Darkest Before The Dawn



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Moonlight Aqua

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Hello! So I wanted to post this up here to find people to help me a bit. I been writing Fanfictions since 2005 on Fanfiction.net. I had a bunch of stories and got some good reviews but then in 2009, the website erased every single story I had since I been there. It broke my heart, but I then decided to take the opportunity to re-write them all again. Most of them were pretty bad... I was only 14, learning how to write well and making a story is not an easy feat. But I kept on putting off writing, writing a chapter, hating it then stopping. And before I knew it, I'm 22 and it's been FOREVER since I written a story. I was looking back at my old writings I had and I swear... I feel so childish...the writing was horrible, grammar... don't get me started. The plot was horrible, my OCs were horribly Mary-sue. So I started to from scratch... again! I posted the first chapter last month... I haven't had many people reading, only one person following and favorite it. So I decided to post here, so I can get some critique on it and see what I can improve. And to find out what else I can do to write the second chapter, since I feel like I'm in a writers' block. So please read and critique! I am looking forward to what feedback I receive! Also, here's the link to the story online! Darkest Before The Dawn, a kingdom hearts fanfic | FanFiction

Note: I edited it a bit, since I felt some of the grammar was off. I will post this version on the original website.

It's always darkest before the dawn
when your world is weary,
when all is dark,
when dreams die and fade away,
and all of life is stark,
take heart in gentle love,
for she waits in the wings,
and where she walks,
fairies dance and angels sing,
though you cannot see her,
she weaves a silken touch,
leaving footprints in the sand,
sprinkling spells and such,
lighting the dampened corridors,
the dark corners of your mind,
leaving you breathless,
bewildered by her kind,
goodness glints in her eyes,
hope is in her arms,
and all you've ever dreamed of,
rests sweetly in her charms.
[HR][/HR]
Chapter 1
In this abandoned dark city, each corner seemed like a threat. Each building, with its gloomy lighten windows, looked like monstrous creatures. Each sound a surprise; making even the most single whispers of the wind, a howl from a monster; The World That Never Was, the name of this world seems appropriate. The only sounds in this empty city were my footsteps, running down the dark streets, looking for an exit and the shadows; skittering around, waiting for an opening to attack me.


Each twist and turn of this city was like an endless maze, making me feel desperate. But no matter where I went, I couldn't find the portal. Where are those guys? I started to get worried and scared. They said they would meet me on the other side of it, yet here I am… alone in this horrible place with just my weapon and an adrenaline rush to help me. As I turned to a street, I saw a streetlight; a beacon of safety in this dark desolate world. And quickly as I could, I ran straight to the streetlight and stood there, waiting around for the monsters…


A few minutes passed and no sound came from anywhere. I took a deep breath, slid down the streetlight's post and sat down for a rest.


As I was sitting, a recurring thought came to mind: How did I get to this point? Where I actually have to walk in this creepy place, all alone? Where I have to fight for my life? This thought has come up all the time… ever since I came to and got caught into these whirlwind of events. Really, how this all started was thanks to a door. Yes, a door, or I guess more like a craving of a door on a wet, empty cave wall. But I guess I'm getting ahead of myself. Let me start from the very beginning…
[HR][/HR]
I usually drove through an empty street at night near these woods; it's like a shortcut to my neighborhood when the main streets are full of traffic in the morning and rush hour at night. Only the road was ahead of me, nothing out of the ordinary, just the same old road I use when I come home from work; the only thing on my mind was a shower and my bed when I arrived home.


After driving down the street for a while, I heard a boom of thunder and saw drops of rain hitting my windshield. There was no mention of rain in the forecast, but then again when has the weatherman ever right about the weather? As I kept on driving, I saw my neighborhood from a distance, I can finally rest!


