
"And why is that?" Harry asked, making futile attempts to get back the chocolate frog. Hermione drew herself up.
"Firstly, I want to stay healthy and fit. Second, you do know that my parents are denstists and they say that it is better if I lessen on the sweets if I don't want any cavities without disrupting the rules on the food pyramid..." She went on babbling about healthy eating habits and the causes of too much sweets while Harry banged his head on the table for making her rant endlessly again. Somebody has been reading muggle health books lately...
"In a much simpler sentence than that," Ron cutted in. "She doesn't want to become fat or else Malfoy," he said the name as though it murdered his sense of taste. "Will not like her!" Upon hearing that statement, Hermione stopped talking and stared at Ron incredulously.
"Excuse me?" she huffed angrily. "You think that Malfoy likes me just because I'm not fat!?" How much more of an idiot he can become?
Outside the Great Hall, Hannah Abbot was talking to Draco Malfoy.
"How come you don't like me?" Hannah whined.
"Well," Draco scorned. "It's because one, I already have a girlfriend and two, it's because you're fat!"
Ron shrugged. "Well, I'm just trying to see it from his point of view." Hermione's eyes flashed fire.
"Well, you are so wrong Ron! Draco likes me for what I really am! Whether I am a mug--Harry!" Her tone became a warning to Harry who had tried to sneak away from the heated discussion. She held out her hand and said knowingly, "Cough it up."
Sighing defeatingly, Harry dropped his hand into his pocket and what came out with it was a handful of chocolate frogs. Apparently he tried to sneak some into his pocket. He was about to continue leaving when Hermione "ahemed" loudly. Knowing it was no use pretending any longer he got the other handful of frogs from his other pockets, inside his robes and even his socks and hopefully got away with the others.
"Harry!" Hermione said warningly, already holding up her wand. "I can 'accio' them out for you if you like!" Sitting back down on the bench frustratedly, Harry reached inside his shirt and extracted out a few packs of the familiar chocolate (a/n: use your imaginations whether it was from the top or bottom of the shirt! ;p). He decided not to face her though not before looking at her and her twitching eye. She was about to say something but Harry was spared from answering when the distant bell tolled the signal of classes. Feeling a bit red in the face, he quickly gathered Hermione's heavy bag and made his way out of the hall. With Ron grinning mischievously, the red head said loud enough for only Harry and Hermione to hear him,
"Hey Harry! Got a bit more in there?"
Hermione had enough. Just as Ron was ahead, she aimed her wand and muttered a well said spell. Now thanks to her, Ron's butt grew and swelled thrice its size. The moment it stopped "growing", the students behind them stopped and became dead silent. Using this silence to her advantage, Hermione shook her head and said loudly and clearly for everyone to hear, "Oh Ron, you were always a fat ass!"
Face camouflaging with his hair, Ron did the counter spell for the Engorgio charm and for once, shutted up while the rest of the school laughed and sniggered behind him. He too recieved a nice whack on the head from Harry. The trio fell in line for their History of Magic class and waited to enter. When they did, Hermione slipped her hand inside her robes and produced a chocolate frog as they took their usual seats at the back.
"Hermione, what are you doing?" Harry asked suspiciously as she began to unwrap it.
"Well, it has been a long time since I haven't had one of these," she said, smiling fondly at the piece of confectionery before her. She tauntingly took a bite and closed her eyes, savoring the taste.
"Hey! No fair! I want--no, need one!" Harry said angrily and reached out his hand to grabbed it but to be swatted away.
"I can't have my body to become unfit! But in your body...I can eat anything I want! Then again, chocolate craving does come with mens..." She looked thoughtful for a second then took another bite, teasing poor Harry who couldn't help but become miffed at the actions. He made a quick grab but came to the ground along with Hermione who still clutched the piece of chocolate in the midst of Professor Binns' lecture.
"Is everything alright back there?" Binns' asked wheezily. The whole class turned to the back the moment Harry and Hermione's head popped up from behind the table with nothing-is-wrong-and-we-weren't-fighting-over-a-stupid-chocolate grins and said in unison,
"Yes! Nothing is wrong, professor!"
Then without another word, Binns' raised his notes and droned on, leaving Hermione and Harry to glare at each other.
-----------
3:30 came like a blur, too fast to notice. Harry tried to make all sort of excuses such as "why can't he learn that by himself? Or is it because he can't read?" but to earn more glares from Hermione. In truth, Harry knew quite an amount about Human Tranfsfiguration having to learn them if he ever wanted to become an auror. He subconciously planned that he just teach Malfoy the spell five feet away from him and be done with it. And if he's lucky, Malfoy just might turn into a ferret again if he tries to get any closer.
Harry came back to the common room around eight o' clock, not taking notice of Ron and Hermione who were nestled on the scarlet couches against the fire. He took fast strides to the dorms with his jaws locked tightly. The moment he reached the dorm's bathroom, he brushed his teeth hard, gurgled mouthwash, flossed and spat on the lavatory. Only Hermione can assume what happened.
"Stubborn pig, isn't he?" she said, raising an eyebrow. Harry nodded, trying to force out the flashbacks he was having. Unfortunately for Harry, The Dementress will take you to a flashback!
***FLASHBACK*** (A/N: Yay! First time to do this!)
"Mya!" Draco called out on the school grounds. He was sitting with his head resting on his arms under an oak tree. That was the exact spot where Harry had spotted the unusual couple, um, "dating" without his knowledge and went on a rampage. He hesitantly sat on a spot of grass around five feet away from the blonde boy. But that action only made Malfoy inch closer to Harry who had no choice but to comply.
"Ok, Draco," Harry said hurriedly, hoping to finish in time and get over with it. He was starting to get nervous "Eh...um, Human Transfiguration...yeah...uh, Oh God..." Malfoy sneakily snaked his arm around his rival's waist and made attempts to kiss him.
"Draco, do you mind!?" Harry sounded exasperatingly, slamming his palm on the pages of the textbook. Malfoy is now trying to kiss him on the neck, which only made Harry grind his teeth harder.
