Help/Support ► Girl issues... no idea what to do

[Lycanthrope]

Alright, so there's this one girl I'm close friends with. Like, we help each other out of huge jams, and tell each other everything. Like, we legitimately know everything about each other.

We've bee nhaving some really in dept conversations about everything in our respective lives. One being the issues I'm having with my dad. Like, a while ago, before I found out about the issues with my dad and the drugs, I had gotten in a huge fight with her, and we hated each other for a while. nd we didn't talk for a few months, until a few days after I found out about my dad and I saw her at the train station. My train was late, and her mom was late, so we were just talking for about 10 minutes, we made up, and everything. this was back in February. But yesterday, we were both up at our pool, and we were the only ones there. She asked me if anything new happened with my dad, and I told her about him (FINALLY) moving to Virginia, resolving some of the problems, especially since I haven't talked to the man in a month.

Well, we had a talk about it that lasted quite a while. We were sitting at a table, and I just told her how everything s changed me. She honestly was surprised about everything, especially since a while ago she knew I was an asshole to people, and lately I've been as nice as I can be to avoid EVER being like my dad. And I told her advice my unrelated older brother gave me, which was to "Live life as it comes. You can't let anything, ANYTHING you asshole of a father does bother you. You clearly are the better person, and you won't be like him. You're a good kid, Eddie, and I don't wanna see you turn out like him." Those were his exact words. I live those words everyday, and its been a lifesaver. I just told her about how I just can't be like him, or I'd be a failure to everyone I know. She figured out why my attitude and personalty have altered so much the past year, and she found out yesterday.

But we were also talking about our relationship status, like, how I broke up with an amazing girl 3 weeks or so ago because the distance, plus the fact she didn't want to hurt me, since my ex knows everything I've gone through as well. But I told her about how everything in that perspective ended, and how I finally started getting over her til the girl imed me the other day. And I've been confused. Mind you, the girl I was telling everything about is like, one of those people who whenever you need to talk, you can always talk to her.

She told me about her boyfriend. The ywere going out for 8 months ,but broke up because they weren't talking. This girl still liked the guy, and the guy still liked her, so when the guy asked me if he should ask her out again, I told him to go for it. The girl doesn't know that though, even though I was saving her from being stalked by this guy from some foreign country, which is a whole different story that I'd prefer not to get into. But, she wants to break up again, because she liked me. And I kinda liked her. Before we had our fight, we were clearly playing cat and mouse, like, we'd date other people, sometimes trying to draw jealousy. We've been on the verge of actually going out on more than one occasion, but things always seem to get messes up.

Well, I like her, she likes me, but she also kinda still likes her boyfriend, who is also a good friend of mine. I have no idea what to do, because I don't want to see either one of them go through anger or anything because of something I'm involved in. I know, my aspects of this emotional stuff have been messed up lately, but some of you may know why.

That is why I'm requesting your help. Any ideas on what I should do, or am I being too vague on things?

 

[The Lionheart]

this might sound a little crude, but.

bros before hos.

There's no reason losing a best friend over a girl. If the girl likes him, she'll date him. if not, she'll date you. but, if you DO decide to date, you really should ask her about her feelings.

sometimes its just better to be just friends.

 

[Lycanthrope]

What do you think we talked about yesterday? She really likes the both of us. And the reason I became good friends with the guy is because he's her boyfriend. Even after they took they're basically one month break, I was still chilling with him. I just really like her, and confused.

But I can see the bros before hoes thing.

 

[Joy]

To be honest with you, although it might seem like a great idea now, it'll make you feel better dating her, etc., don't. The situation will confuse you even more than you are already, and you are already hurt horribly by your father. I think you should try and get yourself straightened out, before you devote yourself to her.

 

[Deeman]

^Agreed. You need to wait. Don't complicate things more than they already are. Thinking that things will get easier and less complicated by going into a devoted relationship with her will make life better, you might need to think again. Continue being friends with her, and support her decisions. Try to sort out what's going on in your family; you need to straighten out your life before bringing her into yours.

Also, you're fourteen. You're young. You don't necessarily need a relationship at that age; it's okay to like her, but to go to the next level can be a big thing. Love at an early age is confusing because we don't know what we want or where our priorities are. Ah, the many beauties of the teenage years.

 

[Lycanthrope]

But, Dee, even though I may only be 14, I will be a sophomore in the fall, and I'm 15 in like, 3 weeks.

Thanks Time and Dee. I can see your points on those as well. I do have an ungodly amount of issues with my dad, but everything's been subtle with him in Virginia, and every thing's going better. I'm sure I'd clear up a lot of things with telling my mom about the affair he is (or was, not sure if its over) having. yeah, anyone who say the thread "Well, my dad sucks..." my dad was a druggie pulling off an affair. Most of wha the issues with my dad was.