I started to drive a bit faster, it's was late at night and there's no one else on the road. As the neighborhood got closer and closer, I didn't pay attention to the road and in a blink of an eye, something ran in front of my car, making me lose control. As I struggled to keep my drifting car on the road, I caught a glimpse of the "something" I almost hit. It was a strange animal, something I never seen before; but if I could describe it, seemed to me like a giant black ant with glowing yellow eyes. But as quick as it came, it disappeared down the ground. I would've of thought more on what the hell I just saw, but the car kept on drifting, showing no sign of stopping no matter how hard I tried to keep on the road. My struggled came to an end as the car plunged into a ditch, leaving me in cold dark rain water and mud, knocking me out.
[HR][/HR]I must've been out for a while, since the sky still was as dark and rainy as I last saw it outside the windshield. I was lying on the steering wheel, the air bag was already depleted, windshield cracked and my head was hurting like a crazy. I rubbed my head a bit, as I did I felt something wet as I touched my head, I looked and saw blood. My eyes got big with fear on what I saw, but as much as that scared me, nothing else scared me as how the car's condition was. The leather seats were ripped by the shards of glass from broken glass. Some windows were broken, with holes letting in some rain water and mud; some were cracked and dirty. It was amazing how I was still alive; as I thought that I looked down on me, checking myself for injuries, but the only one I saw, on the mirror on top of the seat,was the cut on my head.

I tried to move about, but I felt the seat belt pulling me back. As I was struggling to take off my seat belt; I heard something. I looked out the cracked windshield; it was a bit hard to see, but I saw the creature again on top of the ditch, near the edge of the forest. It seemed to not have noticed me, standing, looking out on the distance, twitching like it had a seizure. For some reason, I felt like it was dangerous and it was better if I tried to escape quietly and try to look for help.

When I finally took off my seat belt, I was faced with another problem, the car doors were jammed and there was no way I could leave without kicking a window open and alerting the creature. I was left no choice, so I started to kick the passenger seat's door window as hard as I could, making bigger cracks on it as I went along. Finally after a few strong kicks, the window broke open, filling my car with a few inches of rain water and shards of glass. I climbed out of the car as quickly as I could and fell with my back, facing the ground and into a pool of cold rain water.


As I lay there, back hurting and cold, I felt a chill, not from cold but as if I was being watched. I tried to sit up, back hurting like crazy; I really wanted to lie back down but now, as I look back, I'm glad I didn't. Because as I sat up, I saw the most frightening sight; all around the top of the ditch was not just the one creature, but more than a dozen of the same creature, surrounding me. Twitching and starting at me with yellow menacing eyes, and deep in my gut, I knew I was screwed. But you know that something in all of us, that's been in us since we were made on this world, that something that tells us that we have to survive no matter what? That something probably woke up that moment and told me to run NOW. I guess my body listened to it because I felt it move on its own and as quickly as I could, I got up and climbed out of the muddy ditch. The creatures seemed to be slow on the uptake, but it didn't take them long to see that I was escaping and started to skitter toward me. I quickly got out the wet, cold ditch and started to run toward the forest, slipping and tripping as I went along. But I eventually reached the trees and ran deep into the forest, hoping to lose them on the way.


I ran as far as my legs could take me, not looking back. Trees wet with rain, hitting me with their branches, soaking me from top and bottom. Bushes, scratching me toward not end and mud, getting me stuck and stopping me at times. Soon, between wet trees, I saw a hilltop clearing. I started toward it, hoping I would safe. I got to the top and sat down on the wet grass, exhausted and cold. I looked up the dark and rainy sky, trying to clear my mind a bit, to think up a plan to get help. "What the hell is going on?" I sighed to myself. There's no way in the world, there's a logical answer to what's going on. "Doesn't matter," I said to myself. "I got to think of something…" I started to check my pockets and found my phone, hoping to call for help. But sadly that plan went down the toilet, the phone had no signal. I sighed more, and then decided on another idea.
I stood up, looking around, hoping to get my bearings at least. As I turned to the east, I saw out of toward the horizon, the edge of my neighborhood. From the looks of it, I could get there quickly if I just kept going right and go find help. Things were starting to look up; I got up and walk toward the right, but then I heard a skittering noise underneath me. I looked down and I saw my shadow moving, turning into a small pool of black liquid. I moved aside and for a while, I kept looking at this curious black pool materializing from the ground. My wonderment was replaced with fear when a black little hand came out of it. I quickly jumped to the side as I saw one of the creatures, pushing itself up this dark pool, came out of the spot in the ground. My heart stopped as I saw the other creatures started to materialize from the ground around me, twitching, slicing the air with their hands. "Stupid ass" I said to myself, for not thinking and running earlier. I turned myself around and instead going right, I ran north, toward more forest.