"Hm? You do that, I'm busy," Malfoy muttered, still playing with the idea of giving who he thought was his girlfriend a hickey. Harry used up all of his strength and patience in trying to control his temper but too late it finally reached to the surface of his skin. He slammed the textbook on Malfoy's puckers with crosses on his head.
"Listen Draco, we are here to study! And if you try anything else, I might as well give you a demonstration on Human Transfiguration!" Harry tried to say as calmly as possible but his voice kept on rising up whether he liked it or not. This only made Malfoy chuckle lightly.
"Ok, ok! Ever the so serious when it comes to studying Mya!" Malfoy said fondly, trying to give one last kiss but found his nose being poked at with a wand.
"I mean it," Harry couldn't help but growl. Malfoy finally gave up and learned everything Harry had taught him but of course not as detailed like Hermione's usual lectures. Dusk came and Harry slipped the textbook back in his bag, stretching his body as far as possible. But as soon he stood up, he came face to face with Malfoy who wasted no time to kiss his boo (a/n: erm, I-I meant girlfriend!) "see you soon" which only lasted three seconds because Harry slowly pulled out his wand, pointed it at the back of Malfoy's platinum head and when he pushed away, Harry clearly said a spell that no one witnessed.
***END FLASHBACK***(a/n: Yay!)
Harry groaned, not only did he groan beause The Dementress just gave a flashback but because of the lasting image in his head of that "study session". Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, he followed Hermione back to the common room. Sighing deeply on front of the fire, he closed his eyes in satisfaction. Until out of nowhere, Hermione spoke up.
"Where's Draco?"
Harry's eyes opened as he struggled for an answer to explain what he had done to him. He landed on the gray area with "um"s and "er"s. Hermione immediately became suspicious and glared deathly at Harry. "What did you do?" she hissed. Harry shifted his eyes gultily which Hermione caught.
"Where is Draco?" Hermione said a bit more steadily. Harry gulped, admitting that he can't hide his crime from Hermione, especially when it's her boyfriend that's involved. Sighing, Harry got up and motioned for Hermione to follow him. She did and Ron dropped his quill and too followed out of curiousity. They were lead to the breezy grounds of the school. Hermione's anger somewhat faded as she treaded behind Harry's heels. Stopping under a tree, Harry pointed dully to a huge lump of earth next to the tree. Hermione couldn't make out the shape until Ron shouted, "Hey! A moose!"
~*~*~*~*~
A/N: IT IZ DOOOOONNEE!!!!!!! So first in all, a advanced very Merry Christmas to you all if I can't make my next chapter before Christmas! God help me that I'll get throught the next one!
*giggle*, a moose is another inside joke between me and my sister! I think I'll make a fic about it one day!
Review! I'll be awaiting them!
small update: D'oh! I forgot to change 'Enchantresses' to Dementress again! Silly me...
another "small" update: Fine, here's my "moose" story!
My sister and I were talking about a fanfic I was planning. It is in the Marauders time and then Lily goes out to the Hogwarts grounds at night and then meets James...in his stag form. So she pets it and notices that the stag is really friendly! Y'know, he nuzzles into her neck, licks her...and then Sirius comes in to the scene. So he rolls his eyes at how "friendly" the stag is. Then (here's the part we laughed!) he says,
"Nice moose you've got there!"
"It's a stag, Sirius. A very friendly moo--stag! Oh great, now you got me doing it!"
The whole story was that he purposely mistakens a stag for a moose and Lily automatically corrects him.
And then we insert that James go "hoooonk!" Well, think Princess Diaries 2 when the hairdresser guy goes, "but a very cute moose! Makes all the boy moose go 'hooonk'!" (I love that movie! ROFLMAO!)
So then when Lily is about to go back inside the castle (James whines) and then Sirius pats the stag on the rear end on what he thinks was comforting.
"Don't worry Evans! I'll take care of your moose here!"
"A stag, Sirius! A stag!"
I guess that's it. Our sense of humor can get very weird sometimes! Watch out for that future fic! I got the plans in my head! This was just a teaser.
Fine! It'll take some time till I update! I'm sorta banned from using my computer (it's really late at night that I'm typing this) because of some...things. I'm so sorry! But good thing I know how to talk my way out of things. I'll find a way! Don't worry!
- Joined
- Jan 6, 2006
- Messages
- 425
That was so funny!
That was hilarious!!!!
14. Just ONE more TORTUROUS day to go...
Hermione jerked to conciousness, feeling drenched to the bone with something cold, wet and sticky. She came face to face with none other than the annoying master himself....Peeves.
"Morning Potty! Had a nice sleep?" the Poltergeist cheerfully and creepily greeted. Hermione groaned and sat up, making a note of the stuff she was swimming in.
"Peeves!" she yelled, apparently revolted at the sight of herself. "What did you do!? And what is this stuff!?" She held up her hands and tried to shake off some of the dark yellow gunk. Peeves only cackled loudly, did an air somesault, and made a face that angered Hermione more.
"Do you know," Peeves began in what he thought was a 'for-your-information' tone. "What the Giant Squid eats? Because this looks to be the...remains of its meal!" he cackled evilly, flew out through the wall and out of sight.
Hermione's jaw dropped at the slop she was swathed in. She got out of bed quickly and ran for the bathroom, where Ron came out just in time fresh from the showers. He took one look at Hermione and assumed simply,
"You too, huh?" Hermione literaly jumped under the running water and started rubbing herself furiously with soap and shampoo. Ron was leaning outside the door, drying his hair with a red and gold towel. "How do you think he did that?" Ron called out. "Going into the lake and getting hold of that...stuff?" He walked over to his bed, pointed his wand and said, 'Scourgify!' His bed and Harry's were clean and dry, although the red head scowled heavily.
"Ok," he said aloud. "My bed is going to smell like squid dung for the rest of the semester. The common room sofa is mine!"
~*~*~*~*~
When Hermione and Ron sat down for their morning meal, Harry was having a pleasant one himself of kippers and porridge. The three laughed and enjoyed their so far, so good normal breakfast....that is until--
"AAAARRRGGHHHHH!!! POTTER!!!"