So, I'll probably hang out with her up at the pool again tomorrow, so basically I should just talk to her to see what all is going on?

 

[The Lionheart]

^ yes you should.

and i agree with Deeman here. Yes, you will be a sophomore. but still, you've got 70+ years ahead of you. plenty of time for relationships

you should just wait and let the girl work her feelings out. but

it's not a bad idea to try and push her in the right direction though

 

[Lycanthrope]

Eh, I'll probably just end up letting her decide what to do, without me getting involved, or at least as little as possible.

 

[Lancelot]

Hmm... I can see what you mean by that... But in the end, you already are involved, even if it isn't fully... And you can't really do anything to prevent that at all... But I do think you should just play it as it comes, if a really great opportunity arises, tell her how you feel. It seems like she's the type of girl who would actually take the fact that you like her into account, rather than just blowing it off. So yeah, hope that kinda helps

 

[Lycanthrope]

Well, when she told me how she felt, I hinted at it. Like, i was trying not to hit on my friend's girlfriend. But they are breaking up again, eventually.

 

[Lancelot]

Yeah... Kinda makes it awkward ey? I was kinda in the same situation with my girlfriend, my best friend liked her, she liked him, and i liked her... except he stopped liking her because she wasn't ready for a relationship, so he buggered off... ass... but then I stood by her, as someone for her to talk to when needed, and eventually, our friendship grew, then she told me she liked me too... So patience is a main key in the end

 

[Lycanthrope]

Well, she's going out with him, but she likes me right now. She doesn't want to hurt either one of us, so she's confused.

 

[Bukkake Sensei]

And I kinda liked her. Before we had our fight, we were clearly playing cat and mouse, like, we'd date other people, sometimes trying to draw jealousy. We've been on the verge of actually going out on more than one occasion, but things always seem to get messes up.

This is all I needed to read to convince me that both you and her lack the maturity to handle a relationship, especially with one another.

Well, I like her, she likes me, but she also kinda still likes her boyfriend, who is also a good friend of mine. I have no idea what to do, because I don't want to see either one of them go through anger or anything because of something I'm involved in.

Did you not just answer your own question? SHE HAS A BOYFRIEND WHO IS ALSO YOUR FRIEND. How much more obvious could your decision get? Do you possess an ounce of common sense? Can you really not make an accurate guess as to what might happen if you pursue this girl? Are you ****ing stupid?

Well, she's going out with him, but she likes me right now. She doesn't want to hurt either one of us, so she's confused.

Regardless of whether or not they are dating at the time it happens, if you lay a finger on this girl you are a shitty friend. Believe me when I say that it's not worth the damage it will do to your friendship with the other guy and believe me when I say that no girl who would tell her boyfriend's friend that she's romantically interested them is worth the chase. Let it go.

I know, my aspects of this emotional stuff have been messed up lately, but some of you may know why.

Eddie, you beat the "my dad was an addict/asshole" drum a lot. I'm not going to tell you what you ought to do to cope with that reality, but I will say this; if you're looking for sympathy, you have come to the wrong place.

 

[Danica Syer]

^Um, ouch. (That'd be my key reaction if I were a guy)^

Right. So here's my advice. You guys seem to start out as friends, am I not right? So maybe you should give it if some time and see if she wants to date you and maybe just make sure to see who she likes better or maybe she's into more at the moment. I don't recommend stepping into early but at the same time too late. I think it's great that you guys can talk about almost anything to each other (correct me if I'm wrong by the way) and that if you did hinted her, do it more and if you are friends with the guy she likes, then why not, see who she likes more. I mean obviously she's confused but for now, I suggest you wait patiently until she opens up more and all that. And see where their relationship goes, if it's bad, just stay back like you say unless you are there to comfort her and like Deeman has stated earlier about your family life, I would agree to his advice and maybe from there, maybe, that might help. Um...if that makes sense. And I would have to say overall: Improve the things in your life first, have patience, and only then will time go by and or might help...time as in feelings developed. One sided or both. Hope this helps. Sorry if it doesn't. At least I tried...um, that's all I have to say for now.

 

[The Lionheart]

oh wait.

i didn't realize she had a boyfriend. in that case...

STAY AWAY.

you don't want to get caught up with someone who is already taken.

 

[Lycanthrope]

She broke up with him today. I called her earlier, before she actually did it, saying not to, but she actually did. My friend apparently really didn't care that much, considering he hasn't been calling her or anything from what he said. He actually had cheated on her over the weekend at the shore, but she doesn't know about that.

But anyway, I still don't know whether I should go for it or not. The whole situation is just really confusing.