I started to run again inside the forest, soon too deep into the forest, I realized I went the wrong way and found myself not knowing where I was. Dodging branches, stepping on puddles and tripping on rocks along the way, I kept on going straight; just knowing to keep going, don't stop. I soon tripped on tree truck and fell out another edge of the forest. I didn't know where I was but I found myself in a small clearing, near a cave on the side of a cliff. I started to get up, and just then, I heard skittering again. "Not good…" I whispered quietly to myself. I got up quickly and really; I didn't know if I was going to be safe, but I ran inside the cave.


I just stood there for a while, in the entrance of the cave, waiting for the creatures to come and attack me. But they never came, maybe they lost track of me or maybe something else stopped them. But after a while of wondering, I shook my head and stopped myself from thinking and to go on." I shouldn't care why; as long as they didn't come after me." I said to myself quietly. So with that thought, I started to walk deeper into the cave hole, hoping to be safe.


The cave was surprisingly not deep; it was just a long cave hall with a large main room. I walked around the room, taking in where I was. Seemingly abandoned, there was nothing on the ground that showed that any animals lived in there and dripping water all around with rocks sticking from the ground; it just seemed like a normal cave. But as I looked around, I saw something unusual, something that indicated to me… this was not a normal cave. On one of the walls, there was a carving of a door.


I walked toward the carving, wondering about it. It seemed too well-made to be made by the cave or by anyone for that matter. I started to touch the edges of it, when the cave and ground started to shake. The cave started to move around, rocks starting to break apart. the ground shook too hard, like it was ripping apart from the earth's core and the cave's rocks started to float upwards toward the sky; there's no way this was not an ordinary earthquake! I felt my body starting to float like the rocks; scared for my life, I quickly grabbed a rock on the ground near the carving, holding on to dear life. As the world around me, literally, started to break apart, I saw the carving started to glow. The glow got brighter and brighter, then disappearing quickly, turning the carving into a real door. The door started to open to a small crack, bright light shining out…
Help…
"A voice?" I cried out loud.
The door then opened wider with a crack like someone has kicked it opened and out came out dark wind, blowing strongly. The wind was so strong; it broke my only life support and blew me out of the cave.
I scratched and grabbed the walls of the cave, trying to grab hold of something to keep me from flying away; but as soon as I did, it broke away. The wind blew me closer and closer towards the entrance of the cave; and I was losing wall to grab. Soon I got to the exit of the cave and got thrown on the ground. I fell farther than I was supposed to and almost fell off edge. Wait? Off edge? All I saw down below was nothing but darkness, no ground or anything. As soon as I realized that, I quickly grabbed what was left of ground and dangled above over an eternal abyss.


I started to climb up and when I finally got on top, I threw myself on the wet grass and laid there for a breather. As soon as I calmed myself down, I sat up to look around. I will never forget that scene… the world around me was disappearing little by little, floating rocks around a never-ending background of dark purple. I looked up; houses and ground were floating toward this menacing giant purple orb in the sky, acting like a black hole, and shooting lighting all around it. It was truly the end of the world, nothing but emptiness. I thought about my family and friends, mourning for them, I sat a while, in the cold dark night, thinking about them. After a while, another thought came to mind, that I would be stuck in this island forever, but just then, as if I wished it, the wind soon picked up, became much stronger than before, picking me up off the island. I tried to hold on the ground, but the wind was too strong and I felt my fingers sliding off. "I don't want to die…Please…"I pleaded. I know that no one probably heard me, but I was desperate. My fingers finally slip off and the last thing I saw was the piece of green grass, disappearing off view. I kept looking down; I didn't want to turn around. I knew what was behind me; I could hear the lighting getting closer and closer. I thought maybe if I didn't see it, I wouldn't panic and just accepted that I was going to die.


Soon I heard the orb getting close; I just closed my eyes and just let the orb take me in…
[HR][/HR]I don't know how long I was floating or how long I was in this dark space, but when I opened my eyes all I could see was darkness, a plain black area. The first thought I had was if I was dead? I could remember what happened, but I just felt nothing. I didn't feel scared or sad… just nothing. This place just seemed weary, there was nothing, so what's the reason I'm awake? So I just started to fall asleep, not wanting to wake up again, there's nothing here so what's the point?


But as soon as I closed my eyes, I felt warmth. I tried to open my eyes, to find out what was giving me that warmth, but there was this light, blinding me, not letting me see a thing. It was brighter than any light I ever seen; but I felt like I was covered in a warm blanket. For some reason, I started to feel things… sadness. I felt warm tears going down my cheeks, I felt sad for myself and my family...and fear, how am I going to get out of here? What's going on? Where am I? But strongest of feelings I felt was peace. At this point I was thinking was I going to heaven? The light seemed to be answering me, it kept getting brighter and brighter until I couldn't see a thing. I raised my arms to keep the light from blinding me, and closed my eyes.