The whole school stopped their morning activities and looked up at the doors to the Entrance Hall. Here Snape burst into the Hall not in his robes but in a tube top and a mini skirt with his face made up and his now blonde hair in a ponytail (a/n: *curls up and shivers in horror*). The only way the students distinguished him as their Potions master was because of his huge familiar nose. Snape pointed a shaking threatening finger at Hermione, looking absolutely livid and at the same time strange (a/n: 'strange' might be the wrong word here...) in his ensemble.
"Spit it out, Potter! I know you did this! YOU DID THIS!!!" Hermione, who was close to tears suddenly looked confused but calm.
"You have no proof that this was done by me, professor," Hermione said calmly and tried to shove down the laughter that was bubbling up her throat. Snape was breathing deeply and his fists were balled up tightly. And for the first time, Ron wasn't laughing or sniggering with the other students but he was on the floor, hugging his knees and rocking back and forth, muttering to himself. Apparently, he was highly disturbed by the sight of Snape in...well...not in his robes. Then for some reason, Snape eyed her pocket and in one quick flash his hand darted inside her pocket and came out with what looked like...a tube of lipstick.
"Oh really?" he sneered venomously. "Then what is this!?" Hermione continued to stare at him.
"That's not mine, professor," she protested calmly. And she was about to say more when Snape shrieked;
"150 points from Gryffindor and three months of detention every single night!" With this, Headmaster Dumbledore stood up from his table. He has been watching the proceedings with humor.
"That's enough, Severus," Dumbledore stated casually. He then turned to Hermione. "Mister Potter, you will only take a month's worth of detention." Snape was about to protest when he was cut off by Albus. "Severus, why don't you get yourself...ahem, cleaned up." After shaking in his spot, glaring at every individual in the Hall, Snape turned his heel and marched to the dungeons. The moment the huge oak doors closed with a snap, Hogwarts, once before silenced by the presence of Snape, erupted into gales of laughter as Hermione stood on the table and took a bow several times before returning to her seat.
"Harry, that was great!" Harry said, so did the rest of his fellow batchmates. Once the noises and pats on the back died down, they all settled down. Although Harry realized something he hadn't before.
"Wait a minute...a months worth of detention...'Mione! You gave ME a month's worth of detention!" he hissed angrily. Hermione merely smiled.
"I know! That's the beauty of it. I get my revenge on Snape and at the same time...you!" she said, clearly unfazed. "You know what they say, revenge is a dish best served when hot!" Harry's eyes widened in horror. Knowing Snape, a practical joke like this could result to enternity of insanity. He wanted to wring her neck right there but the Headmaster stood up again.
"Seventh years who are having Potions in the morning," Dumbledore announced. "You may take the period as your free time, as to avoid the...uncontrollable wrath of your Potions professor." The moment he said 'free time', seventh year Gryffindors and Slytherin gave out cries of joy.
"This is cause for a celebration, right guys?" Dean said out loud as they exited the Great Hall. "Seamus' getting the food from the kitchens." But at that moment, Harry was already planning his sweet revenge. Although the moment the trio entered the common room, they were welcomed by two very well known girls.
"Harry! What a lovely surprise! We were just like talking about you!" Parvati said excitedly. She and Lavender jumped up from the couch they were lounging on awhile ago. Hermione gulped as they drew nearer.
"Harry," Lavender began. "We were just like wondering, with whom do you want to go out with to Hogsmeade? Parvati or I?" The two girls stared at Hermione expectantly, waiting for an answer.
Neither of you! Hermione thought. "Well...gee, I um..." she stuttered. Then without warning, the common room turned into a dating game TV show studio complete with blinking lights, pink hearts background and game show music. Lockhart jumped unexpectedly on to the stage wearing a lilac suit and a cheesy game show host/car salesman grin and wink combination.
"Hello and good evening!" Lockhart boomed proudly on a microphone. "And welcome to Gilderoy's 'Who do you want to go to Hogsmeade with!?' Where we can find a pefect date for you! That's right! For you!" He pointed to no one in particular. "And introducing our very lucky contestant here, he is the Boy-who-lived...Harry Potter!!!" In the next second, Hermione found herself under the glare of the lights and propped on a pink stool.
"What the--"
"And," Lockhart continued proudly. "Bachelorette number 1! She loves animals, long hot bubble baths, and sushi! Heeere's Lavender Brown!!!" Lavender appeared with a 'POP!' on the stool, crosslegged and winking and waving.
"Bachelorette number 2! She likes long walks on the beach, candlelit dinners and Jell-O! Give it up for Parvati Patil!!!" Parvati waved as she did the 'call-me' gesture.
"And last but defitnitely not the least! Bachelorette number 3! She likes to kick my sorry butt for...entering into her fic...again..." Lockhart's game show host tone turned into a high pitched squeak when he read the card and looked at the person sitting on the third stool. The Dementress had her arms crossed and a never subsiding death glare. Lockhart cleared his throat loudly and tossed the card over his shoulder, looking highly uncomfortable and loosened his collar. "Ok! That was our show! Hope you enjoyed! We'll see you all next week! Good night everyone!" After emitting a high pitch scream, he ran around the Gryffindor common room with The Dementress on his path (Ron went over to the sound system and switched the game show music to chasing music) while the expensive pink hearts background collapsed on its back. (*chasing music still plays on background*) And that costed 750 galleons....
"I'm sorry! Don't eat me! I'll go back to St. Mungo's! I will!!!"
"You and your freakin' cameos! I swear I will stomp your sorry a--"
Harry, Hermione, Ron, Lavender and Parvati can only stare at the scary display of my temper. They watched as The Dementress stopped running and placed Lockhart in a box with a mere thought and then shipped him off to The Philippines (a/n: waitaminute! I live there!)...ok then to Mongolia (a/n: and if that doesn't work, to Jupiter then). She disappeared and the characters that were left were just standing there.
"Ahem, ok..." Ron started. Hermione just shook her head and pushed the two out of the common room to avoid any more conversations with Parvati and Lavender and unnatural happenings with the author.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Hermione jerked to conciousness, feeling drenched to the bone with something cold, wet and sticky. She came face to face with none other than the annoying master himself....Peeves.
"Morning Potty! Had a nice sleep?" the Poltergeist cheerfully and creepily greeted. Hermione groaned and sat up, making a note of the stuff she was swimming in.