And Sam, I only would vent like this either on the internet, where no one knows my full name, and to a VERY select few friends.Like, only 5 or 6 people know. I also didn't tell anyone for about 2 months after I found out about my dad, which kinda was a burden. So I'd rather get off my anger on a forum than go emo or anything.

And to answer the question on me being "F***ing stupid", its just my lack of common sense with girls.

 

[Yannis]

Dude, in a way you should thank your old man. I know it sounds crazy, but think about it. If he wasnt like he is, maybe you´d be like he is now o.o

It´s like an anti-idol to you, which is good. You will be you.

 

[Riku's New Look]

This is all I needed to read to convince me that both you and her lack the maturity to handle a relationship, especially with one another.



Did you not just answer your own question? SHE HAS A BOYFRIEND WHO IS ALSO YOUR FRIEND. How much more obvious could your decision get? Do you possess an ounce of common sense? Can you really not make an accurate guess as to what might happen if you pursue this girl? Are you ****ing stupid?



Regardless of whether or not they are dating at the time it happens, if you lay a finger on this girl you are a shitty friend. Believe me when I say that it's not worth the damage it will do to your friendship with the other guy and believe me when I say that no girl who would tell her boyfriend's friend that she's romantically interested them is worth the chase. Let it go.



Eddie, you beat the "my dad was an addict/asshole" drum a lot. I'm not going to tell you what you ought to do to cope with that reality, but I will say this; if you're looking for sympathy, you have come to the wrong place.

I've seen you on my threads before and I wonder if you go around to posts that are serious, or are in the discussion thread at all, and just pick on people like an ass. You act like your a victim all the time, shut up, please. It would make these forums better if you left your rude comments to yourself and try not to be so mean to other people.

As for the real issue at hand, and not some jerk on the forums who feels the need to jump into every thread and verbally attack everyone because they have a Superior complex, I think these situations are rather touchy. I've been through something that was like this. Well, I'm not sure if it really applies since the only thing it had in common was that it was my best friend at the time and we both liked the same girl.
I waited over a year while dating other people, and getting my life straitened out before I asked her out. Of course, when I asked her out I knew she wouldn't say yes and I was just doing it to do it and make it a really weird way to get my feelings across. Only to get a 'Yes'.
Anyway, it damaged the relationship with my friend because she wouldn't date him again. I had gotten his permission, which is something that I suggest before you ask her out.
Here's some rules:
1) When ever you wanna date a friends ex as him first. Ask him if he would be OK with that. If he says yes, its fine, then go a head. If he says No, ask for an answer and tell him you need one that isn't "Because I said so."
2) When ever dating that person make sure, 100%, that he doesn't have feelings for her before yall even start holding hands in front of him. (man, I was making out in front of my friend.... makes me an asshole. i was just assuming, and it had been a couple weeks, so....)
3) Now you know what he did wrong try not to make the same mistakes. Its not helpful.
4) When you do make a mistake that was the same apologize and say "I'm sorry, I should have known better."

And Frozen, don't me angry or upset by your "lack of common sense with girls" few guys have that. And I think your a real man for even asking for help, even if its on forums.Hardest things to say when you mean it: I'm sorry; I was wrong; I love you; I need help.
Besides, having a ton of friends that are girls help. So paying attention to them all the time is key. But make sure not to over do it. Basically when yall start going out *(or if) don't change anything about the way yall behave. Like don't get too clingy or anything. (wow this must sound weird) Its like yall are the same people no matter what your relationship is. Take things one step at a time. Other than that, cause I don't know if you do that or not, I think your doing good.
Of course, explaining to her that you want to clear things up with your home life would also be good. Tell her that you want that to happen before you two get really serious, unless you deiced to handle that first. I'm sure she would always be there if you needed her, whether or not yall are 'together' or not.

 

[Danica Syer]

So something's progressed. That must kinda mean something. If you have a lack of common sense of girls, maybe you should really start asking your other friends who are girls, do you have any, and maybe they'll give you pointers or help. I mean what exactly are you confused about exactly?

 

[Kingdomkeylight]

hes confused if he should take a chance and asked her out when they both really have some what true feelings for each other or respect his best freind and just remain friends

FF the real awnser to the question isnt what others think but what do you truely want do you want to raise the level between you and her and get a little more close orlet me put it like this she was recently dating her he cheated on her he didnt talk to her for the remainder of there dating and she had to be the one to break it off so truely if hes your best friend he shouldn't care actually even if this sounds rude he sounds like a jerk to her so I would say to hell with the Bros before hos or anything like that(I dont think shes a ho she sound like a nice person) and for once dont think about what everyone else want for once (you sound like some who thinks about other people more than your self which is a real good thing) and ask yorself what do you want, desire, love, trust and respect. thats what I have to say and who every made that 14 year old comment about ff woudnt understand the situation hes in well what makes you so special people learn things like tha at a young age.