After a while I felt the warmth disappearing, I opened my eyes and lowered my arms and instead of being surrounded in everlasting darkness, I found myself on a moonlit beach. While I was happy to be out of that place, the feeling left me. The place seemed as desolate and dark as that other area was. The beach was just never-ending from all ends, no end to the shore or the water. There was no sound from anywhere, except the lapping of the waves. No seagulls or any animals anywhere. The place looked plain, dark and empty, but the only thing that stuck out than the lack of environment was this heart shaped moon, that shone brightly on the cool dark water. I tried to take in my surroundings as much as I could but as if someone turned off the lights, I was then standing in the dark on an empty beach.
As I stood there in the dark, frightened, I started to listen for anything that told me if there was something around to attack me. I kept turning and turning in despair, crying. What was going on? Am I going to die now? Am I dead now? Is this hell or limbo? With all these questions running through my mind, I sat down and started to rock myself in fear. "Please someone… please help me... Please… I don't want to die… I don't want to be dead! Please…" I kept mumbling to myself, to a point where my mumblings became mantras. After a while of rocking and mumbling to myself; I started to hear something. I turned towards the sound and got up. For some reason, I felt I had to go to the sound. I started to walk to the sound, then ran toward it.


I ran for a while, each time the sound getting closer and closer. It soon got so close that I could identify it as music. Then later finally the music became loud enough that I could hear the voices singing in the music. As I walked on the sandy shore, I then saw several small bright lights dancing around; each light kept blinking on and off like fireflies and had several different colors. I didn't feel any fear from them, but felt happiness and comfort. I started to walk away them, still following the music but it they seemed to both following me and leading me the way.


I kept on following the music and the lights until I heard it in its loudest. The blinking lights stopped on the spot and kept dancing around as to tell me to stop here. As I stood there in the dark sky with just the lights, music and moon as my companions, I then saw in the corner of my eye another bright light. I turned to see a bright imprint of a beautiful woman, with bright blue eyes, as blue as the ocean, pale white skin as pale as the moon, blond long curly hair that looked like golden silk and a white flowing silken dress, lightly sliding around the sand. As she walked she left footprints on the sand that shone bright colored lights as she went, lighting the darkness around me. She was incredibly beautiful, leaving me breathless, making me wonder how could there be someone this majestic in a dark world like this? Her eyes and smile shone with kindness and goodness, comforting me in this dark place; for some reason I didn't feel fear or sadness…as if her just presence gave me happiness and peace, more than the bright lights gave me. She stood there for a while, smiling at me without a care, not saying a word. She then walked towards me, I thought she was going to say something, but instead she just held out her arms and embraced me in a warm hug, surprising me, but then filling me with the feeling of hope.
I am the heart…
A voice? It sounded like same one I heard in the cave. Did it come from her?
I wanted to let go and ask about the voice, but soon I felt her embraced me harder, not wanting to let me go. I kept on trying to struggle out, but as I kept on struggling, I started to feel really tired, as if I haven't slept in a lifetime…
Please help me…
What? Wait…
I kept on trying to get out of her arms to ask what she meant, but my eyes were drooping with fatigue…closing with each passing second.
Help me…Alexa...
"H-how do you know… my name?" I struggled to ask, as I felt my voice becoming groggier with sleepiness.
My vision started to become really blurry, that made the bright lights floating around us look like stars. I felt myself stop struggling, my knees becoming really weak that I soon felt them buckle, making me fall to the ground.
I am the heart…
I felt her grab me before I hit the ground and laid me gently on the sand, stroking my hair like a mother would to her child. I was slipping off to sleep, but I really wanted to ask her who she was or what she meant to help her. But no matter how hard I tried to stay awake, my eyes kept on closing.

I finally just gave up trying to stay awake and just let sleep come to me; darkness started to surround my vision as I closed my eyes and let myself slip to sleep. The last thing I saw was the woman, smiling down at me; with the bright lights flying around her, glittering like stars and the heart-shaped moon, shining brightly behind her.
 