"Peeves!" she yelled, apparently revolted at the sight of herself. "What did you do!? And what is this stuff!?" She held up her hands and tried to shake off some of the dark yellow gunk. Peeves only cackled loudly, did an air somesault, and made a face that angered Hermione more.
"Do you know," Peeves began in what he thought was a 'for-your-information' tone. "What the Giant Squid eats? Because this looks to be the...remains of its meal!" he cackled evilly, flew out through the wall and out of sight.
Hermione's jaw dropped at the slop she was swathed in. She got out of bed quickly and ran for the bathroom, where Ron came out just in time fresh from the showers. He took one look at Hermione and assumed simply,
"You too, huh?" Hermione literaly jumped under the running water and started rubbing herself furiously with soap and shampoo. Ron was leaning outside the door, drying his hair with a red and gold towel. "How do you think he did that?" Ron called out. "Going into the lake and getting hold of that...stuff?" He walked over to his bed, pointed his wand and said, 'Scourgify!' His bed and Harry's were clean and dry, although the red head scowled heavily.
"Ok," he said aloud. "My bed is going to smell like squid dung for the rest of the semester. The common room sofa is mine!"
~*~*~*~*~
When Hermione and Ron sat down for their morning meal, Harry was having a pleasant one himself of kippers and porridge. The three laughed and enjoyed their so far, so good normal breakfast....that is until--
"AAAARRRGGHHHHH!!! POTTER!!!"
The whole school stopped their morning activities and looked up at the doors to the Entrance Hall. Here Snape burst into the Hall not in his robes but in a tube top and a mini skirt with his face made up and his now blonde hair in a ponytail (a/n: *curls up and shivers in horror*). The only way the students distinguished him as their Potions master was because of his huge familiar nose. Snape pointed a shaking threatening finger at Hermione, looking absolutely livid and at the same time strange (a/n: 'strange' might be the wrong word here...) in his ensemble.
"Spit it out, Potter! I know you did this! YOU DID THIS!!!" Hermione, who was close to tears suddenly looked confused but calm.
"You have no proof that this was done by me, professor," Hermione said calmly and tried to shove down the laughter that was bubbling up her throat. Snape was breathing deeply and his fists were balled up tightly. And for the first time, Ron wasn't laughing or sniggering with the other students but he was on the floor, hugging his knees and rocking back and forth, muttering to himself. Apparently, he was highly disturbed by the sight of Snape in...well...not in his robes. Then for some reason, Snape eyed her pocket and in one quick flash his hand darted inside her pocket and came out with what looked like...a tube of lipstick.
"Oh really?" he sneered venomously. "Then what is this!?" Hermione continued to stare at him.
"That's not mine, professor," she protested calmly. And she was about to say more when Snape shrieked;
"150 points from Gryffindor and three months of detention every single night!" With this, Headmaster Dumbledore stood up from his table. He has been watching the proceedings with humor.
"That's enough, Severus," Dumbledore stated casually. He then turned to Hermione. "Mister Potter, you will only take a month's worth of detention." Snape was about to protest when he was cut off by Albus. "Severus, why don't you get yourself...ahem, cleaned up." After shaking in his spot, glaring at every individual in the Hall, Snape turned his heel and marched to the dungeons. The moment the huge oak doors closed with a snap, Hogwarts, once before silenced by the presence of Snape, erupted into gales of laughter as Hermione stood on the table and took a bow several times before returning to her seat.
"Harry, that was great!" Harry said, so did the rest of his fellow batchmates. Once the noises and pats on the back died down, they all settled down. Although Harry realized something he hadn't before.
"Wait a minute...a months worth of detention...'Mione! You gave ME a month's worth of detention!" he hissed angrily. Hermione merely smiled.
"I know! That's the beauty of it. I get my revenge on Snape and at the same time...you!" she said, clearly unfazed. "You know what they say, revenge is a dish best served when hot!" Harry's eyes widened in horror. Knowing Snape, a practical joke like this could result to enternity of insanity. He wanted to wring her neck right there but the Headmaster stood up again.
"Seventh years who are having Potions in the morning," Dumbledore announced. "You may take the period as your free time, as to avoid the...uncontrollable wrath of your Potions professor." The moment he said 'free time', seventh year Gryffindors and Slytherin gave out cries of joy.
"This is cause for a celebration, right guys?" Dean said out loud as they exited the Great Hall. "Seamus' getting the food from the kitchens." But at that moment, Harry was already planning his sweet revenge. Although the moment the trio entered the common room, they were welcomed by two very well known girls.
"Harry! What a lovely surprise! We were just like talking about you!" Parvati said excitedly. She and Lavender jumped up from the couch they were lounging on awhile ago. Hermione gulped as they drew nearer.
"Harry," Lavender began. "We were just like wondering, with whom do you want to go out with to Hogsmeade? Parvati or I?" The two girls stared at Hermione expectantly, waiting for an answer.
Neither of you! Hermione thought. "Well...gee, I um..." she stuttered. Then without warning, the common room turned into a dating game TV show studio complete with blinking lights, pink hearts background and game show music. Lockhart jumped unexpectedly on to the stage wearing a lilac suit and a cheesy game show host/car salesman grin and wink combination.
"Hello and good evening!" Lockhart boomed proudly on a microphone. "And welcome to Gilderoy's 'Who do you want to go to Hogsmeade with!?' Where we can find a pefect date for you! That's right! For you!" He pointed to no one in particular. "And introducing our very lucky contestant here, he is the Boy-who-lived...Harry Potter!!!" In the next second, Hermione found herself under the glare of the lights and propped on a pink stool.
"What the--"
"And," Lockhart continued proudly. "Bachelorette number 1! She loves animals, long hot bubble baths, and sushi! Heeere's Lavender Brown!!!" Lavender appeared with a 'POP!' on the stool, crosslegged and winking and waving.
"Bachelorette number 2! She likes long walks on the beach, candlelit dinners and Jell-O! Give it up for Parvati Patil!!!" Parvati waved as she did the 'call-me' gesture.
"And last but defitnitely not the least! Bachelorette number 3! She likes to kick my sorry butt for...entering into her fic...again..." Lockhart's game show host tone turned into a high pitched squeak when he read the card and looked at the person sitting on the third stool. The Dementress had her arms crossed and a never subsiding death glare. Lockhart cleared his throat loudly and tossed the card over his shoulder, looking highly uncomfortable and loosened his collar. "Ok! That was our show! Hope you enjoyed! We'll see you all next week! Good night everyone!" After emitting a high pitch scream, he ran around the Gryffindor common room with The Dementress on his path (Ron went over to the sound system and switched the game show music to chasing music) while the expensive pink hearts background collapsed on its back. (*chasing music still plays on background*) And that costed 750 galleons....
"I'm sorry! Don't eat me! I'll go back to St. Mungo's! I will!!!"
"You and your freakin' cameos! I swear I will stomp your sorry a--"
Harry, Hermione, Ron, Lavender and Parvati can only stare at the scary display of my temper. They watched as The Dementress stopped running and placed Lockhart in a box with a mere thought and then shipped him off to The Philippines (a/n: waitaminute! I live there!)...ok then to Mongolia (a/n: and if that doesn't work, to Jupiter then). She disappeared and the characters that were left were just standing there.
"Ahem, ok..." Ron started. Hermione just shook her head and pushed the two out of the common room to avoid any more conversations with Parvati and Lavender and unnatural happenings with the author.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
You live in the Philippines? That's pretty cool.
I know it's a little soon to be demanding an update, but...well... Update! That last chapter was hilarious.
I know it's a little soon to be demanding an update, but...well... Update! That last chapter was hilarious.
OMFG that was awesome!!
But since you said that the name of the chapter was one LAST day of tortue, does this mean the next chapter will be the final one?
But since you said that the name of the chapter was one LAST day of tortue, does this mean the next chapter will be the final one?
no, i don't live in the Philipines. My mom once lived there about 32 years ago. She moved away to come here to America when she was 8. I live in California and born from California
Chapter 15: Harry Potter and His Sweet (and Wet...) Revenge and Uncontrollable Angsty Attitude on a Certain Potions Master (Don't worry, the fic is not as long as the title)
The moment they got out of Lavender and Parvati's range of 'perkiness', Hermione emitted a sigh of relief. Ron and Harry all seemed to be pleased about leaving the common room for now... that is until Hermione suggested using the rest of their Potions period for studying.
"Why don't we take this time to study for our N.E.W.T.s? After all, it is getting near. Only four months away! Can you believe how fast time is going?" Hermione was exclaiming wildly, dragging both Harry and Ron to the library even before the two could think of getting away. After passing Madam Pince (who, by the way, has now two stubby horns protruding from her hair), they settled in Hermione's usual corner with a pile of books concerning different subjects. As Hermione concentrated on a particular book, Harry and Ron were staring on the same spot for ten minutes already. Harry heaved a sigh as he read the word water over and over again. But as he read that word for the 89th time, he remembered the revenge he was supposed to take on Hermione. Then out of the blue, he recalled the time when Dudley did that trick to him on April fools day that caused him to be banished to his room by his uncle. Grinning evilly, his mind wheels were in motion. He starts on lunch time... (Insert suspense music)
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"C'mon mate, I'm starving!" Ron was complaining. Harry and Hermione rushed after Ron to the Great Hall after an exhausting Herbology class. They were about to enter the Hall when Draco Malfoy caught up with Harry by running towards him (puts moment in slow mo and inserts 'in love' music).
"Mya, Baby cakes! I haven't caught up with you this morning!" Draco greeted heartily ('in love' music ends with a screech) as he put his arm around Harry's waist who tried to hide his groan with a small cough. Although Ron was too busy sniffing the food that was wafting around the room to notice that his best mate is being tortured again.
"Hello, Draco, dear!" Harry played along sarcastically with his teeth clenched and Hermione supervising him to make sure he doesn't give out. "What a wonderful time to brighten up my day!" He would have been telling the truth if 'brighten up' meant adding something else more annoying to his day of looking forward to a month's worth of detention with Professor Snot...I mean Snape. Draco smiled and gave Harry a wet one before parting to their respective tables. Harry was seething while Hermione tried to hold him back from jumping on Draco and pounding him to the size of a banana loaf.
"Harry! No you can't! You'll give me away!
"...and I'll replace his spinal cord with a weenie, oh yes I will..."
After struggling against with his own body strength, Harry finally settled down. During his meal, he began to plant his revenge. While Hermione and Ron were conversing with each other, Harry slipped out a small vial from his robes of the Sleeping Draught he sneaked from the Potions dungeon. Whispering 'Wingardium Leviosa', he levitated the open vial then banished it to the teacher's table, right above Snape's goblet, who was busy talking to Professor McGonagall. Harry gave his wand a little jerk and the contents of the vial spilled on Snape's drink. He then joined his best friend in their conversation as though nothing happened.
As soon Snape finished his lunch, he stood up, swaying a little as he staggered back to his office. Harry smiled as he eyed the Potions Master looking droopy and rather sleepy. He disappeared to the dungeons, yawning and rubbing his black eyes. Harry waited for a few minutes before pretending that he forgot something in the Common room and excused himself from the table. He looked around cautiously before stalking silently to Snape's office. When he was outside the office, he pressed his ear to the wooden door and listened. He heard snores coming from his potions master. Again, he waited before he entered the cold room. Twisting the knob, he peeked inside. There Professor Snape was sleeping on his table, face down, one arm outstretched and the other under his head.
"This will be the best one yet!" Harry muttered as he pulled a jar of water from his pocket. Grinning evilly, he unscrewed the lid, laid the bottle on the desk and replaced the lid back inside his pocket. He slowly and carefully lifted Snape's outstretched hand and placed it inside the jar of water, soaking his claw like fingers. Then, to add the icing on the cake, he displayed a yellow card on front of the jar with neat cursive writings on it before snickering as he tiptoed out of the cold, damp room.
~*~*~*~*~*~*
Harry, Hermione, and Ron emerged grinning from the greenhouses covered in head to toe with dirt and reeking of fertilizer. Their "little fight" during classes each earned an additional pile of homework. The trios were laughing all the way up to the common room to wash up before a familiar Hufflepuff boy ran towards them, panting and looking quite worried.