KingdomKey

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You did a great job detailing everything around Alexa. I hope to see some interaction with other characters soon; to know more about her and who she was suppose to meet up with and why. Otherwise, it's a beautiful start, Aqua. The poem was a great and unique touch, I haven't seen before. I hope to see more chapters soon and learn more about Alexa. :D
 

Moonlight Aqua

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You did a great job detailing everything around Alexa. I hope to see some interaction with other characters soon; to know more about her and who she was suppose to meet up with and why. Otherwise, it's a beautiful start, Aqua. The poem was a great and unique touch, I haven't seen before. I hope to see more chapters soon and learn more about Alexa. :D
It's an interesting story. You're really good at using imagry, and the poem at the beginning was a nice touch. As for critiques...I didn't really notice anything in particular, but if I find anything I'll let you know.

Thank you! Both of you! I'm still trying to figure out what's going to happen to her... I forgot to explain, this is a remake of an old story of mine, but I don't know if I want keep the old way she went through the story. But thank you guys! :3
 

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Alright I'm editing it tonight, shouldn't be too much longer before my write up is complete. But here's what the first page looks like.

...as you can see I have some problems. And I'm already noticing some kinks that need to be ironed out after this point, but from what I've read it's nothing awful, just mistakes I see done a lot. Easily fixed kind of things, just needs some more reworking.

Right now the problems that are bugging me the most I guess plot wise (if even, it barely affects anything from my understanding) is the reality and severity of her car crash. Some things just seem weird like how the glass shards could cut the leather seats but not her? Things like that. Also why does she start going faster AFTER it starts to rain??? I don't even drive and I know that's a no-no.
 
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Moonlight Aqua

~Living in a dream~
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Alright I'm editing it tonight, shouldn't be too much longer before my write up is complete. But here's what the first page looks like.

...as you can see I have some problems. And I'm already noticing some kinks that need to be ironed out after this point, but from what I've read it's nothing awful, just mistakes I see done a lot. Easily fixed kind of things, just needs some more reworking.

Right now the problems that are bugging me the most I guess plot wise (if even, it barely affects anything from my understanding) is the reality and severity of her car crash. Some things just seem weird like how the glass shards could cut the leather seats but not her? Things like that. Also why does she start going faster AFTER it starts to rain??? I don't even drive and I know that's a no-no.

O_O

...

You are really though... xD

Thank you for taking the time. Yeah, I'm guessing there are some problems in grammar. Especially in places where I tried to explain details.

The car crash, I need to fix that... I re-read that and saw that as well... I always post then see the mistakes after I posted. xD

The reason she started to drive faster is that there was no one on the road, she was tired after a long day after work and her house was literally not far from where she was, so thinking about her bed more than her safety, she started to drive faster to get home faster. I think I'm going have to write that in as well...

Thank you again for taking the time!
 

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Yes, there's more natural ways to portray that, and also not switch tenses, definitely needs some fixing up. But, like I said, it isn't anything serious, it just adds up.
You said this was already completed before, right? This is the rewrite?
 

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Also, a lot of my problems so far are specifically with the crash, which, begins on the next page, and while it isn't so much comments on the writing execution, but what is said, so expect a lot of "how?"s. For example, when she kicks the passenger window out, the glass goes inwards [somehow] but from what I understand and know from cars [which is little], they usually have a film in them that allows the windows to be kicked off if necessary and only shatter in tiny fragments. Especially windshields. Regardless, for there to be holes like you described, it would need something like bullets to shoot through them, otherwise they'd just remain shattered but still in one piece for the most part.

I could be wrong, some older model cars don't do this I'm sure, but whatever. Still, it's something to think about. The hole thing and the kicking out is a definite "what" for me, though.
 
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Moonlight Aqua

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Yes, there's more natural ways to portray that, and also not switch tenses, definitely needs some fixing up. But, like I said, it isn't anything serious, it just adds up.
You said this was already completed before, right? This is the rewrite?
Well partially completed.... I really didn't ever finished it. I just started in the beginning and just quit from there, but I really wanted to re-write it again. And there aren't many people willing to edit or read it to critique.

Okay, if you can, can you place an example when you mean by tenses?