"What's up, Ernie?" Hermione said.
"I-It's Professor Snape," Ernie McMillan panted. "He looks like...like...like he's ready to kill!" The three raised their eyebrows. "Yeah, and word has it on the hallways that he's looking..." he turned his horrific glance to Harry, "...for you!" Ron and Hermione turned their confused attention to Harry who pretended to look just as confused as they were. At that very exact moment, a familiar chilling voice hissed throughout the hallway, nearly wetting Ron and a few other boys that were present.
"Granger!!!!"
Everyone froze on their tracks as Professor Snape came charging straight to Harry. He towered lividly over Harry who remained calm, then bowed his head to examine his "work" and sniggered. Snape has the image of a person who
just had a "little accident".
"Do you know what you have done, Granger!?" Snape snarled in Harry's face, his long greasy hair jerking around his face. He was waving a familiar yellow card around.
"Um, killed your poodle, sir?" Harry said politely as possible.
"Oh really!? Then what is this!?" Snape shoved the card he was holding to Harry's eyes who backed away to read the text. Harry read aloud:
Happiness is like peeing in your pants,
Everyone can see it,
But only you can feel its warmth.
Good day,
HG
The people present at the very corridor tried to control them from bursting themselves up as the Potions Master shook violently as his fists were curled tightly into a ball. His face began to tighten like a balloon and his eyes were slowly bulging. Snape reminded Harry very much of Uncle Vernon, except that Snape does not have the figure of a pig.
"First we have Potter here! Now Granger!? What is this?
Embarrass-the-professor-to-hell day!?" Being the multitalented teacher, he was able to spray and say it at the same time. Harry knew that he was mentally stating different
punishments such as cleaning out every cauldron in the castle, being hanged by the thumbs, being fed to a herd of skrewts and lock her inside a room full pink bunnies, cotton candy clouds and little elves singing happy songs. The worst were scrubbing the castle squeaky clean with a teaspoon and using his homework as toilet paper. Fortunately, he was interrupted by professor McGonagall before he can think of anymore dastardly sick punishments he could give out.
"Severus, enough! What is going on here?" the strict Transfiguration teacher snapped. "And my goodness, why are your pants wet?" Snape made a noise that indicated exasperation before stomping off to his office, taking away house points left and right. McGonagall shook her head and looked around the corridor, barking;
"Everyone, back to your classes now! Classes just started three minutes ago!" Everyone scurried of to different directions, not wanting to be around a snappish McGonagall.
~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Hermione, that was brilliant! You rock!" were just some of the few words that were said by their fellow schoolmates. Harry received hand shakes, pats on the back and a heavy glare from the real Hermione.
"You do realize that I am going to get detention for this, right?" she muttered angrily as Harry shook yet another hand.
"Look at the bright side! Now were both even!" Harry happily stated. She opened her mouth to say something but nothing came out so she fumed silently, muttering incoherent things every five seconds. The trio were about to enter their classroom when Seamus approached them.
"Hey Harry, Ron! Don't forget our trip to Hogsmeade! We'll meet you at the Three Broomstick's!" He left Harry looking sheepish and Hermione looking confused.
"What Hogsmeade trip? Is there something you didn't tell me, Harry?" Hermione asked, puzzled. Harry groaned, he had forgotten about the boy's outing. And since he's in Hermione's body...
"Hey Harry, Ron! Over here!" Seamus waved at them as they entered the familiar pub. Hermione walked towards them tentatively, keeping a close pace with Ron. She had told Ron nervously to stay close to her for this was a boy's outing and she would feel so awkward with them even though they
were her friends. They were about to sit down when Ron was jerked off his seat.
"Won-won! Come sit here instead!" Hermione watched helplessly as Ron was being dragged off to a table containing Parvati and surprisingly, Harry who had a look of pure torture. Hermione shot Ron as he sat down next to Lavender, shooting a desperate look that said; 'don't leave me alone
here!'
"Here you are, Harry." Seamus passed a bottle of butterbeer to Hermione and to others. Hermione looked around the table; she was sitting next to Seamus and Neville. Across her were Dean and a guy she knew as Terry Boot. Ernie Macmillan opened his bottle and gulped a portion of it.
"So Ernie," Dean asked. "How're you and Jessica doing?" Ernie shook his head.
"Dunno, I can't figure her out if she fancies me back or..."
Hermione had an hour to endure of boys' talk and bottles of butterbeer which compromised mostly about Quidditch, ("...then the Woollongong Warriors chaser's had the Woollongong Shimmy on and then--Wham! The Moose Jaw Meteorites were goners!") , love lives ("I keep dropping her hints but she still flirts with that Corner guy..."), off-color jokes ("The dragon was Jewish, right?"), laugh-trips ("Snort, I wished you would've seen it when I jinxed Zabini that spell that made him say 'piggy' every five seconds!") And let's not forget.... girls.
"I dunno," Terry said. "What if Kathy'll laugh at me? I mean she is really good looking but her best friend--Amy, y'know her right?--will get hurt if I tell her." Others nodded in approval while Hermione drank in a mouthful of her fourth bottle of butterbeer and nodded. It has been interesting to listen to a guy's point of view on female problems.
"Hey Harry," Neville suddenly piped up. "You've been quiet. What's on your mind?" Everyone stopped talking and looked at Hermione.
"Nothing, he's just thinking of Ginny!" Seamus teased. Everyone else laughed and heckled Hermione who tried vainly to cover up her mistake of being to quiet. Well, if she was the only girl who was inside a guy's body, it wasn't that hard not to be quiet and feel out of place. They were about to squeeze information out of Harry when thankfully Ernie asked loudly;
"Hey guys! Did you hear about the one when a pixie, a hippogriff, and a banshee all walk into a bar..."
They all, except Hermione, burst into hysterical laughter.
On Harry's side, he had to endure the torture Parvati and Lavender was giving him. They kept bugging him, both wanting to know details of their relationship with Draco. Harry was seriously getting annoyed at the questions they were asking like, "How many times have you snogged him?" or "What did he think of that dress you wore the other day?" or even "Boxers of briefs?"
It was at dusk when most of the students decided it was time to go back up to the castle, including Hermione and the boys. Although it seemed that Hermione had a slightly fun time, they walked out still laughing their heads off. Hermione had a funny sensation of being really cheerful and laughed boisterously with the others. They staggered up to the castle, singing (more like screaming in the middle of October) "Feliz Navidad! Feliz Navidad! Feliz Navidad! Prospero Ano Y Felisidad!" Once they got to the school, they burst into the Great Hall singing with matching choreographed dance steps and outstretched arms. As they finished singing the last part
which was, "I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas, from the bottom of my heart!!!" Neville collapsed on to the floor and started snoring. The only persons who clapped for them were Dumbledore and the Creevy brothers.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Chapter 15: Harry Potter and His Sweet (and Wet...) Revenge and Uncontrollable Angsty Attitude on a Certain Potions Master (Don't worry, the fic is not as long as the title)
The moment they got out of Lavender and Parvati's range of 'perkiness', Hermione emitted a sigh of relief. Ron and Harry all seemed to be pleased about leaving the common room for now... that is until Hermione suggested using the rest of their Potions period for studying.
"Why don't we take this time to study for our N.E.W.T.s? After all, it is getting near. Only four months away! Can you believe how fast time is going?" Hermione was exclaiming wildly, dragging both Harry and Ron to the library even before the two could think of getting away. After passing Madam Pince (who, by the way, has now two stubby horns protruding from her hair), they settled in Hermione's usual corner with a pile of books concerning different subjects. As Hermione concentrated on a particular book, Harry and Ron were staring on the same spot for ten minutes already. Harry heaved a sigh as he read the word water over and over again. But as he read that word for the 89th time, he remembered the revenge he was supposed to take on Hermione. Then out of the blue, he recalled the time when Dudley did that trick to him on April fools day that caused him to be banished to his room by his uncle. Grinning evilly, his mind wheels were in motion. He starts on lunch time... (Insert suspense music)
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"C'mon mate, I'm starving!" Ron was complaining. Harry and Hermione rushed after Ron to the Great Hall after an exhausting Herbology class. They were about to enter the Hall when Draco Malfoy caught up with Harry by running towards him (puts moment in slow mo and inserts 'in love' music).
"Mya, Baby cakes! I haven't caught up with you this morning!" Draco greeted heartily ('in love' music ends with a screech) as he put his arm around Harry's waist who tried to hide his groan with a small cough. Although Ron was too busy sniffing the food that was wafting around the room to notice that his best mate is being tortured again.
"Hello, Draco, dear!" Harry played along sarcastically with his teeth clenched and Hermione supervising him to make sure he doesn't give out. "What a wonderful time to brighten up my day!" He would have been telling the truth if 'brighten up' meant adding something else more annoying to his day of looking forward to a month's worth of detention with Professor Snot...I mean Snape. Draco smiled and gave Harry a wet one before parting to their respective tables. Harry was seething while Hermione tried to hold him back from jumping on Draco and pounding him to the size of a banana loaf.
"Harry! No you can't! You'll give me away!
"...and I'll replace his spinal cord with a weenie, oh yes I will..."
After struggling against with his own body strength, Harry finally settled down. During his meal, he began to plant his revenge. While Hermione and Ron were conversing with each other, Harry slipped out a small vial from his robes of the Sleeping Draught he sneaked from the Potions dungeon. Whispering 'Wingardium Leviosa', he levitated the open vial then banished it to the teacher's table, right above Snape's goblet, who was busy talking to Professor McGonagall. Harry gave his wand a little jerk and the contents of the vial spilled on Snape's drink. He then joined his best friend in their conversation as though nothing happened.
As soon Snape finished his lunch, he stood up, swaying a little as he staggered back to his office. Harry smiled as he eyed the Potions Master looking droopy and rather sleepy. He disappeared to the dungeons, yawning and rubbing his black eyes. Harry waited for a few minutes before pretending that he forgot something in the Common room and excused himself from the table. He looked around cautiously before stalking silently to Snape's office. When he was outside the office, he pressed his ear to the wooden door and listened. He heard snores coming from his potions master. Again, he waited before he entered the cold room. Twisting the knob, he peeked inside. There Professor Snape was sleeping on his table, face down, one arm outstretched and the other under his head.
"This will be the best one yet!" Harry muttered as he pulled a jar of water from his pocket. Grinning evilly, he unscrewed the lid, laid the bottle on the desk and replaced the lid back inside his pocket. He slowly and carefully lifted Snape's outstretched hand and placed it inside the jar of water, soaking his claw like fingers. Then, to add the icing on the cake, he displayed a yellow card on front of the jar with neat cursive writings on it before snickering as he tiptoed out of the cold, damp room.
~*~*~*~*~*~*
Harry, Hermione, and Ron emerged grinning from the greenhouses covered in head to toe with dirt and reeking of fertilizer. Their "little fight" during classes each earned an additional pile of homework. The trios were laughing all the way up to the common room to wash up before a familiar Hufflepuff boy ran towards them, panting and looking quite worried.
"What's up, Ernie?" Hermione said.
"I-It's Professor Snape," Ernie McMillan panted. "He looks like...like...like he's ready to kill!" The three raised their eyebrows. "Yeah, and word has it on the hallways that he's looking..." he turned his horrific glance to Harry, "...for you!" Ron and Hermione turned their confused attention to Harry who pretended to look just as confused as they were. At that very exact moment, a familiar chilling voice hissed throughout the hallway, nearly wetting Ron and a few other boys that were present.
"Granger!!!!"
Everyone froze on their tracks as Professor Snape came charging straight to Harry. He towered lividly over Harry who remained calm, then bowed his head to examine his "work" and sniggered. Snape has the image of a person who
just had a "little accident".
"Do you know what you have done, Granger!?" Snape snarled in Harry's face, his long greasy hair jerking around his face. He was waving a familiar yellow card around.
"Um, killed your poodle, sir?" Harry said politely as possible.