Also, a lot of my problems so far are specifically with the crash, which, begins on the next page, and while it isn't so much comments on the writing execution, but what is said, so expect a lot of "how?"s. For example, when she kicks the passenger window out, the glass goes inwards [somehow] but from what I understand and know from cars [which is little], they usually have a film in them that allows the windows to be kicked off if necessary and only shatter in tiny fragments. Especially windshields. Regardless, for there to be holes like you described, it would need something like bullets to shoot through them, otherwise they'd just remain shattered but still in one piece for the most part.

I could be wrong, some older model cars don't do this I'm sure, but whatever. Still, it's something to think about. The hole thing and the kicking out is a definite "what" for me, though.
Okay so you mean like instead of holes, there would just be cracks? But I don't understand the kicking... when she kicked, the glass would break out, no? Just a few shards of glass would fall on her?

In reality, I didn't think that being so detailed on the crash... there are some that do need some detailing, but other I don't know, like the glass. I mean how would I detail it completely? In a way it won't be overwhelming to read...
 

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Like when she says "when is the weatherman ever right?" could be idk I'm on my phone but like,

"The sky lit up past the trees and she noticed specks of rain hitting her windshield. She didn't remember rain being in the forecast but shrugged it off and continued to hurry home."

Idfk but ye.
Simplify. There's going to be a lot I feel could be simplified or omitted entirely.

As for the glass thing, it would go out of the car, not on her.

Also I'm unsure how she falls on her back crawling out. I'm gonna look at it more tonight probably get 2 more pages done.
 

Moonlight Aqua

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Like when she says "when is the weatherman ever right?" could be idk I'm on my phone but like,

"The sky lit up past the trees and she noticed specks of rain hitting her windshield. She didn't remember rain being in the forcast but shrugged it off and continued to hurry home."

Idfk but ye.
Ah okay! Thank ye! :3

Can I edit it now or do I wait until I get the whole verdict?
 

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Whole verdict please I definitely need to sort by thoughts first hahaha
Just continue writing the next chapter and stuff don't let me hold you up
 

Moonlight Aqua

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Whole verdict please I definitely need to sort by thoughts first hahaha
Just continue writing the next chapter and stuff don't let me hold you up
Alright! Thank you again! Sorry if I'm bothering you so much. I just want to get the chapter right, because I know I need help on things. So thank you again!
 

Annoyance

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Alright! Thank you again! Sorry if I'm bothering you so much. I just want to get the chapter right, because I know I need help on things. So thank you again!
Don't worry about it, I LIKE doing this. I understand needing to rewrite everything, I rewrote my fanfic's first chapter probably 10 times before even posting it... Then another 15 probably afterwards. Never done hahaha.

If you'd like, you can contact me on skype or whatever you want to talk about it more freely. Maybe a google document? I'm off work tomorrow so I could probably help with what I am completing tonight.

I'm also in #khinsider tonight.
 

Moonlight Aqua

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Don't worry about it, I LIKE doing this. I understand needing to rewrite everything, I rewrote my fanfic's first chapter probably 10 times before even posting it... Then another 15 probably afterwards. Never done hahaha.

If you'd like, you can contact me on skype or whatever you want to talk about it more freely. Maybe a google document? I'm off work tomorrow so I could probably help with what I am completing tonight.

I'm also in #khinsider tonight.
Well I have no Skype... xD I never tried Google Document... maybe I'll try it.

I'll get on right now if that's cool. I'm staying up tonight because of exams coming up.
 

Annoyance

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About halfway done with the write up, I do apologize for taking so long. Along with being busy I'm incredibly thorough as I have talked about.

Right now she's getting blown away by the thing in the thing god I'm incredibly tired. But yes.

I'm going to have fun coding this [oh god help]
 

Moonlight Aqua

~Living in a dream~
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About halfway done with the write up, I do apologize for taking so long. Along with being busy I'm incredibly thorough as I have talked about.

Right now she's getting blown away by the thing in the thing god I'm incredibly tired. But yes.

I'm going to have fun coding this [oh god help]
I'm sorry and you're doing so much for me, thank you! lol, take your time, I know how it feels to have a busy life, so don't worry. :3
 

Lanydx reborn

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The start kinda reminds me of Slender. Granted I want to see how this all goes for your character. I'm hooked. Make more,
 

Annoyance

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The start kinda reminds me of Slender. Granted I want to see how this all goes for your character. I'm hooked. Make more,
How??? I may not be done with the chapter but I don't see that at all... I think you just got Slender on the brain, bro. Forest setting =/= slender instantly.
Sabrina is like the BEST! ;A;
 
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