"Oh really!? Then what is this!?" Snape shoved the card he was holding to Harry's eyes who backed away to read the text. Harry read aloud:
Happiness is like peeing in your pants,
Everyone can see it,
But only you can feel its warmth.
Good day,
HG
The people present at the very corridor tried to control them from bursting themselves up as the Potions Master shook violently as his fists were curled tightly into a ball. His face began to tighten like a balloon and his eyes were slowly bulging. Snape reminded Harry very much of Uncle Vernon, except that Snape does not have the figure of a pig.
"First we have Potter here! Now Granger!? What is this?
Embarrass-the-professor-to-hell day!?" Being the multitalented teacher, he was able to spray and say it at the same time. Harry knew that he was mentally stating different
punishments such as cleaning out every cauldron in the castle, being hanged by the thumbs, being fed to a herd of skrewts and lock her inside a room full pink bunnies, cotton candy clouds and little elves singing happy songs. The worst were scrubbing the castle squeaky clean with a teaspoon and using his homework as toilet paper. Fortunately, he was interrupted by professor McGonagall before he can think of anymore dastardly sick punishments he could give out.
"Severus, enough! What is going on here?" the strict Transfiguration teacher snapped. "And my goodness, why are your pants wet?" Snape made a noise that indicated exasperation before stomping off to his office, taking away house points left and right. McGonagall shook her head and looked around the corridor, barking;
"Everyone, back to your classes now! Classes just started three minutes ago!" Everyone scurried of to different directions, not wanting to be around a snappish McGonagall.
~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Hermione, that was brilliant! You rock!" were just some of the few words that were said by their fellow schoolmates. Harry received hand shakes, pats on the back and a heavy glare from the real Hermione.
"You do realize that I am going to get detention for this, right?" she muttered angrily as Harry shook yet another hand.
"Look at the bright side! Now were both even!" Harry happily stated. She opened her mouth to say something but nothing came out so she fumed silently, muttering incoherent things every five seconds. The trio were about to enter their classroom when Seamus approached them.
"Hey Harry, Ron! Don't forget our trip to Hogsmeade! We'll meet you at the Three Broomstick's!" He left Harry looking sheepish and Hermione looking confused.
"What Hogsmeade trip? Is there something you didn't tell me, Harry?" Hermione asked, puzzled. Harry groaned, he had forgotten about the boy's outing. And since he's in Hermione's body...
"Hey Harry, Ron! Over here!" Seamus waved at them as they entered the familiar pub. Hermione walked towards them tentatively, keeping a close pace with Ron. She had told Ron nervously to stay close to her for this was a boy's outing and she would feel so awkward with them even though they
were her friends. They were about to sit down when Ron was jerked off his seat.
"Won-won! Come sit here instead!" Hermione watched helplessly as Ron was being dragged off to a table containing Parvati and surprisingly, Harry who had a look of pure torture. Hermione shot Ron as he sat down next to Lavender, shooting a desperate look that said; 'don't leave me alone
here!'
"Here you are, Harry." Seamus passed a bottle of butterbeer to Hermione and to others. Hermione looked around the table; she was sitting next to Seamus and Neville. Across her were Dean and a guy she knew as Terry Boot. Ernie Macmillan opened his bottle and gulped a portion of it.
"So Ernie," Dean asked. "How're you and Jessica doing?" Ernie shook his head.
"Dunno, I can't figure her out if she fancies me back or..."
Hermione had an hour to endure of boys' talk and bottles of butterbeer which compromised mostly about Quidditch, ("...then the Woollongong Warriors chaser's had the Woollongong Shimmy on and then--Wham! The Moose Jaw Meteorites were goners!") , love lives ("I keep dropping her hints but she still flirts with that Corner guy..."), off-color jokes ("The dragon was Jewish, right?"), laugh-trips ("Snort, I wished you would've seen it when I jinxed Zabini that spell that made him say 'piggy' every five seconds!") And let's not forget.... girls.
"I dunno," Terry said. "What if Kathy'll laugh at me? I mean she is really good looking but her best friend--Amy, y'know her right?--will get hurt if I tell her." Others nodded in approval while Hermione drank in a mouthful of her fourth bottle of butterbeer and nodded. It has been interesting to listen to a guy's point of view on female problems.
"Hey Harry," Neville suddenly piped up. "You've been quiet. What's on your mind?" Everyone stopped talking and looked at Hermione.
"Nothing, he's just thinking of Ginny!" Seamus teased. Everyone else laughed and heckled Hermione who tried vainly to cover up her mistake of being to quiet. Well, if she was the only girl who was inside a guy's body, it wasn't that hard not to be quiet and feel out of place. They were about to squeeze information out of Harry when thankfully Ernie asked loudly;
"Hey guys! Did you hear about the one when a pixie, a hippogriff, and a banshee all walk into a bar..."
They all, except Hermione, burst into hysterical laughter.
On Harry's side, he had to endure the torture Parvati and Lavender was giving him. They kept bugging him, both wanting to know details of their relationship with Draco. Harry was seriously getting annoyed at the questions they were asking like, "How many times have you snogged him?" or "What did he think of that dress you wore the other day?" or even "Boxers of briefs?"
It was at dusk when most of the students decided it was time to go back up to the castle, including Hermione and the boys. Although it seemed that Hermione had a slightly fun time, they walked out still laughing their heads off. Hermione had a funny sensation of being really cheerful and laughed boisterously with the others. They staggered up to the castle, singing (more like screaming in the middle of October) "Feliz Navidad! Feliz Navidad! Feliz Navidad! Prospero Ano Y Felisidad!" Once they got to the school, they burst into the Great Hall singing with matching choreographed dance steps and outstretched arms. As they finished singing the last part
which was, "I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas, from the bottom of my heart!!!" Neville collapsed on to the floor and started snoring. The only persons who clapped for them were Dumbledore and the Creevy brothers.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
OMFG, that was hilarious...
except....Christmas was 3 months ago....
except....Christmas was 3 months ago....
well it's E_1, the clueless one, and i also made this story a while ago
Well get updating, its been a long time since an update.
((bump))
Wow, I posted that almost 10 days ago......
And....theres still no update....
<_<
Wow, I posted that almost 10 days ago......
And....theres still no update....
<_<